Relationship Advice: He’s a Good Man but Should I Stay, or Should I Go?

You’ll build a close marriage not as you do everything together but as you give space for your differences. -Doug Armey

I am thinking about divorce. My spouse is great, but we don’t have anything in common. I am scared to grow old with that person. Should I leave? – Quora

I have pondered this question on several occasions. My spouse has always been supportive and loving. I could never find a strong enough reason to leave the marriage. Every time we would have an argument, I would feel like this was it, I’m leaving.  But after a few days, the heat would cool off and I would think about how petty I was holding on to matters that would not even be significant in either five or ten years from now.  

As a two time previously divorcee, the easiest thing for me was always to look for a reason to leave. I never looked for reasons to stay. I could always find “excuses” to stay but never took the deep dive as to what was causing the arguments in the first place. He never laid a hand on me, and he never cheated on me, we just didn’t share the same ideas and hobbies, and that made me feel like we didn’t have anything in common.

I think society puts a lot on relationships that causes couples to question what a relationship is about. Two people have chosen to become one. That doesn’t mean we have to think the same or do the same things. It’s the beauty of allowing each other to be who they are and still loving them just the same. 

My husband I have been married for over 15 years.  It’s not always wedded bliss, but I know he loves me, and he supports me.  

Here’s a few things to keep in mind the next time you have an argument:

1. What are we really arguing over? Take a hard look at what is the root cause of the argument. And then ask yourself, how have I contributed to it. What could I have done differently? There are always two factors in a relationship – two beliefs and two opinions.
2. What attracted you to your spouse? Count all the things you like about them.  Sometimes we forget about the good and get caught up in the bad.
3. Consider asking the question: Would you marry you?  Sometimes they problem is within us. I know I can be a difficult person at times, and I have projected my insecurities and irrationality on my spouse. 
4. Give yourself and your spouse grace. When we know better, we do better. We are all doing the best with our current mindsets.

Feel free to connect with me at https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides