Month: January 2022

Start From Where You Are: Advice on How to Know if Your Actually Improving
“Great goals make great people. People cannot hit what they do not aim for.” ― Roy T. Bennett

How do I know if I’m actually improving (in everything) – Quora

When I was in the military, we had to learn map reading and land navigation.  The first think they taught us was how to plot points on the map.  By learning how to plot points on the map, it taught us how to determine where we were on the map.  If you don’t know where you are on the map, you can’t determine where you are heading.

The second important lesson we learned about reading maps is recognizing elevation and terrain familiarization. This comes in handy if you get off track.  By recognizing a hill or a valley on the map by the elevation drawings you can follow the terrain to get back on track.

I share this because the same fundamentals we learn in map reading and land navigation are the same fundamentals we can apply to improving ourselves.  You must know where you are and determine where you want to go.  Theses can become benchmarks on your map of life. Once your plot your points, the next step is to get going.

Here’s an example, I used to get mad if someone cut me off when I was driving. It was so bad one day when I was taking my son to school, I had just cussed a driver out and I realized I wasn’t being such a super role model for my son who was sitting in the passenger seat watching me.  I was so embarrassed.  I vowed that day; I would change.  I didn’t know how; I just knew why. That was my first plot point on the map.

Over the next few months, I read and took up meditation. I learned other ways to channel my emotions.  How I measured my progress was by paying attention to see how I would react to being cut off while driving.  I was beginning to recognize the terrain that had triggered my outrage.

When you want to change a behavior, first figure out where you are in the process. Where are you on your life map? What triggers your behavior? Why do you want to change?  Who are you changing for?  These are your plot points on your life map.  Then determine what kind of person you want to become? What books can help you? Who can you talk to? There are more plot points that will help you on your path.

When you no longer react but rather respond to situations that once triggered a reaction, you know you are making progress.  The landscape/ terrain starts to change within you.

I also would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/goals

To connect with me: https:///confidentstrides
January 28, 2022
Examine Your Motives First: How to Develop a Positive Attitude
“It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.” ― Dale Carnegie

I love choosing questions from Quora to answer. I chose this question about how to develop a positive attitude towards reading, but you can apply this principle to just about any thing we do, so feel free to check out my answer below.

How can I develop a positive attitude towards reading?-Quora

I did not invest in reading books until I reached my forties. I never had a real desire to pick up a book until I was going through a difficult period in my life. I wanted answers and so I turned to books for answers, answers that my friends could not help me with.

I think when you take time out to examine why you do anything is the key to determining how you feel about doing it in the first place. So many times, we just jump in and start doing things without examining the “why” behind it.
- Are you doing it because it is popular?
- Are you doing it to fit in?
- Are you doing it because someone else told you that you should?
- Are you doing it because you want to learn something, and you feel drawn to do it?
The intention behind the activity will help you either stay motivated to continue or eventually cause you to fizzle out.

Here are some suggestions I would like to offer:
1. Before diving into anything, take a moment to think about why you are about do it in the first place. Be honest with yourself and if you need to, write it out. What do you hope to gain?
2. If it is something you must put money into it, place a cushion between the thought and the action. That helps to reduce impulsive actions.
3. Regarding reading, you can look for free resources before committing to any kind of subscription or purchasing books that you might not even want to read after you buy them. This reduces the emotional energy and guilt that comes with buyer’s remorse.
4. Connect with other readers and create or join a book club. It’s always more fun when others get involved.
5. Don’t feel like you must stick with one genre. Lessons can be found anywhere when you are looking for them.
Whether you are looking to create a reading habit, workout regiment, or jump into a new career, take a moment to examine your intentions behind the action. By taking a moment to understand the driving force behind our desires, we are also preparing ourselves for the obstacles and the resistance that will inevitably come with that change.

In all that you do, the key to achieving your desired goal is your mental attitude towards obtaining that goal. With a positive mental attitude, you will become unstoppable!

I also would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/attitude

To connect with me: https:///confidentstrides
January 21, 2022
Appreciate Yours Strengths: Advice on How to Have More Self-Discipline
“No person is free who is not master of himself.” ― Epictetus

I was going to pass on answering the following Quora question because it was geared toward school but the more I thought about this question I realized, this is not only relevant for people in school but you can also have the same challenge at work. So I decided to post an answer and I am sharing it here with you.

How can I have more self-discipline? I never do homework and I’m not doing well in school because I’m lazy and have no self-discipline. – Quora

The first thing I would change is the label you identify yourself with. You are not lazy; you are just not enthusiastic about learning. It could be that you are bored, and you need other ways to stimulate your brain.

For instance, I don’t like learning about money or finances, but I love learning about how our brains work.

When you find something that gets you excited in learning new things, look for ways that you can apply that enthusiasm towards the challenging subjects. If you enjoy gaming, use it to reward yourself for doing something you don’t like. For example, if you study for an upcoming test, after the test reward yourself with extra gaming time.

We all have something that is challenging for ourselves, the key is to not beat yourself up. Find what you are good at and use it as a catalyst to help you through the challenges.

As I mentioned in the beginning, I have always struggled with managing my finances, but I am great at management my time. I had to learn how to use the same disciple principles I learn in managing my time and apply it towards managing my finances. It’s harder but the concept is the same. I just had to learn to make the connection.

Here are some other suggestions you can consider:
- Everyone must overcome something to achieve their goals, read a few biographies and see how others overcame their challenges. Let their stories inspire you.
- Change the way you talk about yourself and to yourself. Your words and thoughts carry great power.
- Partner with others who help you become better. Join a study group or create one.
- Set a goal for yourself. If you have something to aim for, you know when you are off track and can adjust when you are heading in the wrong direction.
The most important takeaway I would like to close out with is the give yourself some grace. Be patient and loving with who you are. You just haven’t found what gets you excited yet and that’s okay.

I also would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/self-discipline

To connect with me: https:///confidentstrides
January 14, 2022
Focus on You – Ways on How to Be Better Person
“It is less about becoming a better person, and more of being better, as a person.” ― J.R. Rim

How can I be better for myself and my partner? – Quora

My relationships got better when I stopped trying to change my partner and focused on changing myself.  My husband and I have been married now for fifteen years.  I had been married twice before.  This marriage was heading towards divorce too until I got an epiphany on a walk one day where I asked myself, “what has all of these marriages have in common?”  The answer was ME!

I went from relationship to relationship never taking time out to figure out who I was. I was carrying baggage from one relationship to another without taking time to unpack from the last relationship.

This marriage would have ended too if I hadn’t learned that I can’t change others, the only person I have control over is myself.

I started reading books on spirituality to personal development, including books on personal relationships.  I started asking myself questions like, “what or how have I contributed to the marriage breakdowns?”  Looking back now, I realized, I really didn’t know what love was. Learning about self-care was an eye-opener!

During that time in my life, I started to learn more about what I liked and didn’t like. I learned about forgiveness not only for my ex-husbands but for myself.  I learned that life is as good as our current mindset.  Change your mindset and watch your life change too.

I would offer this advice, to be better for others, the journey to be better must begin from within you first. (I know it sounds backwards!)

Here’s are a few ideas I would like to offer:
1. Learn about self-care is all about.
2. Practice forgiveness with others and yourself
3. Find out what triggers your emotions. Pay attention to what makes you mad, sad, happy, and peaceful. Don’t suppress then, feel them all.
4. Read and learn. Focus on expanding your mind. Others have been where you are and can offer great insight or at least a different perspective on how to look at things.
5. Extend grace to others as well as yourself. We are all doing the best we can with our current state of mind. One of my favorite quotes “When you know better, you do better.” -Maya Angelou.
I would like to close out with this, take time out to figure out who you are and what you like. If we don’t take time out to learn about ourselves, no one else will do it for us. Remember, when you change for the better, life will reflect that change back to you.

I also would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/better-person

To connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides
January 10, 2022
How to Become Powerful: Using Creativity and Personal Development Together
“Creativity takes courage. ” ― Henri Matisse

How does creativity promote your personal development?- Quora

I would like to think that creativity and personal development go hand in hand. Creativity is being able to look at things from different angles and coming up with new possibilities. Personal development is taking a deeper dive into who and what we can do.

Think about the last time you got a new phone. When I got my phone, the first thing I wanted to know was the basics; how to make phone calls, how to text and check my email. The more I got into using and learning how to work my phone worked, the more I start playing around with new features and new apps. I got more comfortable and more confident in exploring the possibilities of what my phone could do. Now I make videos and some much more.

We are like smart phones, without personal development and creativity in our lives, we are just scratching the surface of our capabilities. Personal development and creativity together, help us to realize we are more powerful than we think, and we stop scratching the surface and explore the possibilities. Personal development gets you to start asking questions like what else can I do or what if I try this?

I would like to offer those who are starting to dig deeper into who they are and what they can do a few simple reminders:
1. Enjoy the ride. The road on the self-discovery journey is a tricky one but it can also be a fun one. I like reading my old journals and seeing just how far my mindset has shifted.
2. Trust the process. It may be hard and lonely at times so remember the caterpillar wouldn’t become a butterfly without the metamorphizing. Can you imagine what beauty we would miss out if the caterpillar resisted.
3. You are not alone. There are many others out here learning and growing each day. Find other like-minded individuals to surround yourself with.
4. Stay Curious. Creativity can’t be used up. The more you use it the more you get in return so the personal development journey can be a lifelong discovery of endless wonder.
I would like to close with this, you are more powerful than you know. Don’t stop at the basics, unleash your full potential, and take that dive. You are a gift, and the world is calling on you!

I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag?utf8=✓&id=creativity

To connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides
January 7, 2022
Being Rejected Automatically Can Create An Interesting Shift in One’s Thinking

“You have as many options as you give yourself.” ― Kasie West

I submitted a post that was automatically rejected!

In the past, I know I would have been really upset but the older I get the more I realize, it was not what they were looking for.

The key point in this situation is not that I got rejected, but the fact that I submitted a post in the first place. I knew my chances of being accepted were slim when I submitted my entry in the first place.  By writing a post, I knew I had a 50/50 percent chance of being accepted which is always better than a zero percent chance by never submitting at all.  I also realized that you don’t need someone else’s approval to offer up advice. You can offer but it is always up to someone else if they will choose to take it or not.

This is something I am learning more and more every day.  By expressing or sharing our thoughts, ideas, or experiences, we have done what the universe has called upon us to do. By doing so, we are helping those who are searching for an answer. If it is out there, it is available if it is not, it helps no one.

Here’s my last takeaway:

There is nothing in the rule book that says you can’t offer an answer through other means. We always have options. The question was posted on Quora, but you can post your answer elsewhere!

Don’t let others keep you from sharing your insight and wisdom. My mother use to say, if there is a will, there is a way. Find your way to share your insight and wisdom with the world.

I am posting the question and my answer below. Feel free to check it out if you would like to. If not, I know it wasn’t what you were looking for.

Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag?utf8=✓&id=options

Connect with me https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

Rejected Submission:

What is advice you would give to 20 something year old in today’s world? – Quora

I thought about the advice I would give to my son when I thought about this answer.  He just turned twenty-one this year. He is married and, in the military, about to move to Italy. What came up for me was this:

Live your life. Life is too short to live it according to other people’s standards, including mine.

I was not happy when I found out my son was planning on getting married at nineteen.  I was trying to get him to live a little bit more before settling down, but his heart was set on it. It seemed the more I voiced my opinion against the marriage idea the more they were determined to go through with it.  We had several conversations and the one thing I remember him telling me was that this felt right for him. I wasn’t thrilled but I respected his decision.

I read Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth a few years back and it helped me to step back and realize our roles change in life.  If my son is grown enough to make these kinds of decisions, my role now is to simply love and support him. Just like I lived my life, it is their turn to live theirs.

Food for thought:

“If it is your intention to establish and maintain loving relationships with other people, you absolutely must surrender the need to be in control.” – Iyanla Vanzant

January 3, 2022