Author: Tonia Tyler

Focus on You – Ways on How to Be Better Person
“It is less about becoming a better person, and more of being better, as a person.” ― J.R. Rim

How can I be better for myself and my partner? – Quora

My relationships got better when I stopped trying to change my partner and focused on changing myself.  My husband and I have been married now for fifteen years.  I had been married twice before.  This marriage was heading towards divorce too until I got an epiphany on a walk one day where I asked myself, “what has all of these marriages have in common?”  The answer was ME!

I went from relationship to relationship never taking time out to figure out who I was. I was carrying baggage from one relationship to another without taking time to unpack from the last relationship.

This marriage would have ended too if I hadn’t learned that I can’t change others, the only person I have control over is myself.

I started reading books on spirituality to personal development, including books on personal relationships.  I started asking myself questions like, “what or how have I contributed to the marriage breakdowns?”  Looking back now, I realized, I really didn’t know what love was. Learning about self-care was an eye-opener!

During that time in my life, I started to learn more about what I liked and didn’t like. I learned about forgiveness not only for my ex-husbands but for myself.  I learned that life is as good as our current mindset.  Change your mindset and watch your life change too.

I would offer this advice, to be better for others, the journey to be better must begin from within you first. (I know it sounds backwards!)

Here’s are a few ideas I would like to offer:
1. Learn about self-care is all about.
2. Practice forgiveness with others and yourself
3. Find out what triggers your emotions. Pay attention to what makes you mad, sad, happy, and peaceful. Don’t suppress then, feel them all.
4. Read and learn. Focus on expanding your mind. Others have been where you are and can offer great insight or at least a different perspective on how to look at things.
5. Extend grace to others as well as yourself. We are all doing the best we can with our current state of mind. One of my favorite quotes “When you know better, you do better.” -Maya Angelou.
I would like to close out with this, take time out to figure out who you are and what you like. If we don’t take time out to learn about ourselves, no one else will do it for us. Remember, when you change for the better, life will reflect that change back to you.

I also would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/better-person

To connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides
January 10, 2022
How to Become Powerful: Using Creativity and Personal Development Together
“Creativity takes courage. ” ― Henri Matisse

How does creativity promote your personal development?- Quora

I would like to think that creativity and personal development go hand in hand. Creativity is being able to look at things from different angles and coming up with new possibilities. Personal development is taking a deeper dive into who and what we can do.

Think about the last time you got a new phone. When I got my phone, the first thing I wanted to know was the basics; how to make phone calls, how to text and check my email. The more I got into using and learning how to work my phone worked, the more I start playing around with new features and new apps. I got more comfortable and more confident in exploring the possibilities of what my phone could do. Now I make videos and some much more.

We are like smart phones, without personal development and creativity in our lives, we are just scratching the surface of our capabilities. Personal development and creativity together, help us to realize we are more powerful than we think, and we stop scratching the surface and explore the possibilities. Personal development gets you to start asking questions like what else can I do or what if I try this?

I would like to offer those who are starting to dig deeper into who they are and what they can do a few simple reminders:
1. Enjoy the ride. The road on the self-discovery journey is a tricky one but it can also be a fun one. I like reading my old journals and seeing just how far my mindset has shifted.
2. Trust the process. It may be hard and lonely at times so remember the caterpillar wouldn’t become a butterfly without the metamorphizing. Can you imagine what beauty we would miss out if the caterpillar resisted.
3. You are not alone. There are many others out here learning and growing each day. Find other like-minded individuals to surround yourself with.
4. Stay Curious. Creativity can’t be used up. The more you use it the more you get in return so the personal development journey can be a lifelong discovery of endless wonder.
I would like to close with this, you are more powerful than you know. Don’t stop at the basics, unleash your full potential, and take that dive. You are a gift, and the world is calling on you!

I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag?utf8=✓&id=creativity

To connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides
January 7, 2022
Being Rejected Automatically Can Create An Interesting Shift in One’s Thinking

“You have as many options as you give yourself.” ― Kasie West

I submitted a post that was automatically rejected!

In the past, I know I would have been really upset but the older I get the more I realize, it was not what they were looking for.

The key point in this situation is not that I got rejected, but the fact that I submitted a post in the first place. I knew my chances of being accepted were slim when I submitted my entry in the first place.  By writing a post, I knew I had a 50/50 percent chance of being accepted which is always better than a zero percent chance by never submitting at all.  I also realized that you don’t need someone else’s approval to offer up advice. You can offer but it is always up to someone else if they will choose to take it or not.

This is something I am learning more and more every day.  By expressing or sharing our thoughts, ideas, or experiences, we have done what the universe has called upon us to do. By doing so, we are helping those who are searching for an answer. If it is out there, it is available if it is not, it helps no one.

Here’s my last takeaway:

There is nothing in the rule book that says you can’t offer an answer through other means. We always have options. The question was posted on Quora, but you can post your answer elsewhere!

Don’t let others keep you from sharing your insight and wisdom. My mother use to say, if there is a will, there is a way. Find your way to share your insight and wisdom with the world.

I am posting the question and my answer below. Feel free to check it out if you would like to. If not, I know it wasn’t what you were looking for.

Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag?utf8=✓&id=options

Connect with me https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

Rejected Submission:

What is advice you would give to 20 something year old in today’s world? – Quora

I thought about the advice I would give to my son when I thought about this answer.  He just turned twenty-one this year. He is married and, in the military, about to move to Italy. What came up for me was this:

Live your life. Life is too short to live it according to other people’s standards, including mine.

I was not happy when I found out my son was planning on getting married at nineteen.  I was trying to get him to live a little bit more before settling down, but his heart was set on it. It seemed the more I voiced my opinion against the marriage idea the more they were determined to go through with it.  We had several conversations and the one thing I remember him telling me was that this felt right for him. I wasn’t thrilled but I respected his decision.

I read Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth a few years back and it helped me to step back and realize our roles change in life.  If my son is grown enough to make these kinds of decisions, my role now is to simply love and support him. Just like I lived my life, it is their turn to live theirs.

Food for thought:

“If it is your intention to establish and maintain loving relationships with other people, you absolutely must surrender the need to be in control.” – Iyanla Vanzant

January 3, 2022
Devoted to Success: Managing Knowledge Overload is in Our Control
“I have been and still am a seeker, but I have ceased to question stars and books; I have begun to listen to the teaching my blood whispers to me.” ― Hermann Hesse

If we’re overloaded with knowledge, how do we utilize it in a productive way?-Quora

I liked this question because I don’t think we are overloaded with knowledge; we are overloaded with information and opinions from others which if we don’t learn how to turn it off can cause us not to be productive.

What comes to mind for me when I think about information overload is that of a water hose. Learning how to manage the distractions or the channels in which the information flows to us, is in our control. By turning the water valve, we can control how much and how fast the water comes out, and that’s what we can do with the information that is coming out towards us too.

Here’s how I turn the “information” valve down or off:

1. Figure out what’s important to me and make that a priority. I have some non-negotiable habits that I make time every day by putting them on my calendar, like daily walks and journaling time. I use this time to get out of my head and collect my thoughts.

2. Get still – Reconnect to your small inner voice. It gets louder when you get quieter. By reconnecting and staying connected to that small quiet voice within, it can become an important discerning tool in deciding what to listen for and what to let pass by.

3. Use technology to your advantage – Turn notifications off on your devices so you can concentrate and focus. You are more amazing than you realize!

4. Let your mind process the information by writing or summarizing information in a daily journal. Information needs time to sink in and take root. Our brains can store information and recall it when it needs too. Like I stated in #3, you are more amazing than you realize!

5. Pay attention to your water source – As a former food inspector in the military, I learned not all water are potable.

6. Realize you have a vision that the world needs too – When I started focusing on what I can offer the world, I learned to turn the “information” hose to a trickle so I could work on my divine assignment.

When you get focused on bringing your vision to life, it becomes easier to determine what information will help you and what information is worth letting pass you by.

Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/knowledge

I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
To connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides
December 31, 2021
Achievable Success: How to Cultivate a Daily Reading Habit
“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.” ― Dr. Seuss

How do I cultivate reading daily? – Quora

As we close out 2021, I thought this was a great Quora question for anyone looking to make lasting changes in 2022. I think reading is a great fundamental habit to cultivate that will make a big impact on anyone’s life.

My reading habit started out of curiosity. I was going through a period of struggle that just tested everything I had. I wanted answers!

I started out reading religious books. When I read the books, I would have the Bible as a reference guide to see what the whole scripture was about that was referenced in the book. My reading then expanded into self-help and personal development books. The more information I got out of reading my world view also expanded. My reading list now consists of books about neuroscience, business, finances to leadership and much more.

To cultivate a daily reading habit, I would like to offer a few suggestions:
1. Get curious- What questions do you have that you have been looking for answers for? Don’t just limit yourself to “second-hand” accounts like summaries or podcasts, go to the source. Learn where people are getting their information from and read it for yourself. What people extract from books are what “they” need or pick up. What you get out of a book, may be completely different.
2. Make reading a non-negotiable habit – I added reading to my daily schedule of events. It’s amazing what we do when we have a daily reminder of what we want to do each day. I put it on my calendar because it became important to me.
3. Be patient with yourself – Usually, we quit something if we don’t think it is working. Learning takes time like a seed takes time to grow. After a while, you’ll be able to recall information you read in your books and apply it to current struggles you face each day. It’s like your mind becomes a rolodex of information.
4. Share your knowledge with others. – This is also a great way to learn and retain the information. (Check out the food for thought on learning pyramid below). Readers become good writers.
No matter how you get started, always remember, anything worth having will take time to develop. If it was easy, everyone would do it!

Food for thought – According to the American educator Edgar Dale’s learning pyramid:

We remember…
- 10 percent of what we read,
- 20 percent of what we hear,
- 30 percent of what we see,
- 50 percent of what we see and hear,
- 70 percent of what we discuss with others,
- 80 percent of what we personally experience,
- 95 percent of what we teach others.
Food for thought excerpt taken from “Love People Use Things” by Joshua Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus. Feel free to use this Amazon link to purchase the book and read along with me: https://amzn.to/3sHOCOv

I also would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/readingsuccess

To connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides
December 27, 2021
Effective Lifestyle Habit Change Starts with Turning on Your GPS System First
“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.” ― Douglas Adams

How do I change lifestyle habits?- Quora

Before I think about creating or eliminating lifestyle habits, I like to see where I am on my road map called life.

The end of the year or a birthday, or any other lifechanging event is always a great time to take a closer look and see if we are still on the path for what you want out of life.  Don’t just look at what you want from your career but what you want personally and spiritually.  Are you still in alignment with those goals and dreams or have they changed?  That’s when you can figure out what you need to add or eliminate from your life.

What I wanted in life when I was twenty isn’t what I wanted when I reached my forties.  My lifestyle had changed that means my habits had to change too.

For example, I got serious about my health when I had a grandchild.  You think it would have been important throughout my life but realizing I wanted to be around when my grandchild turns 20 was a like a “aha” moment.  I started questioning what I must do to reach that dream or at least head in that direction.

I think any lifestyle change must begin with taking time for self-reflection.  By know where you are on the Life map, you can then set your GPS with intention. With intention, you will gain the clarity and focus you need to stay on your path. You will recognize what habits are taking you towards your destination and what ones are taking you away.

Here are some suggestions on how to reset or recalibrate you GPS system if you’ve gotten off track:
1. Unplug – Disconnect from the distractions that are keeping you from hearing the navigation. Take time to reconnect with who you are. Take up walking, running, or cycling, or something that gets you out of your head and back in balance.
2. Trust the process- Many times we think we know the way and don’t trust the insight that we are receiving from within. We look for external guidance instead of learning how to turn up the GPS volume. We turn it down or off if we don’t like what we are getting.
3. Become a lifetime learner. We are not alone in our struggles. By reading and learning from others, we cut our learning curve in half the time. Time is too short to be going around in circles.
4. Determine what’s right for you. This goes with the first suggestion. The more you find out what’s right for you, you begin to do what’s right for you and turning off the external noise of the world gets a little bit easier.
5. Celebrate how far you have come. This is a life road map, so enjoy the ride!
When you start with knowing who you are and what you want, take a step everyday towards it. This is a life journey not a life sprint.

I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/navigation

To connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides
December 24, 2021
Year End Advice: How to Make 2022 a Success For You
“Success is getting what you want, happiness is wanting what you get” ― W. P. Kinsella

How can I make the year 2022 work for me?- Quora

I think we can make a big impact in 2022 when we learn first to define want success looks like for ourselves. We can’t make the year work for you if you don’t know what you are aiming for in the first place.

Success means different things to different people. My life changed the moment I realized I was living my life based off the standards of others. Here are a few suggestions to help jump start your new year:

Learn to trust your inner voice.

This was a hard lesson for me to learn.  It’s like programing your GPS to your desired location and then wanting to turn it off or doubting it because it’s taking on a whole new route you never traveled before. Once you get comfortable using the GPS, you learn to trust that it knows the best way to get you there. You stop trying to outsmart the navigation system.

Figure out what you’re aiming for

I learned to set goals a little more by watching football.  If you don’t know what end zone yours is, you’ll never know which way to run and when you’ve had a touchdown.  Once I started setting goals, my brain went to work looking for opportunities like a quarterback looks for a receiver.

Stop waiting for approval from others

Sometimes we are the one who must be the first to lead.  This goes with trusting your inner voice which seems to get louder the more you listen. We all have an assignment to do in life.  You have a special gift or talent that you are equipped with. This is your superpower.  The world is waiting for you to discover and cultivate your special power.  You might have the idea to end world hunger or cure cancer but without you are taking that first step to cultivate your superpower, the world is left with a great loss.  That missing puzzle piece.

Build a support team

We don’t have to do everything on our own.  Look for other people who want to also do something in their life. We can be become candles for each other who in turn help to keep each other’s paths lit.  Form an accountability group or create your own.

As we close out 2021, I always suggest taking inventory of the things that worked for you and the things that you would like to change.  To get to your desired location, you must know where you are on the map!

I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/success

To connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides
December 20, 2021
Transformation Time: How to Become Smarter, More Creative, and Productive
“Let your creative and imaginative mind run freely; it will take you places you never dreamed of and provide breakthroughs that others once thought were impossible.” ― Idowu Koyenikan

How can one become smarter, more creative, productive, and intelligent during a lockdown?-Quora

Depending on the lens you to look through, a lockdown can be like the metamorphosis of a caterpillar to a butterfly. We have the time to learn more about who we are and what we want, if you choose to.

As with any time we deal with change, we may look fantastic from the outside, but the transformation from within feels gruesome deep inside. That’s because we don’t have the distractions that we are accustomed to. We don’t have the availability to run from our decisions.  We are forced to face reality head on. Unlike the caterpillar, we have the choice to use this time to transform into a butterfly.

During the lockdown, use this time to read, draw and rediscover dormant skills and talents that we have put to the side.  Creativity is not just for a select few, we all have a creative muscle in our body that just needs to be exercised more.  It’s like sleeping in a certain position for so long that our creativity fell asleep. That numbness will eventually dissipate.

Life doesn’t stop during a lockdown; it must be looked at from a different angle.

Suggestions on how to become smarter, more creative, and productive:
- Ask yourself what have you been putting off or too busy to do? Have you been wanted to read or exercise more? There are tons of internet sites where you can download e-books. Many trainers now offer online training programs.
- Boost your immune system by enjoying nature. It’s doesn’t cost a thing to go for a walk.
  - Walking also is a great way to relieve stress and relax your mind. If your mind is relaxed, it’s easier to gain clarity. With clarity, you can focus more on what’s important therefor making you more productive.
  - Walking is also a great way to let you mind explore ideas which gives you more creativity in solving problems.
- Use the downtime to write or journal. Explore what is coming up for you during this lockdown. Perhaps you’ll have enough material to write a book or publish a blog.
- Remember: Creativity can’t be used up, the more you use it the more you gain.
- One last thing you can do is, use your smart devices to reach out and talk with people. Replace a text or an email with a phone call. This helps you to realize that you are not alone, and you perhaps may make a new friend which you can visit once the world opens back up.
The lockdown may pose a physical limitation, but your imagination/creativity is limitless!

For more information on how a butterfly transforms https://www.zmescience.com/ecology/animals-ecology/how-caterpillar-turn-butterfly-0534534/

Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/transformation

To connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides
December 17, 2021
Cheers to a 30 Day Habit Run: How to Implement a New Habit
“Change might not be fast and it isn’t always easy. But with time and effort, almost any habit can be reshaped.” ― Charles Duhigg

How can we go 30 days with a new habit we want to make without interruption? – Quora

We commonly think we need to “add” a new habit but in truth we are looking to make a change in lifestyle. To implement change in your life, think about not only adding, but also consider, eliminating an old habit or modifying a current one. A moment of reflection always helps to implement and maintain a new habit or lifestyle change.

To implement change, begin by asking yourself questions like:
1. Why do I want to do this? Keep the answer in front of you. If you know why you want to do something, it will give to you the motivation to keep going.
2. What’s the benefit of adding this habit to my life? I don’t like walking in the cold, but I love the clarity and the peace it brings. The benefits sometimes outweigh the effort.
3. What would happen if I gave up on myself and my dream or goal? The pain of regret can provide motivation.
4. How will you feel? You are the only one who makes and breaks the rules. If you interrupt the habit, don’t beat yourself up. Give yourself grace. The biggest thing to celebrate is starting in the first place.
Here are a few suggestions you can do to help:
1. Check off the days you complete the new habit. It’s called “a Streak” or “Don’t Break the Chain”. It’s amazing how great you feel in keeping you habit and checking it off on your calendar is physical proof.
2. Buddy up with someone. I wanted to hit a goal in December, I partnered with someone who also had a goal they want to hit, and we held each other accountable.
3. Set a daily reminder. Use your smart devices as assistants.
4. Write about it. Journal your experience.
I wish everyone a successful lifestyle changes in the coming year!

Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/habits

Here is an invitation to connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

We also just launched our new website where you can find out Youtube videos and Anchor podcast episodes in one location. Check it out here: https://confidentstrides.com
December 13, 2021
How To Be Productive in 2022: Conduct a Year End Review First
“Consider everything an experiment.” ― Corita Kent

How can one be productive? -Quora

As this year ends, I think it’s an excellent time to reflect on just how far we have come.  We focus so much on what we want to achieve that perhaps we don’t stop and realize that we are not the same person we were when the year started. There has been people and experiences that have changed us either for the good or the bad.  This is the time to reflect and see if what you are aiming for is still relevant. Do we need to readjust and realign our priorities?  Do we still feel the same way about these things?

In the military, we would call this time for reflection an After-Action Review or AAR for short.  This is when we would sit down and ask the participants what their experience was. Did we hit our objective?  Where did we come up short and what did we do right? What did you learn? To know is you are productive, you first need to know what the goal was that you were aiming for.

What is your target?

We can apply an AAR to weekly, monthly or year end events.  Did you hit your weekly, monthly, or year-end goal? What did we come up short on and what did we do right?  What have we learned? By taking time to see what worked and what didn’t we can now adjust our aim.

Being productive is only relevant in the terms to what you want to achieve and the kind of life you want to live.
1. Write down your dreams and goals. You can’t hit what you can’t see.
2. Evaluate the activity you engage in daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly. Are they in alignment with your core beliefs? Are they taking you to or away from your goals?
3. Reflect on what is working and what is not. Conduct an After-Action Review.
4. Adjust your aim and keep moving.
For 2022 to be productive for you, take a moment of reflection and see what your core values and beliefs are. Then you will know what kind of activities you need to incorporate or eliminate.

Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/productivity

Here is an invitation to connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

We also just launched our new website where you can find out Youtube videos and Anchor podcast episodes in one location. Check it out here: https://confidentstrides.com
December 10, 2021