Author: Tonia Tyler

Achievable Success: How to Cultivate a Daily Reading Habit
“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.” ― Dr. Seuss

How do I cultivate reading daily? – Quora

As we close out 2021, I thought this was a great Quora question for anyone looking to make lasting changes in 2022. I think reading is a great fundamental habit to cultivate that will make a big impact on anyone’s life.

My reading habit started out of curiosity. I was going through a period of struggle that just tested everything I had. I wanted answers!

I started out reading religious books. When I read the books, I would have the Bible as a reference guide to see what the whole scripture was about that was referenced in the book. My reading then expanded into self-help and personal development books. The more information I got out of reading my world view also expanded. My reading list now consists of books about neuroscience, business, finances to leadership and much more.

To cultivate a daily reading habit, I would like to offer a few suggestions:
1. Get curious- What questions do you have that you have been looking for answers for? Don’t just limit yourself to “second-hand” accounts like summaries or podcasts, go to the source. Learn where people are getting their information from and read it for yourself. What people extract from books are what “they” need or pick up. What you get out of a book, may be completely different.
2. Make reading a non-negotiable habit – I added reading to my daily schedule of events. It’s amazing what we do when we have a daily reminder of what we want to do each day. I put it on my calendar because it became important to me.
3. Be patient with yourself – Usually, we quit something if we don’t think it is working. Learning takes time like a seed takes time to grow. After a while, you’ll be able to recall information you read in your books and apply it to current struggles you face each day. It’s like your mind becomes a rolodex of information.
4. Share your knowledge with others. – This is also a great way to learn and retain the information. (Check out the food for thought on learning pyramid below). Readers become good writers.
No matter how you get started, always remember, anything worth having will take time to develop. If it was easy, everyone would do it!

Food for thought – According to the American educator Edgar Dale’s learning pyramid:

We remember…
- 10 percent of what we read,
- 20 percent of what we hear,
- 30 percent of what we see,
- 50 percent of what we see and hear,
- 70 percent of what we discuss with others,
- 80 percent of what we personally experience,
- 95 percent of what we teach others.
Food for thought excerpt taken from “Love People Use Things” by Joshua Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus. Feel free to use this Amazon link to purchase the book and read along with me: https://amzn.to/3sHOCOv

I also would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/readingsuccess

To connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides
December 27, 2021
Effective Lifestyle Habit Change Starts with Turning on Your GPS System First
“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.” ― Douglas Adams

How do I change lifestyle habits?- Quora

Before I think about creating or eliminating lifestyle habits, I like to see where I am on my road map called life.

The end of the year or a birthday, or any other lifechanging event is always a great time to take a closer look and see if we are still on the path for what you want out of life.  Don’t just look at what you want from your career but what you want personally and spiritually.  Are you still in alignment with those goals and dreams or have they changed?  That’s when you can figure out what you need to add or eliminate from your life.

What I wanted in life when I was twenty isn’t what I wanted when I reached my forties.  My lifestyle had changed that means my habits had to change too.

For example, I got serious about my health when I had a grandchild.  You think it would have been important throughout my life but realizing I wanted to be around when my grandchild turns 20 was a like a “aha” moment.  I started questioning what I must do to reach that dream or at least head in that direction.

I think any lifestyle change must begin with taking time for self-reflection.  By know where you are on the Life map, you can then set your GPS with intention. With intention, you will gain the clarity and focus you need to stay on your path. You will recognize what habits are taking you towards your destination and what ones are taking you away.

Here are some suggestions on how to reset or recalibrate you GPS system if you’ve gotten off track:
1. Unplug – Disconnect from the distractions that are keeping you from hearing the navigation. Take time to reconnect with who you are. Take up walking, running, or cycling, or something that gets you out of your head and back in balance.
2. Trust the process- Many times we think we know the way and don’t trust the insight that we are receiving from within. We look for external guidance instead of learning how to turn up the GPS volume. We turn it down or off if we don’t like what we are getting.
3. Become a lifetime learner. We are not alone in our struggles. By reading and learning from others, we cut our learning curve in half the time. Time is too short to be going around in circles.
4. Determine what’s right for you. This goes with the first suggestion. The more you find out what’s right for you, you begin to do what’s right for you and turning off the external noise of the world gets a little bit easier.
5. Celebrate how far you have come. This is a life road map, so enjoy the ride!
When you start with knowing who you are and what you want, take a step everyday towards it. This is a life journey not a life sprint.

I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/navigation

To connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides
December 24, 2021
Year End Advice: How to Make 2022 a Success For You
“Success is getting what you want, happiness is wanting what you get” ― W. P. Kinsella

How can I make the year 2022 work for me?- Quora

I think we can make a big impact in 2022 when we learn first to define want success looks like for ourselves. We can’t make the year work for you if you don’t know what you are aiming for in the first place.

Success means different things to different people. My life changed the moment I realized I was living my life based off the standards of others. Here are a few suggestions to help jump start your new year:

Learn to trust your inner voice.

This was a hard lesson for me to learn.  It’s like programing your GPS to your desired location and then wanting to turn it off or doubting it because it’s taking on a whole new route you never traveled before. Once you get comfortable using the GPS, you learn to trust that it knows the best way to get you there. You stop trying to outsmart the navigation system.

Figure out what you’re aiming for

I learned to set goals a little more by watching football.  If you don’t know what end zone yours is, you’ll never know which way to run and when you’ve had a touchdown.  Once I started setting goals, my brain went to work looking for opportunities like a quarterback looks for a receiver.

Stop waiting for approval from others

Sometimes we are the one who must be the first to lead.  This goes with trusting your inner voice which seems to get louder the more you listen. We all have an assignment to do in life.  You have a special gift or talent that you are equipped with. This is your superpower.  The world is waiting for you to discover and cultivate your special power.  You might have the idea to end world hunger or cure cancer but without you are taking that first step to cultivate your superpower, the world is left with a great loss.  That missing puzzle piece.

Build a support team

We don’t have to do everything on our own.  Look for other people who want to also do something in their life. We can be become candles for each other who in turn help to keep each other’s paths lit.  Form an accountability group or create your own.

As we close out 2021, I always suggest taking inventory of the things that worked for you and the things that you would like to change.  To get to your desired location, you must know where you are on the map!

I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/success

To connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides
December 20, 2021
Transformation Time: How to Become Smarter, More Creative, and Productive
“Let your creative and imaginative mind run freely; it will take you places you never dreamed of and provide breakthroughs that others once thought were impossible.” ― Idowu Koyenikan

How can one become smarter, more creative, productive, and intelligent during a lockdown?-Quora

Depending on the lens you to look through, a lockdown can be like the metamorphosis of a caterpillar to a butterfly. We have the time to learn more about who we are and what we want, if you choose to.

As with any time we deal with change, we may look fantastic from the outside, but the transformation from within feels gruesome deep inside. That’s because we don’t have the distractions that we are accustomed to. We don’t have the availability to run from our decisions.  We are forced to face reality head on. Unlike the caterpillar, we have the choice to use this time to transform into a butterfly.

During the lockdown, use this time to read, draw and rediscover dormant skills and talents that we have put to the side.  Creativity is not just for a select few, we all have a creative muscle in our body that just needs to be exercised more.  It’s like sleeping in a certain position for so long that our creativity fell asleep. That numbness will eventually dissipate.

Life doesn’t stop during a lockdown; it must be looked at from a different angle.

Suggestions on how to become smarter, more creative, and productive:
- Ask yourself what have you been putting off or too busy to do? Have you been wanted to read or exercise more? There are tons of internet sites where you can download e-books. Many trainers now offer online training programs.
- Boost your immune system by enjoying nature. It’s doesn’t cost a thing to go for a walk.
  - Walking also is a great way to relieve stress and relax your mind. If your mind is relaxed, it’s easier to gain clarity. With clarity, you can focus more on what’s important therefor making you more productive.
  - Walking is also a great way to let you mind explore ideas which gives you more creativity in solving problems.
- Use the downtime to write or journal. Explore what is coming up for you during this lockdown. Perhaps you’ll have enough material to write a book or publish a blog.
- Remember: Creativity can’t be used up, the more you use it the more you gain.
- One last thing you can do is, use your smart devices to reach out and talk with people. Replace a text or an email with a phone call. This helps you to realize that you are not alone, and you perhaps may make a new friend which you can visit once the world opens back up.
The lockdown may pose a physical limitation, but your imagination/creativity is limitless!

For more information on how a butterfly transforms https://www.zmescience.com/ecology/animals-ecology/how-caterpillar-turn-butterfly-0534534/

Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/transformation

To connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides
December 17, 2021
Cheers to a 30 Day Habit Run: How to Implement a New Habit
“Change might not be fast and it isn’t always easy. But with time and effort, almost any habit can be reshaped.” ― Charles Duhigg

How can we go 30 days with a new habit we want to make without interruption? – Quora

We commonly think we need to “add” a new habit but in truth we are looking to make a change in lifestyle. To implement change in your life, think about not only adding, but also consider, eliminating an old habit or modifying a current one. A moment of reflection always helps to implement and maintain a new habit or lifestyle change.

To implement change, begin by asking yourself questions like:
1. Why do I want to do this? Keep the answer in front of you. If you know why you want to do something, it will give to you the motivation to keep going.
2. What’s the benefit of adding this habit to my life? I don’t like walking in the cold, but I love the clarity and the peace it brings. The benefits sometimes outweigh the effort.
3. What would happen if I gave up on myself and my dream or goal? The pain of regret can provide motivation.
4. How will you feel? You are the only one who makes and breaks the rules. If you interrupt the habit, don’t beat yourself up. Give yourself grace. The biggest thing to celebrate is starting in the first place.
Here are a few suggestions you can do to help:
1. Check off the days you complete the new habit. It’s called “a Streak” or “Don’t Break the Chain”. It’s amazing how great you feel in keeping you habit and checking it off on your calendar is physical proof.
2. Buddy up with someone. I wanted to hit a goal in December, I partnered with someone who also had a goal they want to hit, and we held each other accountable.
3. Set a daily reminder. Use your smart devices as assistants.
4. Write about it. Journal your experience.
I wish everyone a successful lifestyle changes in the coming year!

Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/habits

Here is an invitation to connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

We also just launched our new website where you can find out Youtube videos and Anchor podcast episodes in one location. Check it out here: https://confidentstrides.com
December 13, 2021
How To Be Productive in 2022: Conduct a Year End Review First
“Consider everything an experiment.” ― Corita Kent

How can one be productive? -Quora

As this year ends, I think it’s an excellent time to reflect on just how far we have come.  We focus so much on what we want to achieve that perhaps we don’t stop and realize that we are not the same person we were when the year started. There has been people and experiences that have changed us either for the good or the bad.  This is the time to reflect and see if what you are aiming for is still relevant. Do we need to readjust and realign our priorities?  Do we still feel the same way about these things?

In the military, we would call this time for reflection an After-Action Review or AAR for short.  This is when we would sit down and ask the participants what their experience was. Did we hit our objective?  Where did we come up short and what did we do right? What did you learn? To know is you are productive, you first need to know what the goal was that you were aiming for.

What is your target?

We can apply an AAR to weekly, monthly or year end events.  Did you hit your weekly, monthly, or year-end goal? What did we come up short on and what did we do right?  What have we learned? By taking time to see what worked and what didn’t we can now adjust our aim.

Being productive is only relevant in the terms to what you want to achieve and the kind of life you want to live.
1. Write down your dreams and goals. You can’t hit what you can’t see.
2. Evaluate the activity you engage in daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly. Are they in alignment with your core beliefs? Are they taking you to or away from your goals?
3. Reflect on what is working and what is not. Conduct an After-Action Review.
4. Adjust your aim and keep moving.
For 2022 to be productive for you, take a moment of reflection and see what your core values and beliefs are. Then you will know what kind of activities you need to incorporate or eliminate.

Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/productivity

Here is an invitation to connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

We also just launched our new website where you can find out Youtube videos and Anchor podcast episodes in one location. Check it out here: https://confidentstrides.com
December 10, 2021
Unpack Your Bags: Advice on How to Let Go and Be Yourself

“The past gets carried with us. It’s always there.” ― Ann Pearlman

How do you let go and be yourself? -Quora

I remember waking up one morning thinking, “I came into this world by myself, and I will be leaving this world by myself.”  It was the weirdest thought that just lingered in my head, and I had to go for a morning walk to gain some clarity.  This is what came to me on my walk:

The best way I can explain is through an analogy.

Life gets heavy and cumbersome after a while when you are so busy picking up everyone else’s emotional and mental baggage load when we are constantly trying to “help” or “fix” them. It was time to determine who’s bags I was carrying and notice what my baggage looked like.

As a wife, I was carrying my husband’s bags. As a mother, I was carrying my grown adult children’s bags. As a daughter, I was carrying my father’s along with other bags piled on from friends and society. As a woman, I wanted to help and give them answers, but unconsciously, I was also picking up their emotional and mental baggage by worrying or getting angry if they didn’t take my advice.  These were not my issues to solve.

On that morning walk, I learned that if the baggage belonged to someone else, it was okay to put the bag down, step away and let them carry it themselves.

We all have a purpose here on Earth, something that we are uniquely here to do, create, or solve.  By carrying everyone’s emotional and mental baggage, you can easily get weighed down and unable to do what you need to do in life.  Plus, it robs the other person from learning their precious life lessons.

Life doesn’t provide us with what we want but rather what we need. Life lessons are the golden gems we gather along our journey when we take time to reflect on what we are going through.

By knowing what bags belong to me and what bags belong to someone else, it allows me the mental freedom to be who I am. It allows me the emotional and mental freedom to move faster and pivot easier.

So now when people share their issues and concerns with me, I listen more as a sounding board and I ask myself, is this my baggage to carry I want to carry? If the answer is no, I quickly put it down and walk away. I have learned my job is to love them not fix them.

Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/baggage

To connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

November 26, 2021
Relationship Advice: He’s a Good Man but Should I Stay, or Should I Go?
You’ll build a close marriage not as you do everything together but as you give space for your differences. -Doug Armey

I am thinking about divorce. My spouse is great, but we don’t have anything in common. I am scared to grow old with that person. Should I leave? – Quora

I have pondered this question on several occasions. My spouse has always been supportive and loving. I could never find a strong enough reason to leave the marriage. Every time we would have an argument, I would feel like this was it, I’m leaving. But after a few days, the heat would cool off and I would think about how petty I was holding on to matters that would not even be significant in either five or ten years from now.

As a two time previously divorcee, the easiest thing for me was always to look for a reason to leave. I never looked for reasons to stay. I could always find “excuses” to stay but never took the deep dive as to what was causing the arguments in the first place. He never laid a hand on me, and he never cheated on me, we just didn’t share the same ideas and hobbies, and that made me feel like we didn’t have anything in common.

I think society puts a lot on relationships that causes couples to question what a relationship is about. Two people have chosen to become one. That doesn’t mean we have to think the same or do the same things. It’s the beauty of allowing each other to be who they are and still loving them just the same.

My husband I have been married for over 15 years. It’s not always wedded bliss, but I know he loves me, and he supports me.

Here’s a few things to keep in mind the next time you have an argument:
1. What are we really arguing over? Take a hard look at what is the root cause of the argument. And then ask yourself, how have I contributed to it. What could I have done differently? There are always two factors in a relationship – two beliefs and two opinions.
2. What attracted you to your spouse? Count all the things you like about them. Sometimes we forget about the good and get caught up in the bad.
3. Consider asking the question: Would you marry you? Sometimes they problem is within us. I know I can be a difficult person at times, and I have projected my insecurities and irrationality on my spouse.
4. Give yourself and your spouse grace. When we know better, we do better. We are all doing the best with our current mindsets.
Feel free to connect with me at https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides
November 19, 2021
Lessons Learned: Life’s Best Way of Teaching Us While We Are Living
“Life is a succesion of lessons which must be lived to be understood.” ― Helen Keller

This week has presented a few challenges for me, and I thought I would share then with you along with some of the lessons I learned along the way.

Lessons: 1. Surround yourself with people who can pull you out of the muck and 2. Eat what’s on your plate first before going back for more.

I don’t know what is floating in the air but whatever it was, it had many of us in my social network experiencing the blues. I have been facilitating a private network group for almost whole year. Every Monday we come together to discuss ways to improve our group calls. It’s been like a small mastermind group. This week, there was a lot of tension within the group. It had me almost to the point that I was ready to put the group on hiatus. What helps me from giving up and throwing in the towel is the support from other business, goal, focused women. It’s been a lifeline on several occasions.

There’s something about this time each year that I feel like I must kick things into overdrive. Perhaps it just because we are coming to the end of the year, and we often reflect on the things we haven’t yet accomplished. The best analogy I can think of is like going to a buffet and piling up our plates even though the buffet has plenty of food for us to come back and restock our plates. We have so much that the food is toppling over. One of my supportive friends had to remind me that the buffet isn’t going anywhere, and I can come back as often as I like.

What I realized at that moment was that I wasn’t enjoying what I had because I was afraid of what I was thinking I was missing out on.

Lesson Three: Trust in the process

Another contributing factor to my blues has been this pressure to come up with holiday videos for my YouTube channel. I made a bet with another YouTuber to complete a minimum of seven videos for Vlogmas (it’s where YouTuber post more personalized and holiday related videos). I usually conduct interviews, so talking about myself is not really up my alley but I want to participate this year. The closer the bet deadline gets, the more anxious I have become because I couldn’t even come up with any ideas to start with. That is until yesterday.

I was on a run when it finally hit me as to how I am going to tackle my Vlogmas challenge. I could invite friends and family to interview me. By the end of yesterday, the path to Vlogmas was become more doable which also meant less anxiety.

Here is a recap of my lessons learned from this week:
1. Surround yourself with like-minded people. They understand what you are going through.
2. Take a moment to reflect on how far you come and celebrate. These are the moment to savor.
3. Don’t rush the process. Ideas will come when you least expect them so be prepared.
4. Give yourself grace. You’re doing just fine!
Feel free to checkout my YouTube channel and be on the look out for the Vlogmas videos. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfwyi1cCTgldpFMoPo1WZrQ

Please also feel free to share your thoughts.
November 12, 2021
Love Those Rainy Days: How to Level Up Your Thinking Game
Mental health problems don’t define who you are. They are something you experience. You walk in the rain and you feel the rain, but, importantly, YOU ARE NOT THE RAIN.” — Matt Haig

It was so hard getting out of bed this morning. I could hear the gentle sound of rain coming down and my Sterns and Foster mattress was feeling so good. The dogs were even still sleep. As I slowly got moving, I peeked out the window and saw that the rain was tampering off. I might be able to get my morning walk in after all!

I try to make getting some kind of run or walk a priority on most mornings especially on the days that I have podcast interviews to conduct. Getting up and getting a walk or a run in has been a great way to get my energy moving and my ideas flowing. Plus it has been a great way to clear my head so that I can be fully present during the interview conversations. But on rainy mornings it’s so hard to get motivated and it simply throws my whole day off!

I wanted to share some tips I have found to help me on rainy days and well as cold mornings which can also throw a monkey wrench in staying on my daily routine.

First: Consider how will you feel once you are done.

Sometimes just thinking about how good it will feel to have accomplished what I set out to do is enough to just get me out the door. You can also turn it around and think about how you will feel if you don’t. There is something about knowing you conquered the odds to get what you want that makes you feel more confident and empowered. It’s the one deciding factor that can be the gateway to many more small victories throughout your day, your month and your year.

Second: Stop worrying about what others think.

I will admit, on rainy days especially, I sometimes feel like an idiot running or walking in the rain. On this particular morning, worried if I looked crazy to others. I know it sounds weird, and it looks even weirder writing it, but to face it, I know I have to at least acknowledge it. I’m dedicated to my mental health as much as I am to my physical health, that’s why I love my walks. So when I see other folks out walking on rainy days, I don’t feel so bad. Matter of fact, a gentleman said to me today, “I thought I was the only one out here nuts.”

It’s in those moments that It was just as easy for me to stay in the house as it was for me to make that 2.5 second decision to put on the shoes and lace them up. As for worrying about what others think, I keep this thought in the back of my mind, “people go to work in the rain and no one thinks that’s crazy. I am going to work too. My job is to work on me.”

Lastly: Do what other won’t

It’s in these moments when it’s raining or snowing or just simply cloudy, that it was just as easy for me to stay in the house as it was for me to make the 2.5 second decision to put on the shoes, lace them up and get moving. On rainy, cloudy and snowy days, of course there are not many folks out walking or running. It’s also in those moments that you can look upon as character building moments. It always comes down to our perspective and how we choose to look at any situation. When you choose to walk or run on days that are more challenging then others, you just leveled up your thinking game.

So here are my recap/takeaways for today:
1. Consider how will you feel either completing your walk/run.
2. The opinions of others is just that, opinions.
3. Level up your thinking game by doing what others won’t.
4. Be your amazing and wonderful self
I cordially invite you to connect with me https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

Quote Source: https://mentalhealthmatch.com/articles/anxiety/inspiring-mental-health-quotes
November 5, 2021