Sweet N Social

Author: Tonia Tyler

  • Advice on How to Effectively Succeed in Life: Subtract First, Then Add

    “Your net worth to the world is usually determined by what remains after your bad habits are subtracted from your good ones.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

    Subtracting is just as effective in business as adding is. The trouble is we don’t think of that mathematical equation first. As an entrepreneur, I am always wanting to add things or processes without taking time to see how or even if this “new” thing should or can be added. It may be a great thing to add but we don’t take the time to see if the time is now to add it and if we add it, what will be affected.

    Today, on a business call with a colleague, we discussed the process of elimination. My colleague shared how she looks at the process of elimination as troubleshooting. She has an IT background and shares that by troubleshooting the challenge, we slowly close off different process to see where the proverbial leak is. For example, if you shut off the water line to the kitchen sink to fix a leak but you still have a leak, you know the leak, or the problem isn’t coming from the kitchen sink. You continue to shut off other valves until you isolate the problem source.

    We can use this same thinking to find out what is working and not working in our business as well in our personal lives.

    I used to do a lot of adding without taking the time to see what was truly working before adding something new to my business. By the time I realized it wasn’t working, I invested either too much time or too much money and found myself too overwhelmed and simply quit. I would simply shut down and then think I failed. Now moving forward, I am working on being more strategic, more intentional about what I want to do and create. I want my “why” to be in alignment with my “what’, which means if I add anything I have to consider subtracting something else.

    Subtracting also can mean delegating that task to someone else or finding another way to automate the process. I have found that I would feel like I had to do everything by myself which is another topic to discuss. But what I want to leave you with today is this:

    1. Get clear on your purpose or intention
    2. Figure out what’s working and what’s not
    3. Before adding, consider what do you have to subtract.

    As I mentioned in the beginning, this practice is just as effective in our personal lives as it is in business. In our personal life it may be eliminating or cutting back on social media or television time to spend more time with family or adding more time for personal development and reading.

    What I believe is this: we are creatures of habit and how we do anything is how we do everything.

    Quote Source: https://www.azquotes.com/quotes/topics/subtraction.html

    Connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

  • To Achieve Dreams Faster: Fall In Love with Being Uncomfortable

    We have to be honest about what we want and take risks rather than lie to ourselves and make excuses to stay in our comfort zone. -Ray Bennett

    I have been reading the book “How To Change” by Katy Milkman. In the book, she addresses present bias otherwise known as laziness. She says that if you can recognize when the path of least resistance is at work we can learn to harness it for good.

    I pondered that thought for a little while and took a closer look at some of the things I do that are not helping me hit my business goals each month. The first thing that came to mind is that I am not actively seeking ways to bring in money. Like many business owners, I use many tools that help to run my business and for the most part they are not very expensive especially since I work from home. It’s easy for me to just make a small business loan to my business each month to cover these expenses. It wasn’t until I sat down and talked with a financial person who asked me: “what else would I like to do in life?” She had me write out both my personal and professional goals so that we could make a budget plan to achieve these goals. Once I could see the budget in front of me, she brought to my attention that if I wasn’t making the business loan to myself each month, I could hit my plans a little bit faster.

    By using the default setting of making a small business loan to myself each month, it kept me in a comfortable spot in my business. Since my expenses were being covered by the loan, I didn’t have a desire to look for other income sources. That’s when I realized, I was letting present bias or laziness work against me.

    When it came down to setting up my budget for the following month, I “short changed” my business loan. I was forced to set a financial goal that would get my brain working to find or scan income generating sources. My brain had to go to work to find a way to make up the difference. I am proud to admit that I hit my financial goal for that month. It was definitely a bit uncomfortable, but my didn’t fail me, it simply went to work.

    So my question for you is this… what are you doing right now that is keeping you in the comfort zone? Are you letting present bias or laziness help or hurt you? What small change can you make that will get your brain to wake up and go to work?

    Follow up with me and let me know.

    Quote Source: https://www.wisesayings.com/uncomfortable-quotes/

    Amazon Affiliate link to purchase “How To Change” – Katy Milkman: https://amzn.to/3tsxBG8

  • To Win in Life, How Many Tickets Do You Need?

    “Luck is not as random as you think. Before that lottery ticket won the jackpot, someone had to buy it.” ― Vera Nazarian

    I won a car a few years ago!

    The network marketing company I was with at the time was running an incentive contest. The promotional incentive encouraged associates to put in work and enroll people into the company. With each enrollment, we received two tickets that would be entered into the drawing. The contest period ran for several month and it was open to all associates. During the contest period, I enrolled only two people. That provided me with four tickets total to be entered in the drawing. I worked hard for those two enrollments.

    At the company convention, that’s when the drawing took place. Periodically during the convention, they would bring out the raffle ticket spinning drum on stage and draw a ticket for other prizes. I remember thinking to myself “I hope they don’t pull my ticket, I only have four.” On the last day of the convention, that’s when they did the Jeep drawing, and I won.

    Ever since then, whenever I think my odds of achieving my goals seen daunting, I recall my chances of winning the Jeep. It could be that one idea, the one interview, or the one book that provides you with the keys to unlocking your dream box. We don’t know which key will unlock the box just like I didn’t know what ticket could win the Jeep.

    I’ve celebrated the one ticket for winning, but I have often forgotten that I could never win without talking to the two people who enrolled. I would not of had the four tickets to put into the raffle drum for the drawing, and I would not of had the one ticket that won. It traces back to what we do each day that provides the opportunity to win.

    My takeaway: it’s what we do each day that can increase our chances of winning.

    Quote Source: https://www.azquotes.com/quote/474120

  • How My Boredom Lead to Unnecessary Spending and Unhappiness

    Boredom is the Devil’s delight.” ― Lindsey Rietzsch, 

    I first want to say that awareness is key. The more I stop and reflect, the more I think that life is actually made up of the choices we make in those little moments that we don’t really think matter.

    It’s a late Saturday afternoon as I write this. Usually my husband and I have our granddaughter on Saturdays. It’s been like this since she was born. She is now five years old. And like most Saturdays, we focus most of our activities around her being here at the house. Now that she’s getting older, we can do more things with her outside the home like take her to get her nails painted at the nails salon or take her to play games at Chuck E Cheese. What has been happening in this shift is, my husband or myself having more time for ourselves.

    Here’s where awareness is helping me focus on what’s important to me. In the past, when I had time for myself, I would run out to the local craft store or thrift store to spend money I usually didn’t have to spend. Looking back, this was a way for me to “pass the time.” The first thought that would pop in my head was, “since I have nothing to do, I might as well go browse the thrift store.” Once I got to the store, I could always find something I thought I “needed.” The more I read and learn, this was a way for me to handle anxiousness that arouse in me during time of idleness. In other words, this was a behavioral coping mechanism. My energy is flowing but I had no where to direct it!

    Since taking up time to write, I can now re-direct the energy I was feeling and use it to create something that might help someone who is dealing with the same kind of issue. We can use or energy for “good” or of service to others.

    What would you like to create? A new business or write a book? My challenge is you is to take a step back, see where you are revved up and putting energy into something that’s not producing anything positive for you. I must admit, at times, the desire is strong to got shop but when I take a pause break and ask myself, before I leave out, what’s the purpose? I can re-direct and find something more beneficial and in alignment with my goal in life which makes my so much happier.

    Now that my anxiousness is subsiding, I think I will settle in and watch a movie. I created something!

    Let me know your thoughts. If you like, connect with me through one of the Meetup groups. Here’s a link: https://www.meetup.com/pro/confident-strides/

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/idleness-quote

  • To Achieve Your Dreams: Put your Blinders On and Create Life Your Way

    “Who in the world am I? Ah, that’s the great puzzle.” ― Lewis Carroll

    Best way to start your own blog is not to read others peoples! You will inevitably compare your writing with everyone else’s and that will or can kill your momentum.

    This is what I call putting your blinders on. It works in what ever your choose to accomplish in your life. When I started blogging a few years ago and I had lots of great momentum until I started reading and seeing what others were doing in theirs posts. I started thinking about how great their writing was and how many likes they had and followers and everything else. Slowly my desire to write died.

    The only takeaway: do it the best way you know how. We are never experts starting out and that’s the beauty of the newness. We don’t have the expert thinking or even the followers who notice the very mistakes we will make. We are on a journey of self-discovery and that road is fun and scary at the same time. Nothing kills momentum more than the comparison bug!

    It is this very thinking that helped me start and maintain my YouTube channel. This kind of thinking is what will help me to write these blog posts and do many other things. So make the mistakes, start with “sucky” posts and just keep growing and exploring. Put your blinders are and create life your way!

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/self-discovery

    Ways to connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

  • The Patchwork of Life: Do you Like What You’re Making?

    “Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” ― John Wooden

    What I love about this quote is how it breaks down the difference between character and reputation.

    I enjoy doing pre-call interviews with my potential interview guests. Most of the time, the conversation usually begins by them telling me about what they do. It’s always a great way to get to know a person as an ice breaker, but what I’m really interested in is who the person “really” is. I want to know why they chose to do what they are doing. Is this something they are passionate about? What in life put them on this path?

    What I have come to realize, our job title may change but who we are inside doesn’t change too much. When I went to an Oprah event many years ago, and I remember her sharing the idea of an invisible thread. She shared that we can’t see the thread unless we take the time to reflect and look back on our past. What the invisible thread represents to me is our desires, our beliefs and our values. The invisible thread is what ties all of life’s events together.

    I know change is not easy but it is doable. One of the most impactful books on change I read was Stephen Covey’s “The 7 Habits of Effective People.” In the book, he asked you to picture guests at your funeral and have you think of what they would say about you. He was encouraging readers to think with the end in mind. That was pivotal for me. Listing out what I wanted people to say about me made me reflect on the kind of impact I wanted to have on people. It made me think about what I was focusing on.

    Here’s my takeaway: You are the co-creator of your life, you have the right to create the kind of life you want, and you can change if you want to.

    I would like to leave you with a few questions to reflect on: Are you on the right path? Are you happy with what you are creating? What would you like to change? What do you want people to say about you at your funeral?

    In case you have not read Stephen Covey’s “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People“, I am including an Amazon Affiliate link to purchase the book: https://amzn.to/3ifkjIV. Definitely a must read for those on a personal development journey!

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/character

  • Ways to Manage Insecurities and Find Connection with Others

    “One of the greatest journeys in life is overcoming insecurity and learning to truly not give a shit.” ― J. A. Konrath

    “When do people feel insecure and why” was the topic of todays discussion in my networking group this morning. When it came time for me to answer the question, the obvious answer for me was, “I don’t know when others feel insecure, but I know when I do.” I feel most insecure when I share a piece of me with others. Not knowing if they are going to understand or even get what or why I’m sharing in the first place. A few other women in the group expressed the same kind of insecurity.

    There are not many people who hop on the calls but the ones who do provide lots of insight and wisdom form their experiences in life that help others know we are not alone. That’s one of the reasons why I love group discussions. Expanding your world to learn how others cope with the same feelings of insecurity can be so powerful. I thinks that’s why I love reading too.

    Reading books has also been a way for. me to expand my mind and my perceptions. Like I mentioned before, it’s nice to know I’m not alone in this big beautiful world of ours. I learned through reading that we might not share the same experiences but we can feel the same emotions. For instance, jealousy in me is going to feel like jealousy to you but the difference is what experience triggers that emotion. Once I learned that, it helps me to recognize that same feeling or emotion in someone else. Once you are aware of what’s happening, you are more incline to know how to react a little bit differently.

    With reading and networking with others, I’ve been able to pick up other coping mechanisms that perhaps I never ever thought of. One woman, in the networking group, shared that she likes to do a “brain dump”. She explained to us that she “lets her 2 year old self take the reins.” She said after she gets it all out, she doesn’t re-read what she wrote, she just deletes it! When I hear such stories from other women, I consider then tools for your toolbox.

    So here is my takeaway from today’s conversation: We are more alike than we may like to think. Surround yourself with people who can uplift and inspire you and don’t be afraid to talk about or share how you feel. Someone might be waiting for your tool to add to their toolbox.

    How would you answer this question? When do people feel insecure and why? I would love to hear your answer.

    One of the women shared she just read “Brave Not Perfect” by Reshma Saujani. I have not read the book but it has been added to my To Be Read (TBR) list. I added an Amazon affiliate link for those how are interested in reading. I would love to hear what you think of the book as well.

    To purchase the book: https://amzn.to/3tMSkVk

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/insecurity

    Networking Group: https://www.meetup.com/Confident-Strides-Womens-Empowerment-Network/

  • Making a Comeback

    “Sometimes the hardest part isn’t letting go but rather learning to start over.” ― Nicole Sobon

    I have been having the urge to write again. I guess it’s something that never really leaves you, perhaps life just causes you to stop and re-evaluate what’s important to you.

    A lot has changed since I first started writing this blog many years ago. I started a YouTube and Anchor podcast last year just before the COVID shutdown. I wanted to see what I could offer to the world during the shutdown. I was on a walk with my dogs when the thought of how we were going to manage this “new normal.” I just keep looking at Chloe who I didn’t really want and I just pondered how this dog ended up in my life. My elderly neighbor was placed in a nursing home and she had asked my to keep Chloe. Chloe would growl and my husband when he would give me a kiss before heading off to bed. Chloe sheds a lot too! But here I was, walking this dog and actually enjoying myself. That’s when I realized that no matter what happens in life, we are always going to face change. Change is inevitable! What makes the difference is how we react to the change that is right in front of us each day.

    Now back to my podcast idea, I raced home and decided to make an offer to the coaches in my network. What advice were they offering to their clients during this time of change? The whole premise of the podcast was to present positive insight by offering the coaches an opportunity to be interviewed by me. My first interview appeared on YouTube in March of 2020. A whole year later, I am still interviewing and sharing positive insight that’s being uploaded weekly.

    My purpose moving forward with this blog is a way to provide positive insight that I gathered through the interviews as well as the insight I get while running. I invite you to join me on this comeback journey.

    Quote Source https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/start-over

  • What Are the Bennie’s?

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    Today on my morning run I was able to log in 6.62 miles. It’s a personal best for me so far.  I started running about three months ago.  I started running from my house to the local park which I estimate to be about one mile from my home.  I focused on either running to the park and then walking the rest of my normal trail. I have been an avid walker for over five years.  I believed as many other walkers that walking is better than running. I could list a number of reasons to support my thinking.

    I used to run cross country in high school. I grew up in the northeast corner of Connecticut where our high school mascot was a mountaineer.  I loved running the mountain trails but I was not a fan of running it self. I still don’t think I love running, I just love the benefits or the “bennies” that it provides.

    Thinking about it, the benefits of the things we do is what drives us to do them. It’s truly not the activity it self.  So when it comes to making changes in your lives, the one true question you first have to answer is, what is the benefit, or the bennie’s, I am getting out of this?  Without taking the time to reflect on each habit or change you want to make, it’s pointless without figuring out what it is that your are looking to gain or to eliminate.

    Think about this as we bring 2019 to a close. Now is the time to reflect on what is working and what is not.  Design your life the way you want to, not by the opinions of others! What benefits are you looking to gain in the coming year?

    Photo Source: Click Here

  • Show Up First

    running-in-the-morning

    Show up authentically and synergy will meet you there. ― Sanjo Jendayi

    I started running about three months ago. I had been an avid walker for more that five years or more.  I really have no clue as to where this is taking me. I simply love being out in nature and it’s a great way for me to find clarity and creativity.

    What inspired me to start running?  Well the same park I walk at is the same location that one of the local high school’s cross country team practices at.  I remember on one Sunday morning, I saw a young man out running in the cross country course by himself. Wow!! This young man didn’t wait until the coach told him to practice or the rest of the team to be there, he just went out and did it.

    We don’t need to get other people’s approval to do and be who we are. It’s nice to have a cheering section but sometimes the fans won’t show up until we do.  What have you been wanting to do? Don’t wait, be like that young runner and go for it!

    Photo Source: click here / Quote Source: click here