Author: Tonia Tyler

How My Boredom Lead to Unnecessary Spending and Unhappiness

Boredom is the Devil’s delight.” ― Lindsey Rietzsch,

I first want to say that awareness is key. The more I stop and reflect, the more I think that life is actually made up of the choices we make in those little moments that we don’t really think matter.

It’s a late Saturday afternoon as I write this. Usually my husband and I have our granddaughter on Saturdays. It’s been like this since she was born. She is now five years old. And like most Saturdays, we focus most of our activities around her being here at the house. Now that she’s getting older, we can do more things with her outside the home like take her to get her nails painted at the nails salon or take her to play games at Chuck E Cheese. What has been happening in this shift is, my husband or myself having more time for ourselves.

Here’s where awareness is helping me focus on what’s important to me. In the past, when I had time for myself, I would run out to the local craft store or thrift store to spend money I usually didn’t have to spend. Looking back, this was a way for me to “pass the time.” The first thought that would pop in my head was, “since I have nothing to do, I might as well go browse the thrift store.” Once I got to the store, I could always find something I thought I “needed.” The more I read and learn, this was a way for me to handle anxiousness that arouse in me during time of idleness. In other words, this was a behavioral coping mechanism. My energy is flowing but I had no where to direct it!

Since taking up time to write, I can now re-direct the energy I was feeling and use it to create something that might help someone who is dealing with the same kind of issue. We can use or energy for “good” or of service to others.

What would you like to create? A new business or write a book? My challenge is you is to take a step back, see where you are revved up and putting energy into something that’s not producing anything positive for you. I must admit, at times, the desire is strong to got shop but when I take a pause break and ask myself, before I leave out, what’s the purpose? I can re-direct and find something more beneficial and in alignment with my goal in life which makes my so much happier.

Now that my anxiousness is subsiding, I think I will settle in and watch a movie. I created something!

Let me know your thoughts. If you like, connect with me through one of the Meetup groups. Here’s a link: https://www.meetup.com/pro/confident-strides/

Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/idleness-quote

October 8, 2021
To Achieve Your Dreams: Put your Blinders On and Create Life Your Way

“Who in the world am I? Ah, that’s the great puzzle.” ― Lewis Carroll

Best way to start your own blog is not to read others peoples! You will inevitably compare your writing with everyone else’s and that will or can kill your momentum.

This is what I call putting your blinders on. It works in what ever your choose to accomplish in your life. When I started blogging a few years ago and I had lots of great momentum until I started reading and seeing what others were doing in theirs posts. I started thinking about how great their writing was and how many likes they had and followers and everything else. Slowly my desire to write died.

The only takeaway: do it the best way you know how. We are never experts starting out and that’s the beauty of the newness. We don’t have the expert thinking or even the followers who notice the very mistakes we will make. We are on a journey of self-discovery and that road is fun and scary at the same time. Nothing kills momentum more than the comparison bug!

It is this very thinking that helped me start and maintain my YouTube channel. This kind of thinking is what will help me to write these blog posts and do many other things. So make the mistakes, start with “sucky” posts and just keep growing and exploring. Put your blinders are and create life your way!

Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/self-discovery

Ways to connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

October 5, 2021
The Patchwork of Life: Do you Like What You’re Making?

“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” ― John Wooden

What I love about this quote is how it breaks down the difference between character and reputation.

I enjoy doing pre-call interviews with my potential interview guests. Most of the time, the conversation usually begins by them telling me about what they do. It’s always a great way to get to know a person as an ice breaker, but what I’m really interested in is who the person “really” is. I want to know why they chose to do what they are doing. Is this something they are passionate about? What in life put them on this path?

What I have come to realize, our job title may change but who we are inside doesn’t change too much. When I went to an Oprah event many years ago, and I remember her sharing the idea of an invisible thread. She shared that we can’t see the thread unless we take the time to reflect and look back on our past. What the invisible thread represents to me is our desires, our beliefs and our values. The invisible thread is what ties all of life’s events together.

I know change is not easy but it is doable. One of the most impactful books on change I read was Stephen Covey’s “The 7 Habits of Effective People.” In the book, he asked you to picture guests at your funeral and have you think of what they would say about you. He was encouraging readers to think with the end in mind. That was pivotal for me. Listing out what I wanted people to say about me made me reflect on the kind of impact I wanted to have on people. It made me think about what I was focusing on.

Here’s my takeaway: You are the co-creator of your life, you have the right to create the kind of life you want, and you can change if you want to.

I would like to leave you with a few questions to reflect on: Are you on the right path? Are you happy with what you are creating? What would you like to change? What do you want people to say about you at your funeral?

In case you have not read Stephen Covey’s “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People“, I am including an Amazon Affiliate link to purchase the book: https://amzn.to/3ifkjIV. Definitely a must read for those on a personal development journey!

Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/character

October 1, 2021
Ways to Manage Insecurities and Find Connection with Others

“One of the greatest journeys in life is overcoming insecurity and learning to truly not give a shit.” ― J. A. Konrath

“When do people feel insecure and why” was the topic of todays discussion in my networking group this morning. When it came time for me to answer the question, the obvious answer for me was, “I don’t know when others feel insecure, but I know when I do.” I feel most insecure when I share a piece of me with others. Not knowing if they are going to understand or even get what or why I’m sharing in the first place. A few other women in the group expressed the same kind of insecurity.

There are not many people who hop on the calls but the ones who do provide lots of insight and wisdom form their experiences in life that help others know we are not alone. That’s one of the reasons why I love group discussions. Expanding your world to learn how others cope with the same feelings of insecurity can be so powerful. I thinks that’s why I love reading too.

Reading books has also been a way for. me to expand my mind and my perceptions. Like I mentioned before, it’s nice to know I’m not alone in this big beautiful world of ours. I learned through reading that we might not share the same experiences but we can feel the same emotions. For instance, jealousy in me is going to feel like jealousy to you but the difference is what experience triggers that emotion. Once I learned that, it helps me to recognize that same feeling or emotion in someone else. Once you are aware of what’s happening, you are more incline to know how to react a little bit differently.

With reading and networking with others, I’ve been able to pick up other coping mechanisms that perhaps I never ever thought of. One woman, in the networking group, shared that she likes to do a “brain dump”. She explained to us that she “lets her 2 year old self take the reins.” She said after she gets it all out, she doesn’t re-read what she wrote, she just deletes it! When I hear such stories from other women, I consider then tools for your toolbox.

So here is my takeaway from today’s conversation: We are more alike than we may like to think. Surround yourself with people who can uplift and inspire you and don’t be afraid to talk about or share how you feel. Someone might be waiting for your tool to add to their toolbox.

How would you answer this question? When do people feel insecure and why? I would love to hear your answer.

One of the women shared she just read “Brave Not Perfect” by Reshma Saujani. I have not read the book but it has been added to my To Be Read (TBR) list. I added an Amazon affiliate link for those how are interested in reading. I would love to hear what you think of the book as well.

To purchase the book: https://amzn.to/3tMSkVk

Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/insecurity

Networking Group: https://www.meetup.com/Confident-Strides-Womens-Empowerment-Network/

September 24, 2021
Making a Comeback

“Sometimes the hardest part isn’t letting go but rather learning to start over.” ― Nicole Sobon

I have been having the urge to write again. I guess it’s something that never really leaves you, perhaps life just causes you to stop and re-evaluate what’s important to you.

A lot has changed since I first started writing this blog many years ago. I started a YouTube and Anchor podcast last year just before the COVID shutdown. I wanted to see what I could offer to the world during the shutdown. I was on a walk with my dogs when the thought of how we were going to manage this “new normal.” I just keep looking at Chloe who I didn’t really want and I just pondered how this dog ended up in my life. My elderly neighbor was placed in a nursing home and she had asked my to keep Chloe. Chloe would growl and my husband when he would give me a kiss before heading off to bed. Chloe sheds a lot too! But here I was, walking this dog and actually enjoying myself. That’s when I realized that no matter what happens in life, we are always going to face change. Change is inevitable! What makes the difference is how we react to the change that is right in front of us each day.

Now back to my podcast idea, I raced home and decided to make an offer to the coaches in my network. What advice were they offering to their clients during this time of change? The whole premise of the podcast was to present positive insight by offering the coaches an opportunity to be interviewed by me. My first interview appeared on YouTube in March of 2020. A whole year later, I am still interviewing and sharing positive insight that’s being uploaded weekly.

My purpose moving forward with this blog is a way to provide positive insight that I gathered through the interviews as well as the insight I get while running. I invite you to join me on this comeback journey.

Quote Source https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/start-over

September 17, 2021
What Are the Bennie’s?

Today on my morning run I was able to log in 6.62 miles. It’s a personal best for me so far. I started running about three months ago. I started running from my house to the local park which I estimate to be about one mile from my home. I focused on either running to the park and then walking the rest of my normal trail. I have been an avid walker for over five years. I believed as many other walkers that walking is better than running. I could list a number of reasons to support my thinking.

I used to run cross country in high school. I grew up in the northeast corner of Connecticut where our high school mascot was a mountaineer. I loved running the mountain trails but I was not a fan of running it self. I still don’t think I love running, I just love the benefits or the “bennies” that it provides.

Thinking about it, the benefits of the things we do is what drives us to do them. It’s truly not the activity it self. So when it comes to making changes in your lives, the one true question you first have to answer is, what is the benefit, or the bennie’s, I am getting out of this? Without taking the time to reflect on each habit or change you want to make, it’s pointless without figuring out what it is that your are looking to gain or to eliminate.

Think about this as we bring 2019 to a close. Now is the time to reflect on what is working and what is not. Design your life the way you want to, not by the opinions of others! What benefits are you looking to gain in the coming year?

Photo Source: Click Here

December 5, 2019
Show Up First

Show up authentically and synergy will meet you there. ― Sanjo Jendayi

I started running about three months ago. I had been an avid walker for more that five years or more. I really have no clue as to where this is taking me. I simply love being out in nature and it’s a great way for me to find clarity and creativity.

What inspired me to start running? Well the same park I walk at is the same location that one of the local high school’s cross country team practices at. I remember on one Sunday morning, I saw a young man out running in the cross country course by himself. Wow!! This young man didn’t wait until the coach told him to practice or the rest of the team to be there, he just went out and did it.

We don’t need to get other people’s approval to do and be who we are. It’s nice to have a cheering section but sometimes the fans won’t show up until we do. What have you been wanting to do? Don’t wait, be like that young runner and go for it!

Photo Source: click here / Quote Source: click here

November 27, 2019
Period of Transition

“Only those who stick around long enough to see the caterpillar turn into the butterfly actually get to witness the transformation.” ― Kristin Michelle Elizabeth

I love this quote because it reminds me that there will be people in and out of your lives constantly. I have been guilty of is worrying about those who didn’t stick around. Let it go! The past is just that, the past. Maybe, just maybe, their assignment was up and it was time for them, or you, to move on. Look for the blessing or the lesson and keep moving forward.

Worry about who isn’t in your life anymore, keeps us from appreciating those who are. This is nothing but a “period of transition”. For those who did not stay around to witness your transformation, wish them good will and release any negativity that may have surrounded their departure. Holding on to the negativity is like holding onto an anchor, it just holds you back. Everyone, including you are on our own journeys. All we can ever do is just keep crawling until it’s time to grow your wings and fly!

Photo Source: click here / Quote Source: click here.

November 21, 2019
Stay on The Lookout

Blessing are everywhere, you just have to stay on the look out for them. There are countless miracles that go unnoticed everyday of every minute. A couple of years ago I learned of just a tiny fraction of the blessing are bodies do for each of us. For instance, if you exercise, your body has a built in cooling system that you do not have to program. Your body can heal itself. You have a build in counseling system consisting of the mind, body and soul. You are literally a walking miracle each and everyday!

With that little knowledge alone my life shifted. When your start to learn just how blessed you are to wake each morning with life, you begin to notice those things in life that are taking up your energy and time. You start to value your time and the time of others.

Time is our most precious commodity. Take inventory of those things that not longer serve their purpose in your life. Time is not promised to no one! Take inventory of your own unique gifts and talents and reflect on just how you can us those gifts to serve this world. Remember: You are a blessing!

Photo source: Click here.

November 14, 2019
It’s Not That Important

It’s not that Important” were the words being shouted from the backseat of the car the other day when my husband and I were “discussing” where to place the cell phone in order to hear the navigational directions. I will admit that I got “caught up” in the discussion because I was trying to make my opinion known. Of course my husband had his own idea on where he wanted to put the phone since he was driving.

My three year old granddaughter interjected herself into the conversation by saying “its not that important”. The thing that caught my attention, besides this little person yelling from the backseat and the fact that she couldn’t quite say the word “important” was when I stopped to think about what was happening at that moment, she was right. I had let my ego step in.

I laugh now because it took the words of a three year old to remind me that sometimes the little things we make the biggest fuss over are the little things that can begin to tear a relationship apart. The best thing we can do is stop, take a deep breath and ask yourself, just how important is it for me to be right?

Photo Source: Click here.

November 7, 2019