Not everyone is going to support your dream and that’s okay. Everyone is here with a vision or purpose all of their own. When you allow the behavior or emotions of another keep you from your greatness, you are saying that their wants are more important then what you were designed for. You were given the gift of life, what you do with it is your gift back.
Photo credit: click here.
Anyone who drives knows that you can’t drive forever on one tank of gas. You have to fuel up in order to keep going. Stopping to take care of yourself is a lot like stopping to refuel. Self care is not selfish, it is necessary. In order to make this journey called life, stop riding on fumes and refuel.
Photo credit: click here.
Time is a precious commodity so the greatest gift you can give to another is your undivided attention. Put your cell phone down when talking to others or address people by their name and watch their reactions. People will engage with you. We all have a desire to be heard and that we matter.
This post was inspired by a conversation I had with my daughter:
She was upset when I picked up from work and was ready to quit her job because of the “drama” of her co-workers. The advice I gave her was that yes at times you do have to move on but no matter if you change schools, change jobs or even change spouses, the drama free life you are looking for won’t happen until you do some changing within yourself. You have to learn to let go!
I am still amazed how we can allow one person to affect us in our daily lives and in how we see ourselves and view success. I want you to see that you have the power of choice on your side and show you that it’s not the situation that’s important, but how we choose to react that will make a world of difference.
I let go of other people’s “drama” by learning three things:
Truly, no one has power over you unless you give it to them.
#1 Harness the Power of Control:
For years I was concerned about what people thought of me, if they liked me, was a doing a good job, but then I realized that I have the power of choice on my side. It wasn’t until I went to Oprah’s Live the Life You want to Live Weekend Tour in August of 2014. I went to this event by myself and realized that some trips are best taken alone! It caused my perspective of life to shift. It was a 3 day event in Detroit. We were given the cool battery operated LED wristbands that light up during the event. I wore mine for several months despite the fact that battery died shortly after the event. On the wristband, it says “Oprah’s the Life You Want Weekend” It became a daily reminder to me that we all have a choice in every second, of every minute of every day in how we choose to live our lives. As the sun rises each day so are the chances to make new choices.
The more happiness I experienced, the less I wanted to it relinquish it because of someone else’s “drama”.
#2 Eliminating as Much Negativity as Possible:
I love how The Late Dr. Maya Angelou has so eloquently expressed… “I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” I first had to stop calling what we so often refer to as failures and setbacks in our lives as mistakes and realized they were learning opportunities. They became my lessons learned.
In life’s lessons there are so often things that we need to learn from them to prepare us for the next challenge. In learning that I can’t control other people’s thought, actions or emotions, life started to become more fun and interesting. I was able to laugh at myself more freely and with less judgement. The more I become aware of my behaviors the more I seem to pick up on the behaviors of others. As my self-awareness expanded the more empathetic I became. Being more empathetic opened the door to identifying with the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of others, which simply meant I could relate more to others
#3 Practice Daily Mindfulness:
I am not free of judgmental thoughts but I am more aware of when these thoughts and attitudes arise. With expanded awareness you’re able to make more conscious decisions that can lead to better choices. By making better choices I have had more desirable outcomes and more meaningful relationships.
I don’t react to people, to the news and to life’s everyday situations that would “back in the day” set me off. With the power of choice comes the freedom to live life on your terms. I find myself no longer bound by the thoughts or opinions of others. I am not where I would like to be, but I am not the person I was. And if success can be measured by liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it. Then I am truly successful!
In Jack Canfield’s Success Principle’s he expresses this in a simple and easy to remember equation: E + R =O. (Event +Reaction=Outcome). In this equation the only thing you have control over is the R (your reaction to the event).
As I stated in the beginning we so often give power to people by allowing them to affect our moods, our days and our lives. By harnessing the power of choice, choosing to eliminate as much negativity as possible from your life and practicing mindfulness to expand your self-awareness you are able to put your life back into focus.
It’s like rebooting yourself back to your original default setting. When you harness that power, you will honestly proclaim:
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul.
–Invictus – Poem by William Ernest Henley
Poem Credit: http://poemhunter.com/poem/invictus/
“We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.” ― Dalai Lama XIV
By meditating on a regular basis I become aware of my thoughts. The more aware I became of my thoughts the more I started making wiser choices on what I paid attention to and where I focused my efforts.
The first thing that captured my attention was the commercials during television shows. I started paying more attention to what was being advertised and I realized that most of the commercials are fear-based messages that try to coerce you into some type of action, which is primarily to sell their product like the latest dish washing liquid doesn’t kill enough germ causing bacteria. Another thing I started noticing was a commercial with a catchy jingle isn’t quite so annoying by the 3rd time you hear it. I started putting the commercials on mute.
The next thing that I started noticing was the amount of negativity in everyday conversation. The more I tried to focus on eliminating negativity from my conversations the more I found reasons to celebrate even the littlest things. I found myself singing to the radio and actually dancing around the house as I did such things like vacuuming and cooking. I eventually stopped watching TV all together.
My days have been more productive and less stressful. I have more time to relax and enjoy things like lying in my hammock, taking morning walks in the park and spending quality time with my family. I started exercising and found a desire to start cleaning out my garage that has been on my to-do list for two years.
What I found is that when you find the joy and appreciation for who you are there is no way anyone can steal that joy from you because it comes from deep within.
The most enjoyable time of my day is when I get the chance to sit outside with my dogs, enjoy my morning coffee and watch the sun come up over the horizon. I sit outside on the deck listening to the birds chirp and the cars drive by. 
I look for the butterflies to flutter around in the yard. I really get excited when I see the beautiful Monarch butterflies.
Now that the weather is getting cooler, the morning breeze is a little bit crisper. It causes little goose pimples on my arms and legs to rise. The sunlight is getting brighter. I sip on my coffee and take in a deep breath. I see the dew on the grass. This is when I realize that I am right where I need to be. I say “thank you God!”
We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. – Lynn Hall
I just came back from an eleven day trip that took me to Dallas, Los Angeles and San Francisco. I spent some much needed time with family in San Francisco. I had a chance to step back from my work and see where I was headed. I was getting frustrated not at my clients but with myself.
Each week I try to share a lesson learned. This week I learned the power of clarity. When I stated my business a few years ago, I really had no clue in the direction I wanted to take. I had this great notion that I wanted to be of service and basically that’s all I really understood. I started managing social media sites for clients that needed help building their audience. I did not have any set price or service plan in mind. I worked hard on building a relationship with my clients and I can honestly say that it worked for me in the beginning.
I would say it took about a year for a frustration to set in. I felt like the clients were taking advantage of my kindness, but I would never address this concern. It wasn’t until recently that I realized it wasn’t my clients that were taking advantage of me, it was that I didn’t value myself to raise the standard.
Lessons Learned:
People are not mind readers. They will not give you more of anything unless you ask. In the same token, it’s their right whether they choose to continue to work with you or not. It’s nothing personal, it’s just business.
Sometimes people will respect you more for being honest in what you won’t do instead of saying yes and botching it up. If you know in your heart you don’t want to take on a particular project, just say so. You have the right to say no in the beginning.
It’s ok to change your mind. It truly means you are growing. There is nothing that says you can’t change your mind. Figure out what works and change what’s not. Don’t beat yourself up!
Not everyone will like the change, but the empowerment you will gain is priceless.
Quote source: http://www.quotegarden.com/change.htm
You cannot change what you refuse to confront – Unknown
Let me tell you at least one thing I gained when I decided to forgive myself. My second husband and I have been divorced for over 10 years. When we divorced, it was not on the best of terms. There was infidelity and abuse in our marriage that both of us could claim. We had one child born out of this marriage. My ex-husband paid his child support and maintained a relationship with our child. We had always been cordial to each other but since I remarried shortly after our divorce I think that may have contributed to the distance in his and my son’s relationship. Our child is now 15 years old and for the past year or so, I have wanted my son’s father to be more involved then he has been. This is where the healing power of forgiveness really made a change.
In 2013, I was involved in a car accident. The car was totaled and I walked away with just a few bruises on my arm from where the airbag deployed. It was a single car accident. I was checked out by paramedics and then placed in the back of a police car while they did they initial investigation and the tow truck arrived. While in the police car, a calming presence came over me and I felt that everything was going to be fine. I was at peace for just a moment. It is a feeling that I have never forgotten. My spiritual transformation had just begun.
In 2014, I started meditating. There were little thoughts that would pop into my head like “it’s not your burden to carry” or the “road won’t be easy but I’ll protect you”. I also started reading both spiritual and self-improvement books. Here are some books that really made an impact:
The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle; Discover the Power Within You, Eric Butterworth; Instinct, TD Jakes; A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle; The Gifts of Imperfection, Dr. Brene Brown; A Return to Love, Marianne Williamson; Spiritual Solutions, Deepak Chopra; The Four Agreements, Don Ruiz; The Universe is Calling, Eric Butterworth and When Things Fall Apart, Pema Chodron
In addition to reading, I walked at the park on a daily basis and discovered a passion for photography. During that time I paid close attention to how I spoke to myself. I looked at what I was giving my attention to. I started to like myself and actually start to laugh at some of the silly stuff I was holding onto. I was actively checking my belief system and confronting old habits and thought processes. I would cry sometimes but I would also laugh and rejoice at the changes.
About a year ago, the feeling that I needed to reach out to my ex-husband, a strong but gentle nudge came over me. When he called to speak to my son, I was a little more conversational and we started to talk to each other a little more and eventually I apologized for my part in our relationships demise. It was about a month ago when he apologized to me. That’s not where the story ends. For my son’s birthday, I suggested that may be he fly him down to Louisiana to spend some time but he came back and said that his schedule was too busy. My initial thought that creeped in was, how you can be too busy for your son. That was my old BS rearing its ugly head. A few days later, the soft gentle voice spoke and said you did your part, you invited him in, let it go. And that’s what I did.
A week or so later, his father stated he planned to drive up to Ohio and spend a few days with my son.
Here is my Lessons Learned:
All that we are is a result of what we have thought. – Buddha
Did you know that you are an energy source that attracts either positive or negative energy?
Did you also know you can control how you say something, the way you say something and even when you say something? What you cannot control is how someone will react, what someone thinks or what the other person is feeling. That thought alone has been the biggest game changer in my life.
For years, I heard Oprah say that when someone gets angry or mad at you, it really has nothing to do with you. She was absolutely right. My A-ha moment was when I realized that all you truly do is trigger an issue within them. How I learned was by working on my own issues. When I used to get mad, and after I realized I got mad, I asked myself, why is this bothering you? Many times, when someone said something, it was an issue that was weighing somewhere in the back of my mind and they just happened to “pick at it”.
For a long time, I used to get mad at my 22 year old daughter for buying new clothes. She works in a clothing store and on many occasions when I picked her up from work (key phrase…pick her up from work) she would either have a new bag, dress, shoes or something. I was getting tired of her lack of interest in getting her own license. When I would “blow up”, I was actually frustrated with myself and feeling like I didn’t prepare her properly to move out and get her life together especially on the task of getting her own license. I felt like I let her down but instead of addressing my concern, I just got mad. I learn that it was her choice not to get her license, just like it was my choice to pick her up, or not from work.
Let me share with you a more recent issue where, I had to be more mindful in the choices I make. On my last trip from LA,
I had a layover in Dallas. The plane was late taking off in LA which of course would affect my time in Dallas. When we arrived in Dallas, I had about 30 minutes to make my connecting flight. Low and behold, the plane was not able to pull into the gate because there was still another plane parked at it. By the time we were parked and the gateway was in place, I had about 15 minutes to get off. By now, reality was setting in and there was a very high probability I wasn’t going to make my connecting flight. Got off the plane had to go to another terminal and so, I knew I wasn’t going to make it in time. I missed my flight to LA just days before. Got to the gate, boarding had ended. I knew I wasn’t going to make it and I still got mad. Here is where mindfulness played a big role in how I quickly was able to get a handle on my emotions. I realized, I didn’t want to attract any negative attitude from the ticket agent. It wasn’t her fault I missed the plane but I needed her help to resolve my issue. I was able to quickly get a hold of my anger. I realized by missing the flight, I had a chance to relax and grab something to eat before my next flight. I also took advantage of the yoga area. All things worked out. I had a pleasant flight into Cincinnati.
Most of the time, we can control our actions and reactions if we are willing to step back from the situation, breathe
and process what’s important. Most of the time the situation is not really as bad as our minds makes it out to be. Since, I have been able to put my game changing insight to work, my relationship with my daughter has also improved (despite the fact, she still doesn’t have her license). I know all things will work out in the end.
Quote Source: http://www.thelawofattraction.com/quotes/
If you can’t get quiet enough to hear yourself, your life is too loud. ~Terri Guillemets
I never completely understood the term “Silence is golden” until I started meditating. Now that I have experienced the peace that comes from just sitting in silence, there is not a day that goes by that I don’t take some time to sit silently in a quiet space. There are three benefits I gained I want to share with you.
The first one is that it helped me to become more mindful of my thoughts. I never realized that I was my own worst enemy and sabotaging my own peace and happiness. There was so much self-negative talk going on in my own head. When I started paying attention to the way I spoke to myself I had to make a choice to work on it. When a thought popped in my head, I would ask “would you say that to anyone else out loud?” Most of the time, the answer was no. The negative talk produced a dislike for myself that I didn’t know existed. When I would take my walks in the morning, I would focus my attention on positive affirmations, such as, “I am worth.” “I am enough.” “I am successful.” The more I heard these thoughts, the more natural they would pop in to my head. I started to value who I was and the uniqueness I brought to the world.
Another benefit meditating did was helped me to became more present in my life. My mind wasn’t cluttered with thoughts of what I used to do or what I was going to do, I concentrated on the activity at hand. The trees looked greener and the sky looked bluer. I discovered a passion for photography.
My relationship with my children improved. Last summer, I implemented a mandatory “unwind time” for everyone. It was something very similar to a tech-free time out, no electronics, cell phones, TV or radio for two hours each night during the weekday. During the two hours, we would play card games, take walks or just simply sit outside on the deck and talk. I must admit, I had trouble turning off the phone in the beginning but as time went on; the kids would come and sit down in the living room without being called to join in. They actually looked forward to hanging out with me again.
The last thing I want to share was I learned who I am and what I want. I no longer seek approval from others. I gained a deeper to love for myself. 
I know now that I have the power to make better and smarter choices for the kind of life I wish to live. I learned that no one can steal your joy when it comes from deep within.
These lessons didn’t come easy. As Iyanla Vanzant so eloquently states it, I had to challenge my Belief System or BS. I know I am still a work in progress, but I can honestly say, I am proud of the person I am becoming. Here are three key points I want to leave with you.
Quote source: http://www.quotegarden.com/silence.html
Thank you for taking the time to visit. Please share your thoughts.
Sweet N Social 
