Sweet N Social

Category: Awareness

  • Self-Examination

    Self-Examination

    stock-footage-woman-holds-magnifier-and-puts-it-to-chin-against-sky-and-sun-720x340Here is a sad truth, for years I would wear undergarments that were worn out and had holes. I made sure everyone in my family was taken care of but never invested the same energy into myself. I looked great on the outside but was holey and tore up underneath, until I raised my standards. Self-esteem can be the biggest deterrent to achieving success if left un-examined. Raise your standards by first paying attention to how you talk to yourself. Would you talk to a friend the same way?

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  • Take it Personal

    Take it Personal

    9906_09_31_webI was at a four way intersection where it was myself and one other car. I was going straight and they were turning left. I signaled the woman to go ahead and she did the same in return. As I was about to go through she started to go, we both stopped and proceed to go through the same action again. This time as she was turning I saw she clearly was expressing her displeasure towards me. I just sat in amazement.

    At some point in your life, if acts of kindness cause you to get angry, you might want to take a hard look at yourself and ask why. You can’t change what your are not willing to confront.

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  • Gifted

    Gifted

    clear-sense-of-purposeNot everyone is going to support your dream and that’s okay. Everyone is here with a vision or purpose all of their own. When you allow the behavior or emotions of another keep you from your greatness, you are saying that their wants are more important then what you were designed for. You were given the gift of life, what you do with it is your gift back.

    Photo credit: click here.

  • Check Your Gauge

    Check Your Gauge

    empty-fuel-gauge319Anyone who drives knows that you can’t drive forever on one tank of gas. You have to fuel up in order to keep going. Stopping to take care of yourself is a lot like stopping to refuel. Self care is not selfish, it is necessary. In order to make this journey called life, stop riding on fumes and refuel.

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  • Your Greatest Gift

    Your Greatest Gift

    the-gift-of-givingTime is a precious commodity so the greatest gift you can give to another is your undivided attention. Put your cell phone down when talking to others or address people by their name and watch their reactions. People will engage with you. We all have a desire to be heard and that we matter.
     
    Photo credit: click here.
  • I Want to be Drama Free

    I Want to be Drama Free

    This post was inspired by a conversation I had with my daughter:

    She was upset when I picked up from work and was ready to quit her job because of the “drama” of her co-workers. The advice I gave her was that yes at times you do have to move on but no matter if you change schools, change jobs or even change spouses, the drama free life you are looking for won’t happen until you do some changing within yourself. You have to learn to let go!

    I am still amazed how we can allow one person to affect us in our daily lives and in how we see ourselves and view success. I want you to see that you have the power of choice on your side and show you that it’s not the situation that’s important, but how we choose to react that will make a world of difference.

    I let go of other people’s “drama” by learning three things:

    1. We all have the power of choice
    2. Happiness begins by eliminating as much negativity as possible
    3. Practicing daily mindfulness cultivates self-awareness

    Truly, no one has power over you unless you give it to them.

    #1 Harness the Power of Control:

    For years I was concerned about what people thought of me, if they liked me, was a doing a good job, but then I realized that I have the power of choice on my side. It wasn’t until I went to Oprah’s Live the Life You want to Live Weekend Tour in August of 2014.  I went to this event by myself and realized that some trips are best taken alone! It caused my perspective of life to shift. It was a 3 day event in Detroit. We were given the cool battery operated LED wristbands that light up during the event.  I wore mine for several months despite the fact that battery died shortly after the event. On the wristband, it says “Oprah’s the Life You Want Weekend” It became a daily reminder to me that we all have a choice in every second, of every minute of every day in how we choose to live our lives. As the sun rises each day so are the chances to make new choices.

    The more happiness I experienced, the less I wanted to it relinquish it because of someone else’s “drama”.

    #2 Eliminating as Much Negativity as Possible:

    I love how The Late Dr. Maya Angelou has so eloquently expressed… “I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.”  I first had to stop calling what we so often refer to as failures and setbacks in our lives as mistakes and realized they were learning opportunities. They became my lessons learned.

    In life’s lessons there are so often things that we need to learn from them to prepare us for the next challenge. In learning that I can’t control other people’s thought, actions or emotions, life started to become more fun and interesting. I was able to laugh at myself more freely and with less judgement.  The more I become aware of my behaviors the more I seem to pick up on the behaviors of others. As my self-awareness expanded the more empathetic I became.  Being more empathetic opened the door to identifying with the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of others, which simply meant I could relate more to others

    #3 Practice Daily Mindfulness:

    I am not free of judgmental thoughts but I am more aware of when these thoughts and attitudes arise. With expanded awareness you’re able to make more conscious decisions that can lead to better choices.  By making better choices I have had more desirable outcomes and more meaningful relationships.

    I don’t react to people, to the news and to life’s everyday situations that would “back in the day” set me off.  With the power of choice comes the freedom to live life on your terms. I find myself no longer bound by the thoughts or opinions of others. I am not where I would like to be, but I am not the person I was. And if success can be measured by liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it. Then I am truly successful!

    In Jack Canfield’s Success Principle’s he expresses this in a simple and easy to remember equation: E + R =O. (Event +Reaction=Outcome). In this equation the only thing you have control over is the R (your reaction to the event).

    As I stated in the beginning we so often give power to people by allowing them to affect our moods, our days and our lives. By harnessing the power of choice, choosing to eliminate as much negativity as possible from your life and practicing mindfulness to expand your self-awareness you are able to put your life back into focus.

    It’s like rebooting yourself back to your original default setting. When you harness that power, you will honestly proclaim:

    I am the master of my fate
    I am the captain of my soul.

    –Invictus – Poem by William Ernest Henley

    Poem Credit: http://poemhunter.com/poem/invictus/

  • You Can’t Steal my Joy!

    You Can’t Steal my Joy!

    “We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.” ― Dalai Lama XIV

    By meditating on a regular basis I become aware of my thoughts. The more aware I became of my thoughts the more I started making wiser choices on what I paid attention to and where I focused my efforts.

    The first thing that captured my attention was the commercials during television shows.  I started paying more attention to what was being advertised and I realized that most of the commercials are fear-based messages that try to coerce you into some type of action, which is primarily to sell their product like the latest dish washing liquid doesn’t kill enough germ causing bacteria.  Another thing I started noticing was a commercial with a catchy jingle isn’t quite so annoying by the 3rd time you hear it. I started putting the commercials on mute.

    The next thing that I started noticing was the amount of negativity in everyday conversation.  The more I tried to focus on eliminating negativity from my conversations the more I found reasons to celebrate even the littlest things.  I found myself singing to the radio and actually dancing around the house as I did such things like vacuuming and cooking.  I eventually stopped watching TV all together.

    My days have been more productive and less stressful. I have more time to relax and enjoy things like lying in my hammock, taking morning walks in the park and spending quality time with my family. I started exercising and found a desire to start cleaning out my garage that has been on my to-do list for two years.

    What I found is that when you find the joy and appreciation for who you are there is no way anyone can steal that joy from you because it comes  from deep within.

  • Thank You

    Thank You

    The most enjoyable time of my day is when I get the chance to sit outside with my dogs, enjoy my morning coffee and watch the sun come up over the horizon.  I sit outside on the deck listening to the birds chirp and the cars drive by. DSCF5996 I look for the butterflies to flutter around in the yard.  I really get excited when I see the beautiful Monarch butterflies.

    Now that the weather is getting cooler, the morning breeze is a little bit crisper. It causes little goose pimples on my arms and legs to rise. The sunlight is getting brighter. I sip on my coffee and take in a deep breath.  I see the dew on the grass.  This is when I realize that I am right where I need to be. I say “thank you God!”

  • Raise the Standards

    Raise the Standards

    We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. – Lynn Hall

    I just came back from an eleven day trip that took me to Dallas, Los Angeles and San Francisco.  I spent some much needed time with family in San Francisco.  I had a chance to step back from my work and see where I was headed. I was getting frustrated not at my clients but with myself.

    Each week I try to share a lesson learned. This week I learned the power of clarity.  When I stated my business a few years ago, I really had no clue in the direction I wanted to take.  I had this great notion that I wanted to be of service and basically that’s all I really understood.  I started managing social media sites for clients that needed help building their audience.  I did not have any set price or service plan in mind.  I worked hard on building a relationship with my clients and I can honestly say that it worked for me in the beginning.

    I would say it took about a year for a frustration to set in.  I felt like the clients were taking advantage of my kindness, but I would never address this concern.  It wasn’t until recently that I realized it wasn’t my clients that were taking advantage of me, it was that I didn’t value myself to raise the standard.

    Lessons Learned:

    1. Be clear about what you will or will not do.

    People are not mind readers. They will not give you more of anything unless you ask.  In the same token, it’s their right whether they choose to continue to work with you or not.   It’s nothing personal, it’s just business.

    1. It’s ok to say no.

    Sometimes people will respect you more for being honest in what you won’t do instead of saying yes and botching it up.  If you know in your heart you don’t want to take on a particular project, just say so.  You have the right to say no in the beginning.

    1. You can change your mind.

    It’s ok to change your mind. It truly means you are growing.  There is nothing that says you can’t change your mind. Figure out what works and change what’s not. Don’t beat yourself up!

    Not everyone will like the change, but the empowerment you will gain is priceless.

    Quote source: http://www.quotegarden.com/change.htm

  • The Healing Power of Forgiveness

    The Healing Power of Forgiveness

    You cannot change what you refuse to confront – Unknown

    Let me tell you at least one thing I gained when I decided to forgive myself.  My second husband and I have been divorced for over 10 years.  When we divorced, it was not on the best of terms.  There was infidelity and abuse in our marriage that both of us could claim.  We had one child born out of this marriage.  My ex-husband paid his child support and maintained a relationship with our child.  We had always been cordial to each other but since I remarried shortly after our divorce I think that may have contributed to the distance in his and my son’s relationship.  Our child is now 15 years old and for the past year or so, I have wanted my son’s father to be more involved then he has been.  This is where the healing power of forgiveness really made a change.

    In 2013, I was involved in a car accident.  The car was totaled and I walked away with just a few bruises on my arm from where the airbag deployed.  It was a single car accident.  I was checked out by paramedics and then placed in the back of a police car while they did they initial investigation and the tow truck arrived.  While in the police car, a calming presence came over me and I felt that everything was going to be fine.  I was at peace for just a moment. It is a feeling that I have never forgotten.  My spiritual transformation had just begun.

    In 2014, I started meditating.  There were little thoughts that would pop into my head like “it’s not your burden to carry” or the “road won’t be easy but I’ll protect you”.  I also started reading both spiritual and self-improvement books.  Here are some books that really made an impact:

    The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle; Discover the Power Within You, Eric Butterworth; Instinct, TD Jakes; A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle; The Gifts of Imperfection, Dr. Brene Brown; A Return to Love, Marianne Williamson; Spiritual Solutions, Deepak Chopra; The Four Agreements, Don Ruiz; The Universe is Calling, Eric Butterworth and When Things Fall Apart, Pema Chodron

    In addition to reading, I walked at the park on a daily basis and discovered a passion for photography. During that time I paid close attention to how I spoke to myself.  I looked at what I was giving my attention to.  I started to like myself and actually start to laugh at some of the silly stuff I was holding onto. I was actively checking my belief system and confronting old habits and thought processes. I would cry sometimes but I would also laugh and rejoice at the changes.

    About a year ago, the feeling that I needed to reach out to my ex-husband, a strong but gentle nudge came over me. When he called to speak to my son, I was a little more conversational and we started to talk to each other a little more and eventually I apologized for my part in our relationships demise.  It was about a month ago when he apologized to me.  That’s not where the story ends. For my son’s birthday, I suggested that may be he fly him down to Louisiana to spend some time but he came back and said that his schedule was too busy.  My initial thought that creeped in was, how you can be too busy for your son.  That was my old BS rearing its ugly head.  A few days later, the soft gentle voice spoke and said you did your part, you invited him in, let it go. And that’s what I did.

    A week or so later, his father stated he planned to drive up to Ohio and spend a few days with my son.

    Here is my Lessons Learned:

    1. Work on you first
    2. Let go and trust in Divine timing
    3. Stay open to the Possibilities