Sweet N Social

Category: Awareness

  • Successful Habits: How to Make Any Long-lasting Life Changes

    Successful Habits: How to Make Any Long-lasting Life Changes

    “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” ― Will Durant

    Quora Question: How do I turn something into a habit?

    First and foremost, habits are always being created whether you realize it or not.  

    Habits can either bring positive results or negative consequences depending on what it is.  For instance, pulling out your phone and scrolling on social media sites when you are standing in a line can become a habit. It’s a natural, automatic response which can be defined as a habit.  The positive result may be to stay-up-to date with everything that is happening in your virtual world. The negative consequence could be missing out on the opportunity to meet new people standing in line with you.

    The first rule of thumb in establishing a new habit is to understand why you want to create it in the first place.  What are your intentions?

    You can ask yourself several questions to get to the heart to your “why.” Here are a few questions to start the inner dialog.

    • What is the goal or result I want to achieve?
    • Why is this important to me?
    • What am I tired of?  Sometimes negative consequences can be the motivational factor for creating a new habit or change.
    • What are your needs and wants?

    Once you get a clearer understanding as to why this change or habit is important to you, the “how” is easier to incorporate.

    When I first started writing this blog, my consistency was horrible.  I would write a few posts then my mind would go blank.  It wasn’t until I took the time out to figure out that writing was a way for me to share my voice with others that I started to see opportunities to help me stay consistent. I use Quora to stay consistent. I look for questions that I can offer advice on.  

    Your ”how” is a way to express your “why.”  Get clear on your why and opportunities to fulfill it with start to pop up on your mental radar.  

    The next rule of thumb to establishing a habit it to allow time and space for it to grow.  

    This could be allowing physical time to establish a routine.  It also includes determining what old beliefs, people, or situations you might have to let go or bring in to help you.  Do you need to read more books on the subject, hire a coach or personal trainer, or re-configure your schedule?  Asking yourself questions is key.

    I think many people are looking for a magic number for implementing change or creating a new habit which there really isn’t one.  The most effective way to implement change is to change your mindset first. Ask yourself, who is it that I want to become to achieve this type of goal and then watch the magic of transformation begin!

    Thank you for taking time out to read this post. I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag?utf8=✓&id=habits

    1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
    2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
    3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
    4. Confident Strides Entrepreneurs Network https://bit.ly/CSENMeetup

    To connect with me: https:///confidentstrides

  • How to Plan and Focus More of Your Time and Increase Productivity

    How to Plan and Focus More of Your Time and Increase Productivity

    “Once your mindset changes, everything on the outside will change along with it.” ― Steve Maraboli

    Quora Question: What advice do you give to make the most of the hours of the day and be more productive?

    As an entrepreneur, I think the number one thing to making the most of the hours of the day and to be more productive is developing your mindset and establishing your “why” behind what you are doing each day.  Your “why” determines the “how” and the “what” behind all the activities you do each day. 

    Once you know your “why”, you can ask yourself questions that will help you determine what is going to get you your desired results like, “what is the priority for today?”.

    Mindset determines everything first and foremost.

    Once you understand your “why” here are some additional suggestions that can aid in your productivity, especially for those who work from home:

    1. Use a weekly planner. Brain dump every task that you want to accomplish within your week along with your target date for completion. There is something about taking the ideas from out of your head and putting them down on paper.
    2. Go for a daily walk or run. These types of activities help to gain mental clarity for the tasks of the day. 
    3. Reduce the number of distractions throughout the day.  For example, my phone comes on automatic “Do Not Disturb” mode every day for a four-hour period.  Distractions can be the biggest enemy in productivity. 
    4. Get up and move around throughout the day. If you are struggling on staying focused, getting up and moving helps to relax the brain.  This is a great way to reset and spark new ideas.
    5. Set office hours.  This works great with suggestion #3 because it helps to put you into work mode mindset.
    6. Find an accountability partner.  Sometimes we work harder for others than we do for ourselves.  Share you goals with them and then schedule “check-in” calls with each other.
    7. Give yourself grace. There will be days when you are more productive than others.  Sometimes a non-productive day is what helps to reset yourself.

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/mindset

    Thank you for taking time out to read this post. I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.

    1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
    2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
    3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
    4. Confident Strides Entrepreneurs Network https://bit.ly/CSENMeetup

    To connect with me: https:///confidentstrides

  • Decide First: How to Adopt New Habits and Develop a Positive Attitude

    Decide First: How to Adopt New Habits and Develop a Positive Attitude

    “Trust your instincts, and make judgements on what your heart tells you. The heart will not betray you.” ― David Gemmell

    Quora Question: How can you change your habits and thought process that control your daily life and wellbeing?

    I think when you finally get tired of the drama that’s in your life and you make the decision to change, even if it is just one small thing, that is when life itself will change for you. Change begins with the decision to change. It could be as simple as wanting to drink more water and less sodas or alcohol.  One small change can shift the trajectory of your path.

    Pay attention to things that cause an irritation in you.  Ask yourself, “what’s in my control?”  If there is something you can do to reduce or eliminate the irritation, then do it. Change begins the moment you decide you want to change.

    Let me give you an example:

    A couple of years ago, I used to be big on scrolling through Facebook and other social sites, but I started noticing how I would feel once I got off. It wasn’t leaving me with positive feelings. I asked myself, “what’s in my control?”  That’s when I realized I could choose to do something else with my time like read books rather than scroll social media sites.  I could go for a walk or write in my journal when I felt the urge to grab for my phone. When I pondered what else I could do with time I usually allotted for scrolling social media, that is when I saw other activities that were more in alignment with achieving my desired goals.

    So here are a few suggestions I would like to offer anyone looking to change their habits and thought process:

    1. Pay attention to your emotions and your feelings.  They are like signals from your soul that let you know if you are heading in the right direction or indicators that you might want to make a U-turn.
    2. Make the decision to make one small change.  It is that one small change that can and will change the trajectory of your path.  
    3. Trust the process and watch it unfold.  Learn to become friends with your body, mind, and spirit.  I call them the “Three Chairmen”.  Once I learned to listen and pay attention to what was coming up from within, I know get a better sense of when I am on the right path or when I need to pivot. 
    4. Stay open to possibilities.  There will be things that you will pick up on your mental radar that you may have never noticed before. It is like your brain goes to work looking for opportunities to help you achieve your desired goals.
    5. Keep a journal. Record your progress.  As we grow and change, you can always look back through your journal entries to see how far you have come. By paying attention, simple change in your habits, behaviors and thoughts are more recognizable.
    6. Find an accountability partner. Connect with others and share your insight with others. Help to hold each other accountable for your goals. 
    7. Have grace with yourself.  We didn’t develop these habits and thought processes in just one day and that means we can’t change them in just one day either.  

    The truth is that we are always changing whether we realize it or not.  By paying attention and recording our process, we can see the process and watch it unfold.

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/decision-making

    Thank you for taking time out to read this post. I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.

    1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
    2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
    3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
    4. Confident Strides Entrepreneurs Network https://bit.ly/CSENMeetup

    To connect with me: https:///confidentstrides

  • How Being Mindful of Our Actions Has a Powerful Affect Others

    How Being Mindful of Our Actions Has a Powerful Affect Others

    “Looking at beauty in the world, is the first step of purifying the mind.” ― Amit Ray

    For the past few weeks there have been signs that spring is right around the corner. Watching the flower stems produce the buds is exciting because it signifies the end of winter, and this is great news for me here in Ohio.

    I noticed two flowers had bloomed along the wood line, so I know they were not planted there. On a couple of occasions, I would walk over to the patch and take pictures of what I would call “the natural beauties.” I event captured them on video as they were tossed around by the crisp morning air. I never had a desire to pick them, but as a child I would have.  

    This morning, as I ran by the flower patch, the flowers were gone. Someone had picked them and the first thought I had was how rude and selfish of them to do such a thing. I was a little disappointed in not seeing the flowers. I felt that whoever picked them was only thinking of themselves and not considering how picking those flowers would affect someone else.  

    What a different world it would be if we all truly took a moment to think about how our actions might affect someone else!

    This made me stop and think about some of my recent actions and how they may have affected others.  It’s in these very moments like this that make me really take notice of what I do. I have come to learn that if some type of emotion is triggered with in me by someone else’s actions, there is something that I can learn from.

    I realized I can be impulsive and inconsiderate of other people’s feelings, and I don’t always stop and consider the ramifications of my actions, but with self-awareness comes new insight and new behaviors. Life is always offering us an opportunity to learn and grow even if someone cuts the flowers.  

    Taking a moment before we speak, or act can make a huge difference in all our relationships whether it is with ourselves, with others or with the world.

    What I learned from this morning’s walk is this:

    • Don’t be so hard on others. 
    • Don’t be so hard on myself too.

    We are all doing the best with what we know at our own level of consciousness. Awareness is key!

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/mindfulness

    Thank you for taking time out to read this post. I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.

    1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
    2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
    3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
    4. Confident Strides Entrepreneurs Network https://bit.ly/CSENMeetup

    To connect with me: https:///confidentstrides

  • Does a Penny Still Have Value? Yes. So Pick them up off the Ground

    Does a Penny Still Have Value? Yes. So Pick them up off the Ground


    “Be less curious about people and more curious about ideas.” ― Marie Curie

    Quora Question: When you see a coin on the ground, do you pick it up or leave it there?

    While I was on my morning run this morning, I saw a penny laying on the ground and I initially ran over it without picking it up. I usually pick up pennies and I don’t worry about if it is face up or not. I don’t believe in the superstition about heads or tails.  I had a nagging feeling to turn around and pick it up and that is what I did.

    I didn’t always stop to pick up pennies until I relieved it’s a form of currency no matter what.  I have heard some people say that the penny is worthless.  I don’t believe that’s necessarily true. There are 100 pennies in one dollar and 100,000 pennies in 1,000 dollars.  The key is to remember that each penny adds up to something. It always comes down to your perception of what equates to value.

    Here is another way to look at this…

    Over the past few years, I have come to believe that each one of us has a message, a gift, or an experience to share with the world.  Our ideas are the sparks that lead us on the path of discovery.  If you believe you have nothing to offer, you have no desire to explore what’s hidden deep down inside of you.  If you do believe you have something of value to offer, we put in effort to discover what it is.  We look for ways to share that message or story once we find it.  Some of create businesses.  Some of us write books or publish blogs. Some of us hop on podcasts or other social media channels because we want our messages and ideas out there in the world. 

    So where am I going with this… 

    Our ideas are the pennies that add value to the collective whole. Think about YouTube, if there was only one channel on the whole platform, it wouldn’t be one of the most searched platforms for entertainment or educational tools. It wouldn’t be considered “YouTube University” for sure!  YouTube doesn’t add content, it manages the content that we provide and makes a nice profit from it.  The ideas of the individuals who upload to the platform is what makes YouTube valuable!  In other words, there are more than 100,000,000,000 ideas (pennies) that help pull in the 1.8 billion subscribers of YouTube.  

    Every penny has a value, just as every person matters and we all add to the collective whole.  When we can see the value in each of our experiences, we will stop leaving the pennies on the ground, and or ideas un-explored.  Each of our experiences in life provide ideas and lessons that the world can use.  These ideas and beliefs help shape who you are and when we stop, collect them, and add them up, we may just realize how valuable we are because of them.

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag?utf8=✓&id=ideas

    Thank you for taking time out to read this post. I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.

    1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
    2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
    3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
    4. Confident Strides Entrepreneurs Network https://bit.ly/CSENMeetup

    To connect with me: https:///confidentstrides

  • Abandon Doing What Comes Easy and Devote Your Time to The Life you Want

    Abandon Doing What Comes Easy and Devote Your Time to The Life you Want

    “Your days are numbered. Use them to throw open the windows of your soul to the sun. If you do not, the sun will soon set, and you with it.” ― Marcus Aurelius

    Quora Question: What do you do to pass the time other than social media (Reddit included), TV or reading a book?

    My favorite “go-to” activity is always a walk in the park. I love getting out and connecting with nature. But like anything in life, I have times when I just don’t feel like walking. So, I would ask myself, “what else can I do that I can do for free?”

    Here are some things that happened when I stopped watching TV, reduced my time on social media and applied action from the information I learned from the books I read. 

    I discovered Zentangle drawing on a networking call one day which is like a form of meditation. I started learning a foreign language last year. I learned how to use the editing software that came free on my computer and created my own podcast and used the video to create a YouTube channel. I made time to play and learn from my granddaughter on days I don’t have to work. I dedicate quiet time for self-reflection and journaling which has been life changing. I started and organized Meetup groups and connect with people in such places as India and Africa and I write for two blogs.

    One of my favorite quotes I read that made such a huge impact was “Create before you Consume.” -Marie Forleo. 

    Time is always “passing by” but it is what you choose to do with your time and the kind of life you want to live that determines the quality of life you will have. Watching TV and surfing the internet are easy things to do, dig deeper and find out what you can create!

    Thank you for taking time out to read this post. I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.

    1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
    2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
    3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
    4. Confident Strides Entrepreneurs Network https://bit.ly/CSENMeetup

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/goals-in-life

    To connect with me: https:///confidentstrides

  • Start From Where You Are: Advice on How to Know if Your Actually Improving

    Start From Where You Are: Advice on How to Know if Your Actually Improving

    “Great goals make great people. People cannot hit what they do not aim for.” ― Roy T. Bennett

    How do I know if I’m actually improving (in everything) – Quora

    When I was in the military, we had to learn map reading and land navigation.  The first think they taught us was how to plot points on the map.  By learning how to plot points on the map, it taught us how to determine where we were on the map.  If you don’t know where you are on the map, you can’t determine where you are heading.  

    The second important lesson we learned about reading maps is recognizing elevation and terrain familiarization. This comes in handy if you get off track.  By recognizing a hill or a valley on the map by the elevation drawings you can follow the terrain to get back on track.

    I share this because the same fundamentals we learn in map reading and land navigation are the same fundamentals we can apply to improving ourselves.  You must know where you are and determine where you want to go.  Theses can become benchmarks on your map of life. Once your plot your points, the next step is to get going.

    Here’s an example, I used to get mad if someone cut me off when I was driving. It was so bad one day when I was taking my son to school, I had just cussed a driver out and I realized I wasn’t being such a super role model for my son who was sitting in the passenger seat watching me.  I was so embarrassed.  I vowed that day; I would change.  I didn’t know how; I just knew why. That was my first plot point on the map. 

    Over the next few months, I read and took up meditation. I learned other ways to channel my emotions.  How I measured my progress was by paying attention to see how I would react to being cut off while driving.  I was beginning to recognize the terrain that had triggered my outrage. 

    When you want to change a behavior, first figure out where you are in the process. Where are you on your life map? What triggers your behavior? Why do you want to change?  Who are you changing for?  These are your plot points on your life map.  Then determine what kind of person you want to become? What books can help you? Who can you talk to? There are more plot points that will help you on your path.

    When you no longer react but rather respond to situations that once triggered a reaction, you know you are making progress.  The landscape/ terrain starts to change within you.  

    I also would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.

    1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
    2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
    3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/goals

    To connect with me: https:///confidentstrides

  • Examine Your Motives First: How to Develop a Positive Attitude

    Examine Your Motives First: How to Develop a Positive Attitude

    “It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.” ― Dale Carnegie

    I love choosing questions from Quora to answer. I chose this question about how to develop a positive attitude towards reading, but you can apply this principle to just about any thing we do, so feel free to check out my answer below.

    How can I develop a positive attitude towards reading?-Quora

    I did not invest in reading books until I reached my forties. I never had a real desire to pick up a book until I was going through a difficult period in my life.  I wanted answers and so I turned to books for answers, answers that my friends could not help me with.  

    I think when you take time out to examine why you do anything is the key to determining how you feel about doing it in the first place. So many times, we just jump in and start doing things without examining the “why” behind it.  

    • Are you doing it because it is popular?
    • Are you doing it to fit in?
    • Are you doing it because someone else told you that you should?
    • Are you doing it because you want to learn something, and you feel drawn to do it?

    The intention behind the activity will help you either stay motivated to continue or eventually cause you to fizzle out.

    Here are some suggestions I would like to offer:

    1. Before diving into anything, take a moment to think about why you are about do it in the first place.  Be honest with yourself and if you need to, write it out. What do you hope to gain?
    2. If it is something you must put money into it, place a cushion between the thought and the action. That helps to reduce impulsive actions. 
    3. Regarding reading, you can look for free resources before committing to any kind of subscription or purchasing books that you might not even want to read after you buy them.  This reduces the emotional energy and guilt that comes with buyer’s remorse. 
    4. Connect with other readers and create or join a book club. It’s always more fun when others get involved.  
    5. Don’t feel like you must stick with one genre.  Lessons can be found anywhere when you are looking for them.

    Whether you are looking to create a reading habit, workout regiment, or jump into a new career, take a moment to examine your intentions behind the action.  By taking a moment to understand the driving force behind our desires, we are also preparing ourselves for the obstacles and the resistance that will inevitably come with that change. 

    In all that you do, the key to achieving your desired goal is your mental attitude towards obtaining that goal. With a positive mental attitude, you will become unstoppable!

    I also would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.

    1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
    2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
    3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/attitude

    To connect with me: https:///confidentstrides

  • How to Become Powerful: Using Creativity and Personal Development Together

    How to Become Powerful: Using Creativity and Personal Development Together

    “Creativity takes courage. ” ― Henri Matisse

    How does creativity promote your personal development?- Quora

    I would like to think that creativity and personal development go hand in hand. Creativity is being able to look at things from different angles and coming up with new possibilities. Personal development is taking a deeper dive into who and what we can do. 

    Think about the last time you got a new phone.  When I got my phone, the first thing I wanted to know was the basics; how to make phone calls, how to text and check my email.  The more I got into using and learning how to work my phone worked, the more I start playing around with new features and new apps.  I got more comfortable and more confident in exploring the possibilities of what my phone could do. Now I make videos and some much more.

    We are like smart phones, without personal development and creativity in our lives, we are just scratching the surface of our capabilities. Personal development and creativity together, help us to realize we are more powerful than we think, and we stop scratching the surface and explore the possibilities. Personal development gets you to start asking questions like what else can I do or what if I try this? 

    I would like to offer those who are starting to dig deeper into who they are and what they can do a few simple reminders:

    1. Enjoy the ride. The road on the self-discovery journey is a tricky one but it can also be a fun one. I like reading my old journals and seeing just how far my mindset has shifted. 
    2. Trust the process. It may be hard and lonely at times so remember the caterpillar wouldn’t become a butterfly without the metamorphizing. Can you imagine what beauty we would miss out if the caterpillar resisted. 
    3. You are not alone. There are many others out here learning and growing each day. Find other like-minded individuals to surround yourself with.
    4. Stay Curious. Creativity can’t be used up.  The more you use it the more you get in return so the personal development journey can be a lifelong discovery of endless wonder.

    I would like to close with this, you are more powerful than you know. Don’t stop at the basics, unleash your full potential, and take that dive. You are a gift, and the world is calling on you!

    I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.

    1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
    2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
    3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag?utf8=✓&id=creativity

    To connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

  • Being Rejected Automatically Can Create An Interesting Shift in One’s Thinking

    Being Rejected Automatically Can Create An Interesting Shift in One’s Thinking

    “You have as many options as you give yourself.” ― Kasie West

    I submitted a post that was automatically rejected!

    In the past, I know I would have been really upset but the older I get the more I realize, it was not what they were looking for.

    The key point in this situation is not that I got rejected, but the fact that I submitted a post in the first place. I knew my chances of being accepted were slim when I submitted my entry in the first place.  By writing a post, I knew I had a 50/50 percent chance of being accepted which is always better than a zero percent chance by never submitting at all.  I also realized that you don’t need someone else’s approval to offer up advice. You can offer but it is always up to someone else if they will choose to take it or not. 

    This is something I am learning more and more every day.  By expressing or sharing our thoughts, ideas, or experiences, we have done what the universe has called upon us to do. By doing so, we are helping those who are searching for an answer. If it is out there, it is available if it is not, it helps no one.

    Here’s my last takeaway:

    There is nothing in the rule book that says you can’t offer an answer through other means. We always have options. The question was posted on Quora, but you can post your answer elsewhere!

    Don’t let others keep you from sharing your insight and wisdom. My mother use to say, if there is a will, there is a way. Find your way to share your insight and wisdom with the world.

    I am posting the question and my answer below. Feel free to check it out if you would like to. If not, I know it wasn’t what you were looking for.

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag?utf8=✓&id=options

    Connect with me https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

    Rejected Submission:

    What is advice you would give to 20 something year old in today’s world? – Quora

    I thought about the advice I would give to my son when I thought about this answer.  He just turned twenty-one this year. He is married and, in the military, about to move to Italy. What came up for me was this:

    Live your life. Life is too short to live it according to other people’s standards, including mine.

    I was not happy when I found out my son was planning on getting married at nineteen.  I was trying to get him to live a little bit more before settling down, but his heart was set on it. It seemed the more I voiced my opinion against the marriage idea the more they were determined to go through with it.  We had several conversations and the one thing I remember him telling me was that this felt right for him. I wasn’t thrilled but I respected his decision.

    I read Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth a few years back and it helped me to step back and realize our roles change in life.  If my son is grown enough to make these kinds of decisions, my role now is to simply love and support him. Just like I lived my life, it is their turn to live theirs. 

    Food for thought:

    “If it is your intention to establish and maintain loving relationships with other people, you absolutely must surrender the need to be in control.” – Iyanla Vanzant