Sweet N Social

Category: Awareness

  • Being Rejected Automatically Can Create An Interesting Shift in One’s Thinking

    Being Rejected Automatically Can Create An Interesting Shift in One’s Thinking

    “You have as many options as you give yourself.” ― Kasie West

    I submitted a post that was automatically rejected!

    In the past, I know I would have been really upset but the older I get the more I realize, it was not what they were looking for.

    The key point in this situation is not that I got rejected, but the fact that I submitted a post in the first place. I knew my chances of being accepted were slim when I submitted my entry in the first place.  By writing a post, I knew I had a 50/50 percent chance of being accepted which is always better than a zero percent chance by never submitting at all.  I also realized that you don’t need someone else’s approval to offer up advice. You can offer but it is always up to someone else if they will choose to take it or not. 

    This is something I am learning more and more every day.  By expressing or sharing our thoughts, ideas, or experiences, we have done what the universe has called upon us to do. By doing so, we are helping those who are searching for an answer. If it is out there, it is available if it is not, it helps no one.

    Here’s my last takeaway:

    There is nothing in the rule book that says you can’t offer an answer through other means. We always have options. The question was posted on Quora, but you can post your answer elsewhere!

    Don’t let others keep you from sharing your insight and wisdom. My mother use to say, if there is a will, there is a way. Find your way to share your insight and wisdom with the world.

    I am posting the question and my answer below. Feel free to check it out if you would like to. If not, I know it wasn’t what you were looking for.

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag?utf8=✓&id=options

    Connect with me https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

    Rejected Submission:

    What is advice you would give to 20 something year old in today’s world? – Quora

    I thought about the advice I would give to my son when I thought about this answer.  He just turned twenty-one this year. He is married and, in the military, about to move to Italy. What came up for me was this:

    Live your life. Life is too short to live it according to other people’s standards, including mine.

    I was not happy when I found out my son was planning on getting married at nineteen.  I was trying to get him to live a little bit more before settling down, but his heart was set on it. It seemed the more I voiced my opinion against the marriage idea the more they were determined to go through with it.  We had several conversations and the one thing I remember him telling me was that this felt right for him. I wasn’t thrilled but I respected his decision.

    I read Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth a few years back and it helped me to step back and realize our roles change in life.  If my son is grown enough to make these kinds of decisions, my role now is to simply love and support him. Just like I lived my life, it is their turn to live theirs. 

    Food for thought:

    “If it is your intention to establish and maintain loving relationships with other people, you absolutely must surrender the need to be in control.” – Iyanla Vanzant

  • Unpack Your Bags: Advice on How to Let Go and Be Yourself

    Unpack Your Bags: Advice on How to Let Go and Be Yourself

    “The past gets carried with us. It’s always there.” ― Ann Pearlman

    How do you let go and be yourself? -Quora

    I remember waking up one morning thinking, “I came into this world by myself, and I will be leaving this world by myself.”  It was the weirdest thought that just lingered in my head, and I had to go for a morning walk to gain some clarity.  This is what came to me on my walk:

    The best way I can explain is through an analogy. 

    Life gets heavy and cumbersome after a while when you are so busy picking up everyone else’s emotional and mental baggage load when we are constantly trying to “help” or “fix” them. It was time to determine who’s bags I was carrying and notice what my baggage looked like.

    As a wife, I was carrying my husband’s bags. As a mother, I was carrying my grown adult children’s bags. As a daughter, I was carrying my father’s along with other bags piled on from friends and society. As a woman, I wanted to help and give them answers, but unconsciously, I was also picking up their emotional and mental baggage by worrying or getting angry if they didn’t take my advice.  These were not my issues to solve.

    On that morning walk, I learned that if the baggage belonged to someone else, it was okay to put the bag down, step away and let them carry it themselves.

    We all have a purpose here on Earth, something that we are uniquely here to do, create, or solve.  By carrying everyone’s emotional and mental baggage, you can easily get weighed down and unable to do what you need to do in life.  Plus, it robs the other person from learning their precious life lessons. 

    Life doesn’t provide us with what we want but rather what we need. Life lessons are the golden gems we gather along our journey when we take time to reflect on what we are going through.

    By knowing what bags belong to me and what bags belong to someone else, it allows me the mental freedom to be who I am. It allows me the emotional and mental freedom to move faster and pivot easier. 

    So now when people share their issues and concerns with me, I listen more as a sounding board and I ask myself, is this my baggage to carry I want to carry? If the answer is no, I quickly put it down and walk away. I have learned my job is to love them not fix them. 

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/baggage

    To connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

  • Relationship Advice: He’s a Good Man but Should I Stay, or Should I Go?

    Relationship Advice: He’s a Good Man but Should I Stay, or Should I Go?

    You’ll build a close marriage not as you do everything together but as you give space for your differences. -Doug Armey

    I am thinking about divorce. My spouse is great, but we don’t have anything in common. I am scared to grow old with that person. Should I leave? – Quora

    I have pondered this question on several occasions. My spouse has always been supportive and loving. I could never find a strong enough reason to leave the marriage. Every time we would have an argument, I would feel like this was it, I’m leaving.  But after a few days, the heat would cool off and I would think about how petty I was holding on to matters that would not even be significant in either five or ten years from now.  

    As a two time previously divorcee, the easiest thing for me was always to look for a reason to leave. I never looked for reasons to stay. I could always find “excuses” to stay but never took the deep dive as to what was causing the arguments in the first place. He never laid a hand on me, and he never cheated on me, we just didn’t share the same ideas and hobbies, and that made me feel like we didn’t have anything in common.

    I think society puts a lot on relationships that causes couples to question what a relationship is about. Two people have chosen to become one. That doesn’t mean we have to think the same or do the same things. It’s the beauty of allowing each other to be who they are and still loving them just the same. 

    My husband I have been married for over 15 years.  It’s not always wedded bliss, but I know he loves me, and he supports me.  

    Here’s a few things to keep in mind the next time you have an argument:

    1. What are we really arguing over? Take a hard look at what is the root cause of the argument. And then ask yourself, how have I contributed to it. What could I have done differently? There are always two factors in a relationship – two beliefs and two opinions.
    2. What attracted you to your spouse? Count all the things you like about them.  Sometimes we forget about the good and get caught up in the bad.
    3. Consider asking the question: Would you marry you?  Sometimes they problem is within us. I know I can be a difficult person at times, and I have projected my insecurities and irrationality on my spouse. 
    4. Give yourself and your spouse grace. When we know better, we do better. We are all doing the best with our current mindsets.

    Feel free to connect with me at https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

  • Lessons Learned: Life’s Best Way of Teaching Us While We Are Living

    Lessons Learned: Life’s Best Way of Teaching Us While We Are Living

    “Life is a succesion of lessons which must be lived to be understood.” ― Helen Keller

    This week has presented a few challenges for me, and I thought I would share then with you along with some of the lessons I learned along the way.

    Lessons: 1. Surround yourself with people who can pull you out of the muck and 2. Eat what’s on your plate first before going back for more.

    I don’t know what is floating in the air but whatever it was, it had many of us in my social network experiencing the blues. I have been facilitating a private network group for almost whole year. Every Monday we come together to discuss ways to improve our group calls. It’s been like a small mastermind group. This week, there was a lot of tension within the group. It had me almost to the point that I was ready to put the group on hiatus. What helps me from giving up and throwing in the towel is the support from other business, goal, focused women. It’s been a lifeline on several occasions.

    There’s something about this time each year that I feel like I must kick things into overdrive. Perhaps it just because we are coming to the end of the year, and we often reflect on the things we haven’t yet accomplished. The best analogy I can think of is like going to a buffet and piling up our plates even though the buffet has plenty of food for us to come back and restock our plates. We have so much that the food is toppling over. One of my supportive friends had to remind me that the buffet isn’t going anywhere, and I can come back as often as I like. 

    What I realized at that moment was that I wasn’t enjoying what I had because I was afraid of what I was thinking I was missing out on.

    Lesson Three: Trust in the process

    Another contributing factor to my blues has been this pressure to come up with holiday videos for my YouTube channel. I made a bet with another YouTuber to complete a minimum of seven videos for Vlogmas (it’s where YouTuber post more personalized and holiday related videos). I usually conduct interviews, so talking about myself is not really up my alley but I want to participate this year. The closer the bet deadline gets, the more anxious I have become because I couldn’t even come up with any ideas to start with. That is until yesterday.

    I was on a run when it finally hit me as to how I am going to tackle my Vlogmas challenge. I could invite friends and family to interview me. By the end of yesterday, the path to Vlogmas was become more doable which also meant less anxiety.

    Here is a recap of my lessons learned from this week:

    1. Surround yourself with like-minded people. They understand what you are going through.
    2. Take a moment to reflect on how far you come and celebrate. These are the moment to savor.
    3. Don’t rush the process. Ideas will come when you least expect them so be prepared.
    4. Give yourself grace. You’re doing just fine!

    Feel free to checkout my YouTube channel and be on the look out for the Vlogmas videos. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfwyi1cCTgldpFMoPo1WZrQ

    Please also feel free to share your thoughts.

  • Love Those Rainy Days: How to Level Up Your Thinking Game

    Mental health problems don’t define who you are. They are something you experience. You walk in the rain and you feel the rain, but, importantly, YOU ARE NOT THE RAIN.” — Matt Haig

    It was so hard getting out of bed this morning. I could hear the gentle sound of rain coming down and my Sterns and Foster mattress was feeling so good. The dogs were even still sleep. As I slowly got moving, I peeked out the window and saw that the rain was tampering off. I might be able to get my morning walk in after all!

    I try to make getting some kind of run or walk a priority on most mornings especially on the days that I have podcast interviews to conduct. Getting up and getting a walk or a run in has been a great way to get my energy moving and my ideas flowing. Plus it has been a great way to clear my head so that I can be fully present during the interview conversations. But on rainy mornings it’s so hard to get motivated and it simply throws my whole day off!

    I wanted to share some tips I have found to help me on rainy days and well as cold mornings which can also throw a monkey wrench in staying on my daily routine.

    First: Consider how will you feel once you are done.

    Sometimes just thinking about how good it will feel to have accomplished what I set out to do is enough to just get me out the door. You can also turn it around and think about how you will feel if you don’t. There is something about knowing you conquered the odds to get what you want that makes you feel more confident and empowered. It’s the one deciding factor that can be the gateway to many more small victories throughout your day, your month and your year.

    Second: Stop worrying about what others think.

    I will admit, on rainy days especially, I sometimes feel like an idiot running or walking in the rain. On this particular morning, worried if I looked crazy to others. I know it sounds weird, and it looks even weirder writing it, but to face it, I know I have to at least acknowledge it. I’m dedicated to my mental health as much as I am to my physical health, that’s why I love my walks. So when I see other folks out walking on rainy days, I don’t feel so bad. Matter of fact, a gentleman said to me today, “I thought I was the only one out here nuts.”

    It’s in those moments that It was just as easy for me to stay in the house as it was for me to make that 2.5 second decision to put on the shoes and lace them up. As for worrying about what others think, I keep this thought in the back of my mind, “people go to work in the rain and no one thinks that’s crazy. I am going to work too. My job is to work on me.”

    Lastly: Do what other won’t

    It’s in these moments when it’s raining or snowing or just simply cloudy, that it was just as easy for me to stay in the house as it was for me to make the 2.5 second decision to put on the shoes, lace them up and get moving. On rainy, cloudy and snowy days, of course there are not many folks out walking or running. It’s also in those moments that you can look upon as character building moments. It always comes down to our perspective and how we choose to look at any situation. When you choose to walk or run on days that are more challenging then others, you just leveled up your thinking game.

    So here are my recap/takeaways for today:

    1. Consider how will you feel either completing your walk/run.
    2. The opinions of others is just that, opinions.
    3. Level up your thinking game by doing what others won’t.
    4. Be your amazing and wonderful self

    I cordially invite you to connect with me https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

    Quote Source: https://mentalhealthmatch.com/articles/anxiety/inspiring-mental-health-quotes

  • Noticing the Invisible Influences: Who Do We Let Run Through Our Minds?

    It’s a little bit like Goldilocks. We don’t want to be the same as everybody else, but too different is also bad. We’re trying to walk the line between being similar and different. -Jonah Berger

    Who are you giving permission to run through your mind?

    We all of a circle of influence whether we know it or not. Some of us have smaller circles than other but they still operate in the same manner. They are the ones who influence our thoughts and behaviors. We are even influencers of others too.

    I recently asked a networking group that I facilitate this very questions. I have to admit that I never really gave this question much thought until recently. In many of the self-discovery books, they often state that we become like the people we associate with on a daily basis. The more I ponder this thought, I do think it has some truth to it.

    Many of the women in my networking group have written a book and are looking to create an online course. I also have had a desire to write a book but it’s been way down on the list. I also would like to create an online course, but again it’s been way down on the life goal list as well, until recently. I am starting to see pathway to achieving both the goal of writing a book and creating an online course.

    I remember a few years ago, when I used to take my former neighbor to her doctor’s appointments and grocery shopping that she was a vegetarian. At that time, I started noticing that I became more aware about my meat consumption and at times considered cutting meat out of my diet.

    What I like most about this question is that it makes you stop and take notice of who we grant access to influence our lives. These are the people who help us create the kind of life we want and accomplish the goals we want to achieve. They can either be helping you to achieve your dreams or hindering you. I definitely think it’s worth your time to take a closer look.

    Here are some of my takeaways:

    1. Pay attention to who you surround yourself with.
    2. Notice how they affect your life. Do they help or hinder you from creating the kind of life you want? Do you like who you are becoming? Who do you need to be around more? or less?
    3. Remember: You are awesome. Give yourself some Grace!

    Here is an Amazon affiliate link for “Invisible Influence: The Hidden Forces that Shape Behavior” by Jonah Berger who I quoted in the beginning: https://amzn.to/3aB5YlR

    I am also including an article I came across while I was writing this post that may explain more about how we make our decisions that also mentioned the book which is also my Quote Source: https://behavioralscientist.org/invisible-influence-how-other-people-think-for-you-and-why-thats-ok/

    Join me on Meetup at https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup

    Other ways to connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

  • To Achieve Your Dreams: Put your Blinders On and Create Life Your Way

    “Who in the world am I? Ah, that’s the great puzzle.” ― Lewis Carroll

    Best way to start your own blog is not to read others peoples! You will inevitably compare your writing with everyone else’s and that will or can kill your momentum.

    This is what I call putting your blinders on. It works in what ever your choose to accomplish in your life. When I started blogging a few years ago and I had lots of great momentum until I started reading and seeing what others were doing in theirs posts. I started thinking about how great their writing was and how many likes they had and followers and everything else. Slowly my desire to write died.

    The only takeaway: do it the best way you know how. We are never experts starting out and that’s the beauty of the newness. We don’t have the expert thinking or even the followers who notice the very mistakes we will make. We are on a journey of self-discovery and that road is fun and scary at the same time. Nothing kills momentum more than the comparison bug!

    It is this very thinking that helped me start and maintain my YouTube channel. This kind of thinking is what will help me to write these blog posts and do many other things. So make the mistakes, start with “sucky” posts and just keep growing and exploring. Put your blinders are and create life your way!

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/self-discovery

    Ways to connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

  • Ways to Manage Insecurities and Find Connection with Others

    “One of the greatest journeys in life is overcoming insecurity and learning to truly not give a shit.” ― J. A. Konrath

    “When do people feel insecure and why” was the topic of todays discussion in my networking group this morning. When it came time for me to answer the question, the obvious answer for me was, “I don’t know when others feel insecure, but I know when I do.” I feel most insecure when I share a piece of me with others. Not knowing if they are going to understand or even get what or why I’m sharing in the first place. A few other women in the group expressed the same kind of insecurity.

    There are not many people who hop on the calls but the ones who do provide lots of insight and wisdom form their experiences in life that help others know we are not alone. That’s one of the reasons why I love group discussions. Expanding your world to learn how others cope with the same feelings of insecurity can be so powerful. I thinks that’s why I love reading too.

    Reading books has also been a way for. me to expand my mind and my perceptions. Like I mentioned before, it’s nice to know I’m not alone in this big beautiful world of ours. I learned through reading that we might not share the same experiences but we can feel the same emotions. For instance, jealousy in me is going to feel like jealousy to you but the difference is what experience triggers that emotion. Once I learned that, it helps me to recognize that same feeling or emotion in someone else. Once you are aware of what’s happening, you are more incline to know how to react a little bit differently.

    With reading and networking with others, I’ve been able to pick up other coping mechanisms that perhaps I never ever thought of. One woman, in the networking group, shared that she likes to do a “brain dump”. She explained to us that she “lets her 2 year old self take the reins.” She said after she gets it all out, she doesn’t re-read what she wrote, she just deletes it! When I hear such stories from other women, I consider then tools for your toolbox.

    So here is my takeaway from today’s conversation: We are more alike than we may like to think. Surround yourself with people who can uplift and inspire you and don’t be afraid to talk about or share how you feel. Someone might be waiting for your tool to add to their toolbox.

    How would you answer this question? When do people feel insecure and why? I would love to hear your answer.

    One of the women shared she just read “Brave Not Perfect” by Reshma Saujani. I have not read the book but it has been added to my To Be Read (TBR) list. I added an Amazon affiliate link for those how are interested in reading. I would love to hear what you think of the book as well.

    To purchase the book: https://amzn.to/3tMSkVk

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/insecurity

    Networking Group: https://www.meetup.com/Confident-Strides-Womens-Empowerment-Network/

  • What Are the Bennie’s?

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    Today on my morning run I was able to log in 6.62 miles. It’s a personal best for me so far.  I started running about three months ago.  I started running from my house to the local park which I estimate to be about one mile from my home.  I focused on either running to the park and then walking the rest of my normal trail. I have been an avid walker for over five years.  I believed as many other walkers that walking is better than running. I could list a number of reasons to support my thinking.

    I used to run cross country in high school. I grew up in the northeast corner of Connecticut where our high school mascot was a mountaineer.  I loved running the mountain trails but I was not a fan of running it self. I still don’t think I love running, I just love the benefits or the “bennies” that it provides.

    Thinking about it, the benefits of the things we do is what drives us to do them. It’s truly not the activity it self.  So when it comes to making changes in your lives, the one true question you first have to answer is, what is the benefit, or the bennie’s, I am getting out of this?  Without taking the time to reflect on each habit or change you want to make, it’s pointless without figuring out what it is that your are looking to gain or to eliminate.

    Think about this as we bring 2019 to a close. Now is the time to reflect on what is working and what is not.  Design your life the way you want to, not by the opinions of others! What benefits are you looking to gain in the coming year?

    Photo Source: Click Here

  • Show Up First

    running-in-the-morning

    Show up authentically and synergy will meet you there. ― Sanjo Jendayi

    I started running about three months ago. I had been an avid walker for more that five years or more.  I really have no clue as to where this is taking me. I simply love being out in nature and it’s a great way for me to find clarity and creativity.

    What inspired me to start running?  Well the same park I walk at is the same location that one of the local high school’s cross country team practices at.  I remember on one Sunday morning, I saw a young man out running in the cross country course by himself. Wow!! This young man didn’t wait until the coach told him to practice or the rest of the team to be there, he just went out and did it.

    We don’t need to get other people’s approval to do and be who we are. It’s nice to have a cheering section but sometimes the fans won’t show up until we do.  What have you been wanting to do? Don’t wait, be like that young runner and go for it!

    Photo Source: click here / Quote Source: click here