Sweet N Social

Category: Motivational Moments

  • Are External Factors Affecting Your Success? My Guess Is Yes

    Are External Factors Affecting Your Success? My Guess Is Yes

    “The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t achieve it.” ― Jordan Belfort

    Have you ever stopped doing something you enjoyed because you didn’t get likes, subscribers or followers you wanted? I want to talk about how we can manage the external sources of influence that keep us from creating the life we want.

    One day while I was running, I was thinking to myself that I would stop making Instagram Reels. The problem with that thinking is, I love making Instagram Reel videos. I love taking 10-second clips of video and turning it into a snippet of entertainment. I think that is why I have enjoyed learning how to make YouTube videos too.

    Back to the problem, I was getting frustrated because I was losing followers on my IG page and I automatically assume it was because of the videos. I also started criticizing myself for posting videos of the nature I would see on my walks which helps me to stay creative.

    I was ready to stop doing the one of the things that brings me joy because of external sources. In many cases we don’t know or will never know why people unfollow, unsubscribe, or unlike us, but our minds will search for reasons and that what was happening to me.

    Here’s what we have to keep in mind, their action have nothing to do with us. We are internalizing or trying to rationalize what someone else is thinking when we try to “guess” or “figure out” what made them take action without ever asking them directly. When we do this, nothing positive usually comes from this kind of thinking. We are our worst critiques!

    When we decide to stop doing the things we enjoy doing because of likes, subscribers, or followers we are measuring our success by the standards of others. These are what we call external sources of influences. Learning how to navigate these external sources of influences is key especially when it comes to honoring what it is that we enjoy doing and makes us happy.

    Here are a few suggestions that have helped me:

    Define what success looks like to you.

    Asking yourself what feeling are you after is a great place to start. Are you after happiness? Inner peace? Fulfillment? Then ask yourself, what kinds of activities bring me those kinds of feelings?

    When I started walking years ago, I was looking for inner peace during a chaotic period of my life. Nine years later, I still walk because I found the inner peace I was looking for in my life. I also lost weight and my marriage is much healthier and stronger too.

    Keep in mind why you started in the first place.

    Sometimes when we stop to reconnect with our why, we remember what was the motivating force behind starting in the first place.

    For instance, when I started my YouTube channel, I started it as a way to provide uplifting content to deal with the COVID shutdown. I asked some of the life coaches in my network if they would like to share some insight on how to deal with the COVID shutdown. My goal was not to become a YouTube Influencer.

    By always remembering why I started my channel it helps me to keep in perspective what I am doing it for so when I don’t get the likes, subscribers or comments I don’t have the desire to quit. I have stronger reason to keep going and that is like sprinkles on the cupcake. It also helps me to stay consistent in uploading my content. Whoever is looking for it, when they need it, can find it!

    Remember that You Matter.

    I think this one is the most important factor in all of this. You matter and your voice matters. Our experiences in life are not exclusively for you. It is for you to share the lessons you learned because of it.

    When we take time to learn the lessons along our journey, they can become the missing pieces to someone else’s puzzle. When we allow the external sources of influence to stop us, we are saying subconsciously, that we do not matter and what we experience in life is irrelevant. That is one of the biggest lies we can say to ourselves. You matter, your opinions matter and someone is waiting for your message in the big beautiful world of ours.

    Thank you for taking time out to read this post. I invite you to check out my Instagram Reels and leave a comment. Feedback is always welcome.

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/excuses

    Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/confidentstrides/

  • Unpack Your Bags: Advice on How to Let Go and Be Yourself

    Unpack Your Bags: Advice on How to Let Go and Be Yourself

    “The past gets carried with us. It’s always there.” ― Ann Pearlman

    How do you let go and be yourself? -Quora

    I remember waking up one morning thinking, “I came into this world by myself, and I will be leaving this world by myself.”  It was the weirdest thought that just lingered in my head, and I had to go for a morning walk to gain some clarity.  This is what came to me on my walk:

    The best way I can explain is through an analogy. 

    Life gets heavy and cumbersome after a while when you are so busy picking up everyone else’s emotional and mental baggage load when we are constantly trying to “help” or “fix” them. It was time to determine who’s bags I was carrying and notice what my baggage looked like.

    As a wife, I was carrying my husband’s bags. As a mother, I was carrying my grown adult children’s bags. As a daughter, I was carrying my father’s along with other bags piled on from friends and society. As a woman, I wanted to help and give them answers, but unconsciously, I was also picking up their emotional and mental baggage by worrying or getting angry if they didn’t take my advice.  These were not my issues to solve.

    On that morning walk, I learned that if the baggage belonged to someone else, it was okay to put the bag down, step away and let them carry it themselves.

    We all have a purpose here on Earth, something that we are uniquely here to do, create, or solve.  By carrying everyone’s emotional and mental baggage, you can easily get weighed down and unable to do what you need to do in life.  Plus, it robs the other person from learning their precious life lessons. 

    Life doesn’t provide us with what we want but rather what we need. Life lessons are the golden gems we gather along our journey when we take time to reflect on what we are going through.

    By knowing what bags belong to me and what bags belong to someone else, it allows me the mental freedom to be who I am. It allows me the emotional and mental freedom to move faster and pivot easier. 

    So now when people share their issues and concerns with me, I listen more as a sounding board and I ask myself, is this my baggage to carry I want to carry? If the answer is no, I quickly put it down and walk away. I have learned my job is to love them not fix them. 

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/baggage

    To connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

  • Love Those Rainy Days: How to Level Up Your Thinking Game

    Mental health problems don’t define who you are. They are something you experience. You walk in the rain and you feel the rain, but, importantly, YOU ARE NOT THE RAIN.” — Matt Haig

    It was so hard getting out of bed this morning. I could hear the gentle sound of rain coming down and my Sterns and Foster mattress was feeling so good. The dogs were even still sleep. As I slowly got moving, I peeked out the window and saw that the rain was tampering off. I might be able to get my morning walk in after all!

    I try to make getting some kind of run or walk a priority on most mornings especially on the days that I have podcast interviews to conduct. Getting up and getting a walk or a run in has been a great way to get my energy moving and my ideas flowing. Plus it has been a great way to clear my head so that I can be fully present during the interview conversations. But on rainy mornings it’s so hard to get motivated and it simply throws my whole day off!

    I wanted to share some tips I have found to help me on rainy days and well as cold mornings which can also throw a monkey wrench in staying on my daily routine.

    First: Consider how will you feel once you are done.

    Sometimes just thinking about how good it will feel to have accomplished what I set out to do is enough to just get me out the door. You can also turn it around and think about how you will feel if you don’t. There is something about knowing you conquered the odds to get what you want that makes you feel more confident and empowered. It’s the one deciding factor that can be the gateway to many more small victories throughout your day, your month and your year.

    Second: Stop worrying about what others think.

    I will admit, on rainy days especially, I sometimes feel like an idiot running or walking in the rain. On this particular morning, worried if I looked crazy to others. I know it sounds weird, and it looks even weirder writing it, but to face it, I know I have to at least acknowledge it. I’m dedicated to my mental health as much as I am to my physical health, that’s why I love my walks. So when I see other folks out walking on rainy days, I don’t feel so bad. Matter of fact, a gentleman said to me today, “I thought I was the only one out here nuts.”

    It’s in those moments that It was just as easy for me to stay in the house as it was for me to make that 2.5 second decision to put on the shoes and lace them up. As for worrying about what others think, I keep this thought in the back of my mind, “people go to work in the rain and no one thinks that’s crazy. I am going to work too. My job is to work on me.”

    Lastly: Do what other won’t

    It’s in these moments when it’s raining or snowing or just simply cloudy, that it was just as easy for me to stay in the house as it was for me to make the 2.5 second decision to put on the shoes, lace them up and get moving. On rainy, cloudy and snowy days, of course there are not many folks out walking or running. It’s also in those moments that you can look upon as character building moments. It always comes down to our perspective and how we choose to look at any situation. When you choose to walk or run on days that are more challenging then others, you just leveled up your thinking game.

    So here are my recap/takeaways for today:

    1. Consider how will you feel either completing your walk/run.
    2. The opinions of others is just that, opinions.
    3. Level up your thinking game by doing what others won’t.
    4. Be your amazing and wonderful self

    I cordially invite you to connect with me https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

    Quote Source: https://mentalhealthmatch.com/articles/anxiety/inspiring-mental-health-quotes

  • Life is About Learning: Do You Have Permission to Fail?


    “There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.” ― Paulo Coelho

    Are we giving ourselves permission to fail?

    I don’t think we do. If we gave ourselves permission to fail, just imaging how much more compassionate we could be with others. We could see that we are all just trying to do the best with our current mindsets.

    I recently took some time to reflect back on some of my life experiences and realized, I have failed a lot along the way but it didn’t mean I was a failure. Being a two time divorced woman, I now realize my previous marriages helped me to become the woman I am today. There were things within me that I needed to face and address if I wanted my third marriage to work. I like the quote, “what we resist will persist.” When my current marriage hit a rocky patch a few years ago, my first instinct was to put all the blame on my husband. I considered myself the victim and could find plenty of evidence to back up my claim of how bad my husband treated me. At this time in my life, I had started reading more books on self-discovery. I would take long walks through the park and just think and my mind got curious about my role in this contractual agreement we called a marriage.

    The first thing I had to do, was to forgive myself. I learned to give myself a little more grace and become a little bit more loving with myself. My defense mechanism had always been to find all the wrong in my husband without considering putting the spotlight on me. There were some hard truths I had to face about myself.

    I would not saying that my previous marriages would have worked out had I taken the deeper dive into myself before then, but I am thankful for the lessons that they taught me. I don’t hold any ill will towards my exes because I know, like me, they were doing the best they knew.

    So, back to main point: learning to give ourselves permission to fail, here are my takeaways:

    1. Commit to becoming a lifetime learner. Learn who you are and what to like and dislike.
    2. Be willing to explore new things. Life is what you make of it.
    3. If you fail at something, don’t quit, keep trying. Become like a scientist, take inventory of what worked and figure out what didn’t then go back to the drawing board.
    4. You are awesome. Give yourself some Grace!

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/failure

    I am including an Amazon Affiliate link to one of the books that helped my through my rough patch. It’s titled, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by John Gottman: https://amzn.to/3vfYDSe

  • To Achieve Dreams Faster: Fall In Love with Being Uncomfortable

    We have to be honest about what we want and take risks rather than lie to ourselves and make excuses to stay in our comfort zone. -Ray Bennett

    I have been reading the book “How To Change” by Katy Milkman. In the book, she addresses present bias otherwise known as laziness. She says that if you can recognize when the path of least resistance is at work we can learn to harness it for good.

    I pondered that thought for a little while and took a closer look at some of the things I do that are not helping me hit my business goals each month. The first thing that came to mind is that I am not actively seeking ways to bring in money. Like many business owners, I use many tools that help to run my business and for the most part they are not very expensive especially since I work from home. It’s easy for me to just make a small business loan to my business each month to cover these expenses. It wasn’t until I sat down and talked with a financial person who asked me: “what else would I like to do in life?” She had me write out both my personal and professional goals so that we could make a budget plan to achieve these goals. Once I could see the budget in front of me, she brought to my attention that if I wasn’t making the business loan to myself each month, I could hit my plans a little bit faster.

    By using the default setting of making a small business loan to myself each month, it kept me in a comfortable spot in my business. Since my expenses were being covered by the loan, I didn’t have a desire to look for other income sources. That’s when I realized, I was letting present bias or laziness work against me.

    When it came down to setting up my budget for the following month, I “short changed” my business loan. I was forced to set a financial goal that would get my brain working to find or scan income generating sources. My brain had to go to work to find a way to make up the difference. I am proud to admit that I hit my financial goal for that month. It was definitely a bit uncomfortable, but my didn’t fail me, it simply went to work.

    So my question for you is this… what are you doing right now that is keeping you in the comfort zone? Are you letting present bias or laziness help or hurt you? What small change can you make that will get your brain to wake up and go to work?

    Follow up with me and let me know.

    Quote Source: https://www.wisesayings.com/uncomfortable-quotes/

    Amazon Affiliate link to purchase “How To Change” – Katy Milkman: https://amzn.to/3tsxBG8

  • To Win in Life, How Many Tickets Do You Need?

    “Luck is not as random as you think. Before that lottery ticket won the jackpot, someone had to buy it.” ― Vera Nazarian

    I won a car a few years ago!

    The network marketing company I was with at the time was running an incentive contest. The promotional incentive encouraged associates to put in work and enroll people into the company. With each enrollment, we received two tickets that would be entered into the drawing. The contest period ran for several month and it was open to all associates. During the contest period, I enrolled only two people. That provided me with four tickets total to be entered in the drawing. I worked hard for those two enrollments.

    At the company convention, that’s when the drawing took place. Periodically during the convention, they would bring out the raffle ticket spinning drum on stage and draw a ticket for other prizes. I remember thinking to myself “I hope they don’t pull my ticket, I only have four.” On the last day of the convention, that’s when they did the Jeep drawing, and I won.

    Ever since then, whenever I think my odds of achieving my goals seen daunting, I recall my chances of winning the Jeep. It could be that one idea, the one interview, or the one book that provides you with the keys to unlocking your dream box. We don’t know which key will unlock the box just like I didn’t know what ticket could win the Jeep.

    I’ve celebrated the one ticket for winning, but I have often forgotten that I could never win without talking to the two people who enrolled. I would not of had the four tickets to put into the raffle drum for the drawing, and I would not of had the one ticket that won. It traces back to what we do each day that provides the opportunity to win.

    My takeaway: it’s what we do each day that can increase our chances of winning.

    Quote Source: https://www.azquotes.com/quote/474120

  • To Achieve Your Dreams: Put your Blinders On and Create Life Your Way

    “Who in the world am I? Ah, that’s the great puzzle.” ― Lewis Carroll

    Best way to start your own blog is not to read others peoples! You will inevitably compare your writing with everyone else’s and that will or can kill your momentum.

    This is what I call putting your blinders on. It works in what ever your choose to accomplish in your life. When I started blogging a few years ago and I had lots of great momentum until I started reading and seeing what others were doing in theirs posts. I started thinking about how great their writing was and how many likes they had and followers and everything else. Slowly my desire to write died.

    The only takeaway: do it the best way you know how. We are never experts starting out and that’s the beauty of the newness. We don’t have the expert thinking or even the followers who notice the very mistakes we will make. We are on a journey of self-discovery and that road is fun and scary at the same time. Nothing kills momentum more than the comparison bug!

    It is this very thinking that helped me start and maintain my YouTube channel. This kind of thinking is what will help me to write these blog posts and do many other things. So make the mistakes, start with “sucky” posts and just keep growing and exploring. Put your blinders are and create life your way!

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/self-discovery

    Ways to connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

  • Making a Comeback

    “Sometimes the hardest part isn’t letting go but rather learning to start over.” ― Nicole Sobon

    I have been having the urge to write again. I guess it’s something that never really leaves you, perhaps life just causes you to stop and re-evaluate what’s important to you.

    A lot has changed since I first started writing this blog many years ago. I started a YouTube and Anchor podcast last year just before the COVID shutdown. I wanted to see what I could offer to the world during the shutdown. I was on a walk with my dogs when the thought of how we were going to manage this “new normal.” I just keep looking at Chloe who I didn’t really want and I just pondered how this dog ended up in my life. My elderly neighbor was placed in a nursing home and she had asked my to keep Chloe. Chloe would growl and my husband when he would give me a kiss before heading off to bed. Chloe sheds a lot too! But here I was, walking this dog and actually enjoying myself. That’s when I realized that no matter what happens in life, we are always going to face change. Change is inevitable! What makes the difference is how we react to the change that is right in front of us each day.

    Now back to my podcast idea, I raced home and decided to make an offer to the coaches in my network. What advice were they offering to their clients during this time of change? The whole premise of the podcast was to present positive insight by offering the coaches an opportunity to be interviewed by me. My first interview appeared on YouTube in March of 2020. A whole year later, I am still interviewing and sharing positive insight that’s being uploaded weekly.

    My purpose moving forward with this blog is a way to provide positive insight that I gathered through the interviews as well as the insight I get while running. I invite you to join me on this comeback journey.

    Quote Source https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/start-over

  • Care to Dance?

    Care to Dance?

    Ballroom dance latin dancersI started taking salsa classes a few weeks ago.  It’s the type of salsa that requires working with a partner.  I am not usually the lead partner which has been a struggle for me.  They teach us the basic steps and then when we are partnered up, I am to “mirror” my partner. Last week we had a practice session. I learned one of the most valuable lessons, not only to dancing, but in life.

    As one of the gentleman asked me to dance, I informed him that is was my first lesson. He smiled and we started to dance.  I focused on counting my steps and made lots of missteps and mistakes.  My partner smiled and told me to close my eyes. He said feel the rhythm and trust me.  I closed my eyes and I tried not to anticipate the steps I just listened to the beat and let my partner lead. It was so much fun! That’s when I understood:

    “Life is the dancer and you are the dance.” -Eckhart Tolle

    Maybe it is us who causes our own stumbles and missteps. Perhaps we need to learn to let go of our need for control, close our eyes and listen to the rhythm. Life is always asking you, “Care to Dance?”

    Quote Source:  Eckhart Tolle Quote

  • Playing Catch

    Playing Catch

    Today is the day I walk with a walking club.  I don’t compete but I do use other walkers as incentive to push myself.  In most cases, you look for a walker who is ahead of you and you make them your focal point.  Once I can find a target walker, I put my head down and focus on my walking technique and breathing.  With such focus, you can usually “walk them down” in other words, you can catch them.  I’ve been catch and I have caught others.

    I did not try and walk anyone down today. I started late so I just focused on my walking stride and breath. I did start to pass people.  After the walk was over, a gentleman can over and told me he looks for me on the trail.  I’ve seen this man on several occasions but we’ve never spoken to each other before.  He told me he had to let me know, he looks to try and stay ahead a head of me but he knows that I will pass him eventually.

    What I’ve found most beneficial is to not worry about who is behind you. Stay focused on whose ahead.  Its not about getting catch, its about making them reach.