Sweet N Social

Tag: control

  • Defend Less, Learn More

    Defend Less, Learn More

    305530fYour greatest gift is your adaptability. When you can learn to let go of your need to control, life opens up and flows. I am still a work in progress, but I am not so hell bent on having things go “my way”. Life has become more enjoyable and my relationships have significantly improved. I no longer feel as if I have to defend my opinions but rather expand my sense of understanding. Each and every one of us were created with a purpose that this world so desperately needs. As Zig Ziglar so eloquently stated: Man was designed for accomplishment, engineered for success, and endowed with the seeds of greatness. Know that you are not diminished by anyone else’s opinion.

    Photo credit: click here.

  • Why Argue?

    Why Argue?

    arguing-672x372I used to argue, fuss and fight to voice my opinion. Those days are long gone. People are quick to offer up opinions based on what “they” believe. For example, if someone says that something you want to do is “impossible” it is based on the opinion that it is impossible for “them”. Realizing this, instead of arguing, I allow folks to “keep” their opinion and I go about with my own. I just say “watch me!”

    Photo credit: click here.

  • I Want to be Drama Free

    I Want to be Drama Free

    This post was inspired by a conversation I had with my daughter:

    She was upset when I picked up from work and was ready to quit her job because of the “drama” of her co-workers. The advice I gave her was that yes at times you do have to move on but no matter if you change schools, change jobs or even change spouses, the drama free life you are looking for won’t happen until you do some changing within yourself. You have to learn to let go!

    I am still amazed how we can allow one person to affect us in our daily lives and in how we see ourselves and view success. I want you to see that you have the power of choice on your side and show you that it’s not the situation that’s important, but how we choose to react that will make a world of difference.

    I let go of other people’s “drama” by learning three things:

    1. We all have the power of choice
    2. Happiness begins by eliminating as much negativity as possible
    3. Practicing daily mindfulness cultivates self-awareness

    Truly, no one has power over you unless you give it to them.

    #1 Harness the Power of Control:

    For years I was concerned about what people thought of me, if they liked me, was a doing a good job, but then I realized that I have the power of choice on my side. It wasn’t until I went to Oprah’s Live the Life You want to Live Weekend Tour in August of 2014.  I went to this event by myself and realized that some trips are best taken alone! It caused my perspective of life to shift. It was a 3 day event in Detroit. We were given the cool battery operated LED wristbands that light up during the event.  I wore mine for several months despite the fact that battery died shortly after the event. On the wristband, it says “Oprah’s the Life You Want Weekend” It became a daily reminder to me that we all have a choice in every second, of every minute of every day in how we choose to live our lives. As the sun rises each day so are the chances to make new choices.

    The more happiness I experienced, the less I wanted to it relinquish it because of someone else’s “drama”.

    #2 Eliminating as Much Negativity as Possible:

    I love how The Late Dr. Maya Angelou has so eloquently expressed… “I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.”  I first had to stop calling what we so often refer to as failures and setbacks in our lives as mistakes and realized they were learning opportunities. They became my lessons learned.

    In life’s lessons there are so often things that we need to learn from them to prepare us for the next challenge. In learning that I can’t control other people’s thought, actions or emotions, life started to become more fun and interesting. I was able to laugh at myself more freely and with less judgement.  The more I become aware of my behaviors the more I seem to pick up on the behaviors of others. As my self-awareness expanded the more empathetic I became.  Being more empathetic opened the door to identifying with the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of others, which simply meant I could relate more to others

    #3 Practice Daily Mindfulness:

    I am not free of judgmental thoughts but I am more aware of when these thoughts and attitudes arise. With expanded awareness you’re able to make more conscious decisions that can lead to better choices.  By making better choices I have had more desirable outcomes and more meaningful relationships.

    I don’t react to people, to the news and to life’s everyday situations that would “back in the day” set me off.  With the power of choice comes the freedom to live life on your terms. I find myself no longer bound by the thoughts or opinions of others. I am not where I would like to be, but I am not the person I was. And if success can be measured by liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it. Then I am truly successful!

    In Jack Canfield’s Success Principle’s he expresses this in a simple and easy to remember equation: E + R =O. (Event +Reaction=Outcome). In this equation the only thing you have control over is the R (your reaction to the event).

    As I stated in the beginning we so often give power to people by allowing them to affect our moods, our days and our lives. By harnessing the power of choice, choosing to eliminate as much negativity as possible from your life and practicing mindfulness to expand your self-awareness you are able to put your life back into focus.

    It’s like rebooting yourself back to your original default setting. When you harness that power, you will honestly proclaim:

    I am the master of my fate
    I am the captain of my soul.

    –Invictus – Poem by William Ernest Henley

    Poem Credit: http://poemhunter.com/poem/invictus/

  • Game Change… I have the Power of Control.

    Game Change… I have the Power of Control.

    All that we are is a result of what we have thought. – Buddha

    Did you know that you are an energy source that attracts either positive or negative energy?25758381_s  Did you also know you can control how you say something, the way you say something and even when you say something?  What you cannot control is how someone will react, what someone thinks or what the other person is feeling. That thought alone has been the biggest game changer in my life.

    For years, I heard Oprah say that when someone gets angry or mad at you, it really has nothing to do with you. She was absolutely right. My A-ha moment was when I realized that all you truly do is trigger an issue within them. How I learned was by working on my own issues. When I used to get mad, and after I realized I got mad, I asked myself, why is this bothering you? Many times, when someone said something, it was an issue that was weighing somewhere in the back of my mind and they just happened to “pick at it”.

    For a long time, I used to get mad at my 22 year old daughter for buying new clothes. She works in a clothing store and on many occasions when I picked her up from work (key phrase…pick her up from work) she would either have a new bag, dress, shoes or something. I was getting tired of her lack of interest in getting her own license.  When I would “blow up”, I was actually frustrated with myself and feeling like I didn’t prepare her properly to move out and get her life together especially on the task of getting her own license. I felt like I let her down but instead of addressing my concern, I just got mad. I learn that it was her choice not to get her license, just like it was my choice to pick her up, or not from work.

    Let me share with you a more recent issue where, I had to be more mindful in the choices I make. On my last trip from LA,DSCF6285-001 I had a layover in Dallas. The plane was late taking off in LA which of course would affect my time in Dallas.  When we arrived in Dallas, I had about 30 minutes to make my connecting flight. Low and behold, the plane was not able to pull into the gate because there was still another plane parked at it.  By the time we were parked and the gateway was in place, I had about 15 minutes to get off. By now, reality was setting in and there was a very high probability I wasn’t going to make my connecting flight.  Got off the plane had to go to another terminal and so, I knew I wasn’t going to make it in time. I missed my flight to LA just days before.  Got to the gate, boarding had ended.  I knew I wasn’t going to make it and I still got mad.  Here is where mindfulness played a big role in how I quickly was able to get a handle on my emotions.  I realized, I didn’t want to attract any negative attitude from the ticket agent. It wasn’t her fault I missed the plane but I needed her help to resolve my issue.  I was able to quickly get a hold of my anger. I realized by missing the flight, I had a chance to relax and grab something to eat before my next flight. I also took advantage of the yoga area. All things worked out. I had a pleasant flight into Cincinnati.

    Most of the time, we can control our actions and reactions if we are willing to step back from the situation, breathe42155386_s and process what’s important.  Most of the time the situation is not really as bad as our minds makes it out to be.  Since, I have been able to put my game changing insight to work, my relationship with my daughter has also improved (despite the fact, she still doesn’t have her license). I know all things will work out in the end.

    Quote Source: http://www.thelawofattraction.com/quotes/