Sweet N Social

Tag: forgiveness

  • Life is About Learning: Do You Have Permission to Fail?


    “There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.” ― Paulo Coelho

    Are we giving ourselves permission to fail?

    I don’t think we do. If we gave ourselves permission to fail, just imaging how much more compassionate we could be with others. We could see that we are all just trying to do the best with our current mindsets.

    I recently took some time to reflect back on some of my life experiences and realized, I have failed a lot along the way but it didn’t mean I was a failure. Being a two time divorced woman, I now realize my previous marriages helped me to become the woman I am today. There were things within me that I needed to face and address if I wanted my third marriage to work. I like the quote, “what we resist will persist.” When my current marriage hit a rocky patch a few years ago, my first instinct was to put all the blame on my husband. I considered myself the victim and could find plenty of evidence to back up my claim of how bad my husband treated me. At this time in my life, I had started reading more books on self-discovery. I would take long walks through the park and just think and my mind got curious about my role in this contractual agreement we called a marriage.

    The first thing I had to do, was to forgive myself. I learned to give myself a little more grace and become a little bit more loving with myself. My defense mechanism had always been to find all the wrong in my husband without considering putting the spotlight on me. There were some hard truths I had to face about myself.

    I would not saying that my previous marriages would have worked out had I taken the deeper dive into myself before then, but I am thankful for the lessons that they taught me. I don’t hold any ill will towards my exes because I know, like me, they were doing the best they knew.

    So, back to main point: learning to give ourselves permission to fail, here are my takeaways:

    1. Commit to becoming a lifetime learner. Learn who you are and what to like and dislike.
    2. Be willing to explore new things. Life is what you make of it.
    3. If you fail at something, don’t quit, keep trying. Become like a scientist, take inventory of what worked and figure out what didn’t then go back to the drawing board.
    4. You are awesome. Give yourself some Grace!

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/failure

    I am including an Amazon Affiliate link to one of the books that helped my through my rough patch. It’s titled, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by John Gottman: https://amzn.to/3vfYDSe

  • The Healing Power of Forgiveness

    The Healing Power of Forgiveness

    You cannot change what you refuse to confront – Unknown

    Let me tell you at least one thing I gained when I decided to forgive myself.  My second husband and I have been divorced for over 10 years.  When we divorced, it was not on the best of terms.  There was infidelity and abuse in our marriage that both of us could claim.  We had one child born out of this marriage.  My ex-husband paid his child support and maintained a relationship with our child.  We had always been cordial to each other but since I remarried shortly after our divorce I think that may have contributed to the distance in his and my son’s relationship.  Our child is now 15 years old and for the past year or so, I have wanted my son’s father to be more involved then he has been.  This is where the healing power of forgiveness really made a change.

    In 2013, I was involved in a car accident.  The car was totaled and I walked away with just a few bruises on my arm from where the airbag deployed.  It was a single car accident.  I was checked out by paramedics and then placed in the back of a police car while they did they initial investigation and the tow truck arrived.  While in the police car, a calming presence came over me and I felt that everything was going to be fine.  I was at peace for just a moment. It is a feeling that I have never forgotten.  My spiritual transformation had just begun.

    In 2014, I started meditating.  There were little thoughts that would pop into my head like “it’s not your burden to carry” or the “road won’t be easy but I’ll protect you”.  I also started reading both spiritual and self-improvement books.  Here are some books that really made an impact:

    The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle; Discover the Power Within You, Eric Butterworth; Instinct, TD Jakes; A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle; The Gifts of Imperfection, Dr. Brene Brown; A Return to Love, Marianne Williamson; Spiritual Solutions, Deepak Chopra; The Four Agreements, Don Ruiz; The Universe is Calling, Eric Butterworth and When Things Fall Apart, Pema Chodron

    In addition to reading, I walked at the park on a daily basis and discovered a passion for photography. During that time I paid close attention to how I spoke to myself.  I looked at what I was giving my attention to.  I started to like myself and actually start to laugh at some of the silly stuff I was holding onto. I was actively checking my belief system and confronting old habits and thought processes. I would cry sometimes but I would also laugh and rejoice at the changes.

    About a year ago, the feeling that I needed to reach out to my ex-husband, a strong but gentle nudge came over me. When he called to speak to my son, I was a little more conversational and we started to talk to each other a little more and eventually I apologized for my part in our relationships demise.  It was about a month ago when he apologized to me.  That’s not where the story ends. For my son’s birthday, I suggested that may be he fly him down to Louisiana to spend some time but he came back and said that his schedule was too busy.  My initial thought that creeped in was, how you can be too busy for your son.  That was my old BS rearing its ugly head.  A few days later, the soft gentle voice spoke and said you did your part, you invited him in, let it go. And that’s what I did.

    A week or so later, his father stated he planned to drive up to Ohio and spend a few days with my son.

    Here is my Lessons Learned:

    1. Work on you first
    2. Let go and trust in Divine timing
    3. Stay open to the Possibilities