Tag: habit change

Creating Habits: 9 Ways to Stop the Need for External Approval
“Give space to your thoughts, clear the noise in your head, chit-chat with your inner critic, decide and move on.” ― Cristina Imre

I woke up thinking about how I almost let my inner critic stop me from growing this week. Here’s my challenge.

I love making Instagram Reels. It’s easy and fun for me to put little video clips together. What I figured out is that I could create the video clips and then add them to my YouTube channel as Shorts. It is a win-win for me and my viewers because I found another way to keep my original channel active now that I have moved my interview content to a whole new channel. This is also an opportunity to share more about who I am and what I do.

There is only one thing that presents a struggle and that is my fear of talking directly into the camera. In order to overcome this resistance, I decided to talk about the one thing I feel pretty confident about and that is habits. I started recording mini videos of my talking about how to make habits stick as I work on my challenge of talking on video.

I had one fluke video hit over 1600 views and I was feeling pretty good. The next couple of videos hit about 100 views and lately my videos are only attracting 3-6 views. I started obsessing about the view count and was ready to stop making videos. I started looking at the view count as my success indicator.

My inner critic was in full attack mode and had enough ammunition to make me want to give up. I started questioning myself and this whole idea of creating YouTube Shorts. I started thinking I wasn’t doing the “right” thing. Fortunately, I woke up this morning with a refreshed attitude and a the insight of, “stop looking at the numbers.”

After a few minutes of reflection, I realized “stop looking at the numbers” was code for stop looking for outside validation.

How many times have you stopped doing what you enjoy doing because the numbers don’t look good, especially in the beginning? Did we start out doing it for the numbers? For me the answer is no. I wanted to share information on a subject that I love talking about and I thought could be of help to someone else. I also wanted to get pass my fear of speaking directly on camera.

It is at these moments in time that the one person who pops in my head (surprisingly) is Cardi B. She went from being a stripper to becoming a rapper. I can only imagine how much negativity and limited self-talk she had to overcome. So when I think about giving up, I think about how other people had to overcome the same “stinking thinking” in order to do what they are doing today. If Cardi B can go from stripping to becoming a sought out entertainer, I can get past my fear of talking on camera!

Who inspires you and why? Keep them in mind when your inner critic starts to creep in. There are so many people, who battle their inner critic everyday and are winning, and so can we!

Here’s some additional suggestions I would like to offer up:
1. Write out your “why” and keep it in view.
2. Make a list of people who inspire you along with why they inspire you.
3. Before making any major decisions, go for a walk or allow some time for you to think. Let you mind settle.
4. Journal your thoughts and feelings. Awareness is key!
5. Record your progress. Every little step forward is a win.
6. Celebrate your wins.
7. Find an accountability partner.
8. Keep in mind that everyone has to start somewhere. It is always harder in the beginning.
9. Don’t pay attention to the numbers! If the vision or the thought came to you, it belongs to you. You are the one who can bring it to life, if you choose to.
Thank you for taking time out to read this post. I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to check out my YouTube Channels and leave a comment.

Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/inner-critic
1. Coffee With T YouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wjtS11
2. Confident Strides YouTube Channel (Interviews) https://bit.ly/3rYLJHR
To connect with me: https:///confidentstrides
April 29, 2022
What is One Way to Create Good Habits That Stick? Be Intentional
“If you are not consciously building your habits, they are unconsciously building you.”
― Anika J. Green

Quora Question: What is one way to create good habits that stick?

I would like to begin by answering this question by saying, take an assessment of what you are doing right now. Pay attention to the types of activities you do right now because without knowing where you are, you won’t be able to know if you are heading in the right direction once you start.

There is a little tiny “GPS” in all of us that knows what we need and what we want, but for some reason, we turned the volume off or never even tried to turn it on in the first place.

My first bit of advice is to get still and listen for that small, tiny voice or start paying attention to what makes your heart sing.  These are clues that your soul is sending to us, and we must start listening otherwise the activities we try to incorporate into our lives will not stick.

Depending where you are on your personal development journey, there are things we can implement that can help us become better listeners.  I would like to offer a few suggestions here:
1. Go for a daily walk. You can start off with a 5 or 10-minute walk around your neighborhood or at a local park. The point of starting is to make it simple and doable.
2. Start a gratitude journal. When you write, you are making your thoughts visible. You can’t write something without first thinking about it. Again, start small with maybe 3-5 things you are grateful for each day or once a week.
3. Meditate. Shut your devices off and sit quietly for 5-10 minutes.
These activities are great for helping to turn your personal, inner GPS system back on or helping you to adjust the volume back up.

What I have learned through my own personal journey is that what we do is influenced by what we believe is possible for ourselves. This is where the inner “GPS” practices I mentioned above can come in handy. By honestly assessing where we are mentally, emotionally, and physically, we can then determine what is working for us and what we need to change.

Here are some great questions to ask yourself that can help in your assessment:
1. Who am I and who do I want to become?
2. What do I believe about myself and is it true?
3. What kind of activity will help me to become this kind of person?
4. What kind of person do I want to be know for?
The bottom line is this… we are creatures of habits! We create all kinds of habits all of the time just by doing things, sometimes on purpose, and sometimes by accident. Habits become what we do without even having to think it. It takes a lot of energy to think and that is why our brains looks for ways to save energy. So, to create positive habits that stick, you must become intentional. That means we must get our brains to wake up and think again about what we are doing. Bad habits can be formed just as easily as good habits. The difference is the kind of person you want to be identified as because of that activity. Runners run. Readers read. Creators create.

Who do you want to be?

Thinking is the magic ingredient that helps habits stick. The key to implementing the kind of change to create the desired habits is to be intentional and make our activities small, simple, and doable until they become automatic.

Thank you for taking time out to read this post. I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.

Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/intentional-living
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
4. Confident Strides Entrepreneurs Network https://bit.ly/CSENMeetup
To connect with me: https:///confidentstrides
April 22, 2022
Successful Habits: How to Make Any Long-lasting Life Changes
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” ― Will Durant

Quora Question: How do I turn something into a habit?

First and foremost, habits are always being created whether you realize it or not.

Habits can either bring positive results or negative consequences depending on what it is.  For instance, pulling out your phone and scrolling on social media sites when you are standing in a line can become a habit. It’s a natural, automatic response which can be defined as a habit.  The positive result may be to stay-up-to date with everything that is happening in your virtual world. The negative consequence could be missing out on the opportunity to meet new people standing in line with you.

The first rule of thumb in establishing a new habit is to understand why you want to create it in the first place.  What are your intentions?

You can ask yourself several questions to get to the heart to your “why.” Here are a few questions to start the inner dialog.
- What is the goal or result I want to achieve?
- Why is this important to me?
- What am I tired of? Sometimes negative consequences can be the motivational factor for creating a new habit or change.
- What are your needs and wants?
Once you get a clearer understanding as to why this change or habit is important to you, the “how” is easier to incorporate.

When I first started writing this blog, my consistency was horrible.  I would write a few posts then my mind would go blank.  It wasn’t until I took the time out to figure out that writing was a way for me to share my voice with others that I started to see opportunities to help me stay consistent. I use Quora to stay consistent. I look for questions that I can offer advice on.

Your ”how” is a way to express your “why.”  Get clear on your why and opportunities to fulfill it with start to pop up on your mental radar.

The next rule of thumb to establishing a habit it to allow time and space for it to grow.

This could be allowing physical time to establish a routine.  It also includes determining what old beliefs, people, or situations you might have to let go or bring in to help you.  Do you need to read more books on the subject, hire a coach or personal trainer, or re-configure your schedule?  Asking yourself questions is key.

I think many people are looking for a magic number for implementing change or creating a new habit which there really isn’t one.  The most effective way to implement change is to change your mindset first. Ask yourself, who is it that I want to become to achieve this type of goal and then watch the magic of transformation begin!

Thank you for taking time out to read this post. I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.

Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag?utf8=✓&id=habits
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
4. Confident Strides Entrepreneurs Network https://bit.ly/CSENMeetup
To connect with me: https:///confidentstrides
April 15, 2022
Decide First: How to Adopt New Habits and Develop a Positive Attitude
“Trust your instincts, and make judgements on what your heart tells you. The heart will not betray you.” ― David Gemmell

Quora Question: How can you change your habits and thought process that control your daily life and wellbeing?

I think when you finally get tired of the drama that’s in your life and you make the decision to change, even if it is just one small thing, that is when life itself will change for you. Change begins with the decision to change. It could be as simple as wanting to drink more water and less sodas or alcohol.  One small change can shift the trajectory of your path.

Pay attention to things that cause an irritation in you.  Ask yourself, “what’s in my control?”  If there is something you can do to reduce or eliminate the irritation, then do it. Change begins the moment you decide you want to change.

Let me give you an example:

A couple of years ago, I used to be big on scrolling through Facebook and other social sites, but I started noticing how I would feel once I got off. It wasn’t leaving me with positive feelings. I asked myself, “what’s in my control?”  That’s when I realized I could choose to do something else with my time like read books rather than scroll social media sites.  I could go for a walk or write in my journal when I felt the urge to grab for my phone. When I pondered what else I could do with time I usually allotted for scrolling social media, that is when I saw other activities that were more in alignment with achieving my desired goals.

So here are a few suggestions I would like to offer anyone looking to change their habits and thought process:
1. Pay attention to your emotions and your feelings. They are like signals from your soul that let you know if you are heading in the right direction or indicators that you might want to make a U-turn.
2. Make the decision to make one small change. It is that one small change that can and will change the trajectory of your path.
3. Trust the process and watch it unfold. Learn to become friends with your body, mind, and spirit. I call them the “Three Chairmen”. Once I learned to listen and pay attention to what was coming up from within, I know get a better sense of when I am on the right path or when I need to pivot.
4. Stay open to possibilities. There will be things that you will pick up on your mental radar that you may have never noticed before. It is like your brain goes to work looking for opportunities to help you achieve your desired goals.
5. Keep a journal. Record your progress. As we grow and change, you can always look back through your journal entries to see how far you have come. By paying attention, simple change in your habits, behaviors and thoughts are more recognizable.
6. Find an accountability partner. Connect with others and share your insight with others. Help to hold each other accountable for your goals.
7. Have grace with yourself. We didn’t develop these habits and thought processes in just one day and that means we can’t change them in just one day either.
The truth is that we are always changing whether we realize it or not. By paying attention and recording our process, we can see the process and watch it unfold.

Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/decision-making

Thank you for taking time out to read this post. I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
4. Confident Strides Entrepreneurs Network https://bit.ly/CSENMeetup
To connect with me: https:///confidentstrides
March 25, 2022
The World is Waiting: How to Build Self Confidence to Be Seen
“You can keep as quiet as you like, but one of these days somebody is going to find you.” ― Haruki Murakami

Quora Question: What are you hiding from the world?

I am a planner person. I love the washi tape and stickers and all that crafty, creativity stuff!  I used to run an Esty shop and sell my items at craft shows, so when I sit down to work on my planner, I usually have it all laid out on the living room floor. Recently, when I had all my crafting stuff out to update my planner and my husband was upstairs, I could hear him getting ready to come downstairs and my first reaction was to gather up all my things.  As I started to, the first thought that popped in my head was “stop hiding.”

Ask yourself… what are you hiding from the world?

I can’t speak for others, but as a child of an alcoholic parent and a young girl who grew up in an area where there weren’t many others who looked like me, you try not to bring attention to yourself. It wasn’t until a few years ago, that I realized my opinions and feelings mattered.  I didn’t learn anything about self-care until I was in my forties.  That’s a long time to stay in a hiding place.

As I continue to come out of my hiding space, I am learning more about who I am and what I want, and I encourage you to come out of your hiding place too!

Our “wounds have wisdom” as Oprah Winfrey often says.  What I am learning along this journey is our experiences can be lessons for us and blessing for others. Here are some practices that have helped me thus far:
1. Meditation. I sign up for the free meditation programs that Deepak Chopra offers. You can also search YouTube for guided meditation practices if this of interest to you. I like the guided meditations in the beginning because they helped me stay focused.
2. Reading. Anything you are interested in learning is available in a book, an eBook, or an audiobook. Reading helped me to realize, I am not alone. Many of the personal struggles we are dealing with, have been encountered by others who chose to share how they overcame and can be a source of inspiration for you.
3. Walking or Exercise. Getting up and moving is a great way to shift your energy. I say it helps to get the “gunk” out of our system. It’s like taking your car our on the highway and opening it up.
4. Join a group. There are several great groups that you can connect with in-person as well and virtually.
5. Journal. I started journaling years ago, but I never stayed consistent. What I found that can help is keeping the journal in my sights. If I see it, I am reminded to pick it up and write.
6. Blog. Share your story with others. You may hold the key to unlocking someone else’s breakthrough.
7. Have Grace with Yourself. Your life is a marathon not a sprint. Take time to sit and get to know who you are. You are worth it!
Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/hiding

Thank you for taking time out to read this post. I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
4. Confident Strides Entrepreneurs Network https://bit.ly/CSENMeetup
To connect with me: https:///confidentstrides
March 4, 2022
Achievable Success: How to Cultivate a Daily Reading Habit
“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.” ― Dr. Seuss

How do I cultivate reading daily? – Quora

As we close out 2021, I thought this was a great Quora question for anyone looking to make lasting changes in 2022. I think reading is a great fundamental habit to cultivate that will make a big impact on anyone’s life.

My reading habit started out of curiosity. I was going through a period of struggle that just tested everything I had. I wanted answers!

I started out reading religious books. When I read the books, I would have the Bible as a reference guide to see what the whole scripture was about that was referenced in the book. My reading then expanded into self-help and personal development books. The more information I got out of reading my world view also expanded. My reading list now consists of books about neuroscience, business, finances to leadership and much more.

To cultivate a daily reading habit, I would like to offer a few suggestions:
1. Get curious- What questions do you have that you have been looking for answers for? Don’t just limit yourself to “second-hand” accounts like summaries or podcasts, go to the source. Learn where people are getting their information from and read it for yourself. What people extract from books are what “they” need or pick up. What you get out of a book, may be completely different.
2. Make reading a non-negotiable habit – I added reading to my daily schedule of events. It’s amazing what we do when we have a daily reminder of what we want to do each day. I put it on my calendar because it became important to me.
3. Be patient with yourself – Usually, we quit something if we don’t think it is working. Learning takes time like a seed takes time to grow. After a while, you’ll be able to recall information you read in your books and apply it to current struggles you face each day. It’s like your mind becomes a rolodex of information.
4. Share your knowledge with others. – This is also a great way to learn and retain the information. (Check out the food for thought on learning pyramid below). Readers become good writers.
No matter how you get started, always remember, anything worth having will take time to develop. If it was easy, everyone would do it!

Food for thought – According to the American educator Edgar Dale’s learning pyramid:

We remember…
- 10 percent of what we read,
- 20 percent of what we hear,
- 30 percent of what we see,
- 50 percent of what we see and hear,
- 70 percent of what we discuss with others,
- 80 percent of what we personally experience,
- 95 percent of what we teach others.
Food for thought excerpt taken from “Love People Use Things” by Joshua Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus. Feel free to use this Amazon link to purchase the book and read along with me: https://amzn.to/3sHOCOv

I also would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/readingsuccess

To connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides
December 27, 2021
Effective Lifestyle Habit Change Starts with Turning on Your GPS System First
“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.” ― Douglas Adams

How do I change lifestyle habits?- Quora

Before I think about creating or eliminating lifestyle habits, I like to see where I am on my road map called life.

The end of the year or a birthday, or any other lifechanging event is always a great time to take a closer look and see if we are still on the path for what you want out of life.  Don’t just look at what you want from your career but what you want personally and spiritually.  Are you still in alignment with those goals and dreams or have they changed?  That’s when you can figure out what you need to add or eliminate from your life.

What I wanted in life when I was twenty isn’t what I wanted when I reached my forties.  My lifestyle had changed that means my habits had to change too.

For example, I got serious about my health when I had a grandchild.  You think it would have been important throughout my life but realizing I wanted to be around when my grandchild turns 20 was a like a “aha” moment.  I started questioning what I must do to reach that dream or at least head in that direction.

I think any lifestyle change must begin with taking time for self-reflection.  By know where you are on the Life map, you can then set your GPS with intention. With intention, you will gain the clarity and focus you need to stay on your path. You will recognize what habits are taking you towards your destination and what ones are taking you away.

Here are some suggestions on how to reset or recalibrate you GPS system if you’ve gotten off track:
1. Unplug – Disconnect from the distractions that are keeping you from hearing the navigation. Take time to reconnect with who you are. Take up walking, running, or cycling, or something that gets you out of your head and back in balance.
2. Trust the process- Many times we think we know the way and don’t trust the insight that we are receiving from within. We look for external guidance instead of learning how to turn up the GPS volume. We turn it down or off if we don’t like what we are getting.
3. Become a lifetime learner. We are not alone in our struggles. By reading and learning from others, we cut our learning curve in half the time. Time is too short to be going around in circles.
4. Determine what’s right for you. This goes with the first suggestion. The more you find out what’s right for you, you begin to do what’s right for you and turning off the external noise of the world gets a little bit easier.
5. Celebrate how far you have come. This is a life road map, so enjoy the ride!
When you start with knowing who you are and what you want, take a step everyday towards it. This is a life journey not a life sprint.

I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/navigation

To connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides
December 24, 2021
Cheers to a 30 Day Habit Run: How to Implement a New Habit
“Change might not be fast and it isn’t always easy. But with time and effort, almost any habit can be reshaped.” ― Charles Duhigg

How can we go 30 days with a new habit we want to make without interruption? – Quora

We commonly think we need to “add” a new habit but in truth we are looking to make a change in lifestyle. To implement change in your life, think about not only adding, but also consider, eliminating an old habit or modifying a current one. A moment of reflection always helps to implement and maintain a new habit or lifestyle change.

To implement change, begin by asking yourself questions like:
1. Why do I want to do this? Keep the answer in front of you. If you know why you want to do something, it will give to you the motivation to keep going.
2. What’s the benefit of adding this habit to my life? I don’t like walking in the cold, but I love the clarity and the peace it brings. The benefits sometimes outweigh the effort.
3. What would happen if I gave up on myself and my dream or goal? The pain of regret can provide motivation.
4. How will you feel? You are the only one who makes and breaks the rules. If you interrupt the habit, don’t beat yourself up. Give yourself grace. The biggest thing to celebrate is starting in the first place.
Here are a few suggestions you can do to help:
1. Check off the days you complete the new habit. It’s called “a Streak” or “Don’t Break the Chain”. It’s amazing how great you feel in keeping you habit and checking it off on your calendar is physical proof.
2. Buddy up with someone. I wanted to hit a goal in December, I partnered with someone who also had a goal they want to hit, and we held each other accountable.
3. Set a daily reminder. Use your smart devices as assistants.
4. Write about it. Journal your experience.
I wish everyone a successful lifestyle changes in the coming year!

Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/habits

Here is an invitation to connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

We also just launched our new website where you can find out Youtube videos and Anchor podcast episodes in one location. Check it out here: https://confidentstrides.com
December 13, 2021
How To Be Productive in 2022: Conduct a Year End Review First
“Consider everything an experiment.” ― Corita Kent

How can one be productive? -Quora

As this year ends, I think it’s an excellent time to reflect on just how far we have come.  We focus so much on what we want to achieve that perhaps we don’t stop and realize that we are not the same person we were when the year started. There has been people and experiences that have changed us either for the good or the bad.  This is the time to reflect and see if what you are aiming for is still relevant. Do we need to readjust and realign our priorities?  Do we still feel the same way about these things?

In the military, we would call this time for reflection an After-Action Review or AAR for short.  This is when we would sit down and ask the participants what their experience was. Did we hit our objective?  Where did we come up short and what did we do right? What did you learn? To know is you are productive, you first need to know what the goal was that you were aiming for.

What is your target?

We can apply an AAR to weekly, monthly or year end events.  Did you hit your weekly, monthly, or year-end goal? What did we come up short on and what did we do right?  What have we learned? By taking time to see what worked and what didn’t we can now adjust our aim.

Being productive is only relevant in the terms to what you want to achieve and the kind of life you want to live.
1. Write down your dreams and goals. You can’t hit what you can’t see.
2. Evaluate the activity you engage in daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly. Are they in alignment with your core beliefs? Are they taking you to or away from your goals?
3. Reflect on what is working and what is not. Conduct an After-Action Review.
4. Adjust your aim and keep moving.
For 2022 to be productive for you, take a moment of reflection and see what your core values and beliefs are. Then you will know what kind of activities you need to incorporate or eliminate.

Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/productivity

Here is an invitation to connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

We also just launched our new website where you can find out Youtube videos and Anchor podcast episodes in one location. Check it out here: https://confidentstrides.com
December 10, 2021
What Are the Bennie’s?

Today on my morning run I was able to log in 6.62 miles. It’s a personal best for me so far. I started running about three months ago. I started running from my house to the local park which I estimate to be about one mile from my home. I focused on either running to the park and then walking the rest of my normal trail. I have been an avid walker for over five years. I believed as many other walkers that walking is better than running. I could list a number of reasons to support my thinking.

I used to run cross country in high school. I grew up in the northeast corner of Connecticut where our high school mascot was a mountaineer. I loved running the mountain trails but I was not a fan of running it self. I still don’t think I love running, I just love the benefits or the “bennies” that it provides.

Thinking about it, the benefits of the things we do is what drives us to do them. It’s truly not the activity it self. So when it comes to making changes in your lives, the one true question you first have to answer is, what is the benefit, or the bennie’s, I am getting out of this? Without taking the time to reflect on each habit or change you want to make, it’s pointless without figuring out what it is that your are looking to gain or to eliminate.

Think about this as we bring 2019 to a close. Now is the time to reflect on what is working and what is not. Design your life the way you want to, not by the opinions of others! What benefits are you looking to gain in the coming year?

Photo Source: Click Here

December 5, 2019