Sweet N Social

Tag: lessons learned

  • Life is About Learning: Do You Have Permission to Fail?


    “There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.” ― Paulo Coelho

    Are we giving ourselves permission to fail?

    I don’t think we do. If we gave ourselves permission to fail, just imaging how much more compassionate we could be with others. We could see that we are all just trying to do the best with our current mindsets.

    I recently took some time to reflect back on some of my life experiences and realized, I have failed a lot along the way but it didn’t mean I was a failure. Being a two time divorced woman, I now realize my previous marriages helped me to become the woman I am today. There were things within me that I needed to face and address if I wanted my third marriage to work. I like the quote, “what we resist will persist.” When my current marriage hit a rocky patch a few years ago, my first instinct was to put all the blame on my husband. I considered myself the victim and could find plenty of evidence to back up my claim of how bad my husband treated me. At this time in my life, I had started reading more books on self-discovery. I would take long walks through the park and just think and my mind got curious about my role in this contractual agreement we called a marriage.

    The first thing I had to do, was to forgive myself. I learned to give myself a little more grace and become a little bit more loving with myself. My defense mechanism had always been to find all the wrong in my husband without considering putting the spotlight on me. There were some hard truths I had to face about myself.

    I would not saying that my previous marriages would have worked out had I taken the deeper dive into myself before then, but I am thankful for the lessons that they taught me. I don’t hold any ill will towards my exes because I know, like me, they were doing the best they knew.

    So, back to main point: learning to give ourselves permission to fail, here are my takeaways:

    1. Commit to becoming a lifetime learner. Learn who you are and what to like and dislike.
    2. Be willing to explore new things. Life is what you make of it.
    3. If you fail at something, don’t quit, keep trying. Become like a scientist, take inventory of what worked and figure out what didn’t then go back to the drawing board.
    4. You are awesome. Give yourself some Grace!

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/failure

    I am including an Amazon Affiliate link to one of the books that helped my through my rough patch. It’s titled, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by John Gottman: https://amzn.to/3vfYDSe

  • Noticing the Invisible Influences: Who Do We Let Run Through Our Minds?

    It’s a little bit like Goldilocks. We don’t want to be the same as everybody else, but too different is also bad. We’re trying to walk the line between being similar and different. -Jonah Berger

    Who are you giving permission to run through your mind?

    We all of a circle of influence whether we know it or not. Some of us have smaller circles than other but they still operate in the same manner. They are the ones who influence our thoughts and behaviors. We are even influencers of others too.

    I recently asked a networking group that I facilitate this very questions. I have to admit that I never really gave this question much thought until recently. In many of the self-discovery books, they often state that we become like the people we associate with on a daily basis. The more I ponder this thought, I do think it has some truth to it.

    Many of the women in my networking group have written a book and are looking to create an online course. I also have had a desire to write a book but it’s been way down on the list. I also would like to create an online course, but again it’s been way down on the life goal list as well, until recently. I am starting to see pathway to achieving both the goal of writing a book and creating an online course.

    I remember a few years ago, when I used to take my former neighbor to her doctor’s appointments and grocery shopping that she was a vegetarian. At that time, I started noticing that I became more aware about my meat consumption and at times considered cutting meat out of my diet.

    What I like most about this question is that it makes you stop and take notice of who we grant access to influence our lives. These are the people who help us create the kind of life we want and accomplish the goals we want to achieve. They can either be helping you to achieve your dreams or hindering you. I definitely think it’s worth your time to take a closer look.

    Here are some of my takeaways:

    1. Pay attention to who you surround yourself with.
    2. Notice how they affect your life. Do they help or hinder you from creating the kind of life you want? Do you like who you are becoming? Who do you need to be around more? or less?
    3. Remember: You are awesome. Give yourself some Grace!

    Here is an Amazon affiliate link for “Invisible Influence: The Hidden Forces that Shape Behavior” by Jonah Berger who I quoted in the beginning: https://amzn.to/3aB5YlR

    I am also including an article I came across while I was writing this post that may explain more about how we make our decisions that also mentioned the book which is also my Quote Source: https://behavioralscientist.org/invisible-influence-how-other-people-think-for-you-and-why-thats-ok/

    Join me on Meetup at https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup

    Other ways to connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

  • Advice on How to Effectively Succeed in Life: Subtract First, Then Add

    “Your net worth to the world is usually determined by what remains after your bad habits are subtracted from your good ones.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

    Subtracting is just as effective in business as adding is. The trouble is we don’t think of that mathematical equation first. As an entrepreneur, I am always wanting to add things or processes without taking time to see how or even if this “new” thing should or can be added. It may be a great thing to add but we don’t take the time to see if the time is now to add it and if we add it, what will be affected.

    Today, on a business call with a colleague, we discussed the process of elimination. My colleague shared how she looks at the process of elimination as troubleshooting. She has an IT background and shares that by troubleshooting the challenge, we slowly close off different process to see where the proverbial leak is. For example, if you shut off the water line to the kitchen sink to fix a leak but you still have a leak, you know the leak, or the problem isn’t coming from the kitchen sink. You continue to shut off other valves until you isolate the problem source.

    We can use this same thinking to find out what is working and not working in our business as well in our personal lives.

    I used to do a lot of adding without taking the time to see what was truly working before adding something new to my business. By the time I realized it wasn’t working, I invested either too much time or too much money and found myself too overwhelmed and simply quit. I would simply shut down and then think I failed. Now moving forward, I am working on being more strategic, more intentional about what I want to do and create. I want my “why” to be in alignment with my “what’, which means if I add anything I have to consider subtracting something else.

    Subtracting also can mean delegating that task to someone else or finding another way to automate the process. I have found that I would feel like I had to do everything by myself which is another topic to discuss. But what I want to leave you with today is this:

    1. Get clear on your purpose or intention
    2. Figure out what’s working and what’s not
    3. Before adding, consider what do you have to subtract.

    As I mentioned in the beginning, this practice is just as effective in our personal lives as it is in business. In our personal life it may be eliminating or cutting back on social media or television time to spend more time with family or adding more time for personal development and reading.

    What I believe is this: we are creatures of habit and how we do anything is how we do everything.

    Quote Source: https://www.azquotes.com/quotes/topics/subtraction.html

    Connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

  • To Win in Life, How Many Tickets Do You Need?

    “Luck is not as random as you think. Before that lottery ticket won the jackpot, someone had to buy it.” ― Vera Nazarian

    I won a car a few years ago!

    The network marketing company I was with at the time was running an incentive contest. The promotional incentive encouraged associates to put in work and enroll people into the company. With each enrollment, we received two tickets that would be entered into the drawing. The contest period ran for several month and it was open to all associates. During the contest period, I enrolled only two people. That provided me with four tickets total to be entered in the drawing. I worked hard for those two enrollments.

    At the company convention, that’s when the drawing took place. Periodically during the convention, they would bring out the raffle ticket spinning drum on stage and draw a ticket for other prizes. I remember thinking to myself “I hope they don’t pull my ticket, I only have four.” On the last day of the convention, that’s when they did the Jeep drawing, and I won.

    Ever since then, whenever I think my odds of achieving my goals seen daunting, I recall my chances of winning the Jeep. It could be that one idea, the one interview, or the one book that provides you with the keys to unlocking your dream box. We don’t know which key will unlock the box just like I didn’t know what ticket could win the Jeep.

    I’ve celebrated the one ticket for winning, but I have often forgotten that I could never win without talking to the two people who enrolled. I would not of had the four tickets to put into the raffle drum for the drawing, and I would not of had the one ticket that won. It traces back to what we do each day that provides the opportunity to win.

    My takeaway: it’s what we do each day that can increase our chances of winning.

    Quote Source: https://www.azquotes.com/quote/474120

  • How My Boredom Lead to Unnecessary Spending and Unhappiness

    Boredom is the Devil’s delight.” ― Lindsey Rietzsch, 

    I first want to say that awareness is key. The more I stop and reflect, the more I think that life is actually made up of the choices we make in those little moments that we don’t really think matter.

    It’s a late Saturday afternoon as I write this. Usually my husband and I have our granddaughter on Saturdays. It’s been like this since she was born. She is now five years old. And like most Saturdays, we focus most of our activities around her being here at the house. Now that she’s getting older, we can do more things with her outside the home like take her to get her nails painted at the nails salon or take her to play games at Chuck E Cheese. What has been happening in this shift is, my husband or myself having more time for ourselves.

    Here’s where awareness is helping me focus on what’s important to me. In the past, when I had time for myself, I would run out to the local craft store or thrift store to spend money I usually didn’t have to spend. Looking back, this was a way for me to “pass the time.” The first thought that would pop in my head was, “since I have nothing to do, I might as well go browse the thrift store.” Once I got to the store, I could always find something I thought I “needed.” The more I read and learn, this was a way for me to handle anxiousness that arouse in me during time of idleness. In other words, this was a behavioral coping mechanism. My energy is flowing but I had no where to direct it!

    Since taking up time to write, I can now re-direct the energy I was feeling and use it to create something that might help someone who is dealing with the same kind of issue. We can use or energy for “good” or of service to others.

    What would you like to create? A new business or write a book? My challenge is you is to take a step back, see where you are revved up and putting energy into something that’s not producing anything positive for you. I must admit, at times, the desire is strong to got shop but when I take a pause break and ask myself, before I leave out, what’s the purpose? I can re-direct and find something more beneficial and in alignment with my goal in life which makes my so much happier.

    Now that my anxiousness is subsiding, I think I will settle in and watch a movie. I created something!

    Let me know your thoughts. If you like, connect with me through one of the Meetup groups. Here’s a link: https://www.meetup.com/pro/confident-strides/

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/idleness-quote

  • To Achieve Your Dreams: Put your Blinders On and Create Life Your Way

    “Who in the world am I? Ah, that’s the great puzzle.” ― Lewis Carroll

    Best way to start your own blog is not to read others peoples! You will inevitably compare your writing with everyone else’s and that will or can kill your momentum.

    This is what I call putting your blinders on. It works in what ever your choose to accomplish in your life. When I started blogging a few years ago and I had lots of great momentum until I started reading and seeing what others were doing in theirs posts. I started thinking about how great their writing was and how many likes they had and followers and everything else. Slowly my desire to write died.

    The only takeaway: do it the best way you know how. We are never experts starting out and that’s the beauty of the newness. We don’t have the expert thinking or even the followers who notice the very mistakes we will make. We are on a journey of self-discovery and that road is fun and scary at the same time. Nothing kills momentum more than the comparison bug!

    It is this very thinking that helped me start and maintain my YouTube channel. This kind of thinking is what will help me to write these blog posts and do many other things. So make the mistakes, start with “sucky” posts and just keep growing and exploring. Put your blinders are and create life your way!

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/self-discovery

    Ways to connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

  • Ways to Manage Insecurities and Find Connection with Others

    “One of the greatest journeys in life is overcoming insecurity and learning to truly not give a shit.” ― J. A. Konrath

    “When do people feel insecure and why” was the topic of todays discussion in my networking group this morning. When it came time for me to answer the question, the obvious answer for me was, “I don’t know when others feel insecure, but I know when I do.” I feel most insecure when I share a piece of me with others. Not knowing if they are going to understand or even get what or why I’m sharing in the first place. A few other women in the group expressed the same kind of insecurity.

    There are not many people who hop on the calls but the ones who do provide lots of insight and wisdom form their experiences in life that help others know we are not alone. That’s one of the reasons why I love group discussions. Expanding your world to learn how others cope with the same feelings of insecurity can be so powerful. I thinks that’s why I love reading too.

    Reading books has also been a way for. me to expand my mind and my perceptions. Like I mentioned before, it’s nice to know I’m not alone in this big beautiful world of ours. I learned through reading that we might not share the same experiences but we can feel the same emotions. For instance, jealousy in me is going to feel like jealousy to you but the difference is what experience triggers that emotion. Once I learned that, it helps me to recognize that same feeling or emotion in someone else. Once you are aware of what’s happening, you are more incline to know how to react a little bit differently.

    With reading and networking with others, I’ve been able to pick up other coping mechanisms that perhaps I never ever thought of. One woman, in the networking group, shared that she likes to do a “brain dump”. She explained to us that she “lets her 2 year old self take the reins.” She said after she gets it all out, she doesn’t re-read what she wrote, she just deletes it! When I hear such stories from other women, I consider then tools for your toolbox.

    So here is my takeaway from today’s conversation: We are more alike than we may like to think. Surround yourself with people who can uplift and inspire you and don’t be afraid to talk about or share how you feel. Someone might be waiting for your tool to add to their toolbox.

    How would you answer this question? When do people feel insecure and why? I would love to hear your answer.

    One of the women shared she just read “Brave Not Perfect” by Reshma Saujani. I have not read the book but it has been added to my To Be Read (TBR) list. I added an Amazon affiliate link for those how are interested in reading. I would love to hear what you think of the book as well.

    To purchase the book: https://amzn.to/3tMSkVk

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/insecurity

    Networking Group: https://www.meetup.com/Confident-Strides-Womens-Empowerment-Network/

  • Making a Comeback

    “Sometimes the hardest part isn’t letting go but rather learning to start over.” ― Nicole Sobon

    I have been having the urge to write again. I guess it’s something that never really leaves you, perhaps life just causes you to stop and re-evaluate what’s important to you.

    A lot has changed since I first started writing this blog many years ago. I started a YouTube and Anchor podcast last year just before the COVID shutdown. I wanted to see what I could offer to the world during the shutdown. I was on a walk with my dogs when the thought of how we were going to manage this “new normal.” I just keep looking at Chloe who I didn’t really want and I just pondered how this dog ended up in my life. My elderly neighbor was placed in a nursing home and she had asked my to keep Chloe. Chloe would growl and my husband when he would give me a kiss before heading off to bed. Chloe sheds a lot too! But here I was, walking this dog and actually enjoying myself. That’s when I realized that no matter what happens in life, we are always going to face change. Change is inevitable! What makes the difference is how we react to the change that is right in front of us each day.

    Now back to my podcast idea, I raced home and decided to make an offer to the coaches in my network. What advice were they offering to their clients during this time of change? The whole premise of the podcast was to present positive insight by offering the coaches an opportunity to be interviewed by me. My first interview appeared on YouTube in March of 2020. A whole year later, I am still interviewing and sharing positive insight that’s being uploaded weekly.

    My purpose moving forward with this blog is a way to provide positive insight that I gathered through the interviews as well as the insight I get while running. I invite you to join me on this comeback journey.

    Quote Source https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/start-over

  • Stay on The Lookout

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    Blessing are everywhere, you just have to stay on the look out for them.  There are countless miracles that go unnoticed everyday of every minute.  A couple of years ago I learned of just a tiny fraction of the blessing are bodies do for each of us.  For instance, if you exercise, your body has a built in cooling system that you do not have to program.  Your body can heal itself.  You have a build in counseling system consisting of the mind, body and soul.  You are literally a walking miracle each and everyday!

    With that little knowledge alone my life shifted.  When your start to learn just how blessed you are to wake each morning with life,  you begin to notice those things in life that are taking up your energy and time.  You start to value your time and the time of others.

    Time is our most precious commodity.  Take inventory of those things that not longer serve their purpose in your life.  Time is not promised to no one! Take inventory of your own unique gifts and talents and reflect on just how you can us those gifts to serve this world.  Remember: You are a blessing!

    Photo source: Click here.

  • It’s Not That Important

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    It’s not that Important” were the words being shouted from the backseat of the car the other day when my husband and I were “discussing” where to place the cell phone in order to hear the navigational directions.  I will admit that I got “caught up” in the discussion because I was trying to make my opinion known.  Of course my husband had his own idea on where he wanted to put the phone since he was driving.

    My three year old granddaughter interjected herself into the conversation by saying “its not that important”.  The thing that caught my attention, besides this little person yelling from the backseat and the fact that she couldn’t quite say the word “important” was when I stopped to think about what was happening at that moment, she was right.  I had let my ego step in.

    I laugh now because it took the words of a three year old to remind me that sometimes the little things we make the biggest fuss over are the little things that can begin to tear a relationship apart. The best thing we can do is stop, take a deep breath and ask yourself, just how important is it for me to be right?

    Photo Source: Click here.