There was a time when I believed that showing up meant always being available. I thought it was necessary for meetings, for others, and for opportunity. But what I’ve learned since then is that showing up for myself is just as important.
Back in 2021, I skipped a networking meeting to go running. I even logged in, ready to join, but the link wouldn’t let me in. I took it as a sign — not of failure, but of redirection. So I laced up and ran 6.7 miles instead. As I ran, I thought about how long it had taken to build that habit. Why was I so quick to drop something that nourishes me for something that drains me?
That question has followed me through the years. It showed up again when I missed a Zoom meeting. I was exploring Muir Woods while house sitting in San Francisco this year. It appeared again when I chose to wander a new city instead of logging into another call. In each instance, I realized I wasn’t skipping responsibility; I was redefining it.
In a world that celebrates the hustle, choosing joy can look like weakness. But joy is what keeps me in motion. Networking feeds my business, but walking, running, and exploring feed my spirit. I’ve learned that both matter — but only one keeps me whole.
Sometimes, the real work isn’t in the meeting I miss; it’s in the moment I choose to live.
And I’m reminded of something my kind neighbor, Miss Carol, once said:
“I am choosing to be an active participant in my life.”
That’s what my guiding light has always been about. It is not just about surviving the pace of life. It is about consciously walking in it.
Reflection Prompt
What does being an active participant in your life look like today?
Author’s Note
This reflection began as a 2021 journal entry about skipping a meeting to run. It has grown into a reminder about alignment and permission. I have been learning the same lesson in different ways. Each version of me — the runner, the entrepreneur, the walker — learns that joy is not a detour. It’s direction.
By Tonia Tyler | #ConfidentStrides | Sweet N Social
If this reflection spoke to you, follow Sweet N Social for more stories. These stories focus on living with intention, walking in confidence, and redefining what success really looks like.
We don’t abandon what helped us survive — we thank it and repurpose it.
I didn’t get into Rover because I had a long-term plan. I got into it because life shifted underneath me. My father had passed, we were navigating the sale of his condo, and everything around me felt uncertain. I needed structure. I needed movement. I needed something steady when my world didn’t feel that way anymore.
Rover met me there.
In that season, I wasn’t trying to build something big. I was trying to stay grounded. The work was physical. It got me out of the house. It gave me a reason to move. It encouraged me to show up. It made me feel useful when grief made everything feel heavy and disorienting. There was comfort in being needed, in having a schedule, in caring for something outside of my own loss.
And for a while, that was enough.
Over time, the grief changed. Not disappeared — but integrated. The sharp edges softened. I could breathe again. I could think again. Creativity began returning in small, quiet ways. Writing started calling me back. Travel entered the picture through house-sitting. Reflection became less about survival and more about meaning.
Nothing was wrong with Rover. I just wasn’t in the same place anymore.
What I’m learning now is that some things are meant to be seasonal. They serve us fully for a time, and then they ask to be held differently. Letting something evolve doesn’t mean it failed. It doesn’t mean we failed. It means we’re listening.
Rover was never just pet care for me. It was support. It was stability. It was a bridge during a hard season. And I don’t need to reject that part of my story to grow beyond it.
Gratitude doesn’t need permanence.
I can appreciate what helped me survive without needing to carry it the same way forever. I can honor the version of myself who needed that structure. At the same time, I can make room for who I’m becoming now.
Some things walk with us for a while. They teach us what we need. And then they ask to be repurposed.
That isn’t loss. It’s growth — with memory.
Reflection Prompt
What supported you during a hard season — and how might it be asking to be held differently now?
Author’s Note
This reflection isn’t about leaving something behind. It’s about honoring what carried me through. It also involves recognizing when it’s time to relate to it differently.
If this reflection resonated with you, then follow Sweet N Social for more stories. These stories focus on creativity, confidence, and finding your rhythm in everyday moments.
Do you want the audio version of these insights? Then join me on Confident Strides: The Podcast. Every story becomes a moment in motion there.
By Tonia Tyler | #ConfidentStrides | Sweet N Social
There are moments in conversation when someone reflects something back to you that feels both familiar and foreign. You hear the words, you recognize the truth in them, and yet… you’re surprised. Almost confused. Almost wondering, “Where did that come from?”
I had one of those moments recently. A response landed so deeply that it stopped me in my tracks. It was accurate — deeply accurate — but it felt like it appeared from nowhere. For a second, I wondered if the insight belonged to me. Was it being handed to me outright?
But the truth is this: It was mine. I just hadn’t fully met that version of myself yet.
Sometimes we speak from deeper places than we realize. We share from intuition, experience, muscle memory, lived wisdom. We speak in fragments — and then someone reflects those fragments back to us fully formed.
It can feel startling. It can feel like revelation. It can feel like someone is seeing a part of you you didn’t realize was showing.
But often, what they’re reflecting isn’t new. It’s simply clearer than how you said it.
We grow so steadily that we don’t always recognize our own growth until it’s mirrored back.
Insight doesn’t always arrive neatly. Wisdom doesn’t always announce itself. Sometimes we’re already living into the next version of ourselves before we know how to speak from it.
When someone reflects that back, it can feel like meeting yourself for the first time. They highlight the clarity, the depth, and the truth you didn’t realize you were revealing.
Not the old you. Not the uncertain you. But the becoming you.
The version that’s been forming quietly through walking, observing, practicing stillness, listening inward, and paying attention to life’s subtle lessons.
So when a reflection surprises me now, I’m learning not to dismiss it. Instead, I pause and think:
“Maybe this is me — just a version of me I haven’t fully grown into yet.”
Self-awareness doesn’t always show up as a breakthrough. Sometimes it seems softly — through someone else’s words — inviting you to recognize the deeper truth you’ve already spoken.
And when that happens, you’re not meeting them. You’re meeting yourself.
Reflection Prompt
When was the last time someone reflected something back to you? Did it feel true, even before you fully recognized it yourself?
Author Notes
This reflection came from a moment when something said in conversation felt deeply true but unexpected. It helped me realize that sometimes we speak from a wiser, more evolved part of ourselves without knowing it. When someone reflects that truth back, it can feel like meeting a new version of ourselves. This piece reminds us that growth often happens quietly beneath the surface. Sometimes, we need a mirror to recognize it.
If this reflection spoke to you, follow Sweet N Social for more stories and lessons. You’ll find insights on walking, awareness, and the quiet ways we grow.
By Tonia Tyler | #ConfidentStrides | Sweet N Social
Over the weekend, I watched my granddaughter take on a big goal. She wanted to make 21 friendship bracelets for her cheer team. With her box of colorful bands spread out and her plan in mind, she started strong. But before long, the excitement wore off. The project was bigger than she expected, and her focus drifted.
That bracelet box held more than rubber bands — it held lessons every entrepreneur needs to hear.
Start Small, Finish Small
Big goals lose their shine if you try to tackle them all at once. Instead of 21 bracelets in one sitting, aim to finish one. In business, break your projects into the smallest possible step. Finish it, celebrate it, and build momentum from completion.
Batch Your Efforts
Switching colors for every bracelet slowed her down. A better approach? Batch the work. Make several of the same design before moving on. In business, batching looks like:
Writing multiple posts in one sitting
Scheduling outreach calls in a single block
Dedicating a morning purely to creative work
Batching sharpens focus and increases efficiency.
Revisit Your “Why”
Her “why” was simple: to make her team smile. That purpose mattered more than the bands themselves. In business, your “why” fuels your endurance. Write it down, keep it visible, and let it pull you through the slow stretches.
Embrace the Process
The joy wasn’t only in the finished bracelet — it was in the making. The same truth applies to your business. Success isn’t just about the end result. When you learn to value the process, you’ll not only last longer, you’ll enjoy the journey more.
Reflection Prompt
Think of a project you started with excitement but never finished:
Why did you lose steam?
Was the goal too big to tackle all at once?
How can you break it into small, doable steps to restore momentum?
Quote to Anchor This Lesson
“Great things are done by a series of small things brought together.” – Vincent Van Gogh
Try This: Bracelet Batching for Your Business
Choose one project you’ve been putting off. Break it into three small steps you can finish this week:
Write one paragraph of your sales page.
Reach out to one potential collaborator.
Post one social media update about your offer.
At week’s end, think about how small completions built bigger momentum.
Small steps, done consistently, lead to lasting results. Just as a bracelet is built loop by loop, your business grows one focused action at a time.
Small steps build big results — in bracelets and in business. Which step will you take this week to build momentum?
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“The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t achieve it.” ― Jordan Belfort
Have you ever stopped doing something you enjoyed because you didn’t get likes, subscribers or followers you wanted? I want to talk about how we can manage the external sources of influence that keep us from creating the life we want.
One day while I was running, I was thinking to myself that I would stop making Instagram Reels. The problem with that thinking is, I love making Instagram Reel videos. I love taking 10-second clips of video and turning it into a snippet of entertainment. I think that is why I have enjoyed learning how to make YouTube videos too.
Back to the problem, I was getting frustrated because I was losing followers on my IG page and I automatically assume it was because of the videos. I also started criticizing myself for posting videos of the nature I would see on my walks which helps me to stay creative.
I was ready to stop doing the one of the things that brings me joy because of external sources. In many cases we don’t know or will never know why people unfollow, unsubscribe, or unlike us, but our minds will search for reasons and that what was happening to me.
Here’s what we have to keep in mind, their action have nothing to do with us. We are internalizing or trying to rationalize what someone else is thinking when we try to “guess” or “figure out” what made them take action without ever asking them directly. When we do this, nothing positive usually comes from this kind of thinking. We are our worst critiques!
When we decide to stop doing the things we enjoy doing because of likes, subscribers, or followers we are measuring our success by the standards of others. These are what we call external sources of influences. Learning how to navigate these external sources of influences is key especially when it comes to honoring what it is that we enjoy doing and makes us happy.
Here are a few suggestions that have helped me:
Define what success looks like to you.
Asking yourself what feeling are you after is a great place to start. Are you after happiness? Inner peace? Fulfillment? Then ask yourself, what kinds of activities bring me those kinds of feelings?
When I started walking years ago, I was looking for inner peace during a chaotic period of my life. Nine years later, I still walk because I found the inner peace I was looking for in my life. I also lost weight and my marriage is much healthier and stronger too.
Keep in mind why you started in the first place.
Sometimes when we stop to reconnect with our why, we remember what was the motivating force behind starting in the first place.
For instance, when I started my YouTube channel, I started it as a way to provide uplifting content to deal with the COVID shutdown. I asked some of the life coaches in my network if they would like to share some insight on how to deal with the COVID shutdown. My goal was not to become a YouTube Influencer.
By always remembering why I started my channel it helps me to keep in perspective what I am doing it for so when I don’t get the likes, subscribers or comments I don’t have the desire to quit. I have stronger reason to keep going and that is like sprinkles on the cupcake. It also helps me to stay consistent in uploading my content. Whoever is looking for it, when they need it, can find it!
Remember that You Matter.
I think this one is the most important factor in all of this. You matter and your voice matters. Our experiences in life are not exclusively for you. It is for you to share the lessons you learned because of it.
When we take time to learn the lessons along our journey, they can become the missing pieces to someone else’s puzzle. When we allow the external sources of influence to stop us, we are saying subconsciously, that we do not matter and what we experience in life is irrelevant. That is one of the biggest lies we can say to ourselves. You matter, your opinions matter and someone is waiting for your message in the big beautiful world of ours.
Thank you for taking time out to read this post. I invite you to check out my Instagram Reels and leave a comment. Feedback is always welcome.
“Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively.” ― Dalai Lama XIV
Quora Question: How did you force yourself to stick to healthy habits?
The very first thing I did was determine what I wanted to create and then I set up rules that would protect my habit until it could “feed” itself.
For instance, when I started my walking habit, my main objective was to find peace during a chaotic period of my life. I had always enjoyed playing and being out in nature while I was growing up. I found peace and happiness so when I needed to find peace, I went back to the one thing I knew would give me that. A walk in the park. I never set out to become a “walker” it just felt right and natural. Nine years later, I still find peace and happiness out on the trails.
I would never encourage anyone to “force” themselves to do anything. I think the biggest success comes from knowing your why first and trusting the process as it unfolds. You can still set up “rules” like I will do two sit-ups during a commercial break, or I will drink water first thing in the morning, but these are ways to help you stay in alignment with your WHY.
Another influence that helps you stay on course is taking each day one step at a time. Start small and let the motivation of each win carry you forward. A few months into my walking journey, I started paying attention to the kinds of food I was eating. After a great walk, I didn’t want to ruin it by eating a burger and fries. I slowly added salads to my diet.
No one likes to be pushed around so why would you want to do that to yourself?
As humans, we are designed with “three chairmen”, the mind, body, and spirit connection. When they are in sync, you become unstoppable by simply deciding. Get clear about your WHY and opportunities to help you achieve your goal will pop up on your mental radar.
Here are some things to consider when implementing “rules”
If you know the rules, then you know how to break them too especially if we are the ones who made them in the first place. Rules serve a very important role when first establishing a new habit, but if they remain checked, they can also become the very thing that hinders your growth.
Consider rules like a baby’s crib, they serve to protect your habit but eventually we will outgrow them. It isn’t until you want to create or break a habit that you realize just how much our rules have an influence on our behavior.
Realize that with everything that is worthwhile in having, it needs time and space to cultivate. By adding this new habit, consider what you need to prepare for it to grow. For example, readers look for time to read even perhaps create a special corner or buy a special reading chair to ease their mind for reading mode.
What will help trigger your habit? Like I mentioned above, commercial breaks can be your trigger to do push-ups or sit-ups. This reminds me of the time when I was in the military, and we were preparing for an upcoming fitness test. Our commanders would post signs like “do 20 push-ups” on Post-It-Notes on their doors. If you entered their office, you had to do what was posted on the note. It made it kind of fun especially when the whole company was involved.
Keep it fun. Creating habits does not have to be forced. Get your family or friends involved to help you stay on track. Celebrate the wins and keep track of your progress. Seeing progress is another great way to keep you going.
Last and certainly not least, give yourself grace. The fact that you made the decision to change is the most important decision of all. Remember, if it was easy, everyone would do it!
Thank you for taking time out to read this post. I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to check out my YouTube Channels and leave a comment.
“Give space to your thoughts, clear the noise in your head, chit-chat with your inner critic, decide and move on.” ― Cristina Imre
I woke up thinking about how I almost let my inner critic stop me from growing this week. Here’s my challenge.
I love making Instagram Reels. It’s easy and fun for me to put little video clips together. What I figured out is that I could create the video clips and then add them to my YouTube channel as Shorts. It is a win-win for me and my viewers because I found another way to keep my original channel active now that I have moved my interview content to a whole new channel. This is also an opportunity to share more about who I am and what I do.
There is only one thing that presents a struggle and that is my fear of talking directly into the camera. In order to overcome this resistance, I decided to talk about the one thing I feel pretty confident about and that is habits. I started recording mini videos of my talking about how to make habits stick as I work on my challenge of talking on video.
I had one fluke video hit over 1600 views and I was feeling pretty good. The next couple of videos hit about 100 views and lately my videos are only attracting 3-6 views. I started obsessing about the view count and was ready to stop making videos. I started looking at the view count as my success indicator.
My inner critic was in full attack mode and had enough ammunition to make me want to give up. I started questioning myself and this whole idea of creating YouTube Shorts. I started thinking I wasn’t doing the “right” thing. Fortunately, I woke up this morning with a refreshed attitude and a the insight of, “stop looking at the numbers.”
After a few minutes of reflection, I realized “stop looking at the numbers” was code for stop looking for outside validation.
How many times have you stopped doing what you enjoy doing because the numbers don’t look good, especially in the beginning? Did we start out doing it for the numbers? For me the answer is no. I wanted to share information on a subject that I love talking about and I thought could be of help to someone else. I also wanted to get pass my fear of speaking directly on camera.
It is at these moments in time that the one person who pops in my head (surprisingly) is Cardi B. She went from being a stripper to becoming a rapper. I can only imagine how much negativity and limited self-talk she had to overcome. So when I think about giving up, I think about how other people had to overcome the same “stinking thinking” in order to do what they are doing today. If Cardi B can go from stripping to becoming a sought out entertainer, I can get past my fear of talking on camera!
Who inspires you and why? Keep them in mind when your inner critic starts to creep in. There are so many people, who battle their inner critic everyday and are winning, and so can we!
Here’s some additional suggestions I would like to offer up:
Write out your “why” and keep it in view.
Make a list of people who inspire you along with why they inspire you.
Before making any major decisions, go for a walk or allow some time for you to think. Let you mind settle.
Journal your thoughts and feelings. Awareness is key!
Record your progress. Every little step forward is a win.
Celebrate your wins.
Find an accountability partner.
Keep in mind that everyone has to start somewhere. It is always harder in the beginning.
Don’t pay attention to the numbers! If the vision or the thought came to you, it belongs to you. You are the one who can bring it to life, if you choose to.
Thank you for taking time out to read this post. I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to check out my YouTube Channels and leave a comment.
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” ― Will Durant
Quora Question: How do I turn something into a habit?
First and foremost, habits are always being created whether you realize it or not.
Habits can either bring positive results or negative consequences depending on what it is. For instance, pulling out your phone and scrolling on social media sites when you are standing in a line can become a habit. It’s a natural, automatic response which can be defined as a habit. The positive result may be to stay-up-to date with everything that is happening in your virtual world. The negative consequence could be missing out on the opportunity to meet new people standing in line with you.
The first rule of thumb in establishing a new habit is to understand why you want to create it in the first place. What are your intentions?
You can ask yourself several questions to get to the heart to your “why.” Here are a few questions to start the inner dialog.
What is the goal or result I want to achieve?
Why is this important to me?
What am I tired of? Sometimes negative consequences can be the motivational factor for creating a new habit or change.
What are your needs and wants?
Once you get a clearer understanding as to why this change or habit is important to you, the “how” is easier to incorporate.
When I first started writing this blog, my consistency was horrible. I would write a few posts then my mind would go blank. It wasn’t until I took the time out to figure out that writing was a way for me to share my voice with others that I started to see opportunities to help me stay consistent. I use Quora to stay consistent. I look for questions that I can offer advice on.
Your ”how” is a way to express your “why.” Get clear on your why and opportunities to fulfill it with start to pop up on your mental radar.
The next rule of thumb to establishing a habit it to allow time and space for it to grow.
This could be allowing physical time to establish a routine. It also includes determining what old beliefs, people, or situations you might have to let go or bring in to help you. Do you need to read more books on the subject, hire a coach or personal trainer, or re-configure your schedule? Asking yourself questions is key.
I think many people are looking for a magic number for implementing change or creating a new habit which there really isn’t one. The most effective way to implement change is to change your mindset first. Ask yourself, who is it that I want to become to achieve this type of goal and then watch the magic of transformation begin!
Thank you for taking time out to read this post. I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
“Once your mindset changes, everything on the outside will change along with it.” ― Steve Maraboli
Quora Question: What advice do you give to make the most of the hours of the day and be more productive?
As an entrepreneur, I think the number one thing to making the most of the hours of the day and to be more productive is developing your mindset and establishing your “why” behind what you are doing each day. Your “why” determines the “how” and the “what” behind all the activities you do each day.
Once you know your “why”, you can ask yourself questions that will help you determine what is going to get you your desired results like, “what is the priority for today?”.
Mindset determines everything first and foremost.
Once you understand your “why” here are some additional suggestions that can aid in your productivity, especially for those who work from home:
Use a weekly planner. Brain dump every task that you want to accomplish within your week along with your target date for completion. There is something about taking the ideas from out of your head and putting them down on paper.
Go for a daily walk or run. These types of activities help to gain mental clarity for the tasks of the day.
Reduce the number of distractions throughout the day. For example, my phone comes on automatic “Do Not Disturb” mode every day for a four-hour period. Distractions can be the biggest enemy in productivity.
Get up and move around throughout the day. If you are struggling on staying focused, getting up and moving helps to relax the brain. This is a great way to reset and spark new ideas.
Set office hours. This works great with suggestion #3 because it helps to put you into work mode mindset.
Find an accountability partner. Sometimes we work harder for others than we do for ourselves. Share you goals with them and then schedule “check-in” calls with each other.
Give yourself grace. There will be days when you are more productive than others. Sometimes a non-productive day is what helps to reset yourself.
Thank you for taking time out to read this post. I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
“You can keep as quiet as you like, but one of these days somebody is going to find you.” ― Haruki Murakami
Quora Question: What are you hiding from the world?
I am a planner person. I love the washi tape and stickers and all that crafty, creativity stuff! I used to run an Esty shop and sell my items at craft shows, so when I sit down to work on my planner, I usually have it all laid out on the living room floor. Recently, when I had all my crafting stuff out to update my planner and my husband was upstairs, I could hear him getting ready to come downstairs and my first reaction was to gather up all my things. As I started to, the first thought that popped in my head was “stop hiding.”
Ask yourself… what are you hiding from the world?
I can’t speak for others, but as a child of an alcoholic parent and a young girl who grew up in an area where there weren’t many others who looked like me, you try not to bring attention to yourself. It wasn’t until a few years ago, that I realized my opinions and feelings mattered. I didn’t learn anything about self-care until I was in my forties. That’s a long time to stay in a hiding place.
As I continue to come out of my hiding space, I am learning more about who I am and what I want, and I encourage you to come out of your hiding place too!
Our “wounds have wisdom” as Oprah Winfrey often says. What I am learning along this journey is our experiences can be lessons for us and blessing for others. Here are some practices that have helped me thus far:
Meditation. I sign up for the free meditation programs that Deepak Chopra offers. You can also search YouTube for guided meditation practices if this of interest to you. I like the guided meditations in the beginning because they helped me stay focused.
Reading. Anything you are interested in learning is available in a book, an eBook, or an audiobook. Reading helped me to realize, I am not alone. Many of the personal struggles we are dealing with, have been encountered by others who chose to share how they overcame and can be a source of inspiration for you.
Walking or Exercise. Getting up and moving is a great way to shift your energy. I say it helps to get the “gunk” out of our system. It’s like taking your car our on the highway and opening it up.
Join a group. There are several great groups that you can connect with in-person as well and virtually.
Journal. I started journaling years ago, but I never stayed consistent. What I found that can help is keeping the journal in my sights. If I see it, I am reminded to pick it up and write.
Blog. Share your story with others. You may hold the key to unlocking someone else’s breakthrough.
Have Grace with Yourself. Your life is a marathon not a sprint. Take time to sit and get to know who you are. You are worth it!
Thank you for taking time out to read this post. I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
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