Sweet N Social

Tag: mindset shift

  • Growth in Real Time: From “This Is Bullshit” to “Oh… This Is Growth”

    Growth in Real Time: From “This Is Bullshit” to “Oh… This Is Growth”

    There are days when life gives you exactly what you asked for—clarity, growth, inspiration. And then there are days when life hands you something else entirely… a fee.

    A $12 house-sitting fee, to be exact.

    On the surface, it’s a small thing.
    But when I opened that email on my travel day, something in me snapped. My first thought wasn’t profound or poetic. It was honest:

    “This is some bullshit.”

    I said it out loud too.

    Because it wasn’t just about the money. It was about what the fee stirred up inside me. It pressed on something deeper, something I didn’t know needed attention.

    And that’s when the learning moment began.

    The First Layer: The Frustration

    Let’s be honest—I was frustrated.

    Not dramatic-frustrated.
    Not spiraling-frustrated.
    Just that slow simmer of “Why does everything cost more right now?”

    Travel already has:

    • flights
    • rental cars
    • micro-payments
    • rising interest rates
    • airport fees
    • and the emotional labor of being responsible in someone else’s home

    And now the platform wants to add a fee on top of all that?

    As a house-sitter who provides care, presence, trust, and peace of mind—for free—it felt insulting. Not financially devastating. Just irritating in principle.

    And I let myself feel that.

    Sometimes honesty is the doorway to clarity.

    The Second Layer: What the Fee Revealed

    Once the first irritation settled, something surprising surfaced.

    I realized I was reacting from a lack mindset, not an expansive one.

    Not because I don’t believe in abundance.
    Not because I’m struggling.
    But because I’ve been protecting money my father gave me instead of imagining the money my creativity can generate.

    That realization hit me hard.

    I was thinking from:

    “Let me hold onto what I have,”
    instead of
    “Let me grow into what I can create.”

    Protection is not the same as expansion.

    A $12 fee shouldn’t have that much emotional weight. But it did. It exposed the mindset I was still working from.

    Sometimes the universe uses something small to reveal something big.

    The Third Layer: A Strategic Shift

    Then another truth came forth:

    This fee forces me to choose sits intentionally—not emotionally.

    Not every sit is worth:

    • the travel
    • the energy
    • the responsibility
    • the cost
    • the disruption
    • the creative bandwidth

    Some sits ARE worth it.
    Some sits feed my spirit, my reflections, my writing, and my walking practice.

    Others?
    Not anymore.

    The fee didn’t stop me from house-sitting—it made me smarter about it.

    It reminded me that house-sitting is part of my creative ecosystem, not just a trip. It supports my:

    • blog
    • newsletter
    • reflections
    • podcast
    • walking wisdom
    • sense of expansion

    It belongs in my business now, not on the sidelines.

    The Fourth Layer: The Spark

    Here’s the funny part:

    If that fee hadn’t annoyed me, I probably wouldn’t have started working on my T-shirt idea today.

    Frustration has always been one of my creative triggers.
    It wakes something up in me.

    My pattern has always been:

    Emotion → Reflection → Clarity → Creation.

    And today was no different.

    Sometimes the spark doesn’t come from inspiration—it comes from irritation.

    The Lesson: Everything Is a Learning Moment

    This experience wasn’t about a fee.
    It was about:

    • how I see myself
    • how I see my growth
    • how I see my finances
    • how I honor my creativity
    • how I evolve my business
    • how I choose what’s aligned
    • how I let frustration show me what needs to shift

    Everything is a learning moment—
    if you let yourself feel first and consider second.

    Nothing is wasted.
    Not even the annoying parts.
    Not even the bullshit moments.

    They all carry information.
    They all carry clarity.
    They all carry potential.

    I’m learning to see it all.

    Reflection Prompt

    Where in your life is frustration pointing you toward growth? Is it signaling a shift you didn’t realize you were ready for?

    Author’s Note

    This reflection came from a real-time moment of frustration that opened into clarity. I’m sharing it here because these are the moments that shape us—not the polished ones, but the honest ones.

    If this reflection resonated with you, follow Sweet N Social for more stories on creativity. You will also find inspiration on confidence and finding your rhythm in everyday moments.

    If you want the audio version of these insights, join me on Confident Strides: The Podcast. Every story becomes a moment in motion.

    By Tonia Tyler | #ConfidentStrides | Sweet N Social

  • Why I Needed Permission From Myself — Not the Technology

    Why I Needed Permission From Myself — Not the Technology

    I used to be afraid of tools like ChatGPT. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I thought, What if it steals my information? That fear came from not knowing enough. It also stemmed from a deeper place. It was the kind that whispers, this space wasn’t made for you.

    As a Black woman, I’ve learned that hesitation often comes from history. It stems from being told to be careful. We are advised not to take up too much space and to play it safe. But as I sat with that thought, something shifted.

    I started remembering those TV shows where wealthy people spoke into the air. Their digital assistant answered like a modern-day “Jeeves”: “Would you like me to write that for you?” For so long, technology like that seemed reserved for someone else — someone with privilege or power.

    But the truth is, we have that power too. Everyday people — creatives, caregivers, teachers, entrepreneurs, dreamers — can use these same tools to imagine, build, and grow. It’s not about status. It’s about perspective.

    When I reframed my fear, I realized this: technology isn’t stealing my creativity. It’s helping me organize, amplify, and honor it. It’s giving shape to ideas that once stayed trapped in my head or hidden in my notes.

    AI has become a quiet creative space for me — a place to process, brainstorm, and write freely. It’s not replacing me; it’s reflecting me back to myself.

    Sometimes, the real work isn’t learning how to use new tools. It’s learning to trust ourselves enough to use them.

    Reflection Prompt:

    Where are you still hesitating because of fear? What might happen if you reframed that fear as an invitation?

    Author’s Note:

    This reflection began as a simple thought during one of my quiet walks. I realized how often fear hides behind unfamiliar things. For years, I kept ideas locked in my voice notes, too afraid they weren’t “real writing.” Using technology became part of my healing process. It served as a reminder that creativity doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be honest. What once felt like a threat has turned into a trusted companion for clarity and growth.

    By Tonia Tyler | #ConfidentStrides | Sweet N Social

    If this reflection spoke to you, follow Sweet N Social for future entries on creativity, courage, and walking through change.

    #ReframeFear #CreativityInMotion #GrowthInMotion #SweetNSocial #ConfidentStrides

  • Are External Factors Affecting Your Success? My Guess Is Yes

    Are External Factors Affecting Your Success? My Guess Is Yes

    “The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t achieve it.” ― Jordan Belfort

    Have you ever stopped doing something you enjoyed because you didn’t get likes, subscribers or followers you wanted? I want to talk about how we can manage the external sources of influence that keep us from creating the life we want.

    One day while I was running, I was thinking to myself that I would stop making Instagram Reels. The problem with that thinking is, I love making Instagram Reel videos. I love taking 10-second clips of video and turning it into a snippet of entertainment. I think that is why I have enjoyed learning how to make YouTube videos too.

    Back to the problem, I was getting frustrated because I was losing followers on my IG page and I automatically assume it was because of the videos. I also started criticizing myself for posting videos of the nature I would see on my walks which helps me to stay creative.

    I was ready to stop doing the one of the things that brings me joy because of external sources. In many cases we don’t know or will never know why people unfollow, unsubscribe, or unlike us, but our minds will search for reasons and that what was happening to me.

    Here’s what we have to keep in mind, their action have nothing to do with us. We are internalizing or trying to rationalize what someone else is thinking when we try to “guess” or “figure out” what made them take action without ever asking them directly. When we do this, nothing positive usually comes from this kind of thinking. We are our worst critiques!

    When we decide to stop doing the things we enjoy doing because of likes, subscribers, or followers we are measuring our success by the standards of others. These are what we call external sources of influences. Learning how to navigate these external sources of influences is key especially when it comes to honoring what it is that we enjoy doing and makes us happy.

    Here are a few suggestions that have helped me:

    Define what success looks like to you.

    Asking yourself what feeling are you after is a great place to start. Are you after happiness? Inner peace? Fulfillment? Then ask yourself, what kinds of activities bring me those kinds of feelings?

    When I started walking years ago, I was looking for inner peace during a chaotic period of my life. Nine years later, I still walk because I found the inner peace I was looking for in my life. I also lost weight and my marriage is much healthier and stronger too.

    Keep in mind why you started in the first place.

    Sometimes when we stop to reconnect with our why, we remember what was the motivating force behind starting in the first place.

    For instance, when I started my YouTube channel, I started it as a way to provide uplifting content to deal with the COVID shutdown. I asked some of the life coaches in my network if they would like to share some insight on how to deal with the COVID shutdown. My goal was not to become a YouTube Influencer.

    By always remembering why I started my channel it helps me to keep in perspective what I am doing it for so when I don’t get the likes, subscribers or comments I don’t have the desire to quit. I have stronger reason to keep going and that is like sprinkles on the cupcake. It also helps me to stay consistent in uploading my content. Whoever is looking for it, when they need it, can find it!

    Remember that You Matter.

    I think this one is the most important factor in all of this. You matter and your voice matters. Our experiences in life are not exclusively for you. It is for you to share the lessons you learned because of it.

    When we take time to learn the lessons along our journey, they can become the missing pieces to someone else’s puzzle. When we allow the external sources of influence to stop us, we are saying subconsciously, that we do not matter and what we experience in life is irrelevant. That is one of the biggest lies we can say to ourselves. You matter, your opinions matter and someone is waiting for your message in the big beautiful world of ours.

    Thank you for taking time out to read this post. I invite you to check out my Instagram Reels and leave a comment. Feedback is always welcome.

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/excuses

    Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/confidentstrides/

  • Advice on How to Make Rules That Build Healthy Habits

    Advice on How to Make Rules That Build Healthy Habits

    “Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively.” ― Dalai Lama XIV

    Quora Question: How did you force yourself to stick to healthy habits?

    The very first thing I did was determine what I wanted to create and then I set up rules that would protect my habit until it could “feed” itself.

    For instance, when I started my walking habit, my main objective was to find peace during a chaotic period of my life.  I had always enjoyed playing and being out in nature while I was growing up.  I found peace and happiness so when I needed to find peace, I went back to the one thing I knew would give me that. A walk in the park.  I never set out to become a “walker” it just felt right and natural.  Nine years later, I still find peace and happiness out on the trails.

    I would never encourage anyone to “force” themselves to do anything.  I think the biggest success comes from knowing your why first and trusting the process as it unfolds.  You can still set up “rules” like I will do two sit-ups during a commercial break, or I will drink water first thing in the morning, but these are ways to help you stay in alignment with your WHY.

    Another influence that helps you stay on course is taking each day one step at a time. Start small and let the motivation of each win carry you forward. A few months into my walking journey, I started paying attention to the kinds of food I was eating.  After a great walk, I didn’t want to ruin it by eating a burger and fries.  I slowly added salads to my diet.  

    No one likes to be pushed around so why would you want to do that to yourself?  

    As humans, we are designed with “three chairmen”, the mind, body, and spirit connection.  When they are in sync, you become unstoppable by simply deciding.  Get clear about your WHY and opportunities to help you achieve your goal will pop up on your mental radar.

    Here are some things to consider when implementing “rules”

    1. If you know the rules, then you know how to break them too especially if we are the ones who made them in the first place.  Rules serve a very important role when first establishing a new habit, but if they remain checked, they can also become the very thing that hinders your growth. 
    2. Consider rules like a baby’s crib, they serve to protect your habit but eventually we will outgrow them.  It isn’t until you want to create or break a habit that you realize just how much our rules have an influence on our behavior.  
    3. Realize that with everything that is worthwhile in having, it needs time and space to cultivate. By adding this new habit, consider what you need to prepare for it to grow.  For example, readers look for time to read even perhaps create a special corner or buy a special reading chair to ease their mind for reading mode. 
    4. What will help trigger your habit? Like I mentioned above, commercial breaks can be your trigger to do push-ups or sit-ups.  This reminds me of the time when I was in the military, and we were preparing for an upcoming fitness test.  Our commanders would post signs like “do 20 push-ups” on Post-It-Notes on their doors. If you entered their office, you had to do what was posted on the note.  It made it kind of fun especially when the whole company was involved.
    5. Keep it fun. Creating habits does not have to be forced. Get your family or friends involved to help you stay on track.  Celebrate the wins and keep track of your progress.  Seeing progress is another great way to keep you going.
    6. Last and certainly not least, give yourself grace.  The fact that you made the decision to change is the most important decision of all. Remember, if it was easy, everyone would do it!

    Thank you for taking time out to read this post. I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to check out my YouTube Channels and leave a comment.

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/rules

    1. Confident Strides YouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wjtS11
    2. Coffee With T YouTube Channel (Interviews) https://bit.ly/3rYLJHR

    To connect with me: https:///confidentstrides

  • Creating Habits: 9 Ways to Stop the Need for External Approval

    Creating Habits: 9 Ways to Stop the Need for External Approval

    “Give space to your thoughts, clear the noise in your head, chit-chat with your inner critic, decide and move on.” ― Cristina Imre

    I woke up thinking about how I almost let my inner critic stop me from growing this week. Here’s my challenge.

    I love making Instagram Reels. It’s easy and fun for me to put little video clips together. What I figured out is that I could create the video clips and then add them to my YouTube channel as Shorts. It is a win-win for me and my viewers because I found another way to keep my original channel active now that I have moved my interview content to a whole new channel. This is also an opportunity to share more about who I am and what I do.

    There is only one thing that presents a struggle and that is my fear of talking directly into the camera. In order to overcome this resistance, I decided to talk about the one thing I feel pretty confident about and that is habits. I started recording mini videos of my talking about how to make habits stick as I work on my challenge of talking on video.

    I had one fluke video hit over 1600 views and I was feeling pretty good. The next couple of videos hit about 100 views and lately my videos are only attracting 3-6 views. I started obsessing about the view count and was ready to stop making videos. I started looking at the view count as my success indicator.

    My inner critic was in full attack mode and had enough ammunition to make me want to give up. I started questioning myself and this whole idea of creating YouTube Shorts. I started thinking I wasn’t doing the “right” thing. Fortunately, I woke up this morning with a refreshed attitude and a the insight of, “stop looking at the numbers.”

    After a few minutes of reflection, I realized “stop looking at the numbers” was code for stop looking for outside validation.

    How many times have you stopped doing what you enjoy doing because the numbers don’t look good, especially in the beginning? Did we start out doing it for the numbers? For me the answer is no. I wanted to share information on a subject that I love talking about and I thought could be of help to someone else. I also wanted to get pass my fear of speaking directly on camera.

    It is at these moments in time that the one person who pops in my head (surprisingly) is Cardi B. She went from being a stripper to becoming a rapper. I can only imagine how much negativity and limited self-talk she had to overcome. So when I think about giving up, I think about how other people had to overcome the same “stinking thinking” in order to do what they are doing today. If Cardi B can go from stripping to becoming a sought out entertainer, I can get past my fear of talking on camera!

    Who inspires you and why? Keep them in mind when your inner critic starts to creep in. There are so many people, who battle their inner critic everyday and are winning, and so can we!

    Here’s some additional suggestions I would like to offer up:

    1. Write out your “why” and keep it in view.
    2. Make a list of people who inspire you along with why they inspire you.
    3. Before making any major decisions, go for a walk or allow some time for you to think. Let you mind settle.
    4. Journal your thoughts and feelings. Awareness is key!
    5. Record your progress. Every little step forward is a win.
    6. Celebrate your wins.
    7. Find an accountability partner.
    8. Keep in mind that everyone has to start somewhere. It is always harder in the beginning.
    9. Don’t pay attention to the numbers! If the vision or the thought came to you, it belongs to you. You are the one who can bring it to life, if you choose to.

    Thank you for taking time out to read this post. I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to check out my YouTube Channels and leave a comment.

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/inner-critic

    1. Coffee With T YouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wjtS11
    2. Confident Strides YouTube Channel (Interviews) https://bit.ly/3rYLJHR

    To connect with me: https:///confidentstrides

  • Successful Habits: How to Make Any Long-lasting Life Changes

    Successful Habits: How to Make Any Long-lasting Life Changes

    “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” ― Will Durant

    Quora Question: How do I turn something into a habit?

    First and foremost, habits are always being created whether you realize it or not.  

    Habits can either bring positive results or negative consequences depending on what it is.  For instance, pulling out your phone and scrolling on social media sites when you are standing in a line can become a habit. It’s a natural, automatic response which can be defined as a habit.  The positive result may be to stay-up-to date with everything that is happening in your virtual world. The negative consequence could be missing out on the opportunity to meet new people standing in line with you.

    The first rule of thumb in establishing a new habit is to understand why you want to create it in the first place.  What are your intentions?

    You can ask yourself several questions to get to the heart to your “why.” Here are a few questions to start the inner dialog.

    • What is the goal or result I want to achieve?
    • Why is this important to me?
    • What am I tired of?  Sometimes negative consequences can be the motivational factor for creating a new habit or change.
    • What are your needs and wants?

    Once you get a clearer understanding as to why this change or habit is important to you, the “how” is easier to incorporate.

    When I first started writing this blog, my consistency was horrible.  I would write a few posts then my mind would go blank.  It wasn’t until I took the time out to figure out that writing was a way for me to share my voice with others that I started to see opportunities to help me stay consistent. I use Quora to stay consistent. I look for questions that I can offer advice on.  

    Your ”how” is a way to express your “why.”  Get clear on your why and opportunities to fulfill it with start to pop up on your mental radar.  

    The next rule of thumb to establishing a habit it to allow time and space for it to grow.  

    This could be allowing physical time to establish a routine.  It also includes determining what old beliefs, people, or situations you might have to let go or bring in to help you.  Do you need to read more books on the subject, hire a coach or personal trainer, or re-configure your schedule?  Asking yourself questions is key.

    I think many people are looking for a magic number for implementing change or creating a new habit which there really isn’t one.  The most effective way to implement change is to change your mindset first. Ask yourself, who is it that I want to become to achieve this type of goal and then watch the magic of transformation begin!

    Thank you for taking time out to read this post. I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag?utf8=✓&id=habits

    1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
    2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
    3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
    4. Confident Strides Entrepreneurs Network https://bit.ly/CSENMeetup

    To connect with me: https:///confidentstrides

  • How to Plan and Focus More of Your Time and Increase Productivity

    How to Plan and Focus More of Your Time and Increase Productivity

    “Once your mindset changes, everything on the outside will change along with it.” ― Steve Maraboli

    Quora Question: What advice do you give to make the most of the hours of the day and be more productive?

    As an entrepreneur, I think the number one thing to making the most of the hours of the day and to be more productive is developing your mindset and establishing your “why” behind what you are doing each day.  Your “why” determines the “how” and the “what” behind all the activities you do each day. 

    Once you know your “why”, you can ask yourself questions that will help you determine what is going to get you your desired results like, “what is the priority for today?”.

    Mindset determines everything first and foremost.

    Once you understand your “why” here are some additional suggestions that can aid in your productivity, especially for those who work from home:

    1. Use a weekly planner. Brain dump every task that you want to accomplish within your week along with your target date for completion. There is something about taking the ideas from out of your head and putting them down on paper.
    2. Go for a daily walk or run. These types of activities help to gain mental clarity for the tasks of the day. 
    3. Reduce the number of distractions throughout the day.  For example, my phone comes on automatic “Do Not Disturb” mode every day for a four-hour period.  Distractions can be the biggest enemy in productivity. 
    4. Get up and move around throughout the day. If you are struggling on staying focused, getting up and moving helps to relax the brain.  This is a great way to reset and spark new ideas.
    5. Set office hours.  This works great with suggestion #3 because it helps to put you into work mode mindset.
    6. Find an accountability partner.  Sometimes we work harder for others than we do for ourselves.  Share you goals with them and then schedule “check-in” calls with each other.
    7. Give yourself grace. There will be days when you are more productive than others.  Sometimes a non-productive day is what helps to reset yourself.

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/mindset

    Thank you for taking time out to read this post. I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.

    1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
    2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
    3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
    4. Confident Strides Entrepreneurs Network https://bit.ly/CSENMeetup

    To connect with me: https:///confidentstrides