Sweet N Social

Tag: mindset

  • Examine Your Motives First: How to Develop a Positive Attitude

    Examine Your Motives First: How to Develop a Positive Attitude

    “It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.” ― Dale Carnegie

    I love choosing questions from Quora to answer. I chose this question about how to develop a positive attitude towards reading, but you can apply this principle to just about any thing we do, so feel free to check out my answer below.

    How can I develop a positive attitude towards reading?-Quora

    I did not invest in reading books until I reached my forties. I never had a real desire to pick up a book until I was going through a difficult period in my life.  I wanted answers and so I turned to books for answers, answers that my friends could not help me with.  

    I think when you take time out to examine why you do anything is the key to determining how you feel about doing it in the first place. So many times, we just jump in and start doing things without examining the “why” behind it.  

    • Are you doing it because it is popular?
    • Are you doing it to fit in?
    • Are you doing it because someone else told you that you should?
    • Are you doing it because you want to learn something, and you feel drawn to do it?

    The intention behind the activity will help you either stay motivated to continue or eventually cause you to fizzle out.

    Here are some suggestions I would like to offer:

    1. Before diving into anything, take a moment to think about why you are about do it in the first place.  Be honest with yourself and if you need to, write it out. What do you hope to gain?
    2. If it is something you must put money into it, place a cushion between the thought and the action. That helps to reduce impulsive actions. 
    3. Regarding reading, you can look for free resources before committing to any kind of subscription or purchasing books that you might not even want to read after you buy them.  This reduces the emotional energy and guilt that comes with buyer’s remorse. 
    4. Connect with other readers and create or join a book club. It’s always more fun when others get involved.  
    5. Don’t feel like you must stick with one genre.  Lessons can be found anywhere when you are looking for them.

    Whether you are looking to create a reading habit, workout regiment, or jump into a new career, take a moment to examine your intentions behind the action.  By taking a moment to understand the driving force behind our desires, we are also preparing ourselves for the obstacles and the resistance that will inevitably come with that change. 

    In all that you do, the key to achieving your desired goal is your mental attitude towards obtaining that goal. With a positive mental attitude, you will become unstoppable!

    I also would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.

    1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
    2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
    3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/attitude

    To connect with me: https:///confidentstrides

  • How to Become Powerful: Using Creativity and Personal Development Together

    How to Become Powerful: Using Creativity and Personal Development Together

    “Creativity takes courage. ” ― Henri Matisse

    How does creativity promote your personal development?- Quora

    I would like to think that creativity and personal development go hand in hand. Creativity is being able to look at things from different angles and coming up with new possibilities. Personal development is taking a deeper dive into who and what we can do. 

    Think about the last time you got a new phone.  When I got my phone, the first thing I wanted to know was the basics; how to make phone calls, how to text and check my email.  The more I got into using and learning how to work my phone worked, the more I start playing around with new features and new apps.  I got more comfortable and more confident in exploring the possibilities of what my phone could do. Now I make videos and some much more.

    We are like smart phones, without personal development and creativity in our lives, we are just scratching the surface of our capabilities. Personal development and creativity together, help us to realize we are more powerful than we think, and we stop scratching the surface and explore the possibilities. Personal development gets you to start asking questions like what else can I do or what if I try this? 

    I would like to offer those who are starting to dig deeper into who they are and what they can do a few simple reminders:

    1. Enjoy the ride. The road on the self-discovery journey is a tricky one but it can also be a fun one. I like reading my old journals and seeing just how far my mindset has shifted. 
    2. Trust the process. It may be hard and lonely at times so remember the caterpillar wouldn’t become a butterfly without the metamorphizing. Can you imagine what beauty we would miss out if the caterpillar resisted. 
    3. You are not alone. There are many others out here learning and growing each day. Find other like-minded individuals to surround yourself with.
    4. Stay Curious. Creativity can’t be used up.  The more you use it the more you get in return so the personal development journey can be a lifelong discovery of endless wonder.

    I would like to close with this, you are more powerful than you know. Don’t stop at the basics, unleash your full potential, and take that dive. You are a gift, and the world is calling on you!

    I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.

    1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
    2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
    3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag?utf8=✓&id=creativity

    To connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

  • Being Rejected Automatically Can Create An Interesting Shift in One’s Thinking

    Being Rejected Automatically Can Create An Interesting Shift in One’s Thinking

    “You have as many options as you give yourself.” ― Kasie West

    I submitted a post that was automatically rejected!

    In the past, I know I would have been really upset but the older I get the more I realize, it was not what they were looking for.

    The key point in this situation is not that I got rejected, but the fact that I submitted a post in the first place. I knew my chances of being accepted were slim when I submitted my entry in the first place.  By writing a post, I knew I had a 50/50 percent chance of being accepted which is always better than a zero percent chance by never submitting at all.  I also realized that you don’t need someone else’s approval to offer up advice. You can offer but it is always up to someone else if they will choose to take it or not. 

    This is something I am learning more and more every day.  By expressing or sharing our thoughts, ideas, or experiences, we have done what the universe has called upon us to do. By doing so, we are helping those who are searching for an answer. If it is out there, it is available if it is not, it helps no one.

    Here’s my last takeaway:

    There is nothing in the rule book that says you can’t offer an answer through other means. We always have options. The question was posted on Quora, but you can post your answer elsewhere!

    Don’t let others keep you from sharing your insight and wisdom. My mother use to say, if there is a will, there is a way. Find your way to share your insight and wisdom with the world.

    I am posting the question and my answer below. Feel free to check it out if you would like to. If not, I know it wasn’t what you were looking for.

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag?utf8=✓&id=options

    Connect with me https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

    Rejected Submission:

    What is advice you would give to 20 something year old in today’s world? – Quora

    I thought about the advice I would give to my son when I thought about this answer.  He just turned twenty-one this year. He is married and, in the military, about to move to Italy. What came up for me was this:

    Live your life. Life is too short to live it according to other people’s standards, including mine.

    I was not happy when I found out my son was planning on getting married at nineteen.  I was trying to get him to live a little bit more before settling down, but his heart was set on it. It seemed the more I voiced my opinion against the marriage idea the more they were determined to go through with it.  We had several conversations and the one thing I remember him telling me was that this felt right for him. I wasn’t thrilled but I respected his decision.

    I read Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth a few years back and it helped me to step back and realize our roles change in life.  If my son is grown enough to make these kinds of decisions, my role now is to simply love and support him. Just like I lived my life, it is their turn to live theirs. 

    Food for thought:

    “If it is your intention to establish and maintain loving relationships with other people, you absolutely must surrender the need to be in control.” – Iyanla Vanzant

  • Unpack Your Bags: Advice on How to Let Go and Be Yourself

    Unpack Your Bags: Advice on How to Let Go and Be Yourself

    “The past gets carried with us. It’s always there.” ― Ann Pearlman

    How do you let go and be yourself? -Quora

    I remember waking up one morning thinking, “I came into this world by myself, and I will be leaving this world by myself.”  It was the weirdest thought that just lingered in my head, and I had to go for a morning walk to gain some clarity.  This is what came to me on my walk:

    The best way I can explain is through an analogy. 

    Life gets heavy and cumbersome after a while when you are so busy picking up everyone else’s emotional and mental baggage load when we are constantly trying to “help” or “fix” them. It was time to determine who’s bags I was carrying and notice what my baggage looked like.

    As a wife, I was carrying my husband’s bags. As a mother, I was carrying my grown adult children’s bags. As a daughter, I was carrying my father’s along with other bags piled on from friends and society. As a woman, I wanted to help and give them answers, but unconsciously, I was also picking up their emotional and mental baggage by worrying or getting angry if they didn’t take my advice.  These were not my issues to solve.

    On that morning walk, I learned that if the baggage belonged to someone else, it was okay to put the bag down, step away and let them carry it themselves.

    We all have a purpose here on Earth, something that we are uniquely here to do, create, or solve.  By carrying everyone’s emotional and mental baggage, you can easily get weighed down and unable to do what you need to do in life.  Plus, it robs the other person from learning their precious life lessons. 

    Life doesn’t provide us with what we want but rather what we need. Life lessons are the golden gems we gather along our journey when we take time to reflect on what we are going through.

    By knowing what bags belong to me and what bags belong to someone else, it allows me the mental freedom to be who I am. It allows me the emotional and mental freedom to move faster and pivot easier. 

    So now when people share their issues and concerns with me, I listen more as a sounding board and I ask myself, is this my baggage to carry I want to carry? If the answer is no, I quickly put it down and walk away. I have learned my job is to love them not fix them. 

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/baggage

    To connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

  • Relationship Advice: He’s a Good Man but Should I Stay, or Should I Go?

    Relationship Advice: He’s a Good Man but Should I Stay, or Should I Go?

    You’ll build a close marriage not as you do everything together but as you give space for your differences. -Doug Armey

    I am thinking about divorce. My spouse is great, but we don’t have anything in common. I am scared to grow old with that person. Should I leave? – Quora

    I have pondered this question on several occasions. My spouse has always been supportive and loving. I could never find a strong enough reason to leave the marriage. Every time we would have an argument, I would feel like this was it, I’m leaving.  But after a few days, the heat would cool off and I would think about how petty I was holding on to matters that would not even be significant in either five or ten years from now.  

    As a two time previously divorcee, the easiest thing for me was always to look for a reason to leave. I never looked for reasons to stay. I could always find “excuses” to stay but never took the deep dive as to what was causing the arguments in the first place. He never laid a hand on me, and he never cheated on me, we just didn’t share the same ideas and hobbies, and that made me feel like we didn’t have anything in common.

    I think society puts a lot on relationships that causes couples to question what a relationship is about. Two people have chosen to become one. That doesn’t mean we have to think the same or do the same things. It’s the beauty of allowing each other to be who they are and still loving them just the same. 

    My husband I have been married for over 15 years.  It’s not always wedded bliss, but I know he loves me, and he supports me.  

    Here’s a few things to keep in mind the next time you have an argument:

    1. What are we really arguing over? Take a hard look at what is the root cause of the argument. And then ask yourself, how have I contributed to it. What could I have done differently? There are always two factors in a relationship – two beliefs and two opinions.
    2. What attracted you to your spouse? Count all the things you like about them.  Sometimes we forget about the good and get caught up in the bad.
    3. Consider asking the question: Would you marry you?  Sometimes they problem is within us. I know I can be a difficult person at times, and I have projected my insecurities and irrationality on my spouse. 
    4. Give yourself and your spouse grace. When we know better, we do better. We are all doing the best with our current mindsets.

    Feel free to connect with me at https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

  • Love Those Rainy Days: How to Level Up Your Thinking Game

    Mental health problems don’t define who you are. They are something you experience. You walk in the rain and you feel the rain, but, importantly, YOU ARE NOT THE RAIN.” — Matt Haig

    It was so hard getting out of bed this morning. I could hear the gentle sound of rain coming down and my Sterns and Foster mattress was feeling so good. The dogs were even still sleep. As I slowly got moving, I peeked out the window and saw that the rain was tampering off. I might be able to get my morning walk in after all!

    I try to make getting some kind of run or walk a priority on most mornings especially on the days that I have podcast interviews to conduct. Getting up and getting a walk or a run in has been a great way to get my energy moving and my ideas flowing. Plus it has been a great way to clear my head so that I can be fully present during the interview conversations. But on rainy mornings it’s so hard to get motivated and it simply throws my whole day off!

    I wanted to share some tips I have found to help me on rainy days and well as cold mornings which can also throw a monkey wrench in staying on my daily routine.

    First: Consider how will you feel once you are done.

    Sometimes just thinking about how good it will feel to have accomplished what I set out to do is enough to just get me out the door. You can also turn it around and think about how you will feel if you don’t. There is something about knowing you conquered the odds to get what you want that makes you feel more confident and empowered. It’s the one deciding factor that can be the gateway to many more small victories throughout your day, your month and your year.

    Second: Stop worrying about what others think.

    I will admit, on rainy days especially, I sometimes feel like an idiot running or walking in the rain. On this particular morning, worried if I looked crazy to others. I know it sounds weird, and it looks even weirder writing it, but to face it, I know I have to at least acknowledge it. I’m dedicated to my mental health as much as I am to my physical health, that’s why I love my walks. So when I see other folks out walking on rainy days, I don’t feel so bad. Matter of fact, a gentleman said to me today, “I thought I was the only one out here nuts.”

    It’s in those moments that It was just as easy for me to stay in the house as it was for me to make that 2.5 second decision to put on the shoes and lace them up. As for worrying about what others think, I keep this thought in the back of my mind, “people go to work in the rain and no one thinks that’s crazy. I am going to work too. My job is to work on me.”

    Lastly: Do what other won’t

    It’s in these moments when it’s raining or snowing or just simply cloudy, that it was just as easy for me to stay in the house as it was for me to make the 2.5 second decision to put on the shoes, lace them up and get moving. On rainy, cloudy and snowy days, of course there are not many folks out walking or running. It’s also in those moments that you can look upon as character building moments. It always comes down to our perspective and how we choose to look at any situation. When you choose to walk or run on days that are more challenging then others, you just leveled up your thinking game.

    So here are my recap/takeaways for today:

    1. Consider how will you feel either completing your walk/run.
    2. The opinions of others is just that, opinions.
    3. Level up your thinking game by doing what others won’t.
    4. Be your amazing and wonderful self

    I cordially invite you to connect with me https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

    Quote Source: https://mentalhealthmatch.com/articles/anxiety/inspiring-mental-health-quotes

  • Simply Ask: Your Chances of a Yes Increase by Fifty Percent

    “Always ask yourself: “What will happen if I say nothing?”  ― Kamand Kojouri

    I’m learning that the most powerful thing I can do is to simply ask. Here are three lessons I have learned over time.

    Lesson One: Asking for help or asking for the opinion of others, doesn’t diminish who you are.

    In the past, I have been so afraid to ask people for help or even to simply ask for their opinion. I still struggle at times but I think the older I get and the more I realize I have a purpose here on this Earth, if I don’t ask I am missing out on a golden opportunity to grow and connect with someone else. I have learned over the past few years, the more comfortable I am in knowing who I am, the less threatened I feel by someone else’s opinion.

    One way I got more comfortable with other people’s opinion was during the time I was meeting with another person of faith. Our opinions were different but I focused on what we had in common. We would sit for hours discussing our views on faith. It was during this time, realized, I was comfortable with my views and at the same time could honor they other person’s view without feeling diminished. Eventually we parted ways but our friendship remains.

    Lesson Two: By not asking, we automatically assume the answer is no.

    My youngest daughter was one of the biggest offenders of this mental assumption as she was growing up. She was always getting herself in trouble because she was so sneaky. She would try and sneak cookies and snacks. She would take things from her sister without asking all of the time. It was so darn frustrating because we told her all of the time, “all you have to do is ask.” Asking didn’t mean she would always get what she wanted but it gave the person she was asking the opportunity to either say yes or no. I am now seeing this with my granddaughter.

    Lesson Three: We allow people the opportunity to participate in our lives.

    There are always two people in an equation. Allowing the person the opportunity to participate can be a gift if you allow it to be. Just think about how you feel when someone asks you for your opinion, or ask for your assistance on a project. (We’re talking about healthy boundaries and not people pleasing at this moment which is a whole other subject.)

    Here are a few of my takeaways:

    1. Ask yourself, “what’s the worst that can happen?” If you choose not to ask, you are already assuming the answer is no.
    2. Consider how the other person might feel. Allow them the opportunity to participate.
    3. Seek help and guidance from others. There is someone who has been through the same stuff.
    4. Remember, you are awesome. So give yourself some Grace!!

    I am not trying to pretend that asking is always easy, but it can get easier when you you take small steps. I had to hire a sales coach to help with asking for things regarding my business. I had to talk with a relationships person when I struggle with personal issues. When I need help and I am learning to ask and so can you.

    We are building an empowerment and leadership network via Meetup if you are looking for a group to connect with.

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/ask

  • Life is About Learning: Do You Have Permission to Fail?


    “There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.” ― Paulo Coelho

    Are we giving ourselves permission to fail?

    I don’t think we do. If we gave ourselves permission to fail, just imaging how much more compassionate we could be with others. We could see that we are all just trying to do the best with our current mindsets.

    I recently took some time to reflect back on some of my life experiences and realized, I have failed a lot along the way but it didn’t mean I was a failure. Being a two time divorced woman, I now realize my previous marriages helped me to become the woman I am today. There were things within me that I needed to face and address if I wanted my third marriage to work. I like the quote, “what we resist will persist.” When my current marriage hit a rocky patch a few years ago, my first instinct was to put all the blame on my husband. I considered myself the victim and could find plenty of evidence to back up my claim of how bad my husband treated me. At this time in my life, I had started reading more books on self-discovery. I would take long walks through the park and just think and my mind got curious about my role in this contractual agreement we called a marriage.

    The first thing I had to do, was to forgive myself. I learned to give myself a little more grace and become a little bit more loving with myself. My defense mechanism had always been to find all the wrong in my husband without considering putting the spotlight on me. There were some hard truths I had to face about myself.

    I would not saying that my previous marriages would have worked out had I taken the deeper dive into myself before then, but I am thankful for the lessons that they taught me. I don’t hold any ill will towards my exes because I know, like me, they were doing the best they knew.

    So, back to main point: learning to give ourselves permission to fail, here are my takeaways:

    1. Commit to becoming a lifetime learner. Learn who you are and what to like and dislike.
    2. Be willing to explore new things. Life is what you make of it.
    3. If you fail at something, don’t quit, keep trying. Become like a scientist, take inventory of what worked and figure out what didn’t then go back to the drawing board.
    4. You are awesome. Give yourself some Grace!

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/failure

    I am including an Amazon Affiliate link to one of the books that helped my through my rough patch. It’s titled, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by John Gottman: https://amzn.to/3vfYDSe

  • Noticing the Invisible Influences: Who Do We Let Run Through Our Minds?

    It’s a little bit like Goldilocks. We don’t want to be the same as everybody else, but too different is also bad. We’re trying to walk the line between being similar and different. -Jonah Berger

    Who are you giving permission to run through your mind?

    We all of a circle of influence whether we know it or not. Some of us have smaller circles than other but they still operate in the same manner. They are the ones who influence our thoughts and behaviors. We are even influencers of others too.

    I recently asked a networking group that I facilitate this very questions. I have to admit that I never really gave this question much thought until recently. In many of the self-discovery books, they often state that we become like the people we associate with on a daily basis. The more I ponder this thought, I do think it has some truth to it.

    Many of the women in my networking group have written a book and are looking to create an online course. I also have had a desire to write a book but it’s been way down on the list. I also would like to create an online course, but again it’s been way down on the life goal list as well, until recently. I am starting to see pathway to achieving both the goal of writing a book and creating an online course.

    I remember a few years ago, when I used to take my former neighbor to her doctor’s appointments and grocery shopping that she was a vegetarian. At that time, I started noticing that I became more aware about my meat consumption and at times considered cutting meat out of my diet.

    What I like most about this question is that it makes you stop and take notice of who we grant access to influence our lives. These are the people who help us create the kind of life we want and accomplish the goals we want to achieve. They can either be helping you to achieve your dreams or hindering you. I definitely think it’s worth your time to take a closer look.

    Here are some of my takeaways:

    1. Pay attention to who you surround yourself with.
    2. Notice how they affect your life. Do they help or hinder you from creating the kind of life you want? Do you like who you are becoming? Who do you need to be around more? or less?
    3. Remember: You are awesome. Give yourself some Grace!

    Here is an Amazon affiliate link for “Invisible Influence: The Hidden Forces that Shape Behavior” by Jonah Berger who I quoted in the beginning: https://amzn.to/3aB5YlR

    I am also including an article I came across while I was writing this post that may explain more about how we make our decisions that also mentioned the book which is also my Quote Source: https://behavioralscientist.org/invisible-influence-how-other-people-think-for-you-and-why-thats-ok/

    Join me on Meetup at https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup

    Other ways to connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

  • To Achieve Dreams Faster: Fall In Love with Being Uncomfortable

    We have to be honest about what we want and take risks rather than lie to ourselves and make excuses to stay in our comfort zone. -Ray Bennett

    I have been reading the book “How To Change” by Katy Milkman. In the book, she addresses present bias otherwise known as laziness. She says that if you can recognize when the path of least resistance is at work we can learn to harness it for good.

    I pondered that thought for a little while and took a closer look at some of the things I do that are not helping me hit my business goals each month. The first thing that came to mind is that I am not actively seeking ways to bring in money. Like many business owners, I use many tools that help to run my business and for the most part they are not very expensive especially since I work from home. It’s easy for me to just make a small business loan to my business each month to cover these expenses. It wasn’t until I sat down and talked with a financial person who asked me: “what else would I like to do in life?” She had me write out both my personal and professional goals so that we could make a budget plan to achieve these goals. Once I could see the budget in front of me, she brought to my attention that if I wasn’t making the business loan to myself each month, I could hit my plans a little bit faster.

    By using the default setting of making a small business loan to myself each month, it kept me in a comfortable spot in my business. Since my expenses were being covered by the loan, I didn’t have a desire to look for other income sources. That’s when I realized, I was letting present bias or laziness work against me.

    When it came down to setting up my budget for the following month, I “short changed” my business loan. I was forced to set a financial goal that would get my brain working to find or scan income generating sources. My brain had to go to work to find a way to make up the difference. I am proud to admit that I hit my financial goal for that month. It was definitely a bit uncomfortable, but my didn’t fail me, it simply went to work.

    So my question for you is this… what are you doing right now that is keeping you in the comfort zone? Are you letting present bias or laziness help or hurt you? What small change can you make that will get your brain to wake up and go to work?

    Follow up with me and let me know.

    Quote Source: https://www.wisesayings.com/uncomfortable-quotes/

    Amazon Affiliate link to purchase “How To Change” – Katy Milkman: https://amzn.to/3tsxBG8