Anyone who drives knows that you can’t drive forever on one tank of gas. You have to fuel up in order to keep going. Stopping to take care of yourself is a lot like stopping to refuel. Self care is not selfish, it is necessary. In order to make this journey called life, stop riding on fumes and refuel.
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What’s impossible for one person does not meat it is impossible for you. We are know our capabilities and limitations, or so we think we do. The biggest limitation usually to overcome is yourself. The world is full of people who have overcome great odds. If they could do it, so can you.
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One valuable lesson I learned while in the military was, never ask anything of your soldiers you are not willing to do for yourself. Are your actions in alignment with what you are saying? People are not dumb and can pick up on plain “lip-service”. Work to ensure the advice you are willing to dish out to other is the same advice you are willing to take also.
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Surround yourself with people who keep you motivated and focused. We all have times when we just don’t feel like we can keep going. Having a strong “why” is important and so is having a strong support system in place as well. No man is an island so don’t think you have to go this journey alone.
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Plants have to be moved into larger containers as they grow because the roots of the plant become cramped and form a tightly packed mass that inhibits growth. Like plants, as we start to grow, we eventually need to be re-potted. Learn to embrace change. It’s a sign of growth.
Everyone has a story to share. I did not learn this valuable lesson until I joined Toastmasters. It takes courage to share but you never know who might need to hear your story or who you might inspire along the way. In the great words of Les Brown, “You have greatness in you.”
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We all need time to shut off the chaos of everyday life. I gain clarity and insight during my daily walks. Take time out to discover what works best for you. It doesn’t matter what you do, just choose to make it a priority for yourself at some point during your day.
You deserve it!
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This post was inspired by a conversation I had with my daughter:
She was upset when I picked up from work and was ready to quit her job because of the “drama” of her co-workers. The advice I gave her was that yes at times you do have to move on but no matter if you change schools, change jobs or even change spouses, the drama free life you are looking for won’t happen until you do some changing within yourself. You have to learn to let go!
I am still amazed how we can allow one person to affect us in our daily lives and in how we see ourselves and view success. I want you to see that you have the power of choice on your side and show you that it’s not the situation that’s important, but how we choose to react that will make a world of difference.
I let go of other people’s “drama” by learning three things:
Truly, no one has power over you unless you give it to them.
#1 Harness the Power of Control:
For years I was concerned about what people thought of me, if they liked me, was a doing a good job, but then I realized that I have the power of choice on my side. It wasn’t until I went to Oprah’s Live the Life You want to Live Weekend Tour in August of 2014. I went to this event by myself and realized that some trips are best taken alone! It caused my perspective of life to shift. It was a 3 day event in Detroit. We were given the cool battery operated LED wristbands that light up during the event. I wore mine for several months despite the fact that battery died shortly after the event. On the wristband, it says “Oprah’s the Life You Want Weekend” It became a daily reminder to me that we all have a choice in every second, of every minute of every day in how we choose to live our lives. As the sun rises each day so are the chances to make new choices.
The more happiness I experienced, the less I wanted to it relinquish it because of someone else’s “drama”.
#2 Eliminating as Much Negativity as Possible:
I love how The Late Dr. Maya Angelou has so eloquently expressed… “I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” I first had to stop calling what we so often refer to as failures and setbacks in our lives as mistakes and realized they were learning opportunities. They became my lessons learned.
In life’s lessons there are so often things that we need to learn from them to prepare us for the next challenge. In learning that I can’t control other people’s thought, actions or emotions, life started to become more fun and interesting. I was able to laugh at myself more freely and with less judgement. The more I become aware of my behaviors the more I seem to pick up on the behaviors of others. As my self-awareness expanded the more empathetic I became. Being more empathetic opened the door to identifying with the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of others, which simply meant I could relate more to others
#3 Practice Daily Mindfulness:
I am not free of judgmental thoughts but I am more aware of when these thoughts and attitudes arise. With expanded awareness you’re able to make more conscious decisions that can lead to better choices. By making better choices I have had more desirable outcomes and more meaningful relationships.
I don’t react to people, to the news and to life’s everyday situations that would “back in the day” set me off. With the power of choice comes the freedom to live life on your terms. I find myself no longer bound by the thoughts or opinions of others. I am not where I would like to be, but I am not the person I was. And if success can be measured by liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it. Then I am truly successful!
In Jack Canfield’s Success Principle’s he expresses this in a simple and easy to remember equation: E + R =O. (Event +Reaction=Outcome). In this equation the only thing you have control over is the R (your reaction to the event).
As I stated in the beginning we so often give power to people by allowing them to affect our moods, our days and our lives. By harnessing the power of choice, choosing to eliminate as much negativity as possible from your life and practicing mindfulness to expand your self-awareness you are able to put your life back into focus.
It’s like rebooting yourself back to your original default setting. When you harness that power, you will honestly proclaim:
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul.
–Invictus – Poem by William Ernest Henley
Poem Credit: http://poemhunter.com/poem/invictus/
I wanted to say Happy Friday to everyone today. As this week winds down I wanted to take a moment and share some of the great moments I had over the week.
On Monday I was able to get my car back from the repair shop. I started having problems with my car’s cooling system in May but I didn’t make getting it a repaired a big priority since I still had my husband’s car to use. Now that the car is repaired and back on the road, I am able to take my son to school and then head to the park to get my morning walks in. I love this time of the year because of the leaves turning colors and the cool crisp morning air. Here is a picture I took of the walking trail.
Since, I take my son to school each morning and we have two lovely dogs, I have the honor of putting them outside each morning. I love watching the sunrise each morning. It’s just a beautiful reminder that each morning is a fresh start, a new beginning.
One of the best things I love to see on my walks is the morning dew dripping from the leaves.
Here is a picture of the boat house.
I wanted to share some of my favorite highlights of the week. Please feel free to comment and share some of yours. -Tonia
“We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.” ― Dalai Lama XIV
By meditating on a regular basis I become aware of my thoughts. The more aware I became of my thoughts the more I started making wiser choices on what I paid attention to and where I focused my efforts.
The first thing that captured my attention was the commercials during television shows. I started paying more attention to what was being advertised and I realized that most of the commercials are fear-based messages that try to coerce you into some type of action, which is primarily to sell their product like the latest dish washing liquid doesn’t kill enough germ causing bacteria. Another thing I started noticing was a commercial with a catchy jingle isn’t quite so annoying by the 3rd time you hear it. I started putting the commercials on mute.
The next thing that I started noticing was the amount of negativity in everyday conversation. The more I tried to focus on eliminating negativity from my conversations the more I found reasons to celebrate even the littlest things. I found myself singing to the radio and actually dancing around the house as I did such things like vacuuming and cooking. I eventually stopped watching TV all together.
My days have been more productive and less stressful. I have more time to relax and enjoy things like lying in my hammock, taking morning walks in the park and spending quality time with my family. I started exercising and found a desire to start cleaning out my garage that has been on my to-do list for two years.
What I found is that when you find the joy and appreciation for who you are there is no way anyone can steal that joy from you because it comes from deep within.
Sweet N Social 
