This week, I found myself thinking about the different ways people lead.
Not in a “right or wrong” way, but in the quiet, behind-the-scenes moments where motivation shows itself.
For years, I’ve worked alongside people who inspire action in very different ways. Some lead through vision and excitement. Some lead by keeping the systems running. And some lead by paying attention to the people inside those systems.
That last one is where this reflection landed for me.
Recently, I had a conversation with someone who has been stepping up in a big way. He’s been faithfully hosting Thursdays for a while now, after stepping in when our previous host had other commitments. When he mentioned he was planning to host our Thursday meeting on Thanksgiving, it surprised me. He said, “the event is already listed.” That sparked something in me.
Not because he was unwilling to take a break,
but because Thanksgiving happens to fall on the day he has taken ownership of.
His mindset was:
“The event is scheduled, so someone needs to show up.”
That sense of responsibility is admirable — and honestly, it’s why the community has continued smoothly.
But I also saw something else.
I saw someone ready to carry the weight just because it was there. He didn’t consider whether he needed to carry it this time.
I’ve been that person.
Many of us have.
So I reminded him:
“You do not have to host this event. You are not obligated. You deserve to enjoy your family.”
And I meant that.
Not as a suggestion,
but as permission.
Because I’ve also seen what happens when the reliable ones always step up:
people burn out quietly.
They assume no one notices.
They believe the system needs them more than they need rest.
And the truth is,
systems will take whatever we give them.
They don’t naturally pause to ask how we’re doing.
People do.
After our conversation, I followed up with an email response to include the person who originally hosted these events. Not to put anyone on notice, but to make sure the message didn’t fall through the cracks. Then I followed up again to encourage him to share his thoughts directly.
Why?
Because leadership isn’t just about keeping the event running.
Leadership is also about making sure the people running the event aren’t sacrificing themselves unnecessarily.
If one person gets to step back and enjoy their holiday, everyone should feel they have that same opportunity.
What struck me later is this:
Some people see leadership as honoring the schedule.
Some see it as driving the vision forward.
Some see it as maintaining the structure.
But there’s another kind of leadership that often goes unnoticed:
The kind that says,
“You don’t have to carry this alone.”
The kind that protects people from burning themselves out.
The kind that notices effort before exhaustion.
The kind that values the human more than the plan.
That’s the kind of leadership I want to practice.
There was no conflict here.
No disagreement.
Just an observation that reminded me of how easily obligation can shape our behavior.
And how powerful it is when someone pauses long enough to say:
“Hey, you matter too.”
Sometimes leadership looks like stepping up.
And sometimes?
Leadership looks like giving someone permission to step back.
By Tonia Tyler | #ConfidentStrides | Sweet N Social
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