Sweet N Social

Tag: personal growth

  • Being Rejected Automatically Can Create An Interesting Shift in One’s Thinking

    Being Rejected Automatically Can Create An Interesting Shift in One’s Thinking

    “You have as many options as you give yourself.” ― Kasie West

    I submitted a post that was automatically rejected!

    In the past, I know I would have been really upset but the older I get the more I realize, it was not what they were looking for.

    The key point in this situation is not that I got rejected, but the fact that I submitted a post in the first place. I knew my chances of being accepted were slim when I submitted my entry in the first place.  By writing a post, I knew I had a 50/50 percent chance of being accepted which is always better than a zero percent chance by never submitting at all.  I also realized that you don’t need someone else’s approval to offer up advice. You can offer but it is always up to someone else if they will choose to take it or not. 

    This is something I am learning more and more every day.  By expressing or sharing our thoughts, ideas, or experiences, we have done what the universe has called upon us to do. By doing so, we are helping those who are searching for an answer. If it is out there, it is available if it is not, it helps no one.

    Here’s my last takeaway:

    There is nothing in the rule book that says you can’t offer an answer through other means. We always have options. The question was posted on Quora, but you can post your answer elsewhere!

    Don’t let others keep you from sharing your insight and wisdom. My mother use to say, if there is a will, there is a way. Find your way to share your insight and wisdom with the world.

    I am posting the question and my answer below. Feel free to check it out if you would like to. If not, I know it wasn’t what you were looking for.

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag?utf8=✓&id=options

    Connect with me https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

    Rejected Submission:

    What is advice you would give to 20 something year old in today’s world? – Quora

    I thought about the advice I would give to my son when I thought about this answer.  He just turned twenty-one this year. He is married and, in the military, about to move to Italy. What came up for me was this:

    Live your life. Life is too short to live it according to other people’s standards, including mine.

    I was not happy when I found out my son was planning on getting married at nineteen.  I was trying to get him to live a little bit more before settling down, but his heart was set on it. It seemed the more I voiced my opinion against the marriage idea the more they were determined to go through with it.  We had several conversations and the one thing I remember him telling me was that this felt right for him. I wasn’t thrilled but I respected his decision.

    I read Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth a few years back and it helped me to step back and realize our roles change in life.  If my son is grown enough to make these kinds of decisions, my role now is to simply love and support him. Just like I lived my life, it is their turn to live theirs. 

    Food for thought:

    “If it is your intention to establish and maintain loving relationships with other people, you absolutely must surrender the need to be in control.” – Iyanla Vanzant

  • Year End Advice: How to Make 2022 a Success For You

    Year End Advice: How to Make 2022 a Success For You

    “Success is getting what you want, happiness is wanting what you get” ― W. P. Kinsella

    How can I make the year 2022 work for me?- Quora

    I think we can make a big impact in 2022 when we learn first to define want success looks like for ourselves. We can’t make the year work for you if you don’t know what you are aiming for in the first place.  

    Success means different things to different people. My life changed the moment I realized I was living my life based off the standards of others. Here are a few suggestions to help jump start your new year:

    Learn to trust your inner voice. 

    This was a hard lesson for me to learn.  It’s like programing your GPS to your desired location and then wanting to turn it off or doubting it because it’s taking on a whole new route you never traveled before. Once you get comfortable using the GPS, you learn to trust that it knows the best way to get you there. You stop trying to outsmart the navigation system.

    Figure out what you’re aiming for

    I learned to set goals a little more by watching football.  If you don’t know what end zone yours is, you’ll never know which way to run and when you’ve had a touchdown.  Once I started setting goals, my brain went to work looking for opportunities like a quarterback looks for a receiver.

    Stop waiting for approval from others

    Sometimes we are the one who must be the first to lead.  This goes with trusting your inner voice which seems to get louder the more you listen. We all have an assignment to do in life.  You have a special gift or talent that you are equipped with. This is your superpower.  The world is waiting for you to discover and cultivate your special power.  You might have the idea to end world hunger or cure cancer but without you are taking that first step to cultivate your superpower, the world is left with a great loss.  That missing puzzle piece.

    Build a support team

    We don’t have to do everything on our own.  Look for other people who want to also do something in their life. We can be become candles for each other who in turn help to keep each other’s paths lit.  Form an accountability group or create your own.

    As we close out 2021, I always suggest taking inventory of the things that worked for you and the things that you would like to change.  To get to your desired location, you must know where you are on the map!

    I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.

    1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
    2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
    3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/success

    To connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

  • Unpack Your Bags: Advice on How to Let Go and Be Yourself

    Unpack Your Bags: Advice on How to Let Go and Be Yourself

    “The past gets carried with us. It’s always there.” ― Ann Pearlman

    How do you let go and be yourself? -Quora

    I remember waking up one morning thinking, “I came into this world by myself, and I will be leaving this world by myself.”  It was the weirdest thought that just lingered in my head, and I had to go for a morning walk to gain some clarity.  This is what came to me on my walk:

    The best way I can explain is through an analogy. 

    Life gets heavy and cumbersome after a while when you are so busy picking up everyone else’s emotional and mental baggage load when we are constantly trying to “help” or “fix” them. It was time to determine who’s bags I was carrying and notice what my baggage looked like.

    As a wife, I was carrying my husband’s bags. As a mother, I was carrying my grown adult children’s bags. As a daughter, I was carrying my father’s along with other bags piled on from friends and society. As a woman, I wanted to help and give them answers, but unconsciously, I was also picking up their emotional and mental baggage by worrying or getting angry if they didn’t take my advice.  These were not my issues to solve.

    On that morning walk, I learned that if the baggage belonged to someone else, it was okay to put the bag down, step away and let them carry it themselves.

    We all have a purpose here on Earth, something that we are uniquely here to do, create, or solve.  By carrying everyone’s emotional and mental baggage, you can easily get weighed down and unable to do what you need to do in life.  Plus, it robs the other person from learning their precious life lessons. 

    Life doesn’t provide us with what we want but rather what we need. Life lessons are the golden gems we gather along our journey when we take time to reflect on what we are going through.

    By knowing what bags belong to me and what bags belong to someone else, it allows me the mental freedom to be who I am. It allows me the emotional and mental freedom to move faster and pivot easier. 

    So now when people share their issues and concerns with me, I listen more as a sounding board and I ask myself, is this my baggage to carry I want to carry? If the answer is no, I quickly put it down and walk away. I have learned my job is to love them not fix them. 

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/baggage

    To connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

  • Love Those Rainy Days: How to Level Up Your Thinking Game

    Mental health problems don’t define who you are. They are something you experience. You walk in the rain and you feel the rain, but, importantly, YOU ARE NOT THE RAIN.” — Matt Haig

    It was so hard getting out of bed this morning. I could hear the gentle sound of rain coming down and my Sterns and Foster mattress was feeling so good. The dogs were even still sleep. As I slowly got moving, I peeked out the window and saw that the rain was tampering off. I might be able to get my morning walk in after all!

    I try to make getting some kind of run or walk a priority on most mornings especially on the days that I have podcast interviews to conduct. Getting up and getting a walk or a run in has been a great way to get my energy moving and my ideas flowing. Plus it has been a great way to clear my head so that I can be fully present during the interview conversations. But on rainy mornings it’s so hard to get motivated and it simply throws my whole day off!

    I wanted to share some tips I have found to help me on rainy days and well as cold mornings which can also throw a monkey wrench in staying on my daily routine.

    First: Consider how will you feel once you are done.

    Sometimes just thinking about how good it will feel to have accomplished what I set out to do is enough to just get me out the door. You can also turn it around and think about how you will feel if you don’t. There is something about knowing you conquered the odds to get what you want that makes you feel more confident and empowered. It’s the one deciding factor that can be the gateway to many more small victories throughout your day, your month and your year.

    Second: Stop worrying about what others think.

    I will admit, on rainy days especially, I sometimes feel like an idiot running or walking in the rain. On this particular morning, worried if I looked crazy to others. I know it sounds weird, and it looks even weirder writing it, but to face it, I know I have to at least acknowledge it. I’m dedicated to my mental health as much as I am to my physical health, that’s why I love my walks. So when I see other folks out walking on rainy days, I don’t feel so bad. Matter of fact, a gentleman said to me today, “I thought I was the only one out here nuts.”

    It’s in those moments that It was just as easy for me to stay in the house as it was for me to make that 2.5 second decision to put on the shoes and lace them up. As for worrying about what others think, I keep this thought in the back of my mind, “people go to work in the rain and no one thinks that’s crazy. I am going to work too. My job is to work on me.”

    Lastly: Do what other won’t

    It’s in these moments when it’s raining or snowing or just simply cloudy, that it was just as easy for me to stay in the house as it was for me to make the 2.5 second decision to put on the shoes, lace them up and get moving. On rainy, cloudy and snowy days, of course there are not many folks out walking or running. It’s also in those moments that you can look upon as character building moments. It always comes down to our perspective and how we choose to look at any situation. When you choose to walk or run on days that are more challenging then others, you just leveled up your thinking game.

    So here are my recap/takeaways for today:

    1. Consider how will you feel either completing your walk/run.
    2. The opinions of others is just that, opinions.
    3. Level up your thinking game by doing what others won’t.
    4. Be your amazing and wonderful self

    I cordially invite you to connect with me https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

    Quote Source: https://mentalhealthmatch.com/articles/anxiety/inspiring-mental-health-quotes

  • Simply Ask: Your Chances of a Yes Increase by Fifty Percent

    “Always ask yourself: “What will happen if I say nothing?”  ― Kamand Kojouri

    I’m learning that the most powerful thing I can do is to simply ask. Here are three lessons I have learned over time.

    Lesson One: Asking for help or asking for the opinion of others, doesn’t diminish who you are.

    In the past, I have been so afraid to ask people for help or even to simply ask for their opinion. I still struggle at times but I think the older I get and the more I realize I have a purpose here on this Earth, if I don’t ask I am missing out on a golden opportunity to grow and connect with someone else. I have learned over the past few years, the more comfortable I am in knowing who I am, the less threatened I feel by someone else’s opinion.

    One way I got more comfortable with other people’s opinion was during the time I was meeting with another person of faith. Our opinions were different but I focused on what we had in common. We would sit for hours discussing our views on faith. It was during this time, realized, I was comfortable with my views and at the same time could honor they other person’s view without feeling diminished. Eventually we parted ways but our friendship remains.

    Lesson Two: By not asking, we automatically assume the answer is no.

    My youngest daughter was one of the biggest offenders of this mental assumption as she was growing up. She was always getting herself in trouble because she was so sneaky. She would try and sneak cookies and snacks. She would take things from her sister without asking all of the time. It was so darn frustrating because we told her all of the time, “all you have to do is ask.” Asking didn’t mean she would always get what she wanted but it gave the person she was asking the opportunity to either say yes or no. I am now seeing this with my granddaughter.

    Lesson Three: We allow people the opportunity to participate in our lives.

    There are always two people in an equation. Allowing the person the opportunity to participate can be a gift if you allow it to be. Just think about how you feel when someone asks you for your opinion, or ask for your assistance on a project. (We’re talking about healthy boundaries and not people pleasing at this moment which is a whole other subject.)

    Here are a few of my takeaways:

    1. Ask yourself, “what’s the worst that can happen?” If you choose not to ask, you are already assuming the answer is no.
    2. Consider how the other person might feel. Allow them the opportunity to participate.
    3. Seek help and guidance from others. There is someone who has been through the same stuff.
    4. Remember, you are awesome. So give yourself some Grace!!

    I am not trying to pretend that asking is always easy, but it can get easier when you you take small steps. I had to hire a sales coach to help with asking for things regarding my business. I had to talk with a relationships person when I struggle with personal issues. When I need help and I am learning to ask and so can you.

    We are building an empowerment and leadership network via Meetup if you are looking for a group to connect with.

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/ask

  • Life is About Learning: Do You Have Permission to Fail?


    “There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.” ― Paulo Coelho

    Are we giving ourselves permission to fail?

    I don’t think we do. If we gave ourselves permission to fail, just imaging how much more compassionate we could be with others. We could see that we are all just trying to do the best with our current mindsets.

    I recently took some time to reflect back on some of my life experiences and realized, I have failed a lot along the way but it didn’t mean I was a failure. Being a two time divorced woman, I now realize my previous marriages helped me to become the woman I am today. There were things within me that I needed to face and address if I wanted my third marriage to work. I like the quote, “what we resist will persist.” When my current marriage hit a rocky patch a few years ago, my first instinct was to put all the blame on my husband. I considered myself the victim and could find plenty of evidence to back up my claim of how bad my husband treated me. At this time in my life, I had started reading more books on self-discovery. I would take long walks through the park and just think and my mind got curious about my role in this contractual agreement we called a marriage.

    The first thing I had to do, was to forgive myself. I learned to give myself a little more grace and become a little bit more loving with myself. My defense mechanism had always been to find all the wrong in my husband without considering putting the spotlight on me. There were some hard truths I had to face about myself.

    I would not saying that my previous marriages would have worked out had I taken the deeper dive into myself before then, but I am thankful for the lessons that they taught me. I don’t hold any ill will towards my exes because I know, like me, they were doing the best they knew.

    So, back to main point: learning to give ourselves permission to fail, here are my takeaways:

    1. Commit to becoming a lifetime learner. Learn who you are and what to like and dislike.
    2. Be willing to explore new things. Life is what you make of it.
    3. If you fail at something, don’t quit, keep trying. Become like a scientist, take inventory of what worked and figure out what didn’t then go back to the drawing board.
    4. You are awesome. Give yourself some Grace!

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/failure

    I am including an Amazon Affiliate link to one of the books that helped my through my rough patch. It’s titled, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by John Gottman: https://amzn.to/3vfYDSe

  • Advice on How to Effectively Succeed in Life: Subtract First, Then Add

    “Your net worth to the world is usually determined by what remains after your bad habits are subtracted from your good ones.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

    Subtracting is just as effective in business as adding is. The trouble is we don’t think of that mathematical equation first. As an entrepreneur, I am always wanting to add things or processes without taking time to see how or even if this “new” thing should or can be added. It may be a great thing to add but we don’t take the time to see if the time is now to add it and if we add it, what will be affected.

    Today, on a business call with a colleague, we discussed the process of elimination. My colleague shared how she looks at the process of elimination as troubleshooting. She has an IT background and shares that by troubleshooting the challenge, we slowly close off different process to see where the proverbial leak is. For example, if you shut off the water line to the kitchen sink to fix a leak but you still have a leak, you know the leak, or the problem isn’t coming from the kitchen sink. You continue to shut off other valves until you isolate the problem source.

    We can use this same thinking to find out what is working and not working in our business as well in our personal lives.

    I used to do a lot of adding without taking the time to see what was truly working before adding something new to my business. By the time I realized it wasn’t working, I invested either too much time or too much money and found myself too overwhelmed and simply quit. I would simply shut down and then think I failed. Now moving forward, I am working on being more strategic, more intentional about what I want to do and create. I want my “why” to be in alignment with my “what’, which means if I add anything I have to consider subtracting something else.

    Subtracting also can mean delegating that task to someone else or finding another way to automate the process. I have found that I would feel like I had to do everything by myself which is another topic to discuss. But what I want to leave you with today is this:

    1. Get clear on your purpose or intention
    2. Figure out what’s working and what’s not
    3. Before adding, consider what do you have to subtract.

    As I mentioned in the beginning, this practice is just as effective in our personal lives as it is in business. In our personal life it may be eliminating or cutting back on social media or television time to spend more time with family or adding more time for personal development and reading.

    What I believe is this: we are creatures of habit and how we do anything is how we do everything.

    Quote Source: https://www.azquotes.com/quotes/topics/subtraction.html

    Connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

  • To Achieve Dreams Faster: Fall In Love with Being Uncomfortable

    We have to be honest about what we want and take risks rather than lie to ourselves and make excuses to stay in our comfort zone. -Ray Bennett

    I have been reading the book “How To Change” by Katy Milkman. In the book, she addresses present bias otherwise known as laziness. She says that if you can recognize when the path of least resistance is at work we can learn to harness it for good.

    I pondered that thought for a little while and took a closer look at some of the things I do that are not helping me hit my business goals each month. The first thing that came to mind is that I am not actively seeking ways to bring in money. Like many business owners, I use many tools that help to run my business and for the most part they are not very expensive especially since I work from home. It’s easy for me to just make a small business loan to my business each month to cover these expenses. It wasn’t until I sat down and talked with a financial person who asked me: “what else would I like to do in life?” She had me write out both my personal and professional goals so that we could make a budget plan to achieve these goals. Once I could see the budget in front of me, she brought to my attention that if I wasn’t making the business loan to myself each month, I could hit my plans a little bit faster.

    By using the default setting of making a small business loan to myself each month, it kept me in a comfortable spot in my business. Since my expenses were being covered by the loan, I didn’t have a desire to look for other income sources. That’s when I realized, I was letting present bias or laziness work against me.

    When it came down to setting up my budget for the following month, I “short changed” my business loan. I was forced to set a financial goal that would get my brain working to find or scan income generating sources. My brain had to go to work to find a way to make up the difference. I am proud to admit that I hit my financial goal for that month. It was definitely a bit uncomfortable, but my didn’t fail me, it simply went to work.

    So my question for you is this… what are you doing right now that is keeping you in the comfort zone? Are you letting present bias or laziness help or hurt you? What small change can you make that will get your brain to wake up and go to work?

    Follow up with me and let me know.

    Quote Source: https://www.wisesayings.com/uncomfortable-quotes/

    Amazon Affiliate link to purchase “How To Change” – Katy Milkman: https://amzn.to/3tsxBG8

  • To Achieve Your Dreams: Put your Blinders On and Create Life Your Way

    “Who in the world am I? Ah, that’s the great puzzle.” ― Lewis Carroll

    Best way to start your own blog is not to read others peoples! You will inevitably compare your writing with everyone else’s and that will or can kill your momentum.

    This is what I call putting your blinders on. It works in what ever your choose to accomplish in your life. When I started blogging a few years ago and I had lots of great momentum until I started reading and seeing what others were doing in theirs posts. I started thinking about how great their writing was and how many likes they had and followers and everything else. Slowly my desire to write died.

    The only takeaway: do it the best way you know how. We are never experts starting out and that’s the beauty of the newness. We don’t have the expert thinking or even the followers who notice the very mistakes we will make. We are on a journey of self-discovery and that road is fun and scary at the same time. Nothing kills momentum more than the comparison bug!

    It is this very thinking that helped me start and maintain my YouTube channel. This kind of thinking is what will help me to write these blog posts and do many other things. So make the mistakes, start with “sucky” posts and just keep growing and exploring. Put your blinders are and create life your way!

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/self-discovery

    Ways to connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

  • Ways to Manage Insecurities and Find Connection with Others

    “One of the greatest journeys in life is overcoming insecurity and learning to truly not give a shit.” ― J. A. Konrath

    “When do people feel insecure and why” was the topic of todays discussion in my networking group this morning. When it came time for me to answer the question, the obvious answer for me was, “I don’t know when others feel insecure, but I know when I do.” I feel most insecure when I share a piece of me with others. Not knowing if they are going to understand or even get what or why I’m sharing in the first place. A few other women in the group expressed the same kind of insecurity.

    There are not many people who hop on the calls but the ones who do provide lots of insight and wisdom form their experiences in life that help others know we are not alone. That’s one of the reasons why I love group discussions. Expanding your world to learn how others cope with the same feelings of insecurity can be so powerful. I thinks that’s why I love reading too.

    Reading books has also been a way for. me to expand my mind and my perceptions. Like I mentioned before, it’s nice to know I’m not alone in this big beautiful world of ours. I learned through reading that we might not share the same experiences but we can feel the same emotions. For instance, jealousy in me is going to feel like jealousy to you but the difference is what experience triggers that emotion. Once I learned that, it helps me to recognize that same feeling or emotion in someone else. Once you are aware of what’s happening, you are more incline to know how to react a little bit differently.

    With reading and networking with others, I’ve been able to pick up other coping mechanisms that perhaps I never ever thought of. One woman, in the networking group, shared that she likes to do a “brain dump”. She explained to us that she “lets her 2 year old self take the reins.” She said after she gets it all out, she doesn’t re-read what she wrote, she just deletes it! When I hear such stories from other women, I consider then tools for your toolbox.

    So here is my takeaway from today’s conversation: We are more alike than we may like to think. Surround yourself with people who can uplift and inspire you and don’t be afraid to talk about or share how you feel. Someone might be waiting for your tool to add to their toolbox.

    How would you answer this question? When do people feel insecure and why? I would love to hear your answer.

    One of the women shared she just read “Brave Not Perfect” by Reshma Saujani. I have not read the book but it has been added to my To Be Read (TBR) list. I added an Amazon affiliate link for those how are interested in reading. I would love to hear what you think of the book as well.

    To purchase the book: https://amzn.to/3tMSkVk

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/insecurity

    Networking Group: https://www.meetup.com/Confident-Strides-Womens-Empowerment-Network/