Sweet N Social

Tag: personal insight

  • Life is About Learning: Do You Have Permission to Fail?


    “There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.” ― Paulo Coelho

    Are we giving ourselves permission to fail?

    I don’t think we do. If we gave ourselves permission to fail, just imaging how much more compassionate we could be with others. We could see that we are all just trying to do the best with our current mindsets.

    I recently took some time to reflect back on some of my life experiences and realized, I have failed a lot along the way but it didn’t mean I was a failure. Being a two time divorced woman, I now realize my previous marriages helped me to become the woman I am today. There were things within me that I needed to face and address if I wanted my third marriage to work. I like the quote, “what we resist will persist.” When my current marriage hit a rocky patch a few years ago, my first instinct was to put all the blame on my husband. I considered myself the victim and could find plenty of evidence to back up my claim of how bad my husband treated me. At this time in my life, I had started reading more books on self-discovery. I would take long walks through the park and just think and my mind got curious about my role in this contractual agreement we called a marriage.

    The first thing I had to do, was to forgive myself. I learned to give myself a little more grace and become a little bit more loving with myself. My defense mechanism had always been to find all the wrong in my husband without considering putting the spotlight on me. There were some hard truths I had to face about myself.

    I would not saying that my previous marriages would have worked out had I taken the deeper dive into myself before then, but I am thankful for the lessons that they taught me. I don’t hold any ill will towards my exes because I know, like me, they were doing the best they knew.

    So, back to main point: learning to give ourselves permission to fail, here are my takeaways:

    1. Commit to becoming a lifetime learner. Learn who you are and what to like and dislike.
    2. Be willing to explore new things. Life is what you make of it.
    3. If you fail at something, don’t quit, keep trying. Become like a scientist, take inventory of what worked and figure out what didn’t then go back to the drawing board.
    4. You are awesome. Give yourself some Grace!

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/failure

    I am including an Amazon Affiliate link to one of the books that helped my through my rough patch. It’s titled, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by John Gottman: https://amzn.to/3vfYDSe

  • Noticing the Invisible Influences: Who Do We Let Run Through Our Minds?

    It’s a little bit like Goldilocks. We don’t want to be the same as everybody else, but too different is also bad. We’re trying to walk the line between being similar and different. -Jonah Berger

    Who are you giving permission to run through your mind?

    We all of a circle of influence whether we know it or not. Some of us have smaller circles than other but they still operate in the same manner. They are the ones who influence our thoughts and behaviors. We are even influencers of others too.

    I recently asked a networking group that I facilitate this very questions. I have to admit that I never really gave this question much thought until recently. In many of the self-discovery books, they often state that we become like the people we associate with on a daily basis. The more I ponder this thought, I do think it has some truth to it.

    Many of the women in my networking group have written a book and are looking to create an online course. I also have had a desire to write a book but it’s been way down on the list. I also would like to create an online course, but again it’s been way down on the life goal list as well, until recently. I am starting to see pathway to achieving both the goal of writing a book and creating an online course.

    I remember a few years ago, when I used to take my former neighbor to her doctor’s appointments and grocery shopping that she was a vegetarian. At that time, I started noticing that I became more aware about my meat consumption and at times considered cutting meat out of my diet.

    What I like most about this question is that it makes you stop and take notice of who we grant access to influence our lives. These are the people who help us create the kind of life we want and accomplish the goals we want to achieve. They can either be helping you to achieve your dreams or hindering you. I definitely think it’s worth your time to take a closer look.

    Here are some of my takeaways:

    1. Pay attention to who you surround yourself with.
    2. Notice how they affect your life. Do they help or hinder you from creating the kind of life you want? Do you like who you are becoming? Who do you need to be around more? or less?
    3. Remember: You are awesome. Give yourself some Grace!

    Here is an Amazon affiliate link for “Invisible Influence: The Hidden Forces that Shape Behavior” by Jonah Berger who I quoted in the beginning: https://amzn.to/3aB5YlR

    I am also including an article I came across while I was writing this post that may explain more about how we make our decisions that also mentioned the book which is also my Quote Source: https://behavioralscientist.org/invisible-influence-how-other-people-think-for-you-and-why-thats-ok/

    Join me on Meetup at https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup

    Other ways to connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

  • Advice on How to Effectively Succeed in Life: Subtract First, Then Add

    “Your net worth to the world is usually determined by what remains after your bad habits are subtracted from your good ones.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

    Subtracting is just as effective in business as adding is. The trouble is we don’t think of that mathematical equation first. As an entrepreneur, I am always wanting to add things or processes without taking time to see how or even if this “new” thing should or can be added. It may be a great thing to add but we don’t take the time to see if the time is now to add it and if we add it, what will be affected.

    Today, on a business call with a colleague, we discussed the process of elimination. My colleague shared how she looks at the process of elimination as troubleshooting. She has an IT background and shares that by troubleshooting the challenge, we slowly close off different process to see where the proverbial leak is. For example, if you shut off the water line to the kitchen sink to fix a leak but you still have a leak, you know the leak, or the problem isn’t coming from the kitchen sink. You continue to shut off other valves until you isolate the problem source.

    We can use this same thinking to find out what is working and not working in our business as well in our personal lives.

    I used to do a lot of adding without taking the time to see what was truly working before adding something new to my business. By the time I realized it wasn’t working, I invested either too much time or too much money and found myself too overwhelmed and simply quit. I would simply shut down and then think I failed. Now moving forward, I am working on being more strategic, more intentional about what I want to do and create. I want my “why” to be in alignment with my “what’, which means if I add anything I have to consider subtracting something else.

    Subtracting also can mean delegating that task to someone else or finding another way to automate the process. I have found that I would feel like I had to do everything by myself which is another topic to discuss. But what I want to leave you with today is this:

    1. Get clear on your purpose or intention
    2. Figure out what’s working and what’s not
    3. Before adding, consider what do you have to subtract.

    As I mentioned in the beginning, this practice is just as effective in our personal lives as it is in business. In our personal life it may be eliminating or cutting back on social media or television time to spend more time with family or adding more time for personal development and reading.

    What I believe is this: we are creatures of habit and how we do anything is how we do everything.

    Quote Source: https://www.azquotes.com/quotes/topics/subtraction.html

    Connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

  • To Achieve Dreams Faster: Fall In Love with Being Uncomfortable

    We have to be honest about what we want and take risks rather than lie to ourselves and make excuses to stay in our comfort zone. -Ray Bennett

    I have been reading the book “How To Change” by Katy Milkman. In the book, she addresses present bias otherwise known as laziness. She says that if you can recognize when the path of least resistance is at work we can learn to harness it for good.

    I pondered that thought for a little while and took a closer look at some of the things I do that are not helping me hit my business goals each month. The first thing that came to mind is that I am not actively seeking ways to bring in money. Like many business owners, I use many tools that help to run my business and for the most part they are not very expensive especially since I work from home. It’s easy for me to just make a small business loan to my business each month to cover these expenses. It wasn’t until I sat down and talked with a financial person who asked me: “what else would I like to do in life?” She had me write out both my personal and professional goals so that we could make a budget plan to achieve these goals. Once I could see the budget in front of me, she brought to my attention that if I wasn’t making the business loan to myself each month, I could hit my plans a little bit faster.

    By using the default setting of making a small business loan to myself each month, it kept me in a comfortable spot in my business. Since my expenses were being covered by the loan, I didn’t have a desire to look for other income sources. That’s when I realized, I was letting present bias or laziness work against me.

    When it came down to setting up my budget for the following month, I “short changed” my business loan. I was forced to set a financial goal that would get my brain working to find or scan income generating sources. My brain had to go to work to find a way to make up the difference. I am proud to admit that I hit my financial goal for that month. It was definitely a bit uncomfortable, but my didn’t fail me, it simply went to work.

    So my question for you is this… what are you doing right now that is keeping you in the comfort zone? Are you letting present bias or laziness help or hurt you? What small change can you make that will get your brain to wake up and go to work?

    Follow up with me and let me know.

    Quote Source: https://www.wisesayings.com/uncomfortable-quotes/

    Amazon Affiliate link to purchase “How To Change” – Katy Milkman: https://amzn.to/3tsxBG8

  • To Win in Life, How Many Tickets Do You Need?

    “Luck is not as random as you think. Before that lottery ticket won the jackpot, someone had to buy it.” ― Vera Nazarian

    I won a car a few years ago!

    The network marketing company I was with at the time was running an incentive contest. The promotional incentive encouraged associates to put in work and enroll people into the company. With each enrollment, we received two tickets that would be entered into the drawing. The contest period ran for several month and it was open to all associates. During the contest period, I enrolled only two people. That provided me with four tickets total to be entered in the drawing. I worked hard for those two enrollments.

    At the company convention, that’s when the drawing took place. Periodically during the convention, they would bring out the raffle ticket spinning drum on stage and draw a ticket for other prizes. I remember thinking to myself “I hope they don’t pull my ticket, I only have four.” On the last day of the convention, that’s when they did the Jeep drawing, and I won.

    Ever since then, whenever I think my odds of achieving my goals seen daunting, I recall my chances of winning the Jeep. It could be that one idea, the one interview, or the one book that provides you with the keys to unlocking your dream box. We don’t know which key will unlock the box just like I didn’t know what ticket could win the Jeep.

    I’ve celebrated the one ticket for winning, but I have often forgotten that I could never win without talking to the two people who enrolled. I would not of had the four tickets to put into the raffle drum for the drawing, and I would not of had the one ticket that won. It traces back to what we do each day that provides the opportunity to win.

    My takeaway: it’s what we do each day that can increase our chances of winning.

    Quote Source: https://www.azquotes.com/quote/474120

  • What Are the Bennie’s?

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    Today on my morning run I was able to log in 6.62 miles. It’s a personal best for me so far.  I started running about three months ago.  I started running from my house to the local park which I estimate to be about one mile from my home.  I focused on either running to the park and then walking the rest of my normal trail. I have been an avid walker for over five years.  I believed as many other walkers that walking is better than running. I could list a number of reasons to support my thinking.

    I used to run cross country in high school. I grew up in the northeast corner of Connecticut where our high school mascot was a mountaineer.  I loved running the mountain trails but I was not a fan of running it self. I still don’t think I love running, I just love the benefits or the “bennies” that it provides.

    Thinking about it, the benefits of the things we do is what drives us to do them. It’s truly not the activity it self.  So when it comes to making changes in your lives, the one true question you first have to answer is, what is the benefit, or the bennie’s, I am getting out of this?  Without taking the time to reflect on each habit or change you want to make, it’s pointless without figuring out what it is that your are looking to gain or to eliminate.

    Think about this as we bring 2019 to a close. Now is the time to reflect on what is working and what is not.  Design your life the way you want to, not by the opinions of others! What benefits are you looking to gain in the coming year?

    Photo Source: Click Here

  • Show Up First

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    Show up authentically and synergy will meet you there. ― Sanjo Jendayi

    I started running about three months ago. I had been an avid walker for more that five years or more.  I really have no clue as to where this is taking me. I simply love being out in nature and it’s a great way for me to find clarity and creativity.

    What inspired me to start running?  Well the same park I walk at is the same location that one of the local high school’s cross country team practices at.  I remember on one Sunday morning, I saw a young man out running in the cross country course by himself. Wow!! This young man didn’t wait until the coach told him to practice or the rest of the team to be there, he just went out and did it.

    We don’t need to get other people’s approval to do and be who we are. It’s nice to have a cheering section but sometimes the fans won’t show up until we do.  What have you been wanting to do? Don’t wait, be like that young runner and go for it!

    Photo Source: click here / Quote Source: click here

  • Period of Transition

     

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    “Only those who stick around long enough to see the caterpillar turn into the butterfly actually get to witness the transformation.” ― Kristin Michelle Elizabeth

    I love this quote because it reminds me that there will be people in and out of your lives constantly.  I have been guilty of is worrying about those who didn’t stick around.  Let it go! The past is just that, the past.  Maybe, just maybe, their assignment was up and it was time for them, or you, to move on. Look for the blessing or the lesson and keep moving forward.

    Worry about who isn’t in your life anymore, keeps us from appreciating those who are.  This is nothing but a “period of transition”. For those who did not stay around to witness your transformation, wish them good will and release any negativity that may have surrounded their departure.  Holding on to the negativity is like holding onto an anchor, it just holds you back. Everyone, including you are on our own journeys.  All we can ever do is just keep crawling until it’s time to grow your wings and fly!

    Photo Source: click here    / Quote Source: click here.

  • Stay on The Lookout

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    Blessing are everywhere, you just have to stay on the look out for them.  There are countless miracles that go unnoticed everyday of every minute.  A couple of years ago I learned of just a tiny fraction of the blessing are bodies do for each of us.  For instance, if you exercise, your body has a built in cooling system that you do not have to program.  Your body can heal itself.  You have a build in counseling system consisting of the mind, body and soul.  You are literally a walking miracle each and everyday!

    With that little knowledge alone my life shifted.  When your start to learn just how blessed you are to wake each morning with life,  you begin to notice those things in life that are taking up your energy and time.  You start to value your time and the time of others.

    Time is our most precious commodity.  Take inventory of those things that not longer serve their purpose in your life.  Time is not promised to no one! Take inventory of your own unique gifts and talents and reflect on just how you can us those gifts to serve this world.  Remember: You are a blessing!

    Photo source: Click here.

  • It’s Not That Important

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    It’s not that Important” were the words being shouted from the backseat of the car the other day when my husband and I were “discussing” where to place the cell phone in order to hear the navigational directions.  I will admit that I got “caught up” in the discussion because I was trying to make my opinion known.  Of course my husband had his own idea on where he wanted to put the phone since he was driving.

    My three year old granddaughter interjected herself into the conversation by saying “its not that important”.  The thing that caught my attention, besides this little person yelling from the backseat and the fact that she couldn’t quite say the word “important” was when I stopped to think about what was happening at that moment, she was right.  I had let my ego step in.

    I laugh now because it took the words of a three year old to remind me that sometimes the little things we make the biggest fuss over are the little things that can begin to tear a relationship apart. The best thing we can do is stop, take a deep breath and ask yourself, just how important is it for me to be right?

    Photo Source: Click here.