Tag: personal journey

Are External Factors Affecting Your Success? My Guess Is Yes

“The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t achieve it.” ― Jordan Belfort

Have you ever stopped doing something you enjoyed because you didn’t get likes, subscribers or followers you wanted? I want to talk about how we can manage the external sources of influence that keep us from creating the life we want.

One day while I was running, I was thinking to myself that I would stop making Instagram Reels. The problem with that thinking is, I love making Instagram Reel videos. I love taking 10-second clips of video and turning it into a snippet of entertainment. I think that is why I have enjoyed learning how to make YouTube videos too.

Back to the problem, I was getting frustrated because I was losing followers on my IG page and I automatically assume it was because of the videos. I also started criticizing myself for posting videos of the nature I would see on my walks which helps me to stay creative.

I was ready to stop doing the one of the things that brings me joy because of external sources. In many cases we don’t know or will never know why people unfollow, unsubscribe, or unlike us, but our minds will search for reasons and that what was happening to me.

Here’s what we have to keep in mind, their action have nothing to do with us. We are internalizing or trying to rationalize what someone else is thinking when we try to “guess” or “figure out” what made them take action without ever asking them directly. When we do this, nothing positive usually comes from this kind of thinking. We are our worst critiques!

When we decide to stop doing the things we enjoy doing because of likes, subscribers, or followers we are measuring our success by the standards of others. These are what we call external sources of influences. Learning how to navigate these external sources of influences is key especially when it comes to honoring what it is that we enjoy doing and makes us happy.

Here are a few suggestions that have helped me:

Define what success looks like to you.

Asking yourself what feeling are you after is a great place to start. Are you after happiness? Inner peace? Fulfillment? Then ask yourself, what kinds of activities bring me those kinds of feelings?

When I started walking years ago, I was looking for inner peace during a chaotic period of my life. Nine years later, I still walk because I found the inner peace I was looking for in my life. I also lost weight and my marriage is much healthier and stronger too.

Keep in mind why you started in the first place.

Sometimes when we stop to reconnect with our why, we remember what was the motivating force behind starting in the first place.

For instance, when I started my YouTube channel, I started it as a way to provide uplifting content to deal with the COVID shutdown. I asked some of the life coaches in my network if they would like to share some insight on how to deal with the COVID shutdown. My goal was not to become a YouTube Influencer.

By always remembering why I started my channel it helps me to keep in perspective what I am doing it for so when I don’t get the likes, subscribers or comments I don’t have the desire to quit. I have stronger reason to keep going and that is like sprinkles on the cupcake. It also helps me to stay consistent in uploading my content. Whoever is looking for it, when they need it, can find it!

Remember that You Matter.

I think this one is the most important factor in all of this. You matter and your voice matters. Our experiences in life are not exclusively for you. It is for you to share the lessons you learned because of it.

When we take time to learn the lessons along our journey, they can become the missing pieces to someone else’s puzzle. When we allow the external sources of influence to stop us, we are saying subconsciously, that we do not matter and what we experience in life is irrelevant. That is one of the biggest lies we can say to ourselves. You matter, your opinions matter and someone is waiting for your message in the big beautiful world of ours.

Thank you for taking time out to read this post. I invite you to check out my Instagram Reels and leave a comment. Feedback is always welcome.

Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/excuses

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/confidentstrides/

June 17, 2022
Appreciate Yours Strengths: Advice on How to Have More Self-Discipline
“No person is free who is not master of himself.” ― Epictetus

I was going to pass on answering the following Quora question because it was geared toward school but the more I thought about this question I realized, this is not only relevant for people in school but you can also have the same challenge at work. So I decided to post an answer and I am sharing it here with you.

How can I have more self-discipline? I never do homework and I’m not doing well in school because I’m lazy and have no self-discipline. – Quora

The first thing I would change is the label you identify yourself with. You are not lazy; you are just not enthusiastic about learning. It could be that you are bored, and you need other ways to stimulate your brain.

For instance, I don’t like learning about money or finances, but I love learning about how our brains work.

When you find something that gets you excited in learning new things, look for ways that you can apply that enthusiasm towards the challenging subjects. If you enjoy gaming, use it to reward yourself for doing something you don’t like. For example, if you study for an upcoming test, after the test reward yourself with extra gaming time.

We all have something that is challenging for ourselves, the key is to not beat yourself up. Find what you are good at and use it as a catalyst to help you through the challenges.

As I mentioned in the beginning, I have always struggled with managing my finances, but I am great at management my time. I had to learn how to use the same disciple principles I learn in managing my time and apply it towards managing my finances. It’s harder but the concept is the same. I just had to learn to make the connection.

Here are some other suggestions you can consider:
- Everyone must overcome something to achieve their goals, read a few biographies and see how others overcame their challenges. Let their stories inspire you.
- Change the way you talk about yourself and to yourself. Your words and thoughts carry great power.
- Partner with others who help you become better. Join a study group or create one.
- Set a goal for yourself. If you have something to aim for, you know when you are off track and can adjust when you are heading in the wrong direction.
The most important takeaway I would like to close out with is the give yourself some grace. Be patient and loving with who you are. You just haven’t found what gets you excited yet and that’s okay.

I also would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/self-discipline

To connect with me: https:///confidentstrides
January 14, 2022
How to Become Powerful: Using Creativity and Personal Development Together
“Creativity takes courage. ” ― Henri Matisse

How does creativity promote your personal development?- Quora

I would like to think that creativity and personal development go hand in hand. Creativity is being able to look at things from different angles and coming up with new possibilities. Personal development is taking a deeper dive into who and what we can do.

Think about the last time you got a new phone. When I got my phone, the first thing I wanted to know was the basics; how to make phone calls, how to text and check my email. The more I got into using and learning how to work my phone worked, the more I start playing around with new features and new apps. I got more comfortable and more confident in exploring the possibilities of what my phone could do. Now I make videos and some much more.

We are like smart phones, without personal development and creativity in our lives, we are just scratching the surface of our capabilities. Personal development and creativity together, help us to realize we are more powerful than we think, and we stop scratching the surface and explore the possibilities. Personal development gets you to start asking questions like what else can I do or what if I try this?

I would like to offer those who are starting to dig deeper into who they are and what they can do a few simple reminders:
1. Enjoy the ride. The road on the self-discovery journey is a tricky one but it can also be a fun one. I like reading my old journals and seeing just how far my mindset has shifted.
2. Trust the process. It may be hard and lonely at times so remember the caterpillar wouldn’t become a butterfly without the metamorphizing. Can you imagine what beauty we would miss out if the caterpillar resisted.
3. You are not alone. There are many others out here learning and growing each day. Find other like-minded individuals to surround yourself with.
4. Stay Curious. Creativity can’t be used up. The more you use it the more you get in return so the personal development journey can be a lifelong discovery of endless wonder.
I would like to close with this, you are more powerful than you know. Don’t stop at the basics, unleash your full potential, and take that dive. You are a gift, and the world is calling on you!

I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag?utf8=✓&id=creativity

To connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides
January 7, 2022
Year End Advice: How to Make 2022 a Success For You
“Success is getting what you want, happiness is wanting what you get” ― W. P. Kinsella

How can I make the year 2022 work for me?- Quora

I think we can make a big impact in 2022 when we learn first to define want success looks like for ourselves. We can’t make the year work for you if you don’t know what you are aiming for in the first place.

Success means different things to different people. My life changed the moment I realized I was living my life based off the standards of others. Here are a few suggestions to help jump start your new year:

Learn to trust your inner voice.

This was a hard lesson for me to learn.  It’s like programing your GPS to your desired location and then wanting to turn it off or doubting it because it’s taking on a whole new route you never traveled before. Once you get comfortable using the GPS, you learn to trust that it knows the best way to get you there. You stop trying to outsmart the navigation system.

Figure out what you’re aiming for

I learned to set goals a little more by watching football.  If you don’t know what end zone yours is, you’ll never know which way to run and when you’ve had a touchdown.  Once I started setting goals, my brain went to work looking for opportunities like a quarterback looks for a receiver.

Stop waiting for approval from others

Sometimes we are the one who must be the first to lead.  This goes with trusting your inner voice which seems to get louder the more you listen. We all have an assignment to do in life.  You have a special gift or talent that you are equipped with. This is your superpower.  The world is waiting for you to discover and cultivate your special power.  You might have the idea to end world hunger or cure cancer but without you are taking that first step to cultivate your superpower, the world is left with a great loss.  That missing puzzle piece.

Build a support team

We don’t have to do everything on our own.  Look for other people who want to also do something in their life. We can be become candles for each other who in turn help to keep each other’s paths lit.  Form an accountability group or create your own.

As we close out 2021, I always suggest taking inventory of the things that worked for you and the things that you would like to change.  To get to your desired location, you must know where you are on the map!

I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/success

To connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides
December 20, 2021
Unpack Your Bags: Advice on How to Let Go and Be Yourself

“The past gets carried with us. It’s always there.” ― Ann Pearlman

How do you let go and be yourself? -Quora

I remember waking up one morning thinking, “I came into this world by myself, and I will be leaving this world by myself.”  It was the weirdest thought that just lingered in my head, and I had to go for a morning walk to gain some clarity.  This is what came to me on my walk:

The best way I can explain is through an analogy.

Life gets heavy and cumbersome after a while when you are so busy picking up everyone else’s emotional and mental baggage load when we are constantly trying to “help” or “fix” them. It was time to determine who’s bags I was carrying and notice what my baggage looked like.

As a wife, I was carrying my husband’s bags. As a mother, I was carrying my grown adult children’s bags. As a daughter, I was carrying my father’s along with other bags piled on from friends and society. As a woman, I wanted to help and give them answers, but unconsciously, I was also picking up their emotional and mental baggage by worrying or getting angry if they didn’t take my advice.  These were not my issues to solve.

On that morning walk, I learned that if the baggage belonged to someone else, it was okay to put the bag down, step away and let them carry it themselves.

We all have a purpose here on Earth, something that we are uniquely here to do, create, or solve.  By carrying everyone’s emotional and mental baggage, you can easily get weighed down and unable to do what you need to do in life.  Plus, it robs the other person from learning their precious life lessons.

Life doesn’t provide us with what we want but rather what we need. Life lessons are the golden gems we gather along our journey when we take time to reflect on what we are going through.

By knowing what bags belong to me and what bags belong to someone else, it allows me the mental freedom to be who I am. It allows me the emotional and mental freedom to move faster and pivot easier.

So now when people share their issues and concerns with me, I listen more as a sounding board and I ask myself, is this my baggage to carry I want to carry? If the answer is no, I quickly put it down and walk away. I have learned my job is to love them not fix them.

Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/baggage

To connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

November 26, 2021
Lessons Learned: Life’s Best Way of Teaching Us While We Are Living
“Life is a succesion of lessons which must be lived to be understood.” ― Helen Keller

This week has presented a few challenges for me, and I thought I would share then with you along with some of the lessons I learned along the way.

Lessons: 1. Surround yourself with people who can pull you out of the muck and 2. Eat what’s on your plate first before going back for more.

I don’t know what is floating in the air but whatever it was, it had many of us in my social network experiencing the blues. I have been facilitating a private network group for almost whole year. Every Monday we come together to discuss ways to improve our group calls. It’s been like a small mastermind group. This week, there was a lot of tension within the group. It had me almost to the point that I was ready to put the group on hiatus. What helps me from giving up and throwing in the towel is the support from other business, goal, focused women. It’s been a lifeline on several occasions.

There’s something about this time each year that I feel like I must kick things into overdrive. Perhaps it just because we are coming to the end of the year, and we often reflect on the things we haven’t yet accomplished. The best analogy I can think of is like going to a buffet and piling up our plates even though the buffet has plenty of food for us to come back and restock our plates. We have so much that the food is toppling over. One of my supportive friends had to remind me that the buffet isn’t going anywhere, and I can come back as often as I like.

What I realized at that moment was that I wasn’t enjoying what I had because I was afraid of what I was thinking I was missing out on.

Lesson Three: Trust in the process

Another contributing factor to my blues has been this pressure to come up with holiday videos for my YouTube channel. I made a bet with another YouTuber to complete a minimum of seven videos for Vlogmas (it’s where YouTuber post more personalized and holiday related videos). I usually conduct interviews, so talking about myself is not really up my alley but I want to participate this year. The closer the bet deadline gets, the more anxious I have become because I couldn’t even come up with any ideas to start with. That is until yesterday.

I was on a run when it finally hit me as to how I am going to tackle my Vlogmas challenge. I could invite friends and family to interview me. By the end of yesterday, the path to Vlogmas was become more doable which also meant less anxiety.

Here is a recap of my lessons learned from this week:
1. Surround yourself with like-minded people. They understand what you are going through.
2. Take a moment to reflect on how far you come and celebrate. These are the moment to savor.
3. Don’t rush the process. Ideas will come when you least expect them so be prepared.
4. Give yourself grace. You’re doing just fine!
Feel free to checkout my YouTube channel and be on the look out for the Vlogmas videos. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfwyi1cCTgldpFMoPo1WZrQ

Please also feel free to share your thoughts.
November 12, 2021
Love Those Rainy Days: How to Level Up Your Thinking Game
Mental health problems don’t define who you are. They are something you experience. You walk in the rain and you feel the rain, but, importantly, YOU ARE NOT THE RAIN.” — Matt Haig

It was so hard getting out of bed this morning. I could hear the gentle sound of rain coming down and my Sterns and Foster mattress was feeling so good. The dogs were even still sleep. As I slowly got moving, I peeked out the window and saw that the rain was tampering off. I might be able to get my morning walk in after all!

I try to make getting some kind of run or walk a priority on most mornings especially on the days that I have podcast interviews to conduct. Getting up and getting a walk or a run in has been a great way to get my energy moving and my ideas flowing. Plus it has been a great way to clear my head so that I can be fully present during the interview conversations. But on rainy mornings it’s so hard to get motivated and it simply throws my whole day off!

I wanted to share some tips I have found to help me on rainy days and well as cold mornings which can also throw a monkey wrench in staying on my daily routine.

First: Consider how will you feel once you are done.

Sometimes just thinking about how good it will feel to have accomplished what I set out to do is enough to just get me out the door. You can also turn it around and think about how you will feel if you don’t. There is something about knowing you conquered the odds to get what you want that makes you feel more confident and empowered. It’s the one deciding factor that can be the gateway to many more small victories throughout your day, your month and your year.

Second: Stop worrying about what others think.

I will admit, on rainy days especially, I sometimes feel like an idiot running or walking in the rain. On this particular morning, worried if I looked crazy to others. I know it sounds weird, and it looks even weirder writing it, but to face it, I know I have to at least acknowledge it. I’m dedicated to my mental health as much as I am to my physical health, that’s why I love my walks. So when I see other folks out walking on rainy days, I don’t feel so bad. Matter of fact, a gentleman said to me today, “I thought I was the only one out here nuts.”

It’s in those moments that It was just as easy for me to stay in the house as it was for me to make that 2.5 second decision to put on the shoes and lace them up. As for worrying about what others think, I keep this thought in the back of my mind, “people go to work in the rain and no one thinks that’s crazy. I am going to work too. My job is to work on me.”

Lastly: Do what other won’t

It’s in these moments when it’s raining or snowing or just simply cloudy, that it was just as easy for me to stay in the house as it was for me to make the 2.5 second decision to put on the shoes, lace them up and get moving. On rainy, cloudy and snowy days, of course there are not many folks out walking or running. It’s also in those moments that you can look upon as character building moments. It always comes down to our perspective and how we choose to look at any situation. When you choose to walk or run on days that are more challenging then others, you just leveled up your thinking game.

So here are my recap/takeaways for today:
1. Consider how will you feel either completing your walk/run.
2. The opinions of others is just that, opinions.
3. Level up your thinking game by doing what others won’t.
4. Be your amazing and wonderful self
I cordially invite you to connect with me https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

Quote Source: https://mentalhealthmatch.com/articles/anxiety/inspiring-mental-health-quotes
November 5, 2021
Life is About Learning: Do You Have Permission to Fail?
“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.” ― Paulo Coelho

Are we giving ourselves permission to fail?

I don’t think we do. If we gave ourselves permission to fail, just imaging how much more compassionate we could be with others. We could see that we are all just trying to do the best with our current mindsets.

I recently took some time to reflect back on some of my life experiences and realized, I have failed a lot along the way but it didn’t mean I was a failure. Being a two time divorced woman, I now realize my previous marriages helped me to become the woman I am today. There were things within me that I needed to face and address if I wanted my third marriage to work. I like the quote, “what we resist will persist.” When my current marriage hit a rocky patch a few years ago, my first instinct was to put all the blame on my husband. I considered myself the victim and could find plenty of evidence to back up my claim of how bad my husband treated me. At this time in my life, I had started reading more books on self-discovery. I would take long walks through the park and just think and my mind got curious about my role in this contractual agreement we called a marriage.

The first thing I had to do, was to forgive myself. I learned to give myself a little more grace and become a little bit more loving with myself. My defense mechanism had always been to find all the wrong in my husband without considering putting the spotlight on me. There were some hard truths I had to face about myself.

I would not saying that my previous marriages would have worked out had I taken the deeper dive into myself before then, but I am thankful for the lessons that they taught me. I don’t hold any ill will towards my exes because I know, like me, they were doing the best they knew.

So, back to main point: learning to give ourselves permission to fail, here are my takeaways:
1. Commit to becoming a lifetime learner. Learn who you are and what to like and dislike.
2. Be willing to explore new things. Life is what you make of it.
3. If you fail at something, don’t quit, keep trying. Become like a scientist, take inventory of what worked and figure out what didn’t then go back to the drawing board.
4. You are awesome. Give yourself some Grace!
Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/failure

I am including an Amazon Affiliate link to one of the books that helped my through my rough patch. It’s titled, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by John Gottman: https://amzn.to/3vfYDSe
October 26, 2021
Noticing the Invisible Influences: Who Do We Let Run Through Our Minds?
It’s a little bit like Goldilocks. We don’t want to be the same as everybody else, but too different is also bad. We’re trying to walk the line between being similar and different. -Jonah Berger

Who are you giving permission to run through your mind?

We all of a circle of influence whether we know it or not. Some of us have smaller circles than other but they still operate in the same manner. They are the ones who influence our thoughts and behaviors. We are even influencers of others too.

I recently asked a networking group that I facilitate this very questions. I have to admit that I never really gave this question much thought until recently. In many of the self-discovery books, they often state that we become like the people we associate with on a daily basis. The more I ponder this thought, I do think it has some truth to it.

Many of the women in my networking group have written a book and are looking to create an online course. I also have had a desire to write a book but it’s been way down on the list. I also would like to create an online course, but again it’s been way down on the life goal list as well, until recently. I am starting to see pathway to achieving both the goal of writing a book and creating an online course.

I remember a few years ago, when I used to take my former neighbor to her doctor’s appointments and grocery shopping that she was a vegetarian. At that time, I started noticing that I became more aware about my meat consumption and at times considered cutting meat out of my diet.

What I like most about this question is that it makes you stop and take notice of who we grant access to influence our lives. These are the people who help us create the kind of life we want and accomplish the goals we want to achieve. They can either be helping you to achieve your dreams or hindering you. I definitely think it’s worth your time to take a closer look.

Here are some of my takeaways:
1. Pay attention to who you surround yourself with.
2. Notice how they affect your life. Do they help or hinder you from creating the kind of life you want? Do you like who you are becoming? Who do you need to be around more? or less?
3. Remember: You are awesome. Give yourself some Grace!
Here is an Amazon affiliate link for “Invisible Influence: The Hidden Forces that Shape Behavior” by Jonah Berger who I quoted in the beginning: https://amzn.to/3aB5YlR

I am also including an article I came across while I was writing this post that may explain more about how we make our decisions that also mentioned the book which is also my Quote Source: https://behavioralscientist.org/invisible-influence-how-other-people-think-for-you-and-why-thats-ok/

Join me on Meetup at https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup

Other ways to connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides
October 22, 2021
To Achieve Dreams Faster: Fall In Love with Being Uncomfortable

We have to be honest about what we want and take risks rather than lie to ourselves and make excuses to stay in our comfort zone. -Ray Bennett

I have been reading the book “How To Change” by Katy Milkman. In the book, she addresses present bias otherwise known as laziness. She says that if you can recognize when the path of least resistance is at work we can learn to harness it for good.

I pondered that thought for a little while and took a closer look at some of the things I do that are not helping me hit my business goals each month. The first thing that came to mind is that I am not actively seeking ways to bring in money. Like many business owners, I use many tools that help to run my business and for the most part they are not very expensive especially since I work from home. It’s easy for me to just make a small business loan to my business each month to cover these expenses. It wasn’t until I sat down and talked with a financial person who asked me: “what else would I like to do in life?” She had me write out both my personal and professional goals so that we could make a budget plan to achieve these goals. Once I could see the budget in front of me, she brought to my attention that if I wasn’t making the business loan to myself each month, I could hit my plans a little bit faster.

By using the default setting of making a small business loan to myself each month, it kept me in a comfortable spot in my business. Since my expenses were being covered by the loan, I didn’t have a desire to look for other income sources. That’s when I realized, I was letting present bias or laziness work against me.

When it came down to setting up my budget for the following month, I “short changed” my business loan. I was forced to set a financial goal that would get my brain working to find or scan income generating sources. My brain had to go to work to find a way to make up the difference. I am proud to admit that I hit my financial goal for that month. It was definitely a bit uncomfortable, but my didn’t fail me, it simply went to work.

So my question for you is this… what are you doing right now that is keeping you in the comfort zone? Are you letting present bias or laziness help or hurt you? What small change can you make that will get your brain to wake up and go to work?

Follow up with me and let me know.

Quote Source: https://www.wisesayings.com/uncomfortable-quotes/

Amazon Affiliate link to purchase “How To Change” – Katy Milkman: https://amzn.to/3tsxBG8

October 15, 2021