Sweet N Social

Tag: personal story

  • Noticing the Invisible Influences: Who Do We Let Run Through Our Minds?

    It’s a little bit like Goldilocks. We don’t want to be the same as everybody else, but too different is also bad. We’re trying to walk the line between being similar and different. -Jonah Berger

    Who are you giving permission to run through your mind?

    We all of a circle of influence whether we know it or not. Some of us have smaller circles than other but they still operate in the same manner. They are the ones who influence our thoughts and behaviors. We are even influencers of others too.

    I recently asked a networking group that I facilitate this very questions. I have to admit that I never really gave this question much thought until recently. In many of the self-discovery books, they often state that we become like the people we associate with on a daily basis. The more I ponder this thought, I do think it has some truth to it.

    Many of the women in my networking group have written a book and are looking to create an online course. I also have had a desire to write a book but it’s been way down on the list. I also would like to create an online course, but again it’s been way down on the life goal list as well, until recently. I am starting to see pathway to achieving both the goal of writing a book and creating an online course.

    I remember a few years ago, when I used to take my former neighbor to her doctor’s appointments and grocery shopping that she was a vegetarian. At that time, I started noticing that I became more aware about my meat consumption and at times considered cutting meat out of my diet.

    What I like most about this question is that it makes you stop and take notice of who we grant access to influence our lives. These are the people who help us create the kind of life we want and accomplish the goals we want to achieve. They can either be helping you to achieve your dreams or hindering you. I definitely think it’s worth your time to take a closer look.

    Here are some of my takeaways:

    1. Pay attention to who you surround yourself with.
    2. Notice how they affect your life. Do they help or hinder you from creating the kind of life you want? Do you like who you are becoming? Who do you need to be around more? or less?
    3. Remember: You are awesome. Give yourself some Grace!

    Here is an Amazon affiliate link for “Invisible Influence: The Hidden Forces that Shape Behavior” by Jonah Berger who I quoted in the beginning: https://amzn.to/3aB5YlR

    I am also including an article I came across while I was writing this post that may explain more about how we make our decisions that also mentioned the book which is also my Quote Source: https://behavioralscientist.org/invisible-influence-how-other-people-think-for-you-and-why-thats-ok/

    Join me on Meetup at https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup

    Other ways to connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

  • Advice on How to Effectively Succeed in Life: Subtract First, Then Add

    “Your net worth to the world is usually determined by what remains after your bad habits are subtracted from your good ones.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

    Subtracting is just as effective in business as adding is. The trouble is we don’t think of that mathematical equation first. As an entrepreneur, I am always wanting to add things or processes without taking time to see how or even if this “new” thing should or can be added. It may be a great thing to add but we don’t take the time to see if the time is now to add it and if we add it, what will be affected.

    Today, on a business call with a colleague, we discussed the process of elimination. My colleague shared how she looks at the process of elimination as troubleshooting. She has an IT background and shares that by troubleshooting the challenge, we slowly close off different process to see where the proverbial leak is. For example, if you shut off the water line to the kitchen sink to fix a leak but you still have a leak, you know the leak, or the problem isn’t coming from the kitchen sink. You continue to shut off other valves until you isolate the problem source.

    We can use this same thinking to find out what is working and not working in our business as well in our personal lives.

    I used to do a lot of adding without taking the time to see what was truly working before adding something new to my business. By the time I realized it wasn’t working, I invested either too much time or too much money and found myself too overwhelmed and simply quit. I would simply shut down and then think I failed. Now moving forward, I am working on being more strategic, more intentional about what I want to do and create. I want my “why” to be in alignment with my “what’, which means if I add anything I have to consider subtracting something else.

    Subtracting also can mean delegating that task to someone else or finding another way to automate the process. I have found that I would feel like I had to do everything by myself which is another topic to discuss. But what I want to leave you with today is this:

    1. Get clear on your purpose or intention
    2. Figure out what’s working and what’s not
    3. Before adding, consider what do you have to subtract.

    As I mentioned in the beginning, this practice is just as effective in our personal lives as it is in business. In our personal life it may be eliminating or cutting back on social media or television time to spend more time with family or adding more time for personal development and reading.

    What I believe is this: we are creatures of habit and how we do anything is how we do everything.

    Quote Source: https://www.azquotes.com/quotes/topics/subtraction.html

    Connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

  • To Achieve Dreams Faster: Fall In Love with Being Uncomfortable

    We have to be honest about what we want and take risks rather than lie to ourselves and make excuses to stay in our comfort zone. -Ray Bennett

    I have been reading the book “How To Change” by Katy Milkman. In the book, she addresses present bias otherwise known as laziness. She says that if you can recognize when the path of least resistance is at work we can learn to harness it for good.

    I pondered that thought for a little while and took a closer look at some of the things I do that are not helping me hit my business goals each month. The first thing that came to mind is that I am not actively seeking ways to bring in money. Like many business owners, I use many tools that help to run my business and for the most part they are not very expensive especially since I work from home. It’s easy for me to just make a small business loan to my business each month to cover these expenses. It wasn’t until I sat down and talked with a financial person who asked me: “what else would I like to do in life?” She had me write out both my personal and professional goals so that we could make a budget plan to achieve these goals. Once I could see the budget in front of me, she brought to my attention that if I wasn’t making the business loan to myself each month, I could hit my plans a little bit faster.

    By using the default setting of making a small business loan to myself each month, it kept me in a comfortable spot in my business. Since my expenses were being covered by the loan, I didn’t have a desire to look for other income sources. That’s when I realized, I was letting present bias or laziness work against me.

    When it came down to setting up my budget for the following month, I “short changed” my business loan. I was forced to set a financial goal that would get my brain working to find or scan income generating sources. My brain had to go to work to find a way to make up the difference. I am proud to admit that I hit my financial goal for that month. It was definitely a bit uncomfortable, but my didn’t fail me, it simply went to work.

    So my question for you is this… what are you doing right now that is keeping you in the comfort zone? Are you letting present bias or laziness help or hurt you? What small change can you make that will get your brain to wake up and go to work?

    Follow up with me and let me know.

    Quote Source: https://www.wisesayings.com/uncomfortable-quotes/

    Amazon Affiliate link to purchase “How To Change” – Katy Milkman: https://amzn.to/3tsxBG8

  • How My Boredom Lead to Unnecessary Spending and Unhappiness

    Boredom is the Devil’s delight.” ― Lindsey Rietzsch, 

    I first want to say that awareness is key. The more I stop and reflect, the more I think that life is actually made up of the choices we make in those little moments that we don’t really think matter.

    It’s a late Saturday afternoon as I write this. Usually my husband and I have our granddaughter on Saturdays. It’s been like this since she was born. She is now five years old. And like most Saturdays, we focus most of our activities around her being here at the house. Now that she’s getting older, we can do more things with her outside the home like take her to get her nails painted at the nails salon or take her to play games at Chuck E Cheese. What has been happening in this shift is, my husband or myself having more time for ourselves.

    Here’s where awareness is helping me focus on what’s important to me. In the past, when I had time for myself, I would run out to the local craft store or thrift store to spend money I usually didn’t have to spend. Looking back, this was a way for me to “pass the time.” The first thought that would pop in my head was, “since I have nothing to do, I might as well go browse the thrift store.” Once I got to the store, I could always find something I thought I “needed.” The more I read and learn, this was a way for me to handle anxiousness that arouse in me during time of idleness. In other words, this was a behavioral coping mechanism. My energy is flowing but I had no where to direct it!

    Since taking up time to write, I can now re-direct the energy I was feeling and use it to create something that might help someone who is dealing with the same kind of issue. We can use or energy for “good” or of service to others.

    What would you like to create? A new business or write a book? My challenge is you is to take a step back, see where you are revved up and putting energy into something that’s not producing anything positive for you. I must admit, at times, the desire is strong to got shop but when I take a pause break and ask myself, before I leave out, what’s the purpose? I can re-direct and find something more beneficial and in alignment with my goal in life which makes my so much happier.

    Now that my anxiousness is subsiding, I think I will settle in and watch a movie. I created something!

    Let me know your thoughts. If you like, connect with me through one of the Meetup groups. Here’s a link: https://www.meetup.com/pro/confident-strides/

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/idleness-quote

  • Ways to Manage Insecurities and Find Connection with Others

    “One of the greatest journeys in life is overcoming insecurity and learning to truly not give a shit.” ― J. A. Konrath

    “When do people feel insecure and why” was the topic of todays discussion in my networking group this morning. When it came time for me to answer the question, the obvious answer for me was, “I don’t know when others feel insecure, but I know when I do.” I feel most insecure when I share a piece of me with others. Not knowing if they are going to understand or even get what or why I’m sharing in the first place. A few other women in the group expressed the same kind of insecurity.

    There are not many people who hop on the calls but the ones who do provide lots of insight and wisdom form their experiences in life that help others know we are not alone. That’s one of the reasons why I love group discussions. Expanding your world to learn how others cope with the same feelings of insecurity can be so powerful. I thinks that’s why I love reading too.

    Reading books has also been a way for. me to expand my mind and my perceptions. Like I mentioned before, it’s nice to know I’m not alone in this big beautiful world of ours. I learned through reading that we might not share the same experiences but we can feel the same emotions. For instance, jealousy in me is going to feel like jealousy to you but the difference is what experience triggers that emotion. Once I learned that, it helps me to recognize that same feeling or emotion in someone else. Once you are aware of what’s happening, you are more incline to know how to react a little bit differently.

    With reading and networking with others, I’ve been able to pick up other coping mechanisms that perhaps I never ever thought of. One woman, in the networking group, shared that she likes to do a “brain dump”. She explained to us that she “lets her 2 year old self take the reins.” She said after she gets it all out, she doesn’t re-read what she wrote, she just deletes it! When I hear such stories from other women, I consider then tools for your toolbox.

    So here is my takeaway from today’s conversation: We are more alike than we may like to think. Surround yourself with people who can uplift and inspire you and don’t be afraid to talk about or share how you feel. Someone might be waiting for your tool to add to their toolbox.

    How would you answer this question? When do people feel insecure and why? I would love to hear your answer.

    One of the women shared she just read “Brave Not Perfect” by Reshma Saujani. I have not read the book but it has been added to my To Be Read (TBR) list. I added an Amazon affiliate link for those how are interested in reading. I would love to hear what you think of the book as well.

    To purchase the book: https://amzn.to/3tMSkVk

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/insecurity

    Networking Group: https://www.meetup.com/Confident-Strides-Womens-Empowerment-Network/

  • Making a Comeback

    “Sometimes the hardest part isn’t letting go but rather learning to start over.” ― Nicole Sobon

    I have been having the urge to write again. I guess it’s something that never really leaves you, perhaps life just causes you to stop and re-evaluate what’s important to you.

    A lot has changed since I first started writing this blog many years ago. I started a YouTube and Anchor podcast last year just before the COVID shutdown. I wanted to see what I could offer to the world during the shutdown. I was on a walk with my dogs when the thought of how we were going to manage this “new normal.” I just keep looking at Chloe who I didn’t really want and I just pondered how this dog ended up in my life. My elderly neighbor was placed in a nursing home and she had asked my to keep Chloe. Chloe would growl and my husband when he would give me a kiss before heading off to bed. Chloe sheds a lot too! But here I was, walking this dog and actually enjoying myself. That’s when I realized that no matter what happens in life, we are always going to face change. Change is inevitable! What makes the difference is how we react to the change that is right in front of us each day.

    Now back to my podcast idea, I raced home and decided to make an offer to the coaches in my network. What advice were they offering to their clients during this time of change? The whole premise of the podcast was to present positive insight by offering the coaches an opportunity to be interviewed by me. My first interview appeared on YouTube in March of 2020. A whole year later, I am still interviewing and sharing positive insight that’s being uploaded weekly.

    My purpose moving forward with this blog is a way to provide positive insight that I gathered through the interviews as well as the insight I get while running. I invite you to join me on this comeback journey.

    Quote Source https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/start-over

  • It’s Not That Important

    stop-yelling-at-kids-6

    It’s not that Important” were the words being shouted from the backseat of the car the other day when my husband and I were “discussing” where to place the cell phone in order to hear the navigational directions.  I will admit that I got “caught up” in the discussion because I was trying to make my opinion known.  Of course my husband had his own idea on where he wanted to put the phone since he was driving.

    My three year old granddaughter interjected herself into the conversation by saying “its not that important”.  The thing that caught my attention, besides this little person yelling from the backseat and the fact that she couldn’t quite say the word “important” was when I stopped to think about what was happening at that moment, she was right.  I had let my ego step in.

    I laugh now because it took the words of a three year old to remind me that sometimes the little things we make the biggest fuss over are the little things that can begin to tear a relationship apart. The best thing we can do is stop, take a deep breath and ask yourself, just how important is it for me to be right?

    Photo Source: Click here.

  • I Won the Jeep!

    I Won the Jeep!

    59720707_10218431886056543_4573895537492754432_oFor anyone who has followed my blogs over the past few years knows that I had an auto accident in 2013. It was a rainy Halloween night when I lost control of my BMW and hit the cement divider wall and totaled my car.  My BMW was my retirement gift to myself. My husband and I were going through some financial challenges at the time and my car was the only thing I refused to part with.

    I remember the evening well because it was the beginning of my spiritual journey.  That night of the accident was when I first noticed the tiny whispers of the Universe.  As I sat in the back seat of the police car, I remember a calming presence within that was saying everything is going to be alright. I remember thinking “God, you have my attention now!”

    Fast forward to 2019 and I am sitting in a huge convention center. My company is about to do a drawing for a 2019 Jeep Cherokee Trailhawk.  As I watch the tickets being mixed up, I am thinking my chances of winning is not looking good. There must have be thousands of pink raffle tickets being mixed up in the large clear rotating raffle drum. But I decided not to focus on that, instead I started thinking about how it would feel to be seated in the Jeep, taking in the new car smell.  I could hear them calling the numbers.  I started thinking, I’m still in the running as they called off the first four numbers. By the 6th number, I was thinking, the winning number is really close to one of my four tickets I had.  It wasn’t until they announced the name of the winner that it hit me…  I won!

    I believe that the Universe is always speaking to us.  My accident in 2013 was a wake up call to what life is trying to get me to notice. I make it a practice to stay present and enjoy the beautiful blessing that surround me.  I know this post can not express the sheer gratitude, faith and appreciation I have for such a loving, generous, and supportive Life Force, but what I want to say is Thank you!

     

  • Care to Dance?

    Care to Dance?

    Ballroom dance latin dancersI started taking salsa classes a few weeks ago.  It’s the type of salsa that requires working with a partner.  I am not usually the lead partner which has been a struggle for me.  They teach us the basic steps and then when we are partnered up, I am to “mirror” my partner. Last week we had a practice session. I learned one of the most valuable lessons, not only to dancing, but in life.

    As one of the gentleman asked me to dance, I informed him that is was my first lesson. He smiled and we started to dance.  I focused on counting my steps and made lots of missteps and mistakes.  My partner smiled and told me to close my eyes. He said feel the rhythm and trust me.  I closed my eyes and I tried not to anticipate the steps I just listened to the beat and let my partner lead. It was so much fun! That’s when I understood:

    “Life is the dancer and you are the dance.” -Eckhart Tolle

    Maybe it is us who causes our own stumbles and missteps. Perhaps we need to learn to let go of our need for control, close our eyes and listen to the rhythm. Life is always asking you, “Care to Dance?”

    Quote Source:  Eckhart Tolle Quote

  • All Present

    All Present

    I honestly think we can learn something new each day. The biggest challenge is usually staying present in the moment to notice.  I started getting out and reconnecting with friends.  What I often finding myself doing before we met up was worrying about what were going to say.  It’s at those moments when you have to tell that little voice inside to “be quiet.”  If you are present in the company of others, you can always find something to talk about.

    What does it mean to be present?  That’s always a great question when people ask me.  It’s giving the other person you undivided attention. I always like to define what it is by stating what it is not.  Let me give you some examples.  Being present is not worrying about what you could be doing with someone else. Being present is not scrolling through your phone when someone is sitting with you.  being present is not thinking about what you are going to do once you leave.  Being present is saying to the person you are with, that they are important enough to listen and let them be heard.

    Once I learned what it meant to be present, my marriage and all of my other relations greatly improved.  The power is in your hands. The one thing that is always in your control is yourself.