Sweet N Social

Tag: personal truth

  • Relationship Advice: He’s a Good Man but Should I Stay, or Should I Go?

    Relationship Advice: He’s a Good Man but Should I Stay, or Should I Go?

    You’ll build a close marriage not as you do everything together but as you give space for your differences. -Doug Armey

    I am thinking about divorce. My spouse is great, but we don’t have anything in common. I am scared to grow old with that person. Should I leave? – Quora

    I have pondered this question on several occasions. My spouse has always been supportive and loving. I could never find a strong enough reason to leave the marriage. Every time we would have an argument, I would feel like this was it, I’m leaving.  But after a few days, the heat would cool off and I would think about how petty I was holding on to matters that would not even be significant in either five or ten years from now.  

    As a two time previously divorcee, the easiest thing for me was always to look for a reason to leave. I never looked for reasons to stay. I could always find “excuses” to stay but never took the deep dive as to what was causing the arguments in the first place. He never laid a hand on me, and he never cheated on me, we just didn’t share the same ideas and hobbies, and that made me feel like we didn’t have anything in common.

    I think society puts a lot on relationships that causes couples to question what a relationship is about. Two people have chosen to become one. That doesn’t mean we have to think the same or do the same things. It’s the beauty of allowing each other to be who they are and still loving them just the same. 

    My husband I have been married for over 15 years.  It’s not always wedded bliss, but I know he loves me, and he supports me.  

    Here’s a few things to keep in mind the next time you have an argument:

    1. What are we really arguing over? Take a hard look at what is the root cause of the argument. And then ask yourself, how have I contributed to it. What could I have done differently? There are always two factors in a relationship – two beliefs and two opinions.
    2. What attracted you to your spouse? Count all the things you like about them.  Sometimes we forget about the good and get caught up in the bad.
    3. Consider asking the question: Would you marry you?  Sometimes they problem is within us. I know I can be a difficult person at times, and I have projected my insecurities and irrationality on my spouse. 
    4. Give yourself and your spouse grace. When we know better, we do better. We are all doing the best with our current mindsets.

    Feel free to connect with me at https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

  • Lessons Learned: Life’s Best Way of Teaching Us While We Are Living

    Lessons Learned: Life’s Best Way of Teaching Us While We Are Living

    “Life is a succesion of lessons which must be lived to be understood.” ― Helen Keller

    This week has presented a few challenges for me, and I thought I would share then with you along with some of the lessons I learned along the way.

    Lessons: 1. Surround yourself with people who can pull you out of the muck and 2. Eat what’s on your plate first before going back for more.

    I don’t know what is floating in the air but whatever it was, it had many of us in my social network experiencing the blues. I have been facilitating a private network group for almost whole year. Every Monday we come together to discuss ways to improve our group calls. It’s been like a small mastermind group. This week, there was a lot of tension within the group. It had me almost to the point that I was ready to put the group on hiatus. What helps me from giving up and throwing in the towel is the support from other business, goal, focused women. It’s been a lifeline on several occasions.

    There’s something about this time each year that I feel like I must kick things into overdrive. Perhaps it just because we are coming to the end of the year, and we often reflect on the things we haven’t yet accomplished. The best analogy I can think of is like going to a buffet and piling up our plates even though the buffet has plenty of food for us to come back and restock our plates. We have so much that the food is toppling over. One of my supportive friends had to remind me that the buffet isn’t going anywhere, and I can come back as often as I like. 

    What I realized at that moment was that I wasn’t enjoying what I had because I was afraid of what I was thinking I was missing out on.

    Lesson Three: Trust in the process

    Another contributing factor to my blues has been this pressure to come up with holiday videos for my YouTube channel. I made a bet with another YouTuber to complete a minimum of seven videos for Vlogmas (it’s where YouTuber post more personalized and holiday related videos). I usually conduct interviews, so talking about myself is not really up my alley but I want to participate this year. The closer the bet deadline gets, the more anxious I have become because I couldn’t even come up with any ideas to start with. That is until yesterday.

    I was on a run when it finally hit me as to how I am going to tackle my Vlogmas challenge. I could invite friends and family to interview me. By the end of yesterday, the path to Vlogmas was become more doable which also meant less anxiety.

    Here is a recap of my lessons learned from this week:

    1. Surround yourself with like-minded people. They understand what you are going through.
    2. Take a moment to reflect on how far you come and celebrate. These are the moment to savor.
    3. Don’t rush the process. Ideas will come when you least expect them so be prepared.
    4. Give yourself grace. You’re doing just fine!

    Feel free to checkout my YouTube channel and be on the look out for the Vlogmas videos. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfwyi1cCTgldpFMoPo1WZrQ

    Please also feel free to share your thoughts.

  • Love Those Rainy Days: How to Level Up Your Thinking Game

    Mental health problems don’t define who you are. They are something you experience. You walk in the rain and you feel the rain, but, importantly, YOU ARE NOT THE RAIN.” — Matt Haig

    It was so hard getting out of bed this morning. I could hear the gentle sound of rain coming down and my Sterns and Foster mattress was feeling so good. The dogs were even still sleep. As I slowly got moving, I peeked out the window and saw that the rain was tampering off. I might be able to get my morning walk in after all!

    I try to make getting some kind of run or walk a priority on most mornings especially on the days that I have podcast interviews to conduct. Getting up and getting a walk or a run in has been a great way to get my energy moving and my ideas flowing. Plus it has been a great way to clear my head so that I can be fully present during the interview conversations. But on rainy mornings it’s so hard to get motivated and it simply throws my whole day off!

    I wanted to share some tips I have found to help me on rainy days and well as cold mornings which can also throw a monkey wrench in staying on my daily routine.

    First: Consider how will you feel once you are done.

    Sometimes just thinking about how good it will feel to have accomplished what I set out to do is enough to just get me out the door. You can also turn it around and think about how you will feel if you don’t. There is something about knowing you conquered the odds to get what you want that makes you feel more confident and empowered. It’s the one deciding factor that can be the gateway to many more small victories throughout your day, your month and your year.

    Second: Stop worrying about what others think.

    I will admit, on rainy days especially, I sometimes feel like an idiot running or walking in the rain. On this particular morning, worried if I looked crazy to others. I know it sounds weird, and it looks even weirder writing it, but to face it, I know I have to at least acknowledge it. I’m dedicated to my mental health as much as I am to my physical health, that’s why I love my walks. So when I see other folks out walking on rainy days, I don’t feel so bad. Matter of fact, a gentleman said to me today, “I thought I was the only one out here nuts.”

    It’s in those moments that It was just as easy for me to stay in the house as it was for me to make that 2.5 second decision to put on the shoes and lace them up. As for worrying about what others think, I keep this thought in the back of my mind, “people go to work in the rain and no one thinks that’s crazy. I am going to work too. My job is to work on me.”

    Lastly: Do what other won’t

    It’s in these moments when it’s raining or snowing or just simply cloudy, that it was just as easy for me to stay in the house as it was for me to make the 2.5 second decision to put on the shoes, lace them up and get moving. On rainy, cloudy and snowy days, of course there are not many folks out walking or running. It’s also in those moments that you can look upon as character building moments. It always comes down to our perspective and how we choose to look at any situation. When you choose to walk or run on days that are more challenging then others, you just leveled up your thinking game.

    So here are my recap/takeaways for today:

    1. Consider how will you feel either completing your walk/run.
    2. The opinions of others is just that, opinions.
    3. Level up your thinking game by doing what others won’t.
    4. Be your amazing and wonderful self

    I cordially invite you to connect with me https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

    Quote Source: https://mentalhealthmatch.com/articles/anxiety/inspiring-mental-health-quotes

  • Simply Ask: Your Chances of a Yes Increase by Fifty Percent

    “Always ask yourself: “What will happen if I say nothing?”  ― Kamand Kojouri

    I’m learning that the most powerful thing I can do is to simply ask. Here are three lessons I have learned over time.

    Lesson One: Asking for help or asking for the opinion of others, doesn’t diminish who you are.

    In the past, I have been so afraid to ask people for help or even to simply ask for their opinion. I still struggle at times but I think the older I get and the more I realize I have a purpose here on this Earth, if I don’t ask I am missing out on a golden opportunity to grow and connect with someone else. I have learned over the past few years, the more comfortable I am in knowing who I am, the less threatened I feel by someone else’s opinion.

    One way I got more comfortable with other people’s opinion was during the time I was meeting with another person of faith. Our opinions were different but I focused on what we had in common. We would sit for hours discussing our views on faith. It was during this time, realized, I was comfortable with my views and at the same time could honor they other person’s view without feeling diminished. Eventually we parted ways but our friendship remains.

    Lesson Two: By not asking, we automatically assume the answer is no.

    My youngest daughter was one of the biggest offenders of this mental assumption as she was growing up. She was always getting herself in trouble because she was so sneaky. She would try and sneak cookies and snacks. She would take things from her sister without asking all of the time. It was so darn frustrating because we told her all of the time, “all you have to do is ask.” Asking didn’t mean she would always get what she wanted but it gave the person she was asking the opportunity to either say yes or no. I am now seeing this with my granddaughter.

    Lesson Three: We allow people the opportunity to participate in our lives.

    There are always two people in an equation. Allowing the person the opportunity to participate can be a gift if you allow it to be. Just think about how you feel when someone asks you for your opinion, or ask for your assistance on a project. (We’re talking about healthy boundaries and not people pleasing at this moment which is a whole other subject.)

    Here are a few of my takeaways:

    1. Ask yourself, “what’s the worst that can happen?” If you choose not to ask, you are already assuming the answer is no.
    2. Consider how the other person might feel. Allow them the opportunity to participate.
    3. Seek help and guidance from others. There is someone who has been through the same stuff.
    4. Remember, you are awesome. So give yourself some Grace!!

    I am not trying to pretend that asking is always easy, but it can get easier when you you take small steps. I had to hire a sales coach to help with asking for things regarding my business. I had to talk with a relationships person when I struggle with personal issues. When I need help and I am learning to ask and so can you.

    We are building an empowerment and leadership network via Meetup if you are looking for a group to connect with.

    Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/ask

  • Noticing the Invisible Influences: Who Do We Let Run Through Our Minds?

    It’s a little bit like Goldilocks. We don’t want to be the same as everybody else, but too different is also bad. We’re trying to walk the line between being similar and different. -Jonah Berger

    Who are you giving permission to run through your mind?

    We all of a circle of influence whether we know it or not. Some of us have smaller circles than other but they still operate in the same manner. They are the ones who influence our thoughts and behaviors. We are even influencers of others too.

    I recently asked a networking group that I facilitate this very questions. I have to admit that I never really gave this question much thought until recently. In many of the self-discovery books, they often state that we become like the people we associate with on a daily basis. The more I ponder this thought, I do think it has some truth to it.

    Many of the women in my networking group have written a book and are looking to create an online course. I also have had a desire to write a book but it’s been way down on the list. I also would like to create an online course, but again it’s been way down on the life goal list as well, until recently. I am starting to see pathway to achieving both the goal of writing a book and creating an online course.

    I remember a few years ago, when I used to take my former neighbor to her doctor’s appointments and grocery shopping that she was a vegetarian. At that time, I started noticing that I became more aware about my meat consumption and at times considered cutting meat out of my diet.

    What I like most about this question is that it makes you stop and take notice of who we grant access to influence our lives. These are the people who help us create the kind of life we want and accomplish the goals we want to achieve. They can either be helping you to achieve your dreams or hindering you. I definitely think it’s worth your time to take a closer look.

    Here are some of my takeaways:

    1. Pay attention to who you surround yourself with.
    2. Notice how they affect your life. Do they help or hinder you from creating the kind of life you want? Do you like who you are becoming? Who do you need to be around more? or less?
    3. Remember: You are awesome. Give yourself some Grace!

    Here is an Amazon affiliate link for “Invisible Influence: The Hidden Forces that Shape Behavior” by Jonah Berger who I quoted in the beginning: https://amzn.to/3aB5YlR

    I am also including an article I came across while I was writing this post that may explain more about how we make our decisions that also mentioned the book which is also my Quote Source: https://behavioralscientist.org/invisible-influence-how-other-people-think-for-you-and-why-thats-ok/

    Join me on Meetup at https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup

    Other ways to connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

  • I Won the Jeep!

    I Won the Jeep!

    59720707_10218431886056543_4573895537492754432_oFor anyone who has followed my blogs over the past few years knows that I had an auto accident in 2013. It was a rainy Halloween night when I lost control of my BMW and hit the cement divider wall and totaled my car.  My BMW was my retirement gift to myself. My husband and I were going through some financial challenges at the time and my car was the only thing I refused to part with.

    I remember the evening well because it was the beginning of my spiritual journey.  That night of the accident was when I first noticed the tiny whispers of the Universe.  As I sat in the back seat of the police car, I remember a calming presence within that was saying everything is going to be alright. I remember thinking “God, you have my attention now!”

    Fast forward to 2019 and I am sitting in a huge convention center. My company is about to do a drawing for a 2019 Jeep Cherokee Trailhawk.  As I watch the tickets being mixed up, I am thinking my chances of winning is not looking good. There must have be thousands of pink raffle tickets being mixed up in the large clear rotating raffle drum. But I decided not to focus on that, instead I started thinking about how it would feel to be seated in the Jeep, taking in the new car smell.  I could hear them calling the numbers.  I started thinking, I’m still in the running as they called off the first four numbers. By the 6th number, I was thinking, the winning number is really close to one of my four tickets I had.  It wasn’t until they announced the name of the winner that it hit me…  I won!

    I believe that the Universe is always speaking to us.  My accident in 2013 was a wake up call to what life is trying to get me to notice. I make it a practice to stay present and enjoy the beautiful blessing that surround me.  I know this post can not express the sheer gratitude, faith and appreciation I have for such a loving, generous, and supportive Life Force, but what I want to say is Thank you!

     

  • The Path

    The Path

    38787826 - woman jeans and sneaker shoesIn life ,we can get so caught up in the opinions of others.  We worry that we are not doing the “right” thing. What I and so many others fail to recognize is what feels “right” to you is not always going to feel “right” for someone else.  That’s the beauty of life, because their life purpose or path is not for you and vice versa.

    One of my favorite guided meditations is The 21 Day Meditation Challenge – The Energy of Attraction by Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfrey.  It is on Day 16 – Trusting Nature where the Centering Thought is “Everyone’s spiritual path is perfect.” To me, it is a reminder that not everyone is meant to do what it is that you are here to do.  We are all here with our own divine purpose and mission.  It is up to us to determine what that purpose is.

    What is the key factor  is we are only allotted so much time on this Earth to discover and live our purpose.  Time is the only precious resource that we can never get back.  So my point is this, don’t get so caught up in living someone else’s life.  Live your life purposefully. It’s the only one we have.

  • Residue

    Residue

    Have you ever come a cross a person and once you leave you notice the feelings or thoughts that remain after your encounter with them.  Like for instance you have people who bring up feeling of peace. you may have people who bring out the excitement of possibilities. We even have those people who are like hurricanes that stir up feeling of anxiety and chaos.  I call this, residue.

    Like this we encounter, we also leave behind feeling and thoughts on others.  It wasn’t until I became more aware of my own conscious thoughts that I realize that we all are leaving a bit of ourselves everywhere we go.  We have the power to decide what kind of residue we want to leave others.  Granted, they may not always receive it as such.

    I learned through meditation that we can set our intentions daily and choose to be either the lighthouse or the storm. What kind of residue due you want to leave? The kind that people enjoy or the kind that people want to wash off.

  • All Present

    All Present

    I honestly think we can learn something new each day. The biggest challenge is usually staying present in the moment to notice.  I started getting out and reconnecting with friends.  What I often finding myself doing before we met up was worrying about what were going to say.  It’s at those moments when you have to tell that little voice inside to “be quiet.”  If you are present in the company of others, you can always find something to talk about.

    What does it mean to be present?  That’s always a great question when people ask me.  It’s giving the other person you undivided attention. I always like to define what it is by stating what it is not.  Let me give you some examples.  Being present is not worrying about what you could be doing with someone else. Being present is not scrolling through your phone when someone is sitting with you.  being present is not thinking about what you are going to do once you leave.  Being present is saying to the person you are with, that they are important enough to listen and let them be heard.

    Once I learned what it meant to be present, my marriage and all of my other relations greatly improved.  The power is in your hands. The one thing that is always in your control is yourself.

  • Share Your Music

    Share Your Music

    One of the best messages I read on the message board out side of the gym was “the only bad workout is the one you didn’t do”.  That message is not only great for workouts but anything you choose not to do in life.  The only bad book is the one you choose not to write, or the only bad song is the one you choose not to record.

    I think about the messages I come across and can listen to now that’s available through YouTube.  Whatever you have an interest in, you can find.  I listen to speakers that no longer are with us but had great messages to share. Think about what you have been through in your life. Only you can share that story because only you have lived that life.

    We all have a message and a story to share.  I think you do the world a dis-service by not sharing you story.  You might be the one with the cure for cancer. Don’t leave this thing we call life with your song still in you. Share your music with the world.