Sweet N Social

Tag: self awareness

  • I Want to be Drama Free

    I Want to be Drama Free

    This post was inspired by a conversation I had with my daughter:

    She was upset when I picked up from work and was ready to quit her job because of the “drama” of her co-workers. The advice I gave her was that yes at times you do have to move on but no matter if you change schools, change jobs or even change spouses, the drama free life you are looking for won’t happen until you do some changing within yourself. You have to learn to let go!

    I am still amazed how we can allow one person to affect us in our daily lives and in how we see ourselves and view success. I want you to see that you have the power of choice on your side and show you that it’s not the situation that’s important, but how we choose to react that will make a world of difference.

    I let go of other people’s “drama” by learning three things:

    1. We all have the power of choice
    2. Happiness begins by eliminating as much negativity as possible
    3. Practicing daily mindfulness cultivates self-awareness

    Truly, no one has power over you unless you give it to them.

    #1 Harness the Power of Control:

    For years I was concerned about what people thought of me, if they liked me, was a doing a good job, but then I realized that I have the power of choice on my side. It wasn’t until I went to Oprah’s Live the Life You want to Live Weekend Tour in August of 2014.  I went to this event by myself and realized that some trips are best taken alone! It caused my perspective of life to shift. It was a 3 day event in Detroit. We were given the cool battery operated LED wristbands that light up during the event.  I wore mine for several months despite the fact that battery died shortly after the event. On the wristband, it says “Oprah’s the Life You Want Weekend” It became a daily reminder to me that we all have a choice in every second, of every minute of every day in how we choose to live our lives. As the sun rises each day so are the chances to make new choices.

    The more happiness I experienced, the less I wanted to it relinquish it because of someone else’s “drama”.

    #2 Eliminating as Much Negativity as Possible:

    I love how The Late Dr. Maya Angelou has so eloquently expressed… “I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.”  I first had to stop calling what we so often refer to as failures and setbacks in our lives as mistakes and realized they were learning opportunities. They became my lessons learned.

    In life’s lessons there are so often things that we need to learn from them to prepare us for the next challenge. In learning that I can’t control other people’s thought, actions or emotions, life started to become more fun and interesting. I was able to laugh at myself more freely and with less judgement.  The more I become aware of my behaviors the more I seem to pick up on the behaviors of others. As my self-awareness expanded the more empathetic I became.  Being more empathetic opened the door to identifying with the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of others, which simply meant I could relate more to others

    #3 Practice Daily Mindfulness:

    I am not free of judgmental thoughts but I am more aware of when these thoughts and attitudes arise. With expanded awareness you’re able to make more conscious decisions that can lead to better choices.  By making better choices I have had more desirable outcomes and more meaningful relationships.

    I don’t react to people, to the news and to life’s everyday situations that would “back in the day” set me off.  With the power of choice comes the freedom to live life on your terms. I find myself no longer bound by the thoughts or opinions of others. I am not where I would like to be, but I am not the person I was. And if success can be measured by liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it. Then I am truly successful!

    In Jack Canfield’s Success Principle’s he expresses this in a simple and easy to remember equation: E + R =O. (Event +Reaction=Outcome). In this equation the only thing you have control over is the R (your reaction to the event).

    As I stated in the beginning we so often give power to people by allowing them to affect our moods, our days and our lives. By harnessing the power of choice, choosing to eliminate as much negativity as possible from your life and practicing mindfulness to expand your self-awareness you are able to put your life back into focus.

    It’s like rebooting yourself back to your original default setting. When you harness that power, you will honestly proclaim:

    I am the master of my fate
    I am the captain of my soul.

    –Invictus – Poem by William Ernest Henley

    Poem Credit: http://poemhunter.com/poem/invictus/

  • You Can’t Steal my Joy!

    You Can’t Steal my Joy!

    “We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.” ― Dalai Lama XIV

    By meditating on a regular basis I become aware of my thoughts. The more aware I became of my thoughts the more I started making wiser choices on what I paid attention to and where I focused my efforts.

    The first thing that captured my attention was the commercials during television shows.  I started paying more attention to what was being advertised and I realized that most of the commercials are fear-based messages that try to coerce you into some type of action, which is primarily to sell their product like the latest dish washing liquid doesn’t kill enough germ causing bacteria.  Another thing I started noticing was a commercial with a catchy jingle isn’t quite so annoying by the 3rd time you hear it. I started putting the commercials on mute.

    The next thing that I started noticing was the amount of negativity in everyday conversation.  The more I tried to focus on eliminating negativity from my conversations the more I found reasons to celebrate even the littlest things.  I found myself singing to the radio and actually dancing around the house as I did such things like vacuuming and cooking.  I eventually stopped watching TV all together.

    My days have been more productive and less stressful. I have more time to relax and enjoy things like lying in my hammock, taking morning walks in the park and spending quality time with my family. I started exercising and found a desire to start cleaning out my garage that has been on my to-do list for two years.

    What I found is that when you find the joy and appreciation for who you are there is no way anyone can steal that joy from you because it comes  from deep within.

  • Raise the Standards

    Raise the Standards

    We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. – Lynn Hall

    I just came back from an eleven day trip that took me to Dallas, Los Angeles and San Francisco.  I spent some much needed time with family in San Francisco.  I had a chance to step back from my work and see where I was headed. I was getting frustrated not at my clients but with myself.

    Each week I try to share a lesson learned. This week I learned the power of clarity.  When I stated my business a few years ago, I really had no clue in the direction I wanted to take.  I had this great notion that I wanted to be of service and basically that’s all I really understood.  I started managing social media sites for clients that needed help building their audience.  I did not have any set price or service plan in mind.  I worked hard on building a relationship with my clients and I can honestly say that it worked for me in the beginning.

    I would say it took about a year for a frustration to set in.  I felt like the clients were taking advantage of my kindness, but I would never address this concern.  It wasn’t until recently that I realized it wasn’t my clients that were taking advantage of me, it was that I didn’t value myself to raise the standard.

    Lessons Learned:

    1. Be clear about what you will or will not do.

    People are not mind readers. They will not give you more of anything unless you ask.  In the same token, it’s their right whether they choose to continue to work with you or not.   It’s nothing personal, it’s just business.

    1. It’s ok to say no.

    Sometimes people will respect you more for being honest in what you won’t do instead of saying yes and botching it up.  If you know in your heart you don’t want to take on a particular project, just say so.  You have the right to say no in the beginning.

    1. You can change your mind.

    It’s ok to change your mind. It truly means you are growing.  There is nothing that says you can’t change your mind. Figure out what works and change what’s not. Don’t beat yourself up!

    Not everyone will like the change, but the empowerment you will gain is priceless.

    Quote source: http://www.quotegarden.com/change.htm

  • Just Start Somewhere

    “Start before you’re ready.” ―Steven Pressfield

    I read somewhere that if someone wants to build a social media presence you have to create something new each day. I whole heartily agree with this statement, but the hardest thing I find is being disciplined enough to sit down and start.

    The one thing writing a blog has taught me is that you have to just simply push through the distractions. There certainly can be quite a few of them when you decided to put action behind an important task.  I had the same resistance when I started meditation.  I would sit down, get comfy and press play on my iPhone, as soon as Deepak would say close your eyes, thoughts of what I needed to take care of would pop in my head. I couldn’t stay focused.  The more I decided I was going to just sit there, I eventually got better.  I became less distracted by thoughts and gained more focus on my meditation practice. I know the same will happen on my writing.

    I have been working on a few techniques that have helped me get more focused on accomplishing some tasks. I have found that if I get still and take some quiet time with myself, the topics of what I want to write about come to me.  When I sit quietly, I ask myself, “What is the message that I would like to bring forward at this moment?” Some of the best ideas have come to me by just waiting.  They have had some A-ha moments.

    I have also found that by just writing out all of the thoughts that are in your head can be a great way to determine a topic to write about.  When you take a moment just to write out what’s on your mind, they don’t have to be organized at that moment, it’s just important to get your thoughts down on paper.  Then when you get the chance, go back and organize what you wrote.

    The last idea on finding things to write about is just pressing play on your cell phone and just record what’s on your mind.  The most important thing with this method is not to leave them in the sound recording. Take a moment to go back, listen and write your ideas down in a notebook or journal.  Again the most import thing is to get your thoughts out of your head and down on paper.

    As with most posts I write about, there is a lesson I would like to share.  This lesson is that you don’t have to things perfect to start, just simply begin with something.  I know my writing will improve the more I keep writing, but what I celebrate each time I post, is the simple fact that I did.

    Quote Source: http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/getting-started

  • The Healing Power of Forgiveness

    The Healing Power of Forgiveness

    You cannot change what you refuse to confront – Unknown

    Let me tell you at least one thing I gained when I decided to forgive myself.  My second husband and I have been divorced for over 10 years.  When we divorced, it was not on the best of terms.  There was infidelity and abuse in our marriage that both of us could claim.  We had one child born out of this marriage.  My ex-husband paid his child support and maintained a relationship with our child.  We had always been cordial to each other but since I remarried shortly after our divorce I think that may have contributed to the distance in his and my son’s relationship.  Our child is now 15 years old and for the past year or so, I have wanted my son’s father to be more involved then he has been.  This is where the healing power of forgiveness really made a change.

    In 2013, I was involved in a car accident.  The car was totaled and I walked away with just a few bruises on my arm from where the airbag deployed.  It was a single car accident.  I was checked out by paramedics and then placed in the back of a police car while they did they initial investigation and the tow truck arrived.  While in the police car, a calming presence came over me and I felt that everything was going to be fine.  I was at peace for just a moment. It is a feeling that I have never forgotten.  My spiritual transformation had just begun.

    In 2014, I started meditating.  There were little thoughts that would pop into my head like “it’s not your burden to carry” or the “road won’t be easy but I’ll protect you”.  I also started reading both spiritual and self-improvement books.  Here are some books that really made an impact:

    The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle; Discover the Power Within You, Eric Butterworth; Instinct, TD Jakes; A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle; The Gifts of Imperfection, Dr. Brene Brown; A Return to Love, Marianne Williamson; Spiritual Solutions, Deepak Chopra; The Four Agreements, Don Ruiz; The Universe is Calling, Eric Butterworth and When Things Fall Apart, Pema Chodron

    In addition to reading, I walked at the park on a daily basis and discovered a passion for photography. During that time I paid close attention to how I spoke to myself.  I looked at what I was giving my attention to.  I started to like myself and actually start to laugh at some of the silly stuff I was holding onto. I was actively checking my belief system and confronting old habits and thought processes. I would cry sometimes but I would also laugh and rejoice at the changes.

    About a year ago, the feeling that I needed to reach out to my ex-husband, a strong but gentle nudge came over me. When he called to speak to my son, I was a little more conversational and we started to talk to each other a little more and eventually I apologized for my part in our relationships demise.  It was about a month ago when he apologized to me.  That’s not where the story ends. For my son’s birthday, I suggested that may be he fly him down to Louisiana to spend some time but he came back and said that his schedule was too busy.  My initial thought that creeped in was, how you can be too busy for your son.  That was my old BS rearing its ugly head.  A few days later, the soft gentle voice spoke and said you did your part, you invited him in, let it go. And that’s what I did.

    A week or so later, his father stated he planned to drive up to Ohio and spend a few days with my son.

    Here is my Lessons Learned:

    1. Work on you first
    2. Let go and trust in Divine timing
    3. Stay open to the Possibilities
  • Quiet Reflections

    Quiet Reflections

    If you can’t get quiet enough to hear yourself, your life is too loud. ~Terri Guillemets

    I never completely understood the term “Silence is golden” until I started meditating.  Now that I have experienced the peace that comes from just sitting in silence, there is not a day that goes by that I don’t take some time to sit silently in a quiet space.   There are three benefits I gained I want to share with you.DSCF4794

    The first one is that it helped me to become more mindful of my thoughts. I never realized that I was my own worst enemy and sabotaging my own peace and happiness.  There was so much self-negative talk going on in my own head.  When I started paying attention to the way I spoke to myself I had to make a choice to work on it. When a thought popped in my head, I would ask “would you say that to anyone else out loud?”  Most of the time, the answer was no. The negative talk produced a dislike for myself that I didn’t know existed.  When I would take my walks in the morning, I would focus my attention on positive affirmations, such as, “I am worth.” “I am enough.” “I am successful.” The more I heard these thoughts, the more natural they would pop in to my head. I started to value who I was and the uniqueness I brought to the world.

    Another benefit meditating did was helped me to became more present in my life.  My mind wasn’t cluttered with thoughts of what I used to do or what I was going to do, I concentrated on the activity at hand. The trees looked greener and the sky looked bluer.  I discovered a passion for photography.DSCF6033 My relationship with my children improved. Last summer, I implemented a mandatory “unwind time” for everyone. It was something very similar to a tech-free time out, no electronics, cell phones, TV or radio for two hours each night during the weekday.  During the two hours, we would play card games, take walks or just simply sit outside on the deck and talk. I must admit, I had trouble turning off the phone in the beginning but as time went on; the kids would come and sit down in the living room without being called to join in. They actually looked forward to hanging out with me again.

    The last thing I want to share was I learned who I am and what I want. I no longer seek approval from others. I gained a deeper to love for myself. DSCF6292 I know now that I have the power to make better and smarter choices for the kind of life I wish to live. I learned that no one can steal your joy when it comes from deep within. 

    These lessons didn’t come easy. As Iyanla Vanzant so eloquently states it, I had to challenge my Belief System or BS. I know I am still a work in progress, but I can honestly say, I am proud of the person I am becoming.  Here are three key points I want to leave with you.

    1. The best project to work on is you.
    2. One little step leads to another.
    3. No one can be you but you.

    Quote source: http://www.quotegarden.com/silence.html

    Thank you for taking the time to visit. Please share your thoughts.

  • Just Leave it There

    Just Leave it There

    Every morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most. -Guatama Buddha

    Some days I just need to get a good walk in to refresh and renew my spirit. When I can feel my soul get heavy, a nice walk does wonders.  DSCF6033Now that it is starting to get colder here, it is getting harder to get my body moving. I’ve pushed my morning walks back from the 7 am to 10 am already.  With the thought of the cold air and having to bundle up, leave more time for the “I’m not going to the park today” attitude to creep in.  By 10 am, I have had my coffee and I get the feeling I can make it through the day without walking. Its not until the thoughts of self-doubt raise up that I know I should have chosen otherwise.

    By the time I get my butt moving, the sun is usually shining bright and it’s a little bit warmer. My standard walk takes about an hour and a half to do. There is this one part of the trail I love to come to. DSCF4934Its the bridge. I call it the “don’t take it with you” bridge. There are eight observation areas built in along the bridge so you can stop and stand and not be in any one’s way.

    When I leave off that bridge, I’m leaving my burdens there too. I vow not to leave off the same way I entered on.

    Each day is a gift. Don’t squander your gift worried about the past or the future.

    Quote Source: http://www.goodreads.com

  • What is Your Sign?

    What is Your Sign?

    What matters most is how you see yourself. -Unknown Author

    I want to share a story that a friend of mine shared with me recently. 11275856_sShe was at the ice cream parlor eating an ice cream cone. As she sat there, a man not smelling so pleasant walked by and she looked up. He was wearing a sign on his chest that stated he was homeless.  She said the “homeless” sign really drew her attention.  She said the man sat down a little ways from her. She started looking in her purse and in her car for some money but couldn’t find any spare change.  She said as she was looking, something inside her said “don’t give that man any money, that man made a choice”

    What I took away from that story was that we all make choices each and every moment of our lives.  We all walk around with some type of invisible sign on our chest. 18819733_s Some of our signs may say victim, lonely or helpless and we don’t even realize it.  It’s not how the world sees you, but how you see yourself that matters.  For the longest time I wore an “unworthy” sign on my chest.  I got tired of wearing that sign.  Now my signs read successful, powerful, wise and worthy.  My question for you is: What is your sign?

  • Are We There Yet?

    Are We There Yet?

     Acknowledging the good that is already in your life is the foundation for all abundance. -Eckhart Tolle

     I have had a rough couple of days lately. There has been this overwhelming feeling like nothing is coming together.IMG_0918  The one book that has helped me put some of my feelings into perspective has been Eckhart Tolle’s book A New Earth.

    Driving home from the park this morning, I threw a little “tempter tantrum” over things in my life.  I can look back know and laugh at myself but this morning was a different story.  I finished up my walk on a good note, when all of a sudden an overwhelming feeling of anger hit me. I got mad over my financial situation and the frustration of not having the money I “need” to take care of my family. By the time I got home, my feelings had subsided. I remembered that frustration comes from focusing on the lack instead of the abundance of this universe.

    I try so often to stay focused on the fact that I’m not where I used to be,  but at times the thought that I’m not where I want to be seeps in and leaves me frustrated. I feel like the little kid in the car that keeps asking are we there yet?Screensaver1

    The fact that I realize that this idea of lack is ” just an idea”, I was able to regain focus. I know at I times there will be rough patches that will pop up and I am not alone with these same frustrations. What we want out of this world we have to give to this world. In the book A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle says that also includes abundance.

    I hope this helps others realize, we are all in this wonderful thing called Life together.

    Quote Source: A New Earth, Awaking to Your Life’s Purpose