Tag: self confidence

Creating Habits: 9 Ways to Stop the Need for External Approval
“Give space to your thoughts, clear the noise in your head, chit-chat with your inner critic, decide and move on.” ― Cristina Imre

I woke up thinking about how I almost let my inner critic stop me from growing this week. Here’s my challenge.

I love making Instagram Reels. It’s easy and fun for me to put little video clips together. What I figured out is that I could create the video clips and then add them to my YouTube channel as Shorts. It is a win-win for me and my viewers because I found another way to keep my original channel active now that I have moved my interview content to a whole new channel. This is also an opportunity to share more about who I am and what I do.

There is only one thing that presents a struggle and that is my fear of talking directly into the camera. In order to overcome this resistance, I decided to talk about the one thing I feel pretty confident about and that is habits. I started recording mini videos of my talking about how to make habits stick as I work on my challenge of talking on video.

I had one fluke video hit over 1600 views and I was feeling pretty good. The next couple of videos hit about 100 views and lately my videos are only attracting 3-6 views. I started obsessing about the view count and was ready to stop making videos. I started looking at the view count as my success indicator.

My inner critic was in full attack mode and had enough ammunition to make me want to give up. I started questioning myself and this whole idea of creating YouTube Shorts. I started thinking I wasn’t doing the “right” thing. Fortunately, I woke up this morning with a refreshed attitude and a the insight of, “stop looking at the numbers.”

After a few minutes of reflection, I realized “stop looking at the numbers” was code for stop looking for outside validation.

How many times have you stopped doing what you enjoy doing because the numbers don’t look good, especially in the beginning? Did we start out doing it for the numbers? For me the answer is no. I wanted to share information on a subject that I love talking about and I thought could be of help to someone else. I also wanted to get pass my fear of speaking directly on camera.

It is at these moments in time that the one person who pops in my head (surprisingly) is Cardi B. She went from being a stripper to becoming a rapper. I can only imagine how much negativity and limited self-talk she had to overcome. So when I think about giving up, I think about how other people had to overcome the same “stinking thinking” in order to do what they are doing today. If Cardi B can go from stripping to becoming a sought out entertainer, I can get past my fear of talking on camera!

Who inspires you and why? Keep them in mind when your inner critic starts to creep in. There are so many people, who battle their inner critic everyday and are winning, and so can we!

Here’s some additional suggestions I would like to offer up:
1. Write out your “why” and keep it in view.
2. Make a list of people who inspire you along with why they inspire you.
3. Before making any major decisions, go for a walk or allow some time for you to think. Let you mind settle.
4. Journal your thoughts and feelings. Awareness is key!
5. Record your progress. Every little step forward is a win.
6. Celebrate your wins.
7. Find an accountability partner.
8. Keep in mind that everyone has to start somewhere. It is always harder in the beginning.
9. Don’t pay attention to the numbers! If the vision or the thought came to you, it belongs to you. You are the one who can bring it to life, if you choose to.
Thank you for taking time out to read this post. I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to check out my YouTube Channels and leave a comment.

Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/inner-critic
1. Coffee With T YouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wjtS11
2. Confident Strides YouTube Channel (Interviews) https://bit.ly/3rYLJHR
To connect with me: https:///confidentstrides
April 29, 2022
Examine Your Motives First: How to Develop a Positive Attitude
“It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.” ― Dale Carnegie

I love choosing questions from Quora to answer. I chose this question about how to develop a positive attitude towards reading, but you can apply this principle to just about any thing we do, so feel free to check out my answer below.

How can I develop a positive attitude towards reading?-Quora

I did not invest in reading books until I reached my forties. I never had a real desire to pick up a book until I was going through a difficult period in my life. I wanted answers and so I turned to books for answers, answers that my friends could not help me with.

I think when you take time out to examine why you do anything is the key to determining how you feel about doing it in the first place. So many times, we just jump in and start doing things without examining the “why” behind it.
- Are you doing it because it is popular?
- Are you doing it to fit in?
- Are you doing it because someone else told you that you should?
- Are you doing it because you want to learn something, and you feel drawn to do it?
The intention behind the activity will help you either stay motivated to continue or eventually cause you to fizzle out.

Here are some suggestions I would like to offer:
1. Before diving into anything, take a moment to think about why you are about do it in the first place. Be honest with yourself and if you need to, write it out. What do you hope to gain?
2. If it is something you must put money into it, place a cushion between the thought and the action. That helps to reduce impulsive actions.
3. Regarding reading, you can look for free resources before committing to any kind of subscription or purchasing books that you might not even want to read after you buy them. This reduces the emotional energy and guilt that comes with buyer’s remorse.
4. Connect with other readers and create or join a book club. It’s always more fun when others get involved.
5. Don’t feel like you must stick with one genre. Lessons can be found anywhere when you are looking for them.
Whether you are looking to create a reading habit, workout regiment, or jump into a new career, take a moment to examine your intentions behind the action. By taking a moment to understand the driving force behind our desires, we are also preparing ourselves for the obstacles and the resistance that will inevitably come with that change.

In all that you do, the key to achieving your desired goal is your mental attitude towards obtaining that goal. With a positive mental attitude, you will become unstoppable!

I also would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/attitude

To connect with me: https:///confidentstrides
January 21, 2022
Appreciate Yours Strengths: Advice on How to Have More Self-Discipline
“No person is free who is not master of himself.” ― Epictetus

I was going to pass on answering the following Quora question because it was geared toward school but the more I thought about this question I realized, this is not only relevant for people in school but you can also have the same challenge at work. So I decided to post an answer and I am sharing it here with you.

How can I have more self-discipline? I never do homework and I’m not doing well in school because I’m lazy and have no self-discipline. – Quora

The first thing I would change is the label you identify yourself with. You are not lazy; you are just not enthusiastic about learning. It could be that you are bored, and you need other ways to stimulate your brain.

For instance, I don’t like learning about money or finances, but I love learning about how our brains work.

When you find something that gets you excited in learning new things, look for ways that you can apply that enthusiasm towards the challenging subjects. If you enjoy gaming, use it to reward yourself for doing something you don’t like. For example, if you study for an upcoming test, after the test reward yourself with extra gaming time.

We all have something that is challenging for ourselves, the key is to not beat yourself up. Find what you are good at and use it as a catalyst to help you through the challenges.

As I mentioned in the beginning, I have always struggled with managing my finances, but I am great at management my time. I had to learn how to use the same disciple principles I learn in managing my time and apply it towards managing my finances. It’s harder but the concept is the same. I just had to learn to make the connection.

Here are some other suggestions you can consider:
- Everyone must overcome something to achieve their goals, read a few biographies and see how others overcame their challenges. Let their stories inspire you.
- Change the way you talk about yourself and to yourself. Your words and thoughts carry great power.
- Partner with others who help you become better. Join a study group or create one.
- Set a goal for yourself. If you have something to aim for, you know when you are off track and can adjust when you are heading in the wrong direction.
The most important takeaway I would like to close out with is the give yourself some grace. Be patient and loving with who you are. You just haven’t found what gets you excited yet and that’s okay.

I also would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/self-discipline

To connect with me: https:///confidentstrides
January 14, 2022
Being Rejected Automatically Can Create An Interesting Shift in One’s Thinking

“You have as many options as you give yourself.” ― Kasie West

I submitted a post that was automatically rejected!

In the past, I know I would have been really upset but the older I get the more I realize, it was not what they were looking for.

The key point in this situation is not that I got rejected, but the fact that I submitted a post in the first place. I knew my chances of being accepted were slim when I submitted my entry in the first place.  By writing a post, I knew I had a 50/50 percent chance of being accepted which is always better than a zero percent chance by never submitting at all.  I also realized that you don’t need someone else’s approval to offer up advice. You can offer but it is always up to someone else if they will choose to take it or not.

This is something I am learning more and more every day.  By expressing or sharing our thoughts, ideas, or experiences, we have done what the universe has called upon us to do. By doing so, we are helping those who are searching for an answer. If it is out there, it is available if it is not, it helps no one.

Here’s my last takeaway:

There is nothing in the rule book that says you can’t offer an answer through other means. We always have options. The question was posted on Quora, but you can post your answer elsewhere!

Don’t let others keep you from sharing your insight and wisdom. My mother use to say, if there is a will, there is a way. Find your way to share your insight and wisdom with the world.

I am posting the question and my answer below. Feel free to check it out if you would like to. If not, I know it wasn’t what you were looking for.

Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag?utf8=✓&id=options

Connect with me https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

Rejected Submission:

What is advice you would give to 20 something year old in today’s world? – Quora

I thought about the advice I would give to my son when I thought about this answer.  He just turned twenty-one this year. He is married and, in the military, about to move to Italy. What came up for me was this:

Live your life. Life is too short to live it according to other people’s standards, including mine.

I was not happy when I found out my son was planning on getting married at nineteen.  I was trying to get him to live a little bit more before settling down, but his heart was set on it. It seemed the more I voiced my opinion against the marriage idea the more they were determined to go through with it.  We had several conversations and the one thing I remember him telling me was that this felt right for him. I wasn’t thrilled but I respected his decision.

I read Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth a few years back and it helped me to step back and realize our roles change in life.  If my son is grown enough to make these kinds of decisions, my role now is to simply love and support him. Just like I lived my life, it is their turn to live theirs.

Food for thought:

“If it is your intention to establish and maintain loving relationships with other people, you absolutely must surrender the need to be in control.” – Iyanla Vanzant

January 3, 2022
Achievable Success: How to Cultivate a Daily Reading Habit
“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.” ― Dr. Seuss

How do I cultivate reading daily? – Quora

As we close out 2021, I thought this was a great Quora question for anyone looking to make lasting changes in 2022. I think reading is a great fundamental habit to cultivate that will make a big impact on anyone’s life.

My reading habit started out of curiosity. I was going through a period of struggle that just tested everything I had. I wanted answers!

I started out reading religious books. When I read the books, I would have the Bible as a reference guide to see what the whole scripture was about that was referenced in the book. My reading then expanded into self-help and personal development books. The more information I got out of reading my world view also expanded. My reading list now consists of books about neuroscience, business, finances to leadership and much more.

To cultivate a daily reading habit, I would like to offer a few suggestions:
1. Get curious- What questions do you have that you have been looking for answers for? Don’t just limit yourself to “second-hand” accounts like summaries or podcasts, go to the source. Learn where people are getting their information from and read it for yourself. What people extract from books are what “they” need or pick up. What you get out of a book, may be completely different.
2. Make reading a non-negotiable habit – I added reading to my daily schedule of events. It’s amazing what we do when we have a daily reminder of what we want to do each day. I put it on my calendar because it became important to me.
3. Be patient with yourself – Usually, we quit something if we don’t think it is working. Learning takes time like a seed takes time to grow. After a while, you’ll be able to recall information you read in your books and apply it to current struggles you face each day. It’s like your mind becomes a rolodex of information.
4. Share your knowledge with others. – This is also a great way to learn and retain the information. (Check out the food for thought on learning pyramid below). Readers become good writers.
No matter how you get started, always remember, anything worth having will take time to develop. If it was easy, everyone would do it!

Food for thought – According to the American educator Edgar Dale’s learning pyramid:

We remember…
- 10 percent of what we read,
- 20 percent of what we hear,
- 30 percent of what we see,
- 50 percent of what we see and hear,
- 70 percent of what we discuss with others,
- 80 percent of what we personally experience,
- 95 percent of what we teach others.
Food for thought excerpt taken from “Love People Use Things” by Joshua Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus. Feel free to use this Amazon link to purchase the book and read along with me: https://amzn.to/3sHOCOv

I also would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/readingsuccess

To connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides
December 27, 2021
Year End Advice: How to Make 2022 a Success For You
“Success is getting what you want, happiness is wanting what you get” ― W. P. Kinsella

How can I make the year 2022 work for me?- Quora

I think we can make a big impact in 2022 when we learn first to define want success looks like for ourselves. We can’t make the year work for you if you don’t know what you are aiming for in the first place.

Success means different things to different people. My life changed the moment I realized I was living my life based off the standards of others. Here are a few suggestions to help jump start your new year:

Learn to trust your inner voice.

This was a hard lesson for me to learn.  It’s like programing your GPS to your desired location and then wanting to turn it off or doubting it because it’s taking on a whole new route you never traveled before. Once you get comfortable using the GPS, you learn to trust that it knows the best way to get you there. You stop trying to outsmart the navigation system.

Figure out what you’re aiming for

I learned to set goals a little more by watching football.  If you don’t know what end zone yours is, you’ll never know which way to run and when you’ve had a touchdown.  Once I started setting goals, my brain went to work looking for opportunities like a quarterback looks for a receiver.

Stop waiting for approval from others

Sometimes we are the one who must be the first to lead.  This goes with trusting your inner voice which seems to get louder the more you listen. We all have an assignment to do in life.  You have a special gift or talent that you are equipped with. This is your superpower.  The world is waiting for you to discover and cultivate your special power.  You might have the idea to end world hunger or cure cancer but without you are taking that first step to cultivate your superpower, the world is left with a great loss.  That missing puzzle piece.

Build a support team

We don’t have to do everything on our own.  Look for other people who want to also do something in their life. We can be become candles for each other who in turn help to keep each other’s paths lit.  Form an accountability group or create your own.

As we close out 2021, I always suggest taking inventory of the things that worked for you and the things that you would like to change.  To get to your desired location, you must know where you are on the map!

I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/success

To connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides
December 20, 2021
The Hardest Job

A few years ago I used to manage social media accounts for a few Hollywood clients. I had an amazing time traveling back and forth to California to work the red carpet events. It wasn’t until one evening at an event that I had a thought : Why am I so focused on following behind people who are busy following their dreams? That’s when I decided to stop working for other people and start focusing on me. I closed down my social media business and took time out to work on and discover the true me. I must admit, it has been by far one of the best yet hardest jobs I ever done. Working on yourself may not make you rich but it does have the greatest return on investment.

Photo credit: click here

April 12, 2017
Hello Sunshine

Self-confidence is an attractive vibe. There is something about a person who enter a room and their confidence radiates. To me self-confidence means your are not afraid to share your vision with the world or needing the approval of others to be who your are. So many of us are afraid of letting our light shine. The beauty of being human is, we all have the capability to develop this kind of self-confidence that others stop and take notice of. Don’t try and change the world until you are ready to change yourself and let your light shine bright!

Photo credit: click here.

March 23, 2017
Cheers to You!

What I love about the new year is that it always brings new opportunities. There is always a sense of excitement and enthusiasm that is just so powerful. This is the time to set your goals and establish positive habits that will help sustain you throughout the year to meet those goals. My wish for everyone during this coming year is lots of happiness, personal growth and abundance.

Photo credit: click here.

January 3, 2017
Authentic Style

When you do what you love and love what you are doing with a sense of style and confidence, you are creating a legacy that separates your from the rest. No one can do things the way you do so don’t be afraid the let your style shine through. To be authentic is to be yourself.

Photo credit: click here.

December 28, 2016