Tag: self perception

Examine Your Motives First: How to Develop a Positive Attitude
“It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.” ― Dale Carnegie

I love choosing questions from Quora to answer. I chose this question about how to develop a positive attitude towards reading, but you can apply this principle to just about any thing we do, so feel free to check out my answer below.

How can I develop a positive attitude towards reading?-Quora

I did not invest in reading books until I reached my forties. I never had a real desire to pick up a book until I was going through a difficult period in my life. I wanted answers and so I turned to books for answers, answers that my friends could not help me with.

I think when you take time out to examine why you do anything is the key to determining how you feel about doing it in the first place. So many times, we just jump in and start doing things without examining the “why” behind it.
- Are you doing it because it is popular?
- Are you doing it to fit in?
- Are you doing it because someone else told you that you should?
- Are you doing it because you want to learn something, and you feel drawn to do it?
The intention behind the activity will help you either stay motivated to continue or eventually cause you to fizzle out.

Here are some suggestions I would like to offer:
1. Before diving into anything, take a moment to think about why you are about do it in the first place. Be honest with yourself and if you need to, write it out. What do you hope to gain?
2. If it is something you must put money into it, place a cushion between the thought and the action. That helps to reduce impulsive actions.
3. Regarding reading, you can look for free resources before committing to any kind of subscription or purchasing books that you might not even want to read after you buy them. This reduces the emotional energy and guilt that comes with buyer’s remorse.
4. Connect with other readers and create or join a book club. It’s always more fun when others get involved.
5. Don’t feel like you must stick with one genre. Lessons can be found anywhere when you are looking for them.
Whether you are looking to create a reading habit, workout regiment, or jump into a new career, take a moment to examine your intentions behind the action. By taking a moment to understand the driving force behind our desires, we are also preparing ourselves for the obstacles and the resistance that will inevitably come with that change.

In all that you do, the key to achieving your desired goal is your mental attitude towards obtaining that goal. With a positive mental attitude, you will become unstoppable!

I also would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/attitude

To connect with me: https:///confidentstrides
January 21, 2022
Appreciate Yours Strengths: Advice on How to Have More Self-Discipline
“No person is free who is not master of himself.” ― Epictetus

I was going to pass on answering the following Quora question because it was geared toward school but the more I thought about this question I realized, this is not only relevant for people in school but you can also have the same challenge at work. So I decided to post an answer and I am sharing it here with you.

How can I have more self-discipline? I never do homework and I’m not doing well in school because I’m lazy and have no self-discipline. – Quora

The first thing I would change is the label you identify yourself with. You are not lazy; you are just not enthusiastic about learning. It could be that you are bored, and you need other ways to stimulate your brain.

For instance, I don’t like learning about money or finances, but I love learning about how our brains work.

When you find something that gets you excited in learning new things, look for ways that you can apply that enthusiasm towards the challenging subjects. If you enjoy gaming, use it to reward yourself for doing something you don’t like. For example, if you study for an upcoming test, after the test reward yourself with extra gaming time.

We all have something that is challenging for ourselves, the key is to not beat yourself up. Find what you are good at and use it as a catalyst to help you through the challenges.

As I mentioned in the beginning, I have always struggled with managing my finances, but I am great at management my time. I had to learn how to use the same disciple principles I learn in managing my time and apply it towards managing my finances. It’s harder but the concept is the same. I just had to learn to make the connection.

Here are some other suggestions you can consider:
- Everyone must overcome something to achieve their goals, read a few biographies and see how others overcame their challenges. Let their stories inspire you.
- Change the way you talk about yourself and to yourself. Your words and thoughts carry great power.
- Partner with others who help you become better. Join a study group or create one.
- Set a goal for yourself. If you have something to aim for, you know when you are off track and can adjust when you are heading in the wrong direction.
The most important takeaway I would like to close out with is the give yourself some grace. Be patient and loving with who you are. You just haven’t found what gets you excited yet and that’s okay.

I also would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/self-discipline

To connect with me: https:///confidentstrides
January 14, 2022
I Want to be Drama Free
This post was inspired by a conversation I had with my daughter:

She was upset when I picked up from work and was ready to quit her job because of the “drama” of her co-workers. The advice I gave her was that yes at times you do have to move on but no matter if you change schools, change jobs or even change spouses, the drama free life you are looking for won’t happen until you do some changing within yourself. You have to learn to let go!

I am still amazed how we can allow one person to affect us in our daily lives and in how we see ourselves and view success. I want you to see that you have the power of choice on your side and show you that it’s not the situation that’s important, but how we choose to react that will make a world of difference.

I let go of other people’s “drama” by learning three things:
1. We all have the power of choice
2. Happiness begins by eliminating as much negativity as possible
3. Practicing daily mindfulness cultivates self-awareness
Truly, no one has power over you unless you give it to them.

#1 Harness the Power of Control:

For years I was concerned about what people thought of me, if they liked me, was a doing a good job, but then I realized that I have the power of choice on my side. It wasn’t until I went to Oprah’s Live the Life You want to Live Weekend Tour in August of 2014. I went to this event by myself and realized that some trips are best taken alone! It caused my perspective of life to shift. It was a 3 day event in Detroit. We were given the cool battery operated LED wristbands that light up during the event. I wore mine for several months despite the fact that battery died shortly after the event. On the wristband, it says “Oprah’s the Life You Want Weekend” It became a daily reminder to me that we all have a choice in every second, of every minute of every day in how we choose to live our lives. As the sun rises each day so are the chances to make new choices.

The more happiness I experienced, the less I wanted to it relinquish it because of someone else’s “drama”.

#2 Eliminating as Much Negativity as Possible:

I love how The Late Dr. Maya Angelou has so eloquently expressed… “I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” I first had to stop calling what we so often refer to as failures and setbacks in our lives as mistakes and realized they were learning opportunities. They became my lessons learned.

In life’s lessons there are so often things that we need to learn from them to prepare us for the next challenge. In learning that I can’t control other people’s thought, actions or emotions, life started to become more fun and interesting. I was able to laugh at myself more freely and with less judgement. The more I become aware of my behaviors the more I seem to pick up on the behaviors of others. As my self-awareness expanded the more empathetic I became. Being more empathetic opened the door to identifying with the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of others, which simply meant I could relate more to others

#3 Practice Daily Mindfulness:

I am not free of judgmental thoughts but I am more aware of when these thoughts and attitudes arise. With expanded awareness you’re able to make more conscious decisions that can lead to better choices. By making better choices I have had more desirable outcomes and more meaningful relationships.

I don’t react to people, to the news and to life’s everyday situations that would “back in the day” set me off. With the power of choice comes the freedom to live life on your terms. I find myself no longer bound by the thoughts or opinions of others. I am not where I would like to be, but I am not the person I was. And if success can be measured by liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it. Then I am truly successful!

In Jack Canfield’s Success Principle’s he expresses this in a simple and easy to remember equation: E + R =O. (Event +Reaction=Outcome). In this equation the only thing you have control over is the R (your reaction to the event).

As I stated in the beginning we so often give power to people by allowing them to affect our moods, our days and our lives. By harnessing the power of choice, choosing to eliminate as much negativity as possible from your life and practicing mindfulness to expand your self-awareness you are able to put your life back into focus.

It’s like rebooting yourself back to your original default setting. When you harness that power, you will honestly proclaim:

I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul.

–Invictus – Poem by William Ernest Henley

Poem Credit: http://poemhunter.com/poem/invictus/
December 4, 2015
Raise the Standards
We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. – Lynn Hall

I just came back from an eleven day trip that took me to Dallas, Los Angeles and San Francisco. I spent some much needed time with family in San Francisco. I had a chance to step back from my work and see where I was headed. I was getting frustrated not at my clients but with myself.

Each week I try to share a lesson learned. This week I learned the power of clarity. When I stated my business a few years ago, I really had no clue in the direction I wanted to take. I had this great notion that I wanted to be of service and basically that’s all I really understood. I started managing social media sites for clients that needed help building their audience. I did not have any set price or service plan in mind. I worked hard on building a relationship with my clients and I can honestly say that it worked for me in the beginning.

I would say it took about a year for a frustration to set in. I felt like the clients were taking advantage of my kindness, but I would never address this concern. It wasn’t until recently that I realized it wasn’t my clients that were taking advantage of me, it was that I didn’t value myself to raise the standard.

Lessons Learned:
1. Be clear about what you will or will not do.
People are not mind readers. They will not give you more of anything unless you ask. In the same token, it’s their right whether they choose to continue to work with you or not. It’s nothing personal, it’s just business.
1. It’s ok to say no.
Sometimes people will respect you more for being honest in what you won’t do instead of saying yes and botching it up. If you know in your heart you don’t want to take on a particular project, just say so. You have the right to say no in the beginning.
1. You can change your mind.
It’s ok to change your mind. It truly means you are growing. There is nothing that says you can’t change your mind. Figure out what works and change what’s not. Don’t beat yourself up!

Not everyone will like the change, but the empowerment you will gain is priceless.

Quote source: http://www.quotegarden.com/change.htm
September 11, 2015
What is Your Sign?

What matters most is how you see yourself. -Unknown Author

I want to share a story that a friend of mine shared with me recently. She was at the ice cream parlor eating an ice cream cone. As she sat there, a man not smelling so pleasant walked by and she looked up. He was wearing a sign on his chest that stated he was homeless. She said the “homeless” sign really drew her attention. She said the man sat down a little ways from her. She started looking in her purse and in her car for some money but couldn’t find any spare change. She said as she was looking, something inside her said “don’t give that man any money, that man made a choice”

What I took away from that story was that we all make choices each and every moment of our lives. We all walk around with some type of invisible sign on our chest. Some of our signs may say victim, lonely or helpless and we don’t even realize it. It’s not how the world sees you, but how you see yourself that matters. For the longest time I wore an “unworthy” sign on my chest. I got tired of wearing that sign. Now my signs read successful, powerful, wise and worthy. My question for you is: What is your sign?

October 10, 2014