Tag: sharing insight

Decide First: How to Adopt New Habits and Develop a Positive Attitude
“Trust your instincts, and make judgements on what your heart tells you. The heart will not betray you.” ― David Gemmell

Quora Question: How can you change your habits and thought process that control your daily life and wellbeing?

I think when you finally get tired of the drama that’s in your life and you make the decision to change, even if it is just one small thing, that is when life itself will change for you. Change begins with the decision to change. It could be as simple as wanting to drink more water and less sodas or alcohol.  One small change can shift the trajectory of your path.

Pay attention to things that cause an irritation in you.  Ask yourself, “what’s in my control?”  If there is something you can do to reduce or eliminate the irritation, then do it. Change begins the moment you decide you want to change.

Let me give you an example:

A couple of years ago, I used to be big on scrolling through Facebook and other social sites, but I started noticing how I would feel once I got off. It wasn’t leaving me with positive feelings. I asked myself, “what’s in my control?”  That’s when I realized I could choose to do something else with my time like read books rather than scroll social media sites.  I could go for a walk or write in my journal when I felt the urge to grab for my phone. When I pondered what else I could do with time I usually allotted for scrolling social media, that is when I saw other activities that were more in alignment with achieving my desired goals.

So here are a few suggestions I would like to offer anyone looking to change their habits and thought process:
1. Pay attention to your emotions and your feelings. They are like signals from your soul that let you know if you are heading in the right direction or indicators that you might want to make a U-turn.
2. Make the decision to make one small change. It is that one small change that can and will change the trajectory of your path.
3. Trust the process and watch it unfold. Learn to become friends with your body, mind, and spirit. I call them the “Three Chairmen”. Once I learned to listen and pay attention to what was coming up from within, I know get a better sense of when I am on the right path or when I need to pivot.
4. Stay open to possibilities. There will be things that you will pick up on your mental radar that you may have never noticed before. It is like your brain goes to work looking for opportunities to help you achieve your desired goals.
5. Keep a journal. Record your progress. As we grow and change, you can always look back through your journal entries to see how far you have come. By paying attention, simple change in your habits, behaviors and thoughts are more recognizable.
6. Find an accountability partner. Connect with others and share your insight with others. Help to hold each other accountable for your goals.
7. Have grace with yourself. We didn’t develop these habits and thought processes in just one day and that means we can’t change them in just one day either.
The truth is that we are always changing whether we realize it or not. By paying attention and recording our process, we can see the process and watch it unfold.

Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/decision-making

Thank you for taking time out to read this post. I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
4. Confident Strides Entrepreneurs Network https://bit.ly/CSENMeetup
To connect with me: https:///confidentstrides
March 25, 2022
No Mental Energy Required: How to Know If We Have Developed a Desired Habit
“Change might not be fast and it isn’t always easy. But with time and effort, almost any habit can be reshaped.” ― Charles Duhigg

Quora Question: When can we say that we have already developed a good reading habit?

I think a habit takes hold when you no longer must put mental effort into doing it.

A habit starts off hard because we must put extra mental effort into planning and executing it. It’s like when we first learned how to drive a car.  We got in and ran through a mental checklist of everything we needed to do to get started.  Do we have to adjust our seat or mirrors?  Do I have my seatbelt on?  Once everything was ready, then we could drive off.

It’s the same mental energy we must use to establish a new habit whether it’s reading, exercise or eating healthy.

In establishing a reading habit, our mental effort goes into choosing a book, what time of day is best for reading your book, as well as staying focused in reading the book once you have sat down.

As driving a car has become a “non-thinking” habit, reading, exercise and eating healthy also becomes a “non-thinking” habit.  We just do it.  When you can name off your favorite author or favorite books or grab a book anytime you have free time, that’s when you realize you have developed a reading habit.

Another indication of a developed habit is when you “crave” that activity.  There are sometimes when I turn on the television, surf the channels and nothing catches my attention.  I find myself turning of the television and grabbing a book instead.  Sometimes a can read a book for more than an hour and never realize how much time has passed.

I think the biggest thing to keep in mind about developing habits is your “why” behind it.  Awareness is key! Some habits take hold easier because of your passion in achieving a specific goal.  My reading habit developed when I wanted to learn how to change some of my undesirable behaviors.  The desire to change, was the first step in changing.  Along my change journey, I developed not only a reading habit but also an exercise habit and a journaling habit.

So here are some takeaways I would like to share:
1. Your “why” will help with the “how”. It’s like putting your brain on notice to start looking for ways to help you achieve a desired outcome.
2. Keep in mind, change is never easy. If it was, everyone would do it.
3. There is no hack in developing a habit. It takes mental effort and desired outcome to keep you motivated.
4. Track your progress. Celebrate the little wins along the way.
5. Give yourself Grace. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither is a habit!
Thank you for taking time out to read this post. I would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
4. Confident Strides Entrepreneurs Network https://bit.ly/CSENMeetup
Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/habits

To connect with me: https:///confidentstrides
February 18, 2022
Achievable Success: How to Cultivate a Daily Reading Habit
“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.” ― Dr. Seuss

How do I cultivate reading daily? – Quora

As we close out 2021, I thought this was a great Quora question for anyone looking to make lasting changes in 2022. I think reading is a great fundamental habit to cultivate that will make a big impact on anyone’s life.

My reading habit started out of curiosity. I was going through a period of struggle that just tested everything I had. I wanted answers!

I started out reading religious books. When I read the books, I would have the Bible as a reference guide to see what the whole scripture was about that was referenced in the book. My reading then expanded into self-help and personal development books. The more information I got out of reading my world view also expanded. My reading list now consists of books about neuroscience, business, finances to leadership and much more.

To cultivate a daily reading habit, I would like to offer a few suggestions:
1. Get curious- What questions do you have that you have been looking for answers for? Don’t just limit yourself to “second-hand” accounts like summaries or podcasts, go to the source. Learn where people are getting their information from and read it for yourself. What people extract from books are what “they” need or pick up. What you get out of a book, may be completely different.
2. Make reading a non-negotiable habit – I added reading to my daily schedule of events. It’s amazing what we do when we have a daily reminder of what we want to do each day. I put it on my calendar because it became important to me.
3. Be patient with yourself – Usually, we quit something if we don’t think it is working. Learning takes time like a seed takes time to grow. After a while, you’ll be able to recall information you read in your books and apply it to current struggles you face each day. It’s like your mind becomes a rolodex of information.
4. Share your knowledge with others. – This is also a great way to learn and retain the information. (Check out the food for thought on learning pyramid below). Readers become good writers.
No matter how you get started, always remember, anything worth having will take time to develop. If it was easy, everyone would do it!

Food for thought – According to the American educator Edgar Dale’s learning pyramid:

We remember…
- 10 percent of what we read,
- 20 percent of what we hear,
- 30 percent of what we see,
- 50 percent of what we see and hear,
- 70 percent of what we discuss with others,
- 80 percent of what we personally experience,
- 95 percent of what we teach others.
Food for thought excerpt taken from “Love People Use Things” by Joshua Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus. Feel free to use this Amazon link to purchase the book and read along with me: https://amzn.to/3sHOCOv

I also would love to learn more about who you are and what you do. Feel free to connect with me through a Meetup group.
1. Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
2. Confident Strides Personal Development Network Group https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
3. Confident Strides Women’s Professional Network https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/readingsuccess

To connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides
December 27, 2021
Unpack Your Bags: Advice on How to Let Go and Be Yourself

“The past gets carried with us. It’s always there.” ― Ann Pearlman

How do you let go and be yourself? -Quora

I remember waking up one morning thinking, “I came into this world by myself, and I will be leaving this world by myself.”  It was the weirdest thought that just lingered in my head, and I had to go for a morning walk to gain some clarity.  This is what came to me on my walk:

The best way I can explain is through an analogy.

Life gets heavy and cumbersome after a while when you are so busy picking up everyone else’s emotional and mental baggage load when we are constantly trying to “help” or “fix” them. It was time to determine who’s bags I was carrying and notice what my baggage looked like.

As a wife, I was carrying my husband’s bags. As a mother, I was carrying my grown adult children’s bags. As a daughter, I was carrying my father’s along with other bags piled on from friends and society. As a woman, I wanted to help and give them answers, but unconsciously, I was also picking up their emotional and mental baggage by worrying or getting angry if they didn’t take my advice.  These were not my issues to solve.

On that morning walk, I learned that if the baggage belonged to someone else, it was okay to put the bag down, step away and let them carry it themselves.

We all have a purpose here on Earth, something that we are uniquely here to do, create, or solve.  By carrying everyone’s emotional and mental baggage, you can easily get weighed down and unable to do what you need to do in life.  Plus, it robs the other person from learning their precious life lessons.

Life doesn’t provide us with what we want but rather what we need. Life lessons are the golden gems we gather along our journey when we take time to reflect on what we are going through.

By knowing what bags belong to me and what bags belong to someone else, it allows me the mental freedom to be who I am. It allows me the emotional and mental freedom to move faster and pivot easier.

So now when people share their issues and concerns with me, I listen more as a sounding board and I ask myself, is this my baggage to carry I want to carry? If the answer is no, I quickly put it down and walk away. I have learned my job is to love them not fix them.

Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/baggage

To connect with me: https://linktr.ee/confidentstrides

November 26, 2021
Lessons Learned: Life’s Best Way of Teaching Us While We Are Living
“Life is a succesion of lessons which must be lived to be understood.” ― Helen Keller

This week has presented a few challenges for me, and I thought I would share then with you along with some of the lessons I learned along the way.

Lessons: 1. Surround yourself with people who can pull you out of the muck and 2. Eat what’s on your plate first before going back for more.

I don’t know what is floating in the air but whatever it was, it had many of us in my social network experiencing the blues. I have been facilitating a private network group for almost whole year. Every Monday we come together to discuss ways to improve our group calls. It’s been like a small mastermind group. This week, there was a lot of tension within the group. It had me almost to the point that I was ready to put the group on hiatus. What helps me from giving up and throwing in the towel is the support from other business, goal, focused women. It’s been a lifeline on several occasions.

There’s something about this time each year that I feel like I must kick things into overdrive. Perhaps it just because we are coming to the end of the year, and we often reflect on the things we haven’t yet accomplished. The best analogy I can think of is like going to a buffet and piling up our plates even though the buffet has plenty of food for us to come back and restock our plates. We have so much that the food is toppling over. One of my supportive friends had to remind me that the buffet isn’t going anywhere, and I can come back as often as I like.

What I realized at that moment was that I wasn’t enjoying what I had because I was afraid of what I was thinking I was missing out on.

Lesson Three: Trust in the process

Another contributing factor to my blues has been this pressure to come up with holiday videos for my YouTube channel. I made a bet with another YouTuber to complete a minimum of seven videos for Vlogmas (it’s where YouTuber post more personalized and holiday related videos). I usually conduct interviews, so talking about myself is not really up my alley but I want to participate this year. The closer the bet deadline gets, the more anxious I have become because I couldn’t even come up with any ideas to start with. That is until yesterday.

I was on a run when it finally hit me as to how I am going to tackle my Vlogmas challenge. I could invite friends and family to interview me. By the end of yesterday, the path to Vlogmas was become more doable which also meant less anxiety.

Here is a recap of my lessons learned from this week:
1. Surround yourself with like-minded people. They understand what you are going through.
2. Take a moment to reflect on how far you come and celebrate. These are the moment to savor.
3. Don’t rush the process. Ideas will come when you least expect them so be prepared.
4. Give yourself grace. You’re doing just fine!
Feel free to checkout my YouTube channel and be on the look out for the Vlogmas videos. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfwyi1cCTgldpFMoPo1WZrQ

Please also feel free to share your thoughts.
November 12, 2021
Simply Ask: Your Chances of a Yes Increase by Fifty Percent
“Always ask yourself: “What will happen if I say nothing?” ― Kamand Kojouri

I’m learning that the most powerful thing I can do is to simply ask. Here are three lessons I have learned over time.

Lesson One: Asking for help or asking for the opinion of others, doesn’t diminish who you are.

In the past, I have been so afraid to ask people for help or even to simply ask for their opinion. I still struggle at times but I think the older I get and the more I realize I have a purpose here on this Earth, if I don’t ask I am missing out on a golden opportunity to grow and connect with someone else. I have learned over the past few years, the more comfortable I am in knowing who I am, the less threatened I feel by someone else’s opinion.

One way I got more comfortable with other people’s opinion was during the time I was meeting with another person of faith. Our opinions were different but I focused on what we had in common. We would sit for hours discussing our views on faith. It was during this time, realized, I was comfortable with my views and at the same time could honor they other person’s view without feeling diminished. Eventually we parted ways but our friendship remains.

Lesson Two: By not asking, we automatically assume the answer is no.

My youngest daughter was one of the biggest offenders of this mental assumption as she was growing up. She was always getting herself in trouble because she was so sneaky. She would try and sneak cookies and snacks. She would take things from her sister without asking all of the time. It was so darn frustrating because we told her all of the time, “all you have to do is ask.” Asking didn’t mean she would always get what she wanted but it gave the person she was asking the opportunity to either say yes or no. I am now seeing this with my granddaughter.

Lesson Three: We allow people the opportunity to participate in our lives.

There are always two people in an equation. Allowing the person the opportunity to participate can be a gift if you allow it to be. Just think about how you feel when someone asks you for your opinion, or ask for your assistance on a project. (We’re talking about healthy boundaries and not people pleasing at this moment which is a whole other subject.)

Here are a few of my takeaways:
1. Ask yourself, “what’s the worst that can happen?” If you choose not to ask, you are already assuming the answer is no.
2. Consider how the other person might feel. Allow them the opportunity to participate.
3. Seek help and guidance from others. There is someone who has been through the same stuff.
4. Remember, you are awesome. So give yourself some Grace!!
I am not trying to pretend that asking is always easy, but it can get easier when you you take small steps. I had to hire a sales coach to help with asking for things regarding my business. I had to talk with a relationships person when I struggle with personal issues. When I need help and I am learning to ask and so can you.

We are building an empowerment and leadership network via Meetup if you are looking for a group to connect with.
- Confident Strides Personal Development Group: https://bit.ly/CSPDNMeetup
- Confident Strides Women’s Empowerment Network: https://bit.ly/CSWENMeetup
- Confident Strides Professional Women’s Network: https://bit.ly/CSWPNMeetup
- Confident Strides Entrepreneurs Network: https://bit.ly/CSENMeetup
Quote Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/ask
October 29, 2021
The Path

In life ,we can get so caught up in the opinions of others. We worry that we are not doing the “right” thing. What I and so many others fail to recognize is what feels “right” to you is not always going to feel “right” for someone else. That’s the beauty of life, because their life purpose or path is not for you and vice versa.

One of my favorite guided meditations is The 21 Day Meditation Challenge – The Energy of Attraction by Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfrey. It is on Day 16 – Trusting Nature where the Centering Thought is “Everyone’s spiritual path is perfect.” To me, it is a reminder that not everyone is meant to do what it is that you are here to do. We are all here with our own divine purpose and mission. It is up to us to determine what that purpose is.

What is the key factor is we are only allotted so much time on this Earth to discover and live our purpose. Time is the only precious resource that we can never get back. So my point is this, don’t get so caught up in living someone else’s life. Live your life purposefully. It’s the only one we have.

May 13, 2019
Plant Yourself a Garden

What is it about reading that I love? I was not always a reader. I picked up the habit of reading more once I turned off the television. I love to read nonfiction books. The self-help to the neuroscience. Not everything I read do I understand at first, but the more I read, the more I learn and start to understand. Slowly the information sinks in to my brain.

It has happened over many years that some of the information that I’ve read started to make sense years after I’ve read it. It’s like planting a garden. The harvest will not bloom immediately, but eventually the seeds start to sprout. I start to understand. Another way to look at it is in the effects of compound interest. We build a foundation and everything after the foundation is built upon the information that we learned previously. Each layer is helping you raise up to the next level. Each new book plants a new fruit, flower or tree.

I would also like to share that the more I read, the more my world expands. You do not have to put into action everything that you read nor do you necessary have to agree with the author’s opinion. Learn to process what works for you and let go of the stuff that doesn’t. In the end, you have a much broader harvest to pick from.

October 8, 2018
Time Out

I have always enjoyed helping people build their business, especially using social media but at times we all face a period in time where we have to step back and re-evaluate our current situations. I had to do that a couple of times. The thing is not to consider it as failure but a re-alignment. I spent this weekend re-organizing my Facebook and Instagram accounts. I was sharing with a friend that I felt like I needed to do something but I just didn’t know what. Waiting for the guidance we need to move forward in life is a sign of strength.

I that whatever I am doing at any particular moment carries it’s own blessing. It’s like looking out a window on cloudy day and still knowing the sun still shines. Trust your intuition.

June 25, 2018
Facing Reality

With every action there is an equal or opposite reaction. In many instances, so many of us can find fault in the behavior of others but rarely take a moment to ask ourselves “how did my behavior contribute to this?” It was a hard reality for me to face and I didn’t always like the reflection that I got back but I was able to see things in me that I could work on. Change begins from within and we all have the same opportunity to be the change we wish to see.

Photo credit: Chris Perez Photography

May 12, 2017